Exhausted!!!

I'm so tired as I'm sitting here in the middle of the night. I got up early this morning and have had a long day and I haven't slept yet. It was late when I got home tonight and I needed some time to unwind before I could go to sleep, but I really think I'm properly unwound now and just about ready to go to bed. 

I'm punch drunk with sleep and feeling kind of pleasant as a result and I'm taking advantage of this alternative mood to try and write a post to see what I'll come up with. It's like being on drugs and trying to act normal. I think I may be able to get away with it but I'm not sure. I don't know if I'll make sense. I'm having a cup of coffee to get me a little bit back to more normal. 

After I had found a good outfit to wear this morning and had taken care of the fog and the cat, I rode my bike to my sister's house to see my daughter and her father. They were in the process of getting showered and dressed, but my daughter and sister and I did take the opportunity to look through the large collection of cosmetics that my sister's friend had brought back from the company in Milan. There were lipsticks and mascaras and eyeliners and eyeshadows and blushers and foundations.

We took our time looking through everything and picked out the best colors that matched us and were much content. We all felt like we had been kids turned out in the toyshop where we had got to pick the best toys for free. It is nice to have good connections. 

After everybody had had their expressos and cappuccinos, my daughter and her father and I rode bikes into town to do Christams shopping and taste the general festive atmosphere. It was busy, but not overly crowded and we were successful in our mission and found what we were looking for. We had lunch on a restaurant terrace that was heated and where each chair also had a blanket for warmth. My daughter and her father had typical Dutch specialties that they had been looking forward to eating. 

On the way back, we stopped by my apartment to let out the dog and for me to take my medications. The dog was very happy to see us and to go out back and do a piddle. The cat was also very curious about the company and hung around to see what was happening. I hated to leave them behind again, but at least I knew they were alright and that they were taken care of. 

When we got to my sister's house, presents had to be wrapped. I had already put my presents under the Christmas tree and the collection kept growing making it look quite exciting. I did notice that a lot of the presents had my name on it and I grew very curious. 

Earlier in the day, my sister has given me a very nice handbag because I had mentioned to her that I was going to buy a new one for myself that day. That was to prevent me from getting one. It's a knock off of a designer bag and it looks great and has lots of room in it for everything I carry with me. I felt proud as a peacock for carrying it. I am that kind of woman. But it's not a copy of your regular designer bag. I wouldn't be caught dead with one of those.

My sister prepared all sorts of foods that we slowly started eating over the course of the evening. Even I had some of it. She made too much and everybody was stuffed.

We took our time opening the presents one by one and I have to say that I made out like a bandit. I got very spoiled and got very nice things. I was almost embarrassed by how thoughtful people had been. But everybody was happy with their presents and we all did well. There were no sad faces. The process did last so long that we were all exhausted at the end of it. 

I had some trouble taking all my loot home on my bike but managed it in the end by careful arranging. I did make it home in one piece. 

I've gotten a bit of a second wind now from that cup of coffee and will stay up a while longer. I'll sleep late in the morning. I told everyone not to expect me too early. You don't have to sit on top of each other all the time. Some time alone is good too. 

Merry Christmas everyone. I hope you get as spoiled as I did. 

Ciao,

Nora

Gently making it through the night...

I'm too excited to sleep, of course, because today is the day that my daughter and her father arrive. That is a big occasion and one I have been looking forward to. I've spent the last few days doing chores and wrapping the last presents for Christmas and generally preparing myself mentally for the big day. 

This morning I have to get myself in spiffy condition and make sure I look my best because first impressions count and I want to make a good first impression. I've picked out my outfit and have to redo my nails and make sure my hair looks good. Then I've got to face the day with a cheerful face that's well made up. Not too much make up so as to not look artificial. 

My daughter posted photos of herself and her father on the airplane on Facebook. Her father had upgraded their flight to first class so they're traveling in style and comfort. As far as I'm concerned, that's the only way to travel intercontinental. It's ever so much better than being crammed like a sardine into economy class on such a long flight. I always like it when exonomy class is overbooked and I get upgraded to business class. I think that's a real luxury. 

