One good thing about having quit almost all the tranquilizers is that I no longer sit here in the middle of the night higher than a kite and getting even more so because I'm drinking coffee. Nowadays, I'm pretty down to earth and mostly myself and not under the influence.
At least, hardly any at all. I will stop taking the last tranquilizer tonight (Tuesday) when I go to bed. I will notice that I did for the first couple of days and will be a little bit off course, but I will recuperate soon enough and being off course doesn't have to be all unpleasant (I may be a little exuberant).
It's a relief not to be high because I thought that was intrinsic to me and it's nice to find out that it was because of the tranquilizers. It certainly took me long enough to put two and two together. I always thought I was in a hypo-manic state in the middle of the night.
It's a pleasure to find out that I'm not and that I'm as normal as anybody else. Especially since there's not such a huge difference compared to how I am when I wake up in the morning. I'm not like two different people.
I woke up yesterday morning to the alarm clock and it agreed with me better than sleeping until I was done sleeping. I think I get too discombobulated when I do that and get too much sleep.
Waking up to the alarm clock was better, as it made me alert immediately and I felt I had to get into action right away and plan my moves. I have set the alarm clock for this morning too, even though I can sleep late. I just don't want to.
I have opened all the windows in the apartment at the top to air the place out properly and because there's a strong wind blowing due to the tail end of the hurricane that came off the Atlantic Ocean.
There's a strong enough draft blowing through here now and it smells a lot better in the living room. All that stale smoky air is gone. I'm going to keep the windows open this season as long as I can and hope for regular winds.
It was sunny when I walked the dog yesterday, but because the wind was blowing, it felt quite blustery and I could imagine myself at the seaside. I like this kind of weather. It agrees with me quite well and this is what I like about autumn.
The wind gives you a sense of freedom. It blows all your dark thoughts away and cleanses you from any worries you may have. I also like the way the sunlight is coming in at a lower angle. It seems less harsh and more comforting.
I think I'm an autumn type of person and I always forget that about myself. It surprises me every year. Every year I make the same discovery. I should know this by now. I should know that I like the season of my birthday.
It's time to go back to bed for a while with a glass of ice cold milk.
Have a great day.