I haven't seen my personal helper since the middle of December. Apparently something of a serious nature has taken place in her life, although no one will tell me what it is, except to say that she is not ill. I was told that, one day when she returns, I will understand why she was gone for such a long time. In the meantime, I have a new temporary personal helper who also comes to see me once a week. She is a very kind and intelligent woman who I get along with well so far. She has been here twice and it looks like she will be coming here for the next few months. She is going to take up contact with my psychiatrist and let him know that she will be the contact person for a while. I do have to say that, although I worry a lot about my regular personal helper, I feel fortunate in getting such a good temporary one.
It is strange how things turn out in life and how you are unexpectedly confronted with events and people that have an equal chance of turning out well or not at all. I don't know if it is because I have a tendency to be optimistic and positive that these things usually turn out for the better for me. That does not mean that I want to claim that some awfully sad and tragic events have not taken place in my life and in the lives of the other people involved. But sometimes life throws me for a loop and the outcome can go either way, but as a rule it turns out alright. I think in spite of everything, I must have a guardian angel, regardless of the price that is paid in the process of gaining my balance again. I hope my personal helper experiences this phenomena also.
Now that I am mentally pretty much on a straight line, and my hypomanic episodes are not the main events in my life anymore, it is time to start thinking about filling my life with some other activities, although I am very wary about doing this. I am thinking about doing volunteer work, but want to be careful that I don't take on something that carries too much responsibility and requires too much of my emotional energy. I think that is one of the mistakes I made before. I overcommitted myself too easily and too quickly. I have to find a volunteer job that I can mentally manage and that will not cause me to derail. I have a lot of empty time on my hands and it is more difficult now to usefully fill it with activities. I do have to go about making a decision and a commitment very slowly and carefully. This can not end up in a fiasco.
I also have to be careful that I am not, right now, in the process of becoming hypomanic again, because making big plans is part of that process. I am seeing my psychiatrist this morning and maybe we will discover if I am. If so, it will be one of the few times that I notice it in an early stage, but I think that is because I have been so very calm lately. It is a good thing that I have an appointment, but then, timing is everything in life.