In the meantime, I'm sitting here drinking a glass of cold milk and I've just taken my morning dose of medicines. I'm really taking my time writing this because my thoughts keep drifting off to other subjects. I'm doing an awful lot of daydreaming. It's amazing how one thought will trigger a whole series of memories to come to the surface. Before I know it, I'm all caught up in them. That's a bad habit. I mustn't live in the past. 

I think I will go take a shower and slowly get the show on the road. There's lots of time to do all the things I want to do. I may even get some sleep later on. The sun's not up yet so the day hasn't officially started yet.

Have a great day.

Ciao,

Nora

Getting my two cents worth in...

I feel a great sense of liberation and I don't know eaxactly why that is. I've had the feeling since yesterday evening when I had a sense of lightness fall over me and suddenly everything became very uncomplicated. It's just a shift of mood inside myself and doesn't have much to do with reality because nothing has shifted there. There's not suddenly been a change in my circumstances and nothing has been altered. It's my own attitude that's changed. 

I do welcome this and will not complain about it. I'd be a fool to. I very much enjoy this lighthearted, uncomplicated feeling. My heart really does feel light and fluttery. As if there are butterflies caught in it. And there is freedom in my mind. I'm not bogged down by negative thoughts and dark notions. The sun may not be shining outside, but it's bright inside my head, even now in the darkness of the night. I must have done something especially right and the planets must be ligned up correctly.. I can't explain it any other way. 

It may have something to do with the size 10 skinny jeans that I ordered and that arrived yesterday and that fit me perfectly. My other skinny jeans had gotten too big on me and were sliding down my hips and were too big around my butt. I took the chance and assumed that size 10 would be the size that would fit me next and I was right. They fit like a glove and I'm much pleased. 

On top of that, my sister had a cardigan that she bought that was just a bit too big on her, but that fit me well and that matches my jeans really well also, so I've got a totally new outfit. I like nothing better than new clothes, especially unexpected ones, so I was a happy camper. The cardigan is dark blue which is a color I don't often buy, but which matches me well and makes my blue eyes look bluer. What more could I want?

I redid my nails after three of them had gotten chipped again and I figured they were so vulnerable because I applied two layers. So when I reapplied the nail polish, I only put on one layer and assume it will stay on better. It will be easier to fix anyway if they do get chipped. It doesn't nearly take as much work to apply and dries quickly. 

I also think my nails are getting stronger and that may be because of the calcium tablets I've been taking every day. It would be wonderful if they worked and kept my nials from splitting. I do have to get a decent nail file as that is something I don't have in my possession. That shows you my shortcomings in the femininity department. I never before saw the sense of one because I always cut my nails short. Now, of course, I want longer nails to show off the polish.

Silver hairs are starting to show up all over my head and sparkle at me when I stand in the bathroom in front of the mirror. They twinkle at me like bright little stars. I don't mind one bit because it makes my blond hair look lighter. I'm not vain enough to want to cover them up with hair color. Maybe if I were a brunette I would care more. I'm sure it's more of a shock to your system then. I do apply make up to my very light eyebrows and eyelashes. That gives my face just a little more expression. 

Lest you think I'm totally self centered, I have to tell you that I possibly am. I think the world does revolve around me. At least on this blog I do. It's not like that in real life, of course. I do play second fiddle on most occasions. I'm not anybody of real importance and really don't count in the larger scheme of things. That's why it's so nice to be the center of attention here. I can't tell you all the times when I'm not. 

Today is going to be a very relaxed day. Outside it's going to storm and be a wet and cold day. I'm not planning on going anywhere except to walk the dog. I'll be inside most of the day where it will be warm. 

And now I'm going back to bed to finish sleeping, hopefully until late in the morning. 

Have a nice day you all. 

Ciao,

Nora

Sleep may be overrated.

I ought to be going back to bed now, but I'll attempt to write a post. I'll see if I have it in me. I've stopped drinking coffee some time ago, so I may not be alert enough for it. I may not quite have the thinking capacities to pull it off. I'll start on this post and see where it leads me. I may have to delete it somewhere down the line, but you will not be any wiser for it. 

