Collages.

Front page of book

second and third page

fourth and fifth page

back page

Collage "clarity"

Collage "Flamenco"

I realize that these photographs of the collages are not at all clear and that many of the details are not visible and those that are, are written in Dutch. I had not thought about the influence of the flash on the collages and I didn't realize until later that I could have taken them without the flash.

Anyway, it is too late now, because the best have been framed and are behind glass and I am getting a lot of reflection from the items in the living room in them , so I can't take a decent picture, or one that is better than I can show here. So be it. You'll have to take my word for it that they look better in person than they do here.

That's all I want to say about that, disappointingly.

First things...

First things first. I had let Mean Old Middle Aged Mom know that I coveted awards again, after I had said at one time that I would no longer accept them. I don´t know what was wrong with silly me when I made that statement, I must have been suffering from sunstroke or something. Anyway, I do want awards again now and as you can see for yourself, I´ve displayed all of mine in my sidebar. Call me a twit to care, but I do. Mean Mom was kind enough to share her latest award with me, which is very generous of her, but that´s the way she is, despite her name, and here it is.

It is my intention to give this to 5 or 6 other people, so let me put my thinking cap on for a minute or two.

Okay, I want to give this award to the following blogs:

1. BeanPaste
2. Chicken and Cheese
3. grit´s day
4. It´s a mad madge world
5. Nuts in May
6. The Potty Diaries
7. Whopping Cornbread

Done my duty? Yes, done my duty! So, now on to other things.

I just watched a program about a Dutch team of reporters that is following the election in the States from Kenton, Ohio. They are interviewing ordinary citizens in a diner. People who have lost their jobs and their houses and who tell about who they are voting for and why. Most people so far want to vote for Obama, although there was one somewhat incoherent couple who were going to vote for McCain, because they felt it was nobody´s fault that they had lost everything, because of the husband´s injury to his foot.

There is going to be live coverage about the election all through the night for people who want to stay up and watch it. I think I´ll go to bed and hope for the best and turn the TV on in the morning.

Oh yes, I have to show you those collages. Well, I´m a bit bashful about it, but I´ll do it anyway. Oh, you´re not going to believe this, but now I can´t find the photographs that I relocated on the PC somewhere in a folder. I don´t know where the heck they are. I am looking and looking and I can´t find them. I know where they are supposed to be, but I can´t find the location. Gggrrr...

Okay, let me not get stressed about that and pretend I can do that another time when there is no American election on TV. I am listening to it with half an ear, because I don´t want to miss anything. I don´t understand how there can be people undecided who they are going to vote for on the day of the election. Surely you must know by now. Or did they have their head stuck in a hole all this time?

Tell you what. I am going to get my pajamas on and make an early night of it. As it was, I had to take a nap on the sofa this morning because I had not gotten enough sleep last night.

Good luck with the election and all of you a good night.

Ciao...

Quality Time.

I have tried to spend quality time with the Überhund, but he is sound asleep on his blanket and doesn't have a clue that he could be getting a nice rub on his belly right now or a good scratch between his ears or under his chin. He is oblivious.

I wanted to spend some time with him, because I have been gone a lot today, or busy, and I feel that I have neglected him, but I guess he doesn't feel that way at all. Now I am afraid that he is used to getting ignored by me and I want to make sure that I pay enough attention to him. I need to make it a point to sit on the sofa more often where I am accessible to him and he can come and get his ears scratched. I'm afraid I'm not always a good owner. I become preoccupied with things and I forget to pay attention to him and he's so quiet that I forget about him.

I had a wonderful time at creative therapy this morning.I found some old art magazines and they had some great pictures and text in a good font in them, so I had a good time cutting things out and arranging them on paper. I always try to add some humor to the texts and pull them out of their contexts. I try to come up with a surprising combination of text and pictures. The bad part is, when I am really getting into it, we have to pause for our coffee break and then I can't wait for it to be over so I can get back to work. I drink a double espresso and smoke two cigarettes and then I'm ready to go at it again.

Immediately following creative therapy, I had an appointment with my SPN, so I rode my bike over there straight away. Luckily, it hasn't rained all day, so I got there in a dry condition.

