What did I tell you?

I have such a hard time waking up in the morning. The alarm clock wakens me out of a deep sleep and I need at least an hour to pull myself back into the land of the living because I have been so sound asleep. I sleep like a bear in hibernation. Quite befuddled I sit on the sofa with my mug of coffee and forget to drink it while I try to remember who I am and which day I am living in. In the meantime the Überhund wants my attention and rubs his head against my hands repeatedly and I absentmindedly rub his ears, but woe is me if I stop.

I smoke my cigarettes, but I am unable to get a fresh mug of coffee and sit with my half cold one and just don't know what to do. The minutes tick away and it keeps getting closer to eight AM, when I absolutely need to get in the starting blocks, which I then do, quite suddenly and then there is no stopping me. I go on automatic pilot and do all the things I need to do in the correct order, so I won't forget anything.

It isn't really until after I've walked the dog that I'm fully awake and can say I am present and accounted for. Then I look at the clock to see how many minutes I have left to have another cup of coffee and if I can afford to be a few minutes late and how quickly I need to ride my bike without having an accident. I figure I can decently be five minutes late and it is not really a big deal. Anything past that is rude.

During the break in ergo therapy, I met the new creative therapist for Tuesdays and we told her honestly that I had been intimidated to come, but she was ever so nice and took the time to show me around the room and showed me all the different projects I could try working on, which made me quite excited, because I saw things there that I had not seen in the other creative space. Working with lino cuts for example, which I am already sure that I am going to try first and working with Arabian gum and water and ink, which makes real nice effects and all sorts of other things. I was like a kid in the candy shop.

But...we must address this initial fear I have to start new things, because I am going to keep running into this problem and not everywhere in life people are going to be as patient and understanding with me, so I have to develop new strategies. I have fear of the unknown.

After ergo therapy, I had a one hour break, but luckily, so had a bunch of other people and the weather was nice, so we sat out on the deck in the sunshine and I ate four pieces of nougat that I still had in my purse from an outing with Von. I had also been smart enough to bring my one PM medications and remembered to take those. Sometimes I amaze myself.

At 1:30 PM we went down to the rec room for elementary movements, which is moving sensually to ethnic music, that's the only way to describe it. You will probably remember that I tried this once before and gave up on it, but I was bound and determined to get it right this time. Much to my surprise, I got the really hard movement right, which is moving your hips up and down while moving them back and forth and sideways, while not loosing your rhythm and then walking and stomping your feet along with it.

This is very hard to do, because you have to concentrate on so many things, firstly on your whole body stance and alignment. After you've done it for a while. you feel that you've tensed up and you have to relax and shake it all about and realign and start all over again. In between we danced loosely however we wanted to very happy music as wild as we wanted. I need some practice in this. I have a very Calvinistic body. It's not very wild.

We ended with a meditation, which was nice and relaxing and I was home by three PM, full of energy and took the dog for a walk, who had been impatiently waiting for me to get home, because he was right at the door when I opened it.

After that, I had a cup of coffee and sat down for a while, reading my mail and looking at my almost clean living room. I still need to mop the floors, but I got a lot done yesterday and will continue tomorrow morning, which is a day off, because it is Queen's Day.

Toby is very much better. He no longer has a snotty, runny nose and his eyes are clear. He only sneezes a little bit now, but you can see that there has been a vast improvement. He no longer makes that awful sound when he breathes and he wants lots of affection. And here I was ready to give up on him, that's how sick he was. Good old Toby.

The Exfactor came by for a quick cup of coffee and after that I somehow found the energy to go grocery shopping, because I was all out of milk. I can't live without milk. I also bought a six pack of Cola Light, but hadn't realized that Cola straight from the can would interfere something awful with my gastric band and two swallows from it made me feel like I had had a super meal and I felt a huge burp that was stuck there, but wouldn't come out. I poured the Cola in a glass and waited for all the bubbles to dissipate before I drank the rest of it. Flat Cola is the best.

Now it's time to bring the evening to an end. The day sure went by quickly, I feel like there were not enough hours in it. I need to put my pajamas on and relax behind the dumb box for a while. Tomorrow is another day and I get to sleep in. We'll see what time I naturally get up without the alarm clock.