I've sat here for quite a long time already. The nighttime hours have been slowly ticking away and it is almost morning. Well, optimistically speaking it is. If it were summertime, it would be getting light soon. Unfortunately it is not, so I can let that whole idea fly out the window. It is almost time to take my medicines and I'm drinking my second glass of ice cold milk. It isn't making me burp too bad for a change. Miracles never cease. 

When I get up again in the morning, I'm very leisurely going to drink a cup of coffee before I walk the dog. He can do his first piddle out back. Then all I have to do is hang up a load of clean laundry and that is a fun chore. But first I plan to sleep late or as long as the dog will let me. He usually isn´t too impatient in the morning and knows I need a little bit of time. We´ve become adjusted to each other´s schedules. 

It´s with some amount of satisfaction that I look forward to the day because it will be very laid back. I will see my sister this afternoon, but for the most part my time will be filled with leisurely activities. Getiing dressed well and applying my make up properly will be some of them. I´m really going to take my time getting them right. I will spend some quality time with myself. I will also annoint my skin with delicious smelling cremes. 

Which reminds me that I´m in dire need of a good perfume. I haven´t had one for a long time and in the recent past have had to do with some inferior ones. I hope the Glossy Box brings a solution in the form of samples. That´s what I´m really looking forward to. Well, amongst other things.

I´ve got to go to bed. I´m also in dire need of sleep. I´ve got to get the rest of it before the day really starts. I´m yawning already. 

Have a good day.

Ciao,

Nora

Back in business...

I had to do without my computer for more than twenty four hours while Ubuntu was removed from it and Windows XP was reinstalled. This was an operation I could not do myself, believe me, I tried. Having to do without my computer for that amount of time didn't cause me too many withdrawal symptoms, because instead of getting up in the middle of the night to blog, I slept instead. This was a novel experience and caused me to have many weird dreams which I don't necessarily want to have again. I like my broken up nights better.

Tonight I woke up just as I was trying to make Beef Wellington from a book by a famous author whose recipe was not clear. You know I would have run into all sorts of frustrations if I had tried. It would have been a tough dream getting all the ingredients right, so I was glad that I woke up. I had enough sense to make coffee and have a cup and now I'm completely coherent and happy for the experience. I like this so much better than sleeping through the night. I really do my best thinking in the middle of the night. I still don't know why that is, but I'll just accept it as a given. 

Remember how I told you that I had started to wear make  up again? Well, I'm getting positive feedback on that so I'm on the right track. People also compliment me on my hair, though all I've done is comb it differently.  You see how little changes can make such a big difference. I'm glad for the positive feedback because it makes me want to try extra hard to make the effort. I know it's worth it to spend the extra fifteen minutes or so in front of the mirror in the morning. Well, it's actually not that long, but just by way of speaking. I do take my time applying my make up and taking care of my skin. Not necessarily in that order. 

I'm also paying extra attention to my clothes and trying to put together different outfits that I haven't worn before. That's a bit of a challenge but a lot of fun. I take immense pleasure in looking inside my closet and coming up with new combinations. I want for them to be flattering as well as warm enough and I usually succeed. I do have a few stand by's that are favorite pieces of clothing that I can always count on. They are basic parts of my wardrobe. 

I've been wearing necklaces to decorate myself with because the earrings have not been a big success. They do irritate my ears and I'm going to have to get some gold studs that I can always wear without the danger of getting an allergic reaction. There must be some nickel after all in the earrings that I do have. I saw some silver ones that I liked and that were affordable, but they are no option. They've got to be gold. Maybe those will be a treat to myself at Christmas. A woman's got to be good to herself, after all. I'll have to see what I can do. 

It's Friday again and the week has gone by very quickly, but then it usually does when I have a few appointments like I did this week. It doesn't take much to keep me busy. Just a few out of the ordinary things will do. If I have at least one event a day, I'm happy. Seeing my therapist this week was very good because she reaffirms my believe in myself and makes me feel very normal. You can't ask for more than that. The same goes for my personal helper, though she has a tendency to want to nurture me too much. I do have to prevent that from happening.

