Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Oops, don't do that!

It's in the middle of the night and I'm having my cup of coffee. I've already slept a couple of hours and got up a while ago. I just had a dirty, stinking cigarette that I made with the tobacco crumbs that I had saved in a pot in the cupboard where I also had the filter tubes. It was not such a positive experience. It made me cough, it made my chest hurt, it made my eczema itch and it made me light in the head, plus it gave me a general feeling of sickness. I think I will flush those tobacco crumbs down the toilet, so I will not be tempted to make another cigarette. That will be for the best. I don't need that kind of temptation in a weak moment when maybe my nicotine patch is not working optimally anymore.

The worst thing is the itch from my eczema. It is just possible that as I never smoke again, it will clear up completely, because all day yesterday it didn't bother me. If I diligently apply the ointment now, it is very possible that it will disappear and that would be great. It's been with me for so long that I don't remember doing without it. The chest pain bothers me too, though, and I'm sure that's a bronchial thing. My poor body is just protesting at the smoke and chemicals entering my system. It's saying, no, don't do this to me! It was a good lesson to smoke this cigarette and to see how I reacted to it. I think I will not do it again. It was a complete moment of madness.

I had to take Tyke to the vet yesterday. He had a bad case of the runs and was running a bit of a fever. Luckily, he likes going to the vet and thinks that all the dogs in the waiting room are there for him to visit with. He's such an amiable guy and wants to make friends with all the dogs and their owners. He thinks everybody is great, including the vet, even though he put a thermometer in his butt and gave him a shot of antibiotics. He also gave him pills for three days and then Tyke should be over whatever ails him. He's still lively and eats all his food, so he's not suffering. The vet did say that there was a lot of noise in his intestines. Poor Tyke. Having noisy intestines is not good. Tyke seems unaware that he's ill, though, and is his usual cheerful self. Gandhi can attest to that.

Gandhi has found a new favorite spot to sleep in, but the problem is that it is the armchair that I always sit in, so now we have to jockey for position. I hate to have to move her when she's so peacefully sleeping, but I pick her up and put her on my lap, which she usually likes and sometimes not. Tyke gets jealous when she sits on my lap and tries to push her out with his nose. I try to prevent that, but I'm not always successful. I do have my hands full.

Eventually, everybody settles down and we are at peace and I can read my book and pet Gandhi at the same time. She is an affectionate little cat. Normally she doesn't let herself get intimidated by Tyke, but he does test her patience on occasion and she has to remove herself from the scene, but the first one she goes looking for when she returns is Tyke. Tyke doesn't realize what a privileged dog he is to get so much affection from Gandhi, in spite of the fact that he pesters her so much. He really loves her to pieces, but in his exuberance he gets a little carried away. He doesn't realize that she's a delicate cat and is not meant to be pounced on.

The morning is slowly approaching and, as usual, I'm not tired and I feel better than I have in the past when I still smoked. I think I will sit up the rest of the time until dawn and read my book. I'm more then halfway through it and very interested in the story. I will sit in my armchair by the reading light and have a tall glass of milk, which will leave me with just enough milk for a cup of coffee later on. The Exfactor is coming over today to do the groceries and that is good, because I'm almost out of milk and juice. I do have to make a shopping list and see if I have any money left in my bank account. That would be helpful.

I threw the tobacco crumbs away in the large trash bag and shook them down to the bottom. I will put something distasteful on top. There no longer is any thought of smoking another cigarette. I've put that behind me. I'm fine now.

I hope you all have a very good day and that your weather is beautiful.



Maggie May said...

You did well to throw out the tobacco crumbs and you will realise that it wasn't a pleasant experience to try to smoke again.
When my family (especially my husband) gave up smoking, they eventually could not bear to be with someone who smokes and felt the smell was overwhelmingly awful. There is a no smoking sign in our porch now!
Sometimes, there is a smell of smoke that comes through a cupboard in an upstairs bedroom because the man next door is a chain smoker.
Glad you are feeling stronger about it all now.

Love to hear about Tyke & Gandhi. They sound a cute pair. Is Nouri still alive & kicking with the Exfactor?
Have not poked my nose round the bedroom curtain yet but it seems to be cooler and was dark much later this morning. Makes me realise that Winter is on its way.
Have a good day.
Maggie X

Nuts in May

Babaloo said...

I'd say having no tobacco or cigarettes in the house is a good idea. But it's kind of good that you tried to smoke one. It showed that it wasn't pleasant at all and that quitting really was a good decision. You'll be fine, don't worry! Hugs

VioletSky said...

Oh my, this new look is lovely! (I usually read you in Reader, and switch when I want to comment - and every time I am surprised!)

Anyway, good for you. Keep up with the determination. I have never smoked, but I do understand cravings. And having a bad piece of cheap chocolate that leaves a bad film in my mouth, or horrible pasckaged mac and cheese that gives me a headache, usually works to cure me of that particular craving.

Bev said...

I know exactly what you mean about the light-headed feeling you get when you have a cig after abstainance. I have also scrabbled around making cigs from tab ends etc! Having one was just a reminder, as you say, about all the chemical which poison your system and you are still on track.

All the best for today. Keep strong!

Twain12 said...

sounds like those two rascals keep you on your toes lol.I'm also glad you threw those crumbs out. Aren't you on patches ? i think smoking and being on patches was probably to much for your system. Sounds like over all you are doing great !!

Wisewebwoman said...

Oh stay strong, dear Nora, stay strong!

Your body will release more toxins as you go forward and the coughing will cease.

All healing thoughts go your way.