Tuesday, September 21, 2010

On the road again...

I went to bed early last night and took some extra tranquilizers and managed to sleep through the night, which was very pleasant and something I needed to do. It felt very good to fall into a sound sleep and to wake up refreshed and not tired anymore. Initially I only had one reheated cup of coffee, but I just decided to make a fresh pot, so that I will be ready to take care of some much needed to do chores and get those out of the way while it is still early in the day. I have to take advantage of the momentum and the courage that I still have early in the morning, before all of the anxiety hits me. I have to pay bills and get some packages ready for the mail and then actually go to the post office to mail them. That will be the real test of my courage.

It's terrible not to know where your mood is going to take you on a day. I am rather insecure right now and unsure of how I will be able to pull things off. I'm going to act as if everything is okay and I can do whatever comes my way without the least amount of trouble, but that's not how it feels inside. I feel like I should perform some magic ritual to make to outcome more sure and to make myself more steady. If I drink just the right amount of coffee and smoke just the right amount of cigarettes, maybe everything will turn out right. Of course, I should also take my medicines on time and not a minute too late or too early.

I have turned on the day light therapy lamp just in case that's going to alleviate my mood some. I hope it helps and I will use it for a while and see if it makes a difference. I should know after a few days if it does.

Tyke is sound asleep on the sofa and has not let me know yet that he needs to go for a walk. He is snoring just a little bit and it sounds very cozy. Gandhi is asleep in the armchair, my favorite chair to sit in, but she's welcome to it for now. I'll be sitting behind the computer for a while yet. I can pay all the bills on line. At least those are the conveniences of these modern times. Thank goodness for them.

The day is starting. The paper delivery person has just come by. It is the first noise I've heard this morning. He does ride on an irritating sounding scooter. What a way to wake up the neighborhood.

I think I will walk Tyke first and pay the bills next. It will be good to get some fresh air while it is still relatively quiet outside and the traffic hasn't started up yet. It's just beginning to become dawn.

Have a good day.



Twain12 said...

i like being able to pay my bills online too...not everything about technology is good but this is a plus for sure. Hope today will be manageable for you . Big Hugs ♥

Maggie May said...

Hope you start to feel much better as the day goes by and I hope you get a good day that is pleasant and warm and sunny.
Maggie X

Nuts in May

Bev said...

Sounding better today.

Hope you enjoy your walk with Tyke.


Frances said...

Good idea to fight it off.
You don't want to give yourself excuses for not going to the classes.
Now is such a good time to start, you'll have settled in and got rid of your fears by the time winter comes.
Don't look out for those moods, ignore them and just concentrate on getting to classes.
Cleaners are not as important as your emotional and psychological well-being, so hope you will change the time of your Monday home visit.