The dog's fur is growing in again and he is starting to look more like himself and more like the stuffed animal that he always used to looks like. It's very cute and makes you want to cuddle him all the time. It's much better than that scanty trimmed look that he had. Even the cat seems to like him better this way and constantly goes up to him to rub heads with him and press her body against him. He very generously lets her. 

It's time for me to go back to bed and get the rest of my sleep. I hate to go and could sit here for a while longer, but I do have to be sensible. Sometimes I have to be anyway. If only for limited periods of time. Tomorrow morning the Exfactor will no doubt wakep me up bright and early when he comes to do the groceries. 

Ciao,

Nora

Can't make up my mind...

I was already in bed but found it impossible to go to sleep. I got up again and now I'm drinking coffee because I didn't know what else to do. It's such a ritual that I automatically made a pot. I normally sleep first though, but I don't mind, every new experience is one to be savored.

It's not quite coherently that I sit here. I'm under the influence of my sleeping pill and I'm waiting for the effect of it to wear off. I don't quite like the way it's making me feel. I'm hoping the coffee will do the trick, but it's making me burp something awful. The sound effects are out of this world.

Sooner or later I'll end up going to bed. I will get tired enough in the end and get the sleep I need. I've already set the alarm clock for 7 am. That's when I'm planning on being up again. I have some things to do and the day is going to start early. I'm getting up an hour earlier so I can drink my coffee contemplatively. 

I lightly decorated myself with make up today and was pleased with the effect. I didn't overdo it, so it was not too much of a shock to my system after having had a bare face all this time. The most fun was trying out the lipsticks to see which one would last the longest. I kept having to reapply them after having had something to drink.

Luckily, I still had a face wash to remove the make up with when I got ready to go to bed. I used that with a warm wet washcloth. I applied a night creme afterwards and now have a soft skin. I'm actually starting to care again and making a fuss over myself. They're good deeds I do for myself. My skin deserves it. Wearing make up makes me pay more attention to my face and its care.

It's good to be a woman and indulge in taking care of yourself and paying attention to the little things. They are all small ways to pamper yourself and give yourself the tokens of affection that you need. They are things that nobody else is going to do for you. They're little rituals that you perform for yourself and can be very nurturing and restful. If you end up looking especially nice, then that's a bonus. It's icing on the cake. 

I'm already making my resolution for the next year and that is that I'm going to take good care of my appearance and I don't mean my clothes because those are alright. My whole self image is going to change and improve and that includes my hair and the perfume I will wear. I'm going to give myself an overhaul and it will be a long term project. I will give myself a whole year to achieve it. I do have the patience for that.

I will go to bed now. I do need to get some sleep before it's morning. I have sat here and dawdled quite a bit and I've gotten sidetracked a few times. I have to take good care of myself because if I don't, who else will? 

Ciao,

Nora

Being less greedy...

I've found out tonight that drinking coffee from a small cup is really a good idea. I had to grab the smaller cup because all the bigger mugs are dirty and I haven't washed the dishes yet. I'm being lazy and wasn't planning on doing them until today. 

So I had to grab the small cup and drink my coffee from it and come to find out, it really is better because now I finish my coffee before it gets a chance to get cold, so obviously, this is exactly the amount of coffee I should be drinking all at once. 

I had gotten greedy and started thinking like an American in that bigger must be better, so more must be also, not realizing that I was half the time drinking cold coffee or tossing out the bottom third. 

Besides, big mugs have really become the rigmarole over here and it's hard to find a little one. I think you have to make a special effort to. 

I think I will now make it a point not to ask other people to buy me coffee mugs as a present, but to always be on the look out for cups that are on the small size myself.

That is on the rare occasions that I enter a store which sells household goods, which is rarely. I really have to go out of my way to do that. I lack an enormous amount of curiosity and money to go do that. 

I know that if I enter one, there will be all sorts of things that I'll want to buy. The displays will be enticing and my natural woman's instinct to want to spend money will immediately jump to the surface.

