Friday, February 12, 2010
I ran out of oxazepams yesterday. My psychiatrist was supposed to fax a prescription to the pharmacy yesterday afternoon, but I found out at 5:30 pm that he had not done so and by that time it was too late to reach him. I called up this morning and made sure that the prescription was faxed today, but in the meantime I'm starting to notice that I've been going without and I'm having withdrawal symptoms. One of them is feeling very low and the other one is being unable to concentrate well, so I'll be glad when the delivery person from the pharmacy gets here with the pills. I've taken a temazepam instead, but it's very hard to do without the oxazepam.
I thought writing a post would keep my mind off it, but I'm not sure if it's going to work. It's a little bit difficult to keep focused and not be distracted by what's going on outside, like the neighbor shoveling snow and Tyke being very interested in that on the sofa by the window. I don't know if I'm making any mistakes in the structure of that sentence. I can't think about it well enough. It's like there are ants digging pathways in my head.
I don't recommend this to anybody. Whatever you do, don't run out of pills. It's so easy to get blasé about it and think you will have your next box of pills in no time, but you see what happens. One little mistake and you're screwed. My psychiatrist probably thought I still had some pills left and that I didn't wait till the last minute to order more.
The Exfactor was here this afternoon to pick up a package that was delivered here for him. He was only here for a little while, despite my plea for him to stay longer. I made it clear that I did not feel well, but he said he had too much to do. I couldn't think of another person to call to keep me company. My sister is out of town and I don't know anyone else who is suitable.
The thing is, that I'm still depressed to some extent and I don't know how much of that is because of Jesker or how much of that is just the way I am right now. I'm clearly not functioning well and don't know how to get out of the deep valley I'm in during the day. I even find it difficult to read right now and my book is lying untouched beside my pillow for days. If I can't read, there's clearly something wrong and all I do is lie on the sofa and drift in and out of sleep and cuddle with Tyke, the dearly beloved.
The temazepam has now started to work and I'm calming down a bit. The ants have stopped crawling in my head. It's really a sleep medication, so it will make me feel like taking a nap, but there's nothing wrong with that. Tyke amuses himself with empty plastic cola bottles. He chases them around the living room and crushes them in his jaws. They make a terrible racket and that's what makes them so attractive to him. He thinks he's got a prey and is killing it. He naps in between attacks. He lies beside me on the sofa with his head on my stomach. Very sweet.
Oh, I'm glad I'm relieved of the symptoms of no medication. It was really tough. I still don't feel quite normal, but it's a bit better. The "pams" all work very similar in that they all calm you down to some extent. I think I will go lie down for a little while now and may be get a little bit of sleep until the delivery person gets here.
Have a good day.