Thursday, February 06, 2014

Making lots of noise...

That's it. I am all done being dull and boring and I'm not going to take it anymore. I refuse to go through life anymore like someone's inanimate pet rock, but even making that statement is almost requiring more liveliness than I can come up with, but if I don't put up a good fight for myself, then who will? The Exfactor was over here this morning for a cup of coffee and I am tired of apologizing for being as dull as a bump on a log. I am even bothering myself with my boring behavior and am absolutely not enamored with myself. It is even a wonder that I am able to put up a fight and that I have enough orneriness for it. The reason I do, is because I talk to a very dull person on the phone every day and I know that I don't want to become like that. I want to have more pizzazz than that.
I left a message for my psychiatrist to call me and I will ask him if we can increase the dose of antidepressants a little bit. Half a dose at 37,5 mg will do, I think. I hope he agrees to that because I think I desperately need it.  I would hate to spend the rest of my life feeling the way I do now. You do have to have some quality in your life after all too and I would not give this life a high score, although I hate to say it because it sounds ungrateful. I do not want to settle for barely good enough when something much better can be achieved. I miss passion in my life because I sure as heck do not have any now. I hope my psychiatrist calls me back soon so that I can take that extra half dose and be on my way to recovery.
I suppose that I do have high hopes in spite of my low level of animation. That is because I think there may be light at the end of the tunnel. I think I have been patient enough in waiting this out and that now the time has come to make a change. If I wait any longer, I will only get more dull and boring, not less.


Gail said...

Wishing you success.

Cheri said...

Hope they get it sorted out and up the meds. I am just entering a depression since Tuesday and have had mine upped plus the addition of new to me mood stabilizer, Gabapentin.