Sunday, February 02, 2014

The sun also rises eventually...

We had a bright red sunset yesterday evening, but I have forgotten if that means that we are going to have a beautiful day today. I always get that mixed up with a red sunrise and I know one of them means that it will rain. I forgot to listen to the weather forecast and now I am completely in the dark about what sort of weather we will have today, so I am going to have to listen to the radio in a little while. My fingers are swollen up from my fibromyalgia, but that does not necessarily mean it is going to rain. I would probably have more aches and pains if it were, like I did yesterday and the day before that. I am like a barometer that way and very predictable.
Since I am so calm and reflective nowadays, I have no butterflies fluttering around in my stomach in the morning about what the day will bring. I used to get excited just about the fact that the sun was about to rise and that a whole day laid ahead of me with all of its possibilities and feel like a kid on her birthday. That feeling is tempered by a more realistic outlook, although I still look forward to each new day. I just keep my head about me now.
I think a lot of my hypomania was induced by too big a dose of anti-depressants, but I may be proved wrong in the near future and come down with another bout of it. It seems impossible now, but I suppose I can expect anything and I should never say never. Feeling so serene now, it is like I can never be any other way than this and that I can never be anything other than this sensible and wise, because surely I am all grown up and mature now. It would be a crime if this state of mind were to be taken away from me and I should find myself in another unstable one. If there is anything I can do about it, I must try my best to prevent that other state of mind from happening.
I do have to say that, even though my psychiatrist is for taking the least amount of medicines necessary, it is always I who take the initiative to take less. I do go about it a bit more drastic than he would like me to and sometimes reduce them a little bit too much and have to increase them a bit again, but I always end up taking less than I did before. In this way, I have quit medication and reduced it and it has always turned out for the best. I think I instinctively know that I should do this, although things don't always work out as perfectly as I had planned them initially. In the end, it turns out that I am the winner.
I have to decide if I am going back to bed for another hour or so of sleep, or if I am up for the morning now. I feel wide awake, but that could change after I have had my breakfast. It does have the tendency to make me feel a bit sleepy.
I wish you all a great Sunday.

1 comment:

Rob-bear said...

Red sky at night is supposed to be a good thing in terms of weather.

I'm glad to hear that you're calm, but less happy with the news that you're not (so) excited about the new day. Yes there is good news in stability; but boredom brings little pleasure.

I think of Prufrock (creation of T.S. Eliot):

I have seen them all, already
I have seen them all
I have seen them evenings mornings, afternoons
I have measured out my life in coffee spoons.

Sadness to that.

Blessings and Bear hugs.