Since I'm the keeper of the finances, and solely responsible for them, I know which money can be spend and it can't go to frivolous things. There can be no self indulgence. 

Besides, I'm trying to make my life less cluttered and for each item that would enter it, something else would have to go. I also don't want any knick knacks. They would just clutter the place up and be more things to dust and keep in place. 

As it is now, I have to remove obsolete make up from the bathroom shelf because I'm probably never going to use it. I put it there in the hope that I would feel so feminine one day that I would, but it's a lost cause. 

I'm not going to use blusher or nail polish or lipstick, no matter which color it is in, so they can all go in my make up bag, which in itself is really obsolete. I never use any of the make up and the mascara will dry up one of these days and I'll end up having to toss it out.

It will be a fine day when I've taken several trash bags and have gone through the apartment and have gotten rid of things that I no longer have a need for. That will be a very liberating thing to do. One of these days the mood will strike me. 

Have a great Sunday!

Ciao,

Nora

An indefinite time...

It seems that exercise is the best thing for a backache. I have been taking Tyke for longer walks today and as a result my back is hurting less and I have not taken any pain medication. Walking, not any huge distances, seems to loosen up my muscles and realign my upper body.

On the other hand, sitting behind the computer freezes me up and causes me to have pain after a while. So I have to limit my time behind it, but I definitely feel better today than I did yesterday. That certainly makes me feel good. And not taking the pain medication does too.

It's nice when a problem is solved so simply and quite by accident. I just kept walking this morning because it felt good and it was nice and cool outside. I had no reason to take a short cut and go home. Tyke enjoyed himself and I was fine.

The day has gone by amazingly fast, although I did take a nap on the sofa. That was necessary for my good mood. I felt my good humor slipping just a little bit and knew it was due to a shortage of sleep. When I woke up, everything was in fine working condition again.

The nicest thing is that I never have to worry about what my hair looks like after a nap. It's always in place and indestructible. All I really ever have to do is rub a hand over it to get the wee hairs on the side into the right direction. It's the easiest hairdo I've ever had. I don't know if it's the most flattering haircut I've ever had, I'm sure there are more feminine, but I'm beyond those things, just like I'm beyond make up. I wore some make up the other day, just to see what it was like, but I wiped it off in a very short amount of time. I felt like a Jezebel and hardly recognized myself. I'm so used to my face without it now.

I ran a bottle of vinegar through the Senseo machine. It was in bad need of it and I had neglected to do it on time. I don't know why. I had the vinegar in the kitchen cupboard and all I had to do was apply it. It's not as if it is the hardest job in the world. I seem to have a hard time doing things that are basically very uncomplicated. In my mind I remember them as being very bothersome, when in reality they are not at all.

I have a kick start problem. I need a good kick in the rear end sometimes. There's no one here to give me one.

I've started a new Inspector Linley thriller called "Careless in Red." I just started reading it, so I can't say much about it yet, but it's a hardbound book and it's hard to read in bed. I have to lay it down beside my pillow and lean my head on one hand to read it. That's how I fall asleep and I have a very sore wrist when I wake up in that position later in the night. With my sleepy head, I'm only aware of great discomfort and I try to get out of it as soon as I can, but seem unable to. I can't move my arm and my head and am stuck in that position and all I can think is what pain I'm in and why am I and why can't I do anything about it? It takes a while for the reality of the situation to sink in and for me to figure out which movements I have to make to get out of it.

I wore my watch for one day only, but that was long enough to give me an allergic reaction to the metal band. I don't know what it is made of, but there must be some metal in it that I don't tolerate. I have a rash around my left wrist that itches something awful. I have to try and not scratch it, but it's hard not to. It feels so good when it itches. Actually, I'd rather not wear a watch. It does feel confining and I only roughly need to know what time it is. I'll depend on the goodness of other people who wear one when I'm out and about.

I've got to stop sitting here now. I have to hang up the next load of laundry, because the first load is dry. One of these days I'll get it all done.

Have a good evening.

Ciao,
Nora

Down the road...

