Thursday, September 15, 2011

Behold, the truth...

The plug in my kitchen sink wasn't working. When I filled up the sink to do the dishes, it slowly drained until there was hardly any sudsy water left when I was not quite done. This was very frustrating, but I had gotten used to it as I got used to all sorts of frustrating elements in my life. Rather than fix them, I found a way to live with them. 

That's totally the wrong attitude, of course, and probably says a lot about me, but lately, because I've been feeling better able to deal with things, I've been tackling these frustrating elements. 

Determined to find a better way to do the dishes, I got a square, white, plastic basin that just fits in the kitchen sink and do the dishes in it. The sudsy water doesn't run away and it stays hotter. 

The basin is a bit smaller than the sink and holds less dishes all at once, but I've decided that it's going to determine how many dishes I can save up before I do them. If there are enough dishes to fill the basin, I have to wash them and I can't crowd the basin. 

That worked well enough yesterday and the dishes were done in no time and dried and put away too. Suddenly it was not such an overwhelming job. I had a clean kitchen counter in the shortest amount of time. 

It's apparent that when I have the mental energy, I do have the capacity for problem solving.


I met my new therapist this yesterday afternoon in the company of my old therapist. I tried too hard to make a good impression, but didn't realize that until afterwards. I was upset about it for a few hours. 

I acted like I was the best and most desirous patient she could have ever wanted. Like I was so agreeable and reasonable and intelligent that it was her lucky day that she got me as her patient. I hope she saw right through me. 

I'm going to have two more meetings with my old therapist and then I'll have two trial meetings with the new one and we'll see if we get along well enough. She was chosen by my old therapist and my psychiatrist because she's on the same team as they are.

I rode my bike over there, of course, and there was less wind so I was not in danger of being blown sideways into the traffic. There still was a very cloudy sky and it looked like it was going to rain, but fortunately it didn't, although in the north of the country it did. 

Since I'm not married to the Exfactor anymore, I get less anxious in traffic when I ride my bike and I now very routinely negotiate it. I don't even give it much thought while I do.

I used to worry about the traffic a lot and every outing on my bike was a nerve wrecking journey. I don't know what the connection is to it not being so any longer and my divorce, but I realize that I don't sit on my bike and swear under my breath anymore. 

Maybe it has something to do with being independent and singular and learning to trust myself. Our bike rides together were always wrought with anxiety. Doing things alone is so much better for me. 

I've got to go to bed and try to get some sleep. It's fun being up, but I do have to be sensible. It's the adult in me who's telling me that.

Have a good night.



Wisewebwoman said...

I think it is in the management of the small things we realize how well we are doing so well done you!

Maggie May said...

I think when you sort out a problem like the sink..... that it makes you feel so much better. No point in getting het-up over a faulty plug.

I think cycling in traffic seems so dangerous but I noticed when in The Netherlands, that so many people cycle (cyclists were everywhere.) The cars cannot ignore such a volume of cyclists, can they?
It is different over here were there are not anywhere near as many. Much different.
Hoping you have a good day.
Maggie X

Nuts in May