There is a true pleasure in indulging in cups of coffee and cigarettes early in the morning but I do have to keep in mind that very soon I am going to give up one of these. I must not lose sight of that goal and mentally stay prepared for it and keep having the right attitude. Right now I am enjoying myself so much that it feels that I could do these two things endlessly but of course that is not true. Another sort of reality will soon be my share.
I do have to keep in mind that I will trade one reality for another and that it will not be the battle I sometimes imagine it will be. It will just be another way of getting through time and of drinking a cup of coffee and the coffee will taste just as good and have the same effect. I will not be a poor, forsaken woman who has had to give up one of her pleasures. I will be a liberated human being who is set free of a bad addiction and who will move freely through life without having to carry out a subversive activity.
The problem is that I associate smoking a cigarette with moments of contentment and I have to get that deep seated idea out of my head. I have lots of moments when I do not smoke that are equally happy and I have to keep them in mind. I must not associate smoking with happiness because the reality of smoking is actually much more dire than that. The reality is easily swept under the carpet but if I am honest, it would put the fear of God in my heart. Because really, on all fronts, what am I doing to myself?
Yesterday, when I was at the grocery store in the canned and jarred fruit and vegetable section, I discovered jars of rhubarb compote and I thought they might be a good alternative to apple sauce which I can not eat. I took a small jar home with me and had it for lunch and I have to say that it tasted delicious and agreed with me very well. I guess I have found another food to indulge in every now and then. It helps if you take your time and look around when you are doing the groceries. My mother used to fix rhubarb compote when I was a kid all the time and I had forgotten how much I liked it.
I did not have my glasses with me and could not read the labels on the other jars of fruit compote but I will bring them the next time to make sure there is no apple in them and try some of them also. I have a big desire to indulge in them to satisfy my sweet tooth and get some other vitamins and minerals in at the same time. I think it is an excellent way to eat and have an enjoyable time too. When I look back on my lunch, I feel hungry for it all over again.
Vegetables I balked at when I was a kid, but now like very much, are Brussel sprouts. I remember sitting over a plate of cold ones having to eat every one of them and physically being unable to. I do not know if that made me overcome my dislike of them but I do enjoy eating them a lot now. I like their shape and their texture besides liking their taste. A little nutmeg on top of them makes them even better. I bought a jar of them too yesterday and will have them for dinner tonight even though they give me gas. It is a musical vegetable for me.
The day is starting bright and early and full of promise. Anything that can go right, will go right. That is a rule.