My SPN had news for me. Remember how I was going to be moved to the personality disorder group and get a new therapist and a new psychiatrist? She had been in contact with the therapists of this group and they have decided that, since I am doing so well, my current SPN is going to stay my therapist, but she is going to be in direct contact with the personality disorder team for support and feedback. Also, I am going to get a psychiatrist from this team who will be prescribing my medications and generally be keeping an eye on things.

My SPN was in fact not really working with my psychiatrist officially anymore. She had joined another team which includes the personality disorder team. She had kept me on, because we hit it off well and she did not want me to have to change therapists again, so she kept reporting to my psychiatrist. I am thrilled to bits at how this is working out, because I have the greatest amount of faith in her and I feel very comfortable around her and I get places with her and achieve things. And I am more than ready for another psychiatrist, as a matter of fact, I have been wanting a new one for quite some time now, as I have lost complete faith in mine and don't feel that we have any sort of bond anymore.

So, I very happily rode my bike home to the Überhund who had been waiting patiently for me to get there and who was quite happy when I walked in. His whole rear end wagged. I had taken all my artwork that was done home with me and I unpacked that and had a good look at it and was trying to decide what to do with it. I had two large collages that were 60 by 50 cm and I really wanted to frame those and hang them up, as I had gotten good responses to them. I just needed to get the frames.

I decided to take the bus downtown and go to the one store where I knew they sold reasonably priced picture frames and I went to the bus stop in a hurry and got there just as the bus got there too. I got off close to the Exfactor's work and stopped by and had a cappuccino with him, which he really enjoys, because he has quit smoking, except when he is around me and my cigarettes. After that interlude, I stopped by my favorite store and bought a really cute cardigan on sale for 30% off, so it was a bargain. Right, any excuse to add to the interesting collection of clothes.

Then I went to the store for the picture frames and became very frustrated, because the size that I wanted came with a pas par tout which added to the price and I didn't need it, but I bit the bullet and bought two of them and carried them to the bus stop where my bus was standing there waiting for me. What timing! The frames were heavy and I worried about dropping one and breaking the glass, but I made it home safely, where the Überhund was very happy again and wagged his rear end again.

So, the first thing I did was go for a walk with him very leisurely, to relax and take a breather and bond a little bit. He was happy to be out with me and it was nice to take a stroll through the neighborhood and not be in a hurry. Poor dog, he was on his own so much today.

I made myself something to eat and a decent cup of coffee and then I took pictures of all the collages and I promise to publish those tomorrow. I'm too tired to do that now. Don't expect anything nearly as fantastic as The Artful Eye makes, I am just an amateur and she is a pro compared to me. She makes wonderful artwork and one day I hope to be as good as she is. That's my goal. She is my inspiration.

Then, when everything was very quiet and settled down and cozy, I framed the collages and took the artwork down that was in the place where I wanted to hang the collages. It was very handy, because I didn't have to drill any holes, I could use the existing screws. And there they are hanging now, over the sofa, and I must say that I am rather pleased with the result. I also took one of my old collages out of an existing frame and put part of the book collage in it and it looks very nice as well and I didn't have to drill a hole for that one either. I just had to move the hanging wire on the back of the frame so I could hang it on a screw that was already in place. Power to the people!

I need to get one more big frame, but I'll wait with that until next month. I've got to pay the rent first.

All in all, looking back, it has been a busy, but productive and satisfying day, the best of which is really the news that my SPN told me and I think that is very fortuitous. Now I have the opportunity to really build up a strong and steady relationship with her that is going to be long term and long lasting and she will always be my primary care person. It feels good to know that and I feel secure in that. I have to let it all sink in and have it find it's place in my soul.

The Überhund and I just went for another walk and it is misty outside, which in its own way was kind of neat. The mist was hugging the ground, but up above the sky was clear and you could see the stars. It isn't very cold right now, but it's supposed to get colder at the end of the week, which is really a shame, because we are all enjoying this weather. There is no wind, that's the best part.

Alright, it's pajama time and then we'll see how much longer I last. It could be minutes, or it could be hours. All is well with the world and tomorrow is election day and for god's sake, please vote for the right man and you know who I mean.