Tyke and I went to the vet this afternoon to have him look at Tyke´s inflamed tear gland one more time. We had said that I would try the ointments for 5 days to try and get the swelling and inflammation down and then come back. The ointments hadn't worked and his eye looked just as bad, so today I made an appointment to have the tear gland removed. It will be done Monday afternoon and Tyke can't eat anything all day, so I have to make sure nothing edible lies around. I think that would include any old chewed up rawhide sticks, because he does have a tendency to swallow the soft pieces. I will be glad to get it done, because his poor eye looks terribly vulnerable now with that swollen tear gland sticking out. I´m afraid a cat will stick his or her claws in it. Tyke likes going to the vet, because nothing unpleasant has ever happened to him there yet and he gets treats. I wonder how he will feel after Monday.

We also mailed the card to my uncle and went home in a round about way, which Tyke liked because it took us on a path that we had not gone on before. Needless to say, he was quite excited and peed on every tree and bush. The hard part is keeping him away from semi-edible things that people have dropped in the gutter. He finds those so quickly and I have to be one step ahead of him. He still lets me take things out of his mouth, but I don´t know how long that is going to last. He´s so cute, though, when he runs ahead of me as far as the roll out leash allows. His little legs go so quick and he´s like a little kid gone wild.

I took a nap later in the afternoon and Tyke slept by my side. He didn´t seem to be interested to get into any sort of trouble, though I had just swept up all the little bits and pieces of various bits of carton that he had destroyed. I sometimes let him go ahead and make a big mess to get it out of his system. So, I had a nice nap and woke up quite refreshed. I made myself a cup of coffee and cuddled with Tyke, who will react to you very lovable if you say certain things to him in a certain tone of voice. You get many kisses then and he is all over you. So, every once in a while I do that to get my share of loving in.

I´ve solved the problem of what to wear by just putting on leggings and a pair of jeans and a sweater and by wearing my hiking boots. It´s very uncomplicated and I have many leggings that I can change whenever the need arises. The same with the sweaters. This way I don´t have to think about what to wear and what goes together and if I look good enough and fashionable. I really don´t give a hoot. The jeans are comfortable and so are the sweaters and I don´t have to worry about getting dirty. I wear a scarf and my leather jacket over everything when I go out and my outfit is complete and easily put together. A pair of gloves when it is freezing and I´m done. I´m still not wearing make up and I´m not planning on it in the near future. Maybe some day I will again, but I´m not in the mood for it now. It´s too fussy.

I´m very happy that it´s the weekend. In spite of everything, I do enjoy those days off as though they are a little mini break from my responsibilities, few as they really are. During the week I always feel a lot of pressure to do everything right and on the weekends I feel that I can relax and be a bit more at ease about things, because they are not official work days. The week days loom like large dark clouds on the horizon every morning and I wonder what the day will bring and what surprises it will have in store for me. I feel that I have to be on guard and I can drop that guard on the weekends and just enjoy myself. I´m sure it is that way for everybody and you all feel that relief and, after all, that´s what weekends are for. I remember when I had to go to school on Saturday mornings and my father had to go to work. We weren´t quite as enlightened then.

I´m waiting for the pharmacy delivery person to drop off some medication before I can take Tyke for a walk. I noticed just on time that I was almost out of antidepressants. I thought I had two more boxes, but that turned out not to be the case and I would have run out this weekend and that would have been really rough. You get hallucinations if you suddenly stop those. Talk about powerful medicine.

It was supposed to have started raining, but so far it is dry and it doesn´t look like rain yet. More often than not, the weather forecasters get it wrong for our little area of the country. We seem to have our own unique climate that doesn´t match the rest of the country and that is hard to predict. The forecast on the browser is constantly changing, from rain to sun to partly cloudy to sun again. It´s unpredictable. It says that it´s supposed to rain all day tomorrow, but by tomorrow it may say partly cloudy or occasional showers. You basically have to look out the window and see for yourself what kind of weather it is and what the sky looks like.