Sleep tight, all you sweet people, sorry you don't have a holiday tomorrow.

Ciao...

I'm late...

I can't believe I've slept until 7:30 AM. What is the world coming to? I woke up during the middle of the night coughing and trying to catch my breath. I think I was not breathing and that my sleep apnea was acting up, because I was sleeping on my back. I got up until I was breathing normally again and then went back to sleep on my side. That happens every once in a while, but I had not put two and two together.

Now I have had my first mug of coffee and I'm about to have my second. I took my medication as soon as I got up, because I did not want to wait for it to do its job until later. I notice that the antipsychotic works about 30 minutes after I take it and I get a great sense of well being and whatever stress I feel disappears. It is a melting tablet that I put on my tongue so it works very quickly.

Today is Second Christmas Day here, so it is still a holiday and everything is still closed. We always have that second day added to a holiday. I don't know why that is. The cafés will be open though, otherwise the tourists would be bored to death, but the stores are closed. Just when you want to get some good shopping done. Well, not I, but the public in general.

Yesterday morning my sister and I had espressos and pastries of which I could eat half and even then I got in trouble and ate too much and had to make an emergency trip to the bathroom. But it tasted good going down. My sister planned on cleaning house the rest of the day, because her cleaning lady would not show up, of course, and my sister had to work so much this week. What a way to spend Christmas, huh?

I spent the day doing nothing that required any effort. I watched the Queens Christmas speech, that she writes herself, and it amazes me what she thinks are the important issues that are alive in our society right now, because I could have thought of a whole bunch of different things to address the nation's people about, making me think she is not quite in touch with the reality of the situation. I think she is too far removed from the lives of the ordinary people and what we worry about. There was not a peep about the economic crisis and the havoc it is creating everywhere. Some solidarity would have been in place there. It makes you question the value of having a queen who is supposed to be the mother of the people. I think we may just as well have a republic.

I got a gift certificate from my sister to spend on books and I ordered two of them. The Curious Incident of the Dog at Midnight and The Boy in the Striped Pajamas. It will take about 4 days for them to get here, but it will be something new to read. At the moment I am reading James Baldwin, If Beale Street Could Talk, but it is a little dated and I am reading it in a Dutch translation which takes away from the rich language that is being used by the black people of the book and that I can imagine as I read it.

I just made myself my third mug of coffee, decaf this time, and it sure tastes good. I love these first hours of the day behind the computer, when the Überhund has piddled out back and he is not yet in a hurry to be walked. It is freezing outside, as was predicted, and I will have to dress warmly. I told you that there has been talk bout skating on natural ice in about a week. Brrr...

Well, I am postponing the inevitable and that is getting dressed and taking the Überhund out in the cold. I won't close this post yet, but be back in a jiffy...

There is a cold wind blowing from the east, although the sun is shining. But the sunshine has no warmth, unless you happen to find shelter from the cold wind. It's not the kind of day to go outside for your pleasure, unless you are a die hard and have very specific Nordic clothes. I suppose it would be nice to walk in the woods where you are sheltered from the wind, but out in the open it's no fun. If you look outside through your windows, you'd be fooled into thinking that it's a nice sunny day outside. If the wind comes from the east in the wintertime, it's always cold, because it comes from Russia, with love.

I am finding shelter inside the apartment today. I'll go out to walk the Überhund, but that is it. The other problem is, that you get an extremely snotty nose when you are out in the cold and you have to have Kleenexes in every pocket of every jacket you are likely to wear.

It always amazes me that the Überhund doesn't seem to be the least bothered by the cold. I always expect him to shiver, but he never does. It's all the same to him, the only thing that bothers him is the heat and he pants too much.

Well, even though it is still a holiday, I have postponed housework to do. I can't get around it, not even if I squint my eyes and look at it that way. It must be done. First, however, there is breakfast. Oh yum, hot porridge in a big bowl. It's high time that the New Year comes along, so I can make some resolutions. My hips are expanding.

Have a lovely day, all of you. I'll be by to read your blogs shortly.

Ciao...