By the way. a poll was done and 80% of the Dutch people would vote for Barack Obama. I'm just saying...

Ciao...

The O.K. Corral.

Well, everything is okay at the O.K. Corral. The critters have been fed and watered and the head critter has been walked and took the opportunity to take a dump three times, which makes my habit of carrying many baggies a very fortunate one. I don't know what he has been eating to cause such an overproduction, or maybe he simply had been saving it up, because I didn't take him out late last night. I find that he doesn't urge me on to go once I've got my pajamas on and that he very happily trudges off to the bedroom with me to go to sleep.

He does, however, wake me up at 7 AM, for no good reason that I know off, because when I let him out back, he really doesn't do anything and if I give him food, he doesn't want to eat. I think that he thinks it is a good time to wake up and it actually is during the week, so I can count on him to waken me on time. I have a radio controlled alarm clock with two alarm times, but they are set for times during the day when I have to remember to take my medicines. So, it's a good thing that he wakes me up when he does, I just wish that he could differentiate between weekdays and weekends. He is not quite that clever.

The weather is gorgeous outside. The sun is shining and it is 8 degrees Celsius, that's 46 degrees Fahrenheit. It's paractically summer. Still, I am dressed in layers as attractively as I can, because it is a little bit cold inside.

Every morning I have the joy of picking out what I am going to wear, but I think about it ahead of time and am full of anticipation. It's like getting into the 'dress up box' and inventing a new costume every day. Actually, it's like I'm reinventing myself every day in a costume play and I participate in a real life movie production. Oh wait, I forgot the soundtrack.

I filled a new MP3 stick with Jazz albums and then transferred all the songs to a map called Jazz under My Music in my PC. From there I was able to transfer the whole map all at once to my iTune Player, which is something I was unable to do with the Real Player. So, yes, I recommend the iTune player from Apple. As I sit behind my PC, I listen to the music and when the PC is shut off, I listen to the MP3 stick that is connected to my sound system. That way I have a soundtrack to my life. It's fun to listen to the new music, as I don't hear all of it when I download it, of course. I think I made good choices this time.

Did I tell you I got a new watch? I had been wearing a very cheap, but functional watch for many years now, but it was very plain and unassuming and the stretch band had become much too big for me when I lost all the weight and I had to push it up practically to my elbow. I decided that I deserved a new watch and I got a very nice one from the brand Elle. It's got a unique shape and I am quite happy with it and keep looking at it. I am so glad that it is I who is spoiling me. That I can do these things for myself, because I'm worth it, as the commercial goes. I got it at a discount store so I only paid a little money for it, but you can't tell by looking at it. It comes with a warranty also, so I am happy.

You know, I never feel guilty when I spend money on myself and that is something new for me, because when my kids were growing up, I spent very little money on myself. I remember having a very small wardrobe and it not being very fashionable. Jeans and T-shirts mostly with the odd sun dress. For some reason, I thought I didn't deserve having money spent on me.

That all changed when I hit my late 30's and I developed a real love for clothes and I started to trust my own instincts about them. When I gained a lot of weight for a while there, due to the medications, I lost my interest in clothes, but now that I've lost so much weight, all the interest is back with a force and I find nothing more satisfying and fun than to shop for an item of clothing and to match it to something I already have in my closet. There is sheer joy in that. I used to love buying new books with the same amount of passion. I also like to buy necklaces and right now I am wearing two of them that click against each other when I move and I like that sound.

My mother loved clothes and used to dress like Hyacinth Bucket in Keeping Up Appearances. She looked very much like her. It wasn't until my mother's death, that I felt the freedom to start dressing like a real female and become more than casually interested in what I wore. It's like I finally had the room and the gumption to do that, now that her critical eye would no longer linger on me and find fault and she could no longer comment on how I dressed, whether that was negatively or not. I just didn't want to be noticed by her physically at all. You can't imagine what liberty I felt, especially when soon after I left my first husband and I could be the complete female I wanted to be. The more skirts and dresses I am wearing, the better things are going with me. Which doesn't mean that I don't want to get a pair of skinny jeans.

