Friday on the merry go round.

It's a good thing that the dog woke me early this morning, because although I had set my alarm for 7 am, it didn't actually go off until 7:50 and that would have been kind of late. So the alarm clock is not reliable anymore and I already thought it was not, because the other day it showed completely the wrong time. Which meant I went to a cheap household goods store today and bought a radio alarm clock that is a 24 hour digital one and set it to a pleasant Belgian radio station to go off at 7 am and it has a snooze button. Not that I will use that, of course. I will listen to the pleasant Flemish voices and wake up in a good mood, and start my day full of good cheer.

I've increased my tranquilizers today from three pills at the time to five pills at the time. It was either that or go back to the Temazepam, and since that makes me so sleepy, I didn't want to do that. It was an executive decision that I made on my own, but I will inform my SPN shortly by email. I am sure that she loves how I let her know these things after the fact, but I count on her to trust me. It lits a load of my shoulders and I don't nearly feel the stress that I felt before.

If you wonder why I feel the stress, it is partly because of that ridiculous domestic help scene that turned out to be something else than what I needed and I have to address this issue in my email to my SPN also. I've talked about it with several people today and they all said that I should ask for more.

Creative therapy went fine. I destroyed the creation I was working on that I was making up by myself, because I was very unhappy with it and dropped and pounded the clay back into one solid lump so I could start all over again. I then brought out the bible, which is Henri Moore's book of sculptures, and picked out one that I wanted to make and I've made a lot of progress and I'm happy with it. Somehow I always do better making a copy. I don't have one original thought in my head when it comes to working with clay, unless I want to make flower pots and who wants to make them?

I ate breakfast before I left, so I wouldn't be tempted to eat cookies at therapy and I walked in there and the table was laden with many packs of three kinds of cookies and I thought that was awfully cruel. I was able to withstand them however, but I did eat two old biscuits from the tin that was sitting there. They were tiny and didn't count. I used up those calories going up the stairs to the deck and the espresso machine during the break.

Then it was homeward bound with a quick stop at the tobacconist and then home to the dog, who was all poor and pathetic for having been alone all morning. I took him out for a quick walk while all the while my toe hurt like crazy. It's making it hard for me to walk at a quick pace.Then I walked to the bus stop to catch the bus downtown, even though I said I wouldn't , but my bike is too funky,

I waited at the café under the awning, which was heated very pleasantly, for Von to get there while I had a cappuccino. I was early and Von was late, but in the end we found each other and spent two hours doing nothing but talk and talk. I had two cappuccinos and a Wiekse Witte so I have to watch my calories tonight. There were cookies with the cappucinos which I refused to eat and I gave my fist one to a pigeon. He got lucky.

We parted company when I went to buy my alarm clock and then I even went to two clothing stores without buying anything at all and got to the bus stop one minute before the bus got there. That was sheer luck. I hobbled home from the bus stop and took my boots of right way to give my poor toe a break. Soon enough I had to put them back on to walk the dog, but now they are off and I'm sitting here in my socks, which is a great relief. I can't even wear my slippers because they hurt too much. I think another trip to the GP is warranted.

Now I'm going to have myself a glass if juice and a slice of raisin bread and then put on my pajamas, Then I'm going to hang in there as long as possible.

Ciao...

A heck of a Friday.

I've decided that I don't like sculpting with clay anymore. I was working on a piece and I was very unhappy with it and said so to the therapist, so she said, "No problem," and took it and the rest of the clay and dropped and pounded it into a solid block again, so that I could start something new.

That was great, but the problem is that I am not the least bit inspired and don't feel the least bit gifted and think that I will never make anything resembling a halfway decent sculpture again.

I tried to copy something and it left me extremely frustrated and I wanted to walk away from it and go home, and then I tried to use my own imagination and make something of my own and it is not working out at all and I want to take the whole thing and drop and pound it back into a solid block of clay and never look at it again as long as I live. And that's what I think I will do next week and just turn my back on it. I'm sick of it, I tell you.

