Thursday, January 22, 2009

Thursday morning.

It's my day off and I can be as slow this morning as the Überhund allows me to be and so far he is allowing me to just sit here and drink my coffee and read blogs and comments. I have bribed him with a bone and he still needs to eat his breakfast, after which he always takes a little nap, so I have some time yet.

Because of my forced withdrawal from the Internet during those nearly three weeks, I have noticed that it is less important to sit behind the computer every free hour. I spend some time behind it in the morning, but then shut if off for the rest of the day until some time in the evening and then I spend a short amount of time catching up on some blogs, but I don't read nearly as many as I used to and don't comment as often as I did either. As a matter of fact, I noticed that I had, after a while, a lot of peace and quiet without the computer and I do notice that when I am on it too long, I get stressed and I need to turn it off. So those three weeks of doing without were good for something. I think I was becoming addicted and now I am not. A good lesson was learned.

Ergo therapy went fine. As usual, we took our turns talking about what is happening in our lives and it is good to listen to the other people and to hear how they deal with the intricacies of their daily lives. Some people make huge strides and some people struggle with the same issues over and over again. We all give input and try to make the other person see sense when we see them being stuck in the wrong place.

You wouldn't believe how hard some people are on themselves because they suffer from a mental disability that prevents them from functioning the way they think they ought to. People have very high and unrealistic expectations of themselves and are very hard on themselves and forget to be kind and compassionate for their own somewhat disabled selves, while they would be for another person in the same situation.

I am very lucky in that I am very forgiving and accepting of myself and I don't generally browbeat myself for finding myself in the situation I am in. I try to care for and about myself and to always calculate in that there are things that I don't do well and that there are circumstances under which I don't perform well.

My appointment with my case manager at Social Services went well. Basically, he wanted to know what I was doing in my life now and when I had told him everything, he was satisfied and had no other expectations of me other than that I finish my rounds of therapy and to let him know when that is. After that he wants to look at the possibility for me to do volunteer work as a way for me to get back into society and give my piece of input to it. I am not expected to work. He thinks that my fear of failure and my level of stress will be much lower in a volunteer job. I thought this was extremely kind and understanding and I felt much comforted by it.

It's nice when people are realistic about you and don't expect you to do things you can't live up to and at which you are bound to fail. I always give the impression that I am a very competent person and that is my big trap, because very often I am not and I fail miserably at something I seem to be more than capable of. I don't beat myself over the head for that, but I don't want to keep repeating it either, because it is mentally very upsetting and energy draining.

Anyway, when I say that today is my day off, I don't mean that I am not going to do anything. Household chores must be done, whether or not I like it. There are numerous jobs I could be doing, besides the obvious ones, but I think that for now I will stick to the obvious ones and wait for spring madness to do the other numerous ones. How about, going along the baseboards with a little brush and soap and water and getting all the dust and dirt off? Does that sound like fun?

I think I must have stubbed and broken my little toe some time ago, because it is constantly in pain, even when I wear my slippers, let alone when I wear any of my boots. Last week, my nail fell off, but I don't think there is anything that can be done for a broken little toe. I have gotten so used to the pain that I was ignoring it, but these last few days I have started to pay attention to it and wondering what is wrong with it. I am a great ignorer of physical discomfort, whereas I am very sensitive to mental anguish.

The Überhund has had his breakfast and has piddled out back and is now laying on his blanket under the coffee table. He is sleeping, but every time I move, he wakes up. He is such a good dog and so patient.

The cats have had two dishes of milk and they love it best straight out of the refrigerator. I guess that quenches their thirst the best. The other day Gandhi had managed to open the refrigerator and they had eaten all the lunch meat that I use to wrap the Überhund's pills in. She is the only cat that manages to open the refrigerator. I think she is the smartest cat I have, because she understands the commands that I give to the Überhund. She may even have been a dog in a former life.

Well, that's about it for today. It is time to get the show on the road, so you all have a great day and I hope the weather treats you kindly, although we have a low pressure system moving in with lots of rain. Yuck.



Bev said...

You are so right. Don't set your expectations too high.

I am similarly going to try volunteer work, and am socialising among retired people at my classes in the main. A quite sheltered way of socialising, but one in which you are unlikely to come to much harm, as one could be in a work environment, among bitchy women say.

All the best to you in your endeavours to find volunteer work.

Maggie May said...

I am so glad that you are happy in your skin, Irene. That helps considerably & is probably why you have such a cheerful disposition!

Enjoy your day off! Tomorrow is my day off! X

Lane said...

Thoughtful post Irene and I'm glad your case manager is understanding. It's true we are often so much easier on other people than we are on ourselves.

And Ghandi is one clever cat:-)

CC said...

I hope your little toe is better soon, and I am also glad you are well adjusted enough to not be so hard on yourself. Life is too short to worry about the little thing, (no pun on your toe meant). Enjoy your day off.

John said...

Goot, goot for you.

I like the art you are adding as post headers - they glow with beauty and life and are very sincere.

hon.esty mat.ters

My best.

OK, someone needs to bring me another beer and the TV remote.

Wait, I am on a train heading for Manhattan.

Babaloo said...

Your case manager seems to be an OK guy. I'm glad the meeting went well.

Oh, and OUCH on the toe!

And Gandhi is such a clever cat! You'll need to buy a lock for the fridge!!!

Tessa said...

Poor little toe - being ignored like that! But you're right, it will get better on it's own.

Amazed that your cat can open the fridge. My cat is so lazy he can hardly open his eyes, let alone a fridge!

Elaine said...

I broke my little toe once - I got it stuck underneath a door. You're right, they couldn't do anything for me.

Voluntary work is great! I hope, when it comes about, that you can find something you love.

You have a VERY clever cat :)

Wisewebwoman said...

My day off too Irene, I so welcome them, I don't leave my PJs and just do laundry, blogging, reading, bread making, dog playing.
and oh, your little Gandhi, well named, a very clever girl!
Take care of that toe, sweetheart.

Maureen said...

Ha! A refridgerator opening cat??? That is too funny; the other cats (and dog) must LOVE that!

Good to hear your new case worker is realistic and not pushing you into something you are not comfortable with.