I have two pairs of bell bottom pants that are frayed at the edges from dragging over the pavement and I think I am going to get rid of them, because I think they are not at all flattering, but they were the style when I bought them. Sometimes you can make such fashion mistakes. You think you want the latest in jeans, when those are not at all right for you. It's really great when you make the right choice immediately and many times I have bought an item of clothing that I know will be a keeper for more than one season. Sometimes I buy a total dud and take it back. Well, your closet is like an art collection and sometimes you have to take something out and add something else in.

Well, I am sure it's all been very fascinating to you, this talk about clothes. There is more to it than meets the eye. There is the whole psychology of clothes.

Okay, I've got to clean up the kitchen, duty calls me now. Have yourselves a terrific Sunday.

Ciao...

The Boisterous Butterfly-by.

I've decided to give myself a different blogging name for awhile, as I sometimes need change in my life, well, let's be honest, I need change in my life on a regular basis and while I like the foundations to be solid, just like the frame work, I like the decorative elements to take on different shapes and colors and styles. This obviously also has to do with my fascination for clothes and the transforming qualities they have. I like to change the look of my blog, but this time I also wanted to blog under a different name and it was done in a flash. Easy as pie. Of course you will all know it is I, because I didn't change my profile picture, I didn't want to confuse you or purposely misguide you, although that would have been a bit of a joke, but that was not my purpose.

I did it on pure impulse to show how easy it is to do it and now maybe Stinking Billy will change his name to Sweet William, seeing as though it is so easy. Actually, that is not quite right, I had played with the notion of Butterfly for a couple of days, but didn't quite know how I wanted to go about it until tonight. There is something to be said for anonymity as well, although I have probably blown my cover for good already. Let's pretend I didn't. Let's pretend you don't know who in the world I am and I am just some unknown Dutch blogger who happens to blog in English and does it fairly well.

The Überhund is sitting next to me making very desperate noises. I am not sure what they mean, but I think he wants to go out again.

Well, I let him out back and he piddled and I gave him food and fresh water and he is eating, so maybe that has satisfied him for now, but I have a feeling he will be by my side again in the shortest amount of time and then I'll really have to take him out. It's so unpleasant to go out when it is cold out.

The darn water heater is acting up again. Once in a great while it starts up, but mostly not as of this morning. So, no heat in the apartment and no hot water, isn't that swell? No nice hot showers! Cold hands! Brrrrr...layers of clothes, well...that is good, I guess...

The Überhund ate all of his food, so obviously I am not always picking up his signals right. I see that I have to go through a whole repertoire of actions to get to the right one. He likes his food!

Well, now I am getting into my warm and cozy pajamas and my even warmer bathrobe and I am going to turn on the TV. Enough of this computer already!

Ciao...

Comments.

Judging by some of the comments on the post with my pictures of the neighborhood, you had maybe expected something more quaint and rural, a pastoral scene, maybe. You all forgot that I live in a little suburb of a University town and that most of the neighborhood is newly built. What you see are streets cobbled with real stones and sidewalks laid with individual cement tiles. I was rather proud of the fact that I could show you as much greenery as I did in such a short distance. That's rather luxurious for a new neighborhood.

The pond, yes. I do on occasion go to the pond where there are ducks and a single heron. I promise to take that walk soon and show you what that is all about, but it won't be at its prettiest now, of course. Maybe I'll do that this weekend, although it's supposed to rain on and off today and tomorrow. We'll see.

Poisonous Mushrooms

A bit of 'art' thrown in to see if you are paying attention and to check if I still have any skills left. I think I need some practicing. That's another good thing to do on a rainy day.

There has a new shopping center been built just around the corner from me with all the best discount stores in it. There's a household goods store and a drugstore and a supermarket and a cheap store for socks and underwear and pajamas and sheets, etc. There is going to be a clothing store there as well, but I don't know if they'll have the bigger sizes that I wear still. It will be worth checking out when they open, though. I will be one of their first customers, you can count on that. I am very happy with the drugstore, because it is one of the best and has the biggest assortment of items you may want. I have always wished for one to be close by here. It will save me the trip downtown.

Well, now I've got to go and do some useful stuff around here. Can't dawdle here all day long, much as I want to. I've still got to put my face on and my necklaces. I feel naked without them.

Ciao...