So, except for the coffee break and the time before we started to work, when I sat and chatted with the other people in the happy April sun, the whole morning was a complete waste of time. I felt like a klutz with two left hands and not an ounce of talent in her body, who was manhandling the clay into abnormally shaped proportions that made no sense whatsoever and had no redeeming qualities. A kindergärtner could have done better.

So, the next time it is back to the collages and hopefully I still have the talent and inspiration to make those, though I think I have run out of creativity. It's disappeared out of me as if I am a bucket with a leak in the bottom and the bucket has run dry. I don't know if the old tricks will work anymore, but I'll give it a try. Maybe it is time to find something new, but what in the world that should be, I have no idea.

Oh yes, an altered book, I can try that. That is something I have been interested in trying for some time, though I don't know if I know enough about it to do it successfully. I may give that a try, though my resources are limited. I'll give it a good thought this week and investigate it a little bit. Lisa Sarsfield knows much about them.

After such a lousy morning, I was more than ready for my afternoon and after I walked the Überhund and fed him his Butcher's, I walked to the bus stop and caught the bus downtown. The first thing I did, was exchange the leggings I bought last week that were much to big on me and I managed to find some in various colors in the right sizes.

Since the weather was so beautiful and since it was Good Friday and a holiday for many Europeans, downtown was extremely crowded and I had to shuffle along through the crowd of people, while I made my way to the Our Dear Lady Square. When I finally got there, I had to try and find Von in the throng of people and tables and chairs, but she found me and we managed to find two empty chairs at a table along the side of the square under the canopy in the shade, which was good because the sun was hot.

After I had my obligatory cappuccino, I had a Wyckse Witte, which is a pale beer served cold with a slice of lemon and mighty tasty. It was so good, that I had a second one, but I do have to emphasize that I make them last a long time, I don't guzzle them down.

We discussed men. Is there a better subject to discuss on a lazy Friday afternoon on a café terrace with a beer in your hands? I explained to Von the type of man I would fall for, so she could be on the look out for him. I don't think he exists in this town, because I've never seen him, so I am fairly safe. She won't suddenly show up with him in her wake.

When Von went to the restroom, there was a man who asked if he could sit beside me when there were other chairs free, so that was interesting. I had to tell him that the chair was taken. That was a close one.

We walked through town to where she had parked her bike and suddenly she popped into a flower shop and came out with a bunch of yellow tulips for me. I thought that was very sweet. I have them sitting in a tall orange vase on my desk, looking very festive.

I had forgotten my house keys and had to go to my sister's house to get the spare keys and by the time I got home, the Überhund was very happy to see me, but I was beat. I made myself a mocha Senseo and rested my feet that hurt from walking on the cobblestones. My little toe was very sore and needed tender loving care.

The Exfactor had been by and dropped off a measuring cup, which I had asked for, a pack of Senseo pads decaf and a box of cookies, some of which I shared with the dog. They were a quick pick me up which I badly needed.

After I recovered sufficiently, I took the Überhund for his walk and returned the spare keys to my sister and now I vow that I will not do another strenuous thing for the rest of the day. Except for clean up some cat barf that I discovered by the coffee table and that looks like it's going to be tough to clean up. It's on the area rug and it looks orange.

The City Government had a great idea to make all the downtown street authentic and cobblestone them, but they are a pain to walk on and after a while your feet hurt, unless you wear hiking boots. Forget anything with a heel. They get stuck between the cracks. I wore my flat comfortable boots today, but still my feet hurt. Not such a good idea, huh?

I don't know how to grade this day, I give part of it a 5 and part of it a 7. It was a very mixed day and now I think I need some peace and quiet. Tomorrow I have to do some grocery shopping, not much, but enough to get me through the 2 days of Easter. By rights I should have some chocolate, but I may forgo that.

