Saturday, September 20, 2008

A Tough Broad.

During my evaluation yesterday afternoon, I got such good feedback and compliments. As a matter of fact, I really need to stop and think good and hard about the things that were said to me and really let them sink in, because it is too easy to not pay attention to any of it and to totally disregard it. I think I was already starting to do that and that is like boycotting yourself.

The most important thing that I learned about myself is, that I can go astray emotionally, but as soon as I realize that I am, I immediately correct myself and take the necessary steps to get myself back on the right track again.

That's a very good thing to know about myself. That means I can trust myself to look after myself and that I do a good job of it. Who wouldn't you like to trust better than yourself?

It's very important that I know this with my whole being and never forget it. Amen.

The tax subsidy situation was cleared up very quickly and easily. I am going to get the first 4 months of subsidy deposited in my account now and the remaining 2 months will follow when it is time. That makes sense, because the bills for September have already been paid and soon I'll be paying those for October. By that time, I'll have the money. I do have to say one thing about the Tax Office, they are slow but accurate.

I made my way to Social Services by bike in the early morning cold and met my case manager for the first time face to face. He turned out to be a very nice young man who was truly apologetic about what had happened and wanted nothing more than rectify the whole situation. I think he needed to meet me in person to see what I was all about and visa versa.

Anyway, he gave me an advance in cash and told me he would also work out the proper amount owed and deposit that in my account without waiting for the accounting department to do their slow job and that he would see to it personally that the information in the system would be changed. I am going to trust that he will do that and I made clear to him that I depend on him to.

I had a good feeling when I left there and I assume all will be in order now, but, of course, I won't know until I get next month's specification. He may be a very nice young man, but still not do his job right.

It has probably escaped your attention that I have been a bit hypo manic lately. I don't know if any of that comes across in my blog or if you just see it as ordinary enthusiasm. There were warning signs here, within myself, but to me the one that stood out was me taking the tough broad role to such an extreme. I was pretty sure that I was starting to get carried away with that one and I wasn't sure where I would end up and then there was the spending pattern, which I am too embarrassed to talk about.

So, before I did anything yesterday, I called my psychiatrist for advice on his mobile phone and we increased my anti-psychotic medication by 2 mg. I should be calming down within a couple of days.

There is a fine line between being an assertive person and being a tough broad and maybe you can work out for yourself where the difference lies. I still want to be a tough broad, but in the responsible, assertive way. Not in the "I'll waltz over everybody" way.

I bought three little plants yesterday and put them all in one big black pot, so it looks like one big plant. I forgot to ask the sales lady what kind of plant it is, so now I must be a sleuth and find out.

Well, that wasn't hard at all. The plant is an Aglaonema Romeo, well suited for low light and low humidity. That's good to know, that means I can forget to water them every once in a while. The lady in the shop said to water them once a week, I guess I don't need to drench them. I hope they are as easy as my fig plant, which I throw water on whenever I think of it and it thrives.

Well, enough of this already. Time to get the show on the road. I must vacuum again and do laundry. Oh, joy.

Be good for goodness sake.



Anonymous said...

It is a very good thing to bring yourself back to your comfort zone, knowing when you have strayed from it. I think we can all be agressive rather than assertive at times, it's just the different moods we find outselves in.

CJ xx

aims said...

Ahh! I was wondering.

It's great that you recognized that yourself Irene. See how strong and smart you are?

Now - let's see what a little tweaking will do.

Good for you. I didn't want to ask before because I didn't want to bring you down. But I should have. Sorry.

Irene said...

Aims, you know me very well, but I may not have paid any attention to any warnings that you might have given me, because hypo manic people don't until they see for themselves that they are on the wrong track, so please don't feel bad about it one bit. Please feel free to comment in the future if you see me going off into left field. I will never hold it against you and it may get a thought going in my head. I am responsible enough, I think, to heed the warnings of others. maybe not right away, but eventually I think I will. You're a real sweetheart.

Frances said...

I missed this this yesterday, but glad you noticed and have done something about it. For anyone else who is interested - the first sign is lots of shopping. I have only known you a short time Irene, but this seems to be one of the strong indicators. And a bit of devil-may-care more than usual is another. I know you will just say no if you are really okay, but always worth mentioning any suspicion stuff is going extreme.

Irene said...

Yes, Frances, I think if I get warning signs from both you and Aims, I would pay attention to those. They would plant a seed of doubt in my brain anyway and that might be the start of a thought process taking me in the right direction. As a matter of fact, I think you dropped a little hint a while ago, that I chose to ignore. Maybe you should rub my nose in it the next time, although it really should not be your job. I should know for myself when I am out of kilter. It is just so enjoyable that I choose not to notice until it starts to get out of hand, like people asking me if I'm still a tough broad on any particular day. The tough broad is the clincher I think, that and spending the money and not being open about it. Hiding the behavior. In my case also hiding how many puddings with berry sauce I've eaten in the last weeks, totally compulsive eating I've done. I think whenever I am starting to hide behavior, I am in trouble, and when I take things to an extreme I am. Like being an extremely tough broad.