Wednesday, January 28, 2009
I was up during the night until 4 AM, couldn't sleep and spent my time reading old entries to my blog, which was very educational and eye opening, because I had forgotten a lot of that stuff. All those moods and up and down movements and little dramas and scary moments. It's good to look back on it all and remember how it has been and I didn't even go back that far.
Finally at 4 o'clock I was tired enough to go to sleep and then, of course, I overslept and was late for my ergo therapy class, but I wanted to take my time waking up with two cups of coffee and do my morning routine in the same regular way I always do, so I wasn't rushing and running around with my head cut off.
Ergo therapy went fine. We have another new person in the group, like we did last week, and these are people who stand at the beginning of the process, so they need lots of support and encouragement, which I am always happy to supply, because I am just like Polly Anna and such a good and positive girl. Gag me with a spoon here. Miss goody two shoes optimistic with her head stuck in the sand. Get the beam out of your own eye first, lady.
Anyway, I try to be a beam of sunshine in an otherwise somewhat morose conversation at times and I am always convinced that my positivism will reap its rewards. Surely I get sick to death of myself sometimes and so must the other people. I have to remember to have my own complaints ready the next time and discuss my own difficulties and not gloss over them so easily. I must bitch more often.
After the therapy, it was off to home where there awaited me a very happy Überhund whom I walked straight away and he was very appreciative of that. He peed on all the frozen bushes and on all the frozen tufts of grass, because it was quite cold during the night and in the morning too. Then I had my mug of coffee and took some time to contemplate my navel and discovered that it was still at the center of my universe. That does give me some satisfaction.
Then I made a trip by bike to the drugstore to buy the Überhund some delicious food for 5 days and then it was off to the pharmacy again for another drug round. They see me coming there and stand at the ready with the bag of pills. I am a good customer and the pharmacist probably goes to the Bahamas every vacation from the profits he makes on my drugs.
The tranquilizers and sleeping pills are now not covered by the insurance companies anymore, unless your psychiatrist adds a special code indicating a necessary need for the pills in your regime of medicines, which mine has done, thank goodness. I would hate to have to start paying for them myself. This new policy is an effort to get people off the addiction to the pills, as it is felt that they should do without, but some people need them long term. I am one of them. I can reduce them slowly and do without, but I don't function nearly as well and sleep badly and feel a lot of stress. I have quit them more than once in the past, but always go back to them in the end.
I have my new weekly schedule at home now and will start living according to it starting tomorrow. It is full of good guidelines that I will try not to deviate from too much, but there is also built in a lot of free space to do with as I want. I have to plan some activities to fill up my spare time and not just sit behind the computer or in front of the TV. I am looking forward to some better weather, so the Überhund and I can go for longer walks. That's one thing, but there needs to be more.
I am trying to arrange get togethers with a woman from one of my groups, but our schedules are very different, so it's been tough. The will is there anyway and we both have dogs, but she lives at the other side of town. I can't just walk over there.
I have to get my much neglected camera out and take pictures, but I've been saying that for some time and I'm not doing it. I feel like I am wasting a whole side of my potential by not being engaged enough. It just reminds me that there is so much room for improvement.
Well, balderdash! This is not supposed to be a post to get down on myself. Contemplation is one thing, breaking down criticism is a whole other thing. I will stop that right now.
That's all I wrote. I have to do some Internet banking and eat something. I can't live on lunch meat alone, even though it is very tasty.
Have a good rest of the day, you all. Keep smiling, especially if it puts dimples in your cheeks.