Things go a lot better once you stop artificially pumping up your feelings to a level of elation and joyfulness you try to achieve to get into the bright eyed and bushy tailed mood you think you're supposed to be in. For some reason, It was very important to me to always appear cheerful and happy, like a clown with a big smile permanently plastered on his face, and when I didn't achieve this, I subconsciously altered my feelings to try and get myself into the corresponding mood. When I failed, I became depressed and not a little bit. Everything must be wrong with the world if I could not achieve cheerfulness.
Yesterday I decided to stop doing that. To stop artificially feeling something else than what I was really feeling and I'm going to do that every day. I'm going to take inventory every morning and ask myself how I truly feel and not just blindly that I now, this minute, need to be elated and joyful. That I need to exist on a higher plane, dislocated from the real world.
If I am not quite happy, which in reality a lot of times I am not, then so be it. That's the state I will find myself in that day and that is how I will function, because I will not stop functioning. Being not quite happy will at least be closer to reality and maybe it will give me a chance to improve the things that need to be improved. That I'm not quite happy with. Maybe it will wipe out the extreme short term thinking that I do and make me see things more in a wider, longer term perspective. At least it will place me with both my feet firmly planted on the ground.
So, that's the state of mind I find myself in on this very cool and cloudy Monday morning. It's 15C (59F) and I'm certainly not complaining about the weather. I will wear my denim jacket when I walk the dog, which is really too big on me and I should buy another one, but that's of later concern. Next month maybe.
It rained a little bit last night and it's supposed to rain today, but you know how I feel about the promises of the weather people. I'll believe it when I see it. The weather is very fickle and you can't depend on the forecast.
Tyke tells me it is time to go for a walk, so I'll pay attention to him and go. He is right, it is time.
Have a good day, people.