I had my camera with me, but forgot to take pictures and Eduard hasn't sent me any, so no pictures to day. I'm too lazy to go look through all the folders for some appropriate ones.

Have a great evening, we never did get the thunder showers that were promised.

Ciao...

A Smashing Day.

Remind me to always stay on my Temazepam and to never stop taking it and to never get it in my foolish head that I don't need it anymore, because the opposite is true. After having been on it now for a few days, I notice a world of difference and I am so relaxed and without stress that I never want it to be any other way. I actually enjoyed myself today in a very relaxed sort of manner, without feeling all wound up and under pressure to make it a good day, because it just happened by itself.

It started off well enough by being woken by the alarm clock and not minding that one bit and getting myself a mug of coffee and relaxing with it on the sofa while I petted the Überhund. Then I very leisurely got dressed and made up and did my hair and took the Überhund out for his walk in the early morning sunshine. It promised to become a nice day.

I had time for another mug of coffee before I left for creative therapy and to make a supply of cigarettes and then I hopped on my bike without a scarf or gloves and my jacket open and rode it to the mental health clinic. I had time for an espresso there and sat out on the deck in the sunshine chatting to the other people out there enjoying the sunshine and the mild temperatures.

At creative therapy I started on my new sculpture and was so into it that I forgot my surroundings and got very far into the sculpture. People joke about me, because I forget everything around me, including to drink my coffee, which stands there getting cold. I can't not work on the sculpture for one minute. I try, but it is impossible, and when we have our half hour break, I can't wait to get back to it. Regardless, I have to do a lot of finishing touches on Monday,to make it really look good.

I did manage to exchange likes and dislikes with a fellow sculptor about music and dance and art and theater and literature and we decided that we liked a lot of the same things. So that made for an interesting conversation, but I never stopped working. My fingers were busy while my mind was having a conversation.

Then it was home to the Überhund who had to be aired and cuddled and made a fuss off, because I was leaving him again that afternoon.I managed to inhale a mug of Brazilian coffee and make some more cigarettes and then walked to the bus stop without my jacket on and with bare arms, because that's how beautiful the weather was by now. I had to wait for the bus for ten minutes and it was hot in the sun. I wore my sunglasses, so I wouldn't have to squint and get wrinkles by my eyes.

The bus took me downtown to the market square, where I pulled some money out of the wall and from there I walked to the Our Dear Lady Square, where all the tables were occupied, but where my friend Von had managed to secure a table for two in the shade. It was perfect. We spent the afternoon chatting about everything under the sun and people watching.

We started off with cappuccinos, which came with separate glasses with liqueur and whipped cream which you were supposed to tip into your cappuccino and Von didn't want hers, so I had a double shot of that and it was delicious.I thought I had died and gone to heaven. Then Von ordered sparkling water and I ordered Palm beer, which is the beer on tap and I like it best and I felt like getting mellow. It was very pleasant indeed and I had another one, but we nurtured our drinks and made them last.

Then we went to a department store and I picked up four pairs of summery leggings and Von bought a cute top on sale.We spent four hours hanging out together and there was never a dull moment. We check out good looking men a lot, except that she is more serious about it than I am. I just do it for the sport.

I caught a bus back home and was so far away with my thoughts, that I missed my stop and had to get off at the next one, which involved quite a bit of extra walking. The Überhund was quite happy to see me and I gave him a treat for having been so good all the time. Then I had to walk him, or rather, he walked me, because he was very eager to go out.

I bought the leggings the wrong size and will have to go back and exchange them all for a smaller size. Maybe I will do that tomorrow. I thought I was bigger than I am. Oops!

I have sore feet from walking on the cobblestoned streets and am dying to take my boots off. In a minute I will put on my pajamas and put on my slippers.

All in all it was a day well spent and it was a fun day, very relaxed. I am glad I can drink beer and not stand on my head. That means I can do that more often.


Ciao....