I´ve eaten dinner early and am more than full. I was completely off schedule today. Sometimes that happens and I eat when I get hungry and not when the clock dictates it. I usually eat two meals a day and that is more than enough. That makes me feel very full. Tyke eats twice a day too and I´ve found out now that if I just let him be and give him the time, he really does eat all of his food in his bowl. He just does it in stages in between all his puppy things. So I don´t worry about it anymore. He makes sure the cats don´t eat his food, that´s important. I don´t want the cats getting fat on his food. This puppy chow seems to have a special appeal to them.

The chairperson of the Socialist Party gave up her position because her party did so badly in the nationwide city council elections. Frankly, although this is not my party anymore, I think she is right to go, because I thought she was wrong for the job. She was too bitchy and not at all charismatic, which you do have to be in order to lead a political party. We have elections coming up on June the 9th and it was feared that the Socialist party would lose a lot of voters with her as leader of the party. They are hard at work to find a worthy replacement for her now and I´m looking forward to see the result of their search. Politics, man, it is exciting. The party I´m voting for has a very charismatic, feminist, ecological and equal rights warrior as leader and I like her very well. She is smart! I want to be just like her when I grow up.

Well, I´ll hang up now. It´s been a long story. Have a good evening and enjoy your Friday night.

Ciao,
Nora

Back to the old template.

As you can see, I've gone back to the toad. I decided in the end that it was really me after all. I also like the layout and the colors and how easy it is to read the text. But I tell you, I feel an affinity for that toad. I really feel like that´s a bit me sitting there on that rock with those wise bulging eyes and that little fat body. I connect with that toad.

I've just come back from walking Tyke in the not so cold morning and I've fed him his lunch. I have to sit very close to him when he eats, otherwise he will not finish eating. As it is, he takes a couple of bites and comes and sits with me until I tell him to go eat again. Or until a cat dares to come close to his bowl. He beat up Toby the other day for daring to eat from his bowl. I don´t think Toby will ever try it again.

Right now Tyke and Gandhi are running through the apartment like Tasmanian Devils and I fear for everything that is standing upright. And just as quickly, Tyke is sound asleep on the floor beside me. Go figure! I think it is because Gandhi is now sitting on the dining table grooming herself. The animals are as unpredictable as the weather.

In spite of the fact that I slept well last night, I took a nap on the sofa this morning. I slept for 2 hours and it was very nice. I'll not worry about it today, since it's Sunday and a day of rest, but, of course, I'm not supposed to be asleep during the day, especially not in the morning when I've just gotten up. I don't want to spend what are supposed to be my waking hours asleep on the sofa. There are other things that I can do with my time.

I do have to say, though, that Tyke is great when I'm asleep. It seems that all he does is sleep also. I never wake up from any racket that he and Gandhi are making and he never gets into things he's not supposed to when I'm taking a nap. I'm now going to knock on wood really hard three times lest I call bad luck out over myself.

The wind just picked up hard outside and I think it is going to rain. Showers are predicted. It promises to be a cosy afternoon here. I'll have to turn on some lights, because it's dark in here. Still, it's 11C (52F), so it's not cold. I can say for certain that there's no chance of snow. Lord, I am so grateful for that. If I never see another snowflake I'll be so happy. Do you think it's time that I immigrate to another climate? At least it's already staying lighter later in the evening. That's something. I really do appreciate that. I love it when the sun starts going down late and the day lasts longer. It makes me feel like I have more time to do things.

Today is the last day of February. Good riddance to it. Not that March is not an unpredictable month, but it does bring us close to springtime. You do get your reward if you're patient enough. Someone wrote about the darling buds of May, but here we can speak of the darling buds of March. He must have lived in a different geographical area. I'm talking about the buds on shrubbery and trees. I can't wait to see that green haze on those bare branches or am I running ahead of myself? I do remember this correctly, don't I? It's a mystery and a surprise every year over again.

