Monday, September 20, 2010

Back at it again...

I just got called by someone from the clinic to tell me that I can start my creative class Wednesday afternoon. I could also go on Monday afternoon, but I explained that I have my domestic help here then. I was told to try and make a different arrangement with the person who leads the class. At any rate, they are trying to give me two afternoons, so that's not bad. I asked for two classes and they are willing to give them to me if there is space.

I am worried about going to the class, because I'm in that kind of a mood again. I feel very insecure and rather depressed. I'm frankly not doing so well and what I want to do more than anything is crawl away in a corner and never come out. That won't do, though, and I do try to function up to some point. I worry about having to take care of things and not being able to and I find myself postponing what I think is unpleasant and difficult. My courage is lacking.

Needless to say, I'm smoking again. All I was doing anymore is lie in bed and sleep. It was a depressing existence, but I knew no other way to survive. Any time I was up, all I could think about were cigarettes and how much I wanted to smoke. I fled to bed to escape the thoughts of them. I thought I was going to manage that way, but I was wrong.

What I really need is for someone to come and take care of some of the more difficult things now, but I'm afraid that I have to take care of them myself. I'll give myself today to recuperate, but I hope that tomorrow I have my act together better.

I'm going to lie down now and listen to the radio. It's the least uncomplicated thing I can think of. It's safe too.

Ciao,
Nora

9 comments:

Twain12 said...

smoking or not ..i hope you manage to go to the class. My experience is that the things I dread the most end up being half as bad as i imagined. As for the smoking , just try again when you think you can handle it, maybe it was just to much right now. I send you encouragement and my love ♥

Bernie said...

It's okay Nora, everyone goes through mood changes especially when trying to quit smoking......don't be so hard on yourself. I do hope you go to the class Nora, I think it would really help you.....getting out and about is important to interact with other people, I want you happy and healthy my friend. Hope you are doing better....:-)Hugs

Babaloo said...

I really hope you are going to that class. Hiding away won't do you any good, and in your heart of hearts you know that. Forget about the non-smoking for a while, just do what's good for you! XOX

Bev said...

I agree with all the comments of your friends.

Perhaps it is too much if you are feeling down to try and stop smoking too. You can leave it for when you are feeling a bit better,

I would try and attend the class even if you don't feel like saying anything for the moment. No one will mind.

Lane said...

Just try again later when you're feeling better Nora. It's really okay.

And if you can make it to creative classes - great. You've made such beautiful things there before.

As for lack of courage? Not from where I'm sitting. x

Lane said...

Just try again later when you're feeling better Nora. It's really okay.

And if you can make it to creative classes - great. You've made such beautiful things there before.

As for lack of courage? Not from where I'm sitting. x

John M. Mora said...

hey, hi. what the veri.fi.cation

Wisewebwoman said...

Pick yourself up just a little and dust yourself off just a little and accept where you are and how you are today.
You've dreamed of these classes for so long.
We are all rooting for you, one tiny step at a time.
We are so hard on ourselves.
Give yourself a big hug and know that we are out there, cheering you on.
XO
WWW

Gail said...

Creative class...that is so exciting! I can't wait to hear all about it, you will love it.