I think have to find a new home for Gandhi. Tyke won't leave her alone. He misinterprets everything she does as playful behavior and he is constantly chasing her around the apartment and bothering her. He doesn't give her one moment of rest, like a typical puppy, and follows her wherever she goes. He nips at her and shoves her around and paws at her and he thinks that whatever she does in return is playful feedback. Gandhi is going nuts and I have to correct Tyke all day long. That lasts as long as it does and then I have to start all over again. It's maddening. I called the Exfactor and asked him if he wants her and he is going to think about it and also ask among his friends if anyone wants her. In the meantime I'll have to sit on Tyke. I guess I didn't knock on wood hard enough.

Gandhi has scratched Tyke in the eye and damaged his lower eyelid. It's swollen and red and it looks terrible. I'm putting an antibiotic cream on it, but I'll have to take him to the vet tomorrow just to make sure that his tear gland isn't damaged. Oh, it's always something.

I want to end this on a happy note, so let's see what I can write about. It has started to rain, but that is not really something to be happy about, although it is cosy when you're nice and dry inside. You must see the glass half full. I'm wearing a sweater that I had quite forgotten about and found another one that I had forgotten about too. It now is in the laundry, which I will do as soon as I'm done here.

The sweaters were laying on the top shelf of my closet where I don't have a look very often. It's a neglected area. Actually, my whole closet is kind of neglected and I'm wearing the same clothes over and over again. I put them in the laundry and when they're dry I put them on. I have no imagination when it comes to dressing up at the moment and I haven't worn any make up in a long time. I'm about the dullest woman in the street and it hardly bothers me.

Gandhi is now peacefully sleeping on the sofa and Tyke is lying beside me chewing on a rawhide bone. Temporary peace!

Have a good rest of the day. It is Sunday, so I hope you do only nice things for yourself.

Ciao,
Nora

Late in the evening.

Isn't that always the best time to write? When you maybe ought to go to bed, but you're sitting so very cozily behind the computer with just a few lights burning and the dog snoring gently beside you and the cat crunching her kibbles in the kitchen? I actually turned on the heater today, but it ran for only a little while and then the apartment was warm and stayed warm. It's been a steady 20C all evening and the heater has not gone on again. Thank goodness for good insulation. I think I'll keep it at this temperature and be nice and comfortable, because before I turned the heater on, it was cold and just too chilly to feel good. I am wearing a scarf around my neck for extra comfort and that always feels nice. There's nothing better than having your upper parts heated.

I haven't even changed into my pajamas and bathrobe yet and am still wearing my clothes and boots, the ones that are so comfortable. I'm wearing a cardigan that I had not worn for a long time, because I had forgotten about it in my overfull closet, but I chanced upon it today while digging through my clothes. Then I thought, "Hey, that's something I can wear, and what does it look like and how many buttons does it have?" It forgot what it looks like on me and it's like trying on something new. I really need to do a major closet clean up, but I have to be in the proper mood for that and decide which clothes I still want to wear. That means trying on some of them too. That's just too much work tight now. So, instead I dig and hope to come up with something good.

I received another two books today and the third section of my book case is becoming filled up. Just this past week I received seven books. I have to buy some brown wrapping paper and some more scotch tape. I hope to be able to buy that at that cheap store that carries everything under the sun. I will have to go over there this weekend and see if they have that. Then I can get my books ready for the next shipment. I had added a lot of new books to my inventory and got a lot of requests, which also led to me being able to mooch a lot of books myself. Some I am especially pleased about, because they were hard to get. It's always nice if you get an affirmative answer to a request for a mooch.

The on line store has straightened out my account and separated it from the Exfactor's. I now have my own account, which is a relief, because I do like the convenience of shopping on line and I know the brand of clothes and the size that I am there, so I can buy things without worrying about that. I can even buy bras and panties without any problems. The quality is good too and the clothes don't fall apart in the laundry. It will be a real pleasure to shop there. That is after I clean up my closet to see what is there and what needs to go. That reminds me that I have a green denim skirt that I need to alter and I should try to do that this week, because it's a job I have been putting off forever. Time to get the sewing machine out. I must do these things and not only think about them and then forget about them until I run into them again.

I tried to do something sensible with my hair, but I seem to have lost the touch and I could only make it look halfway decent and that with the help of a lot of hairspray. Sometimes my hair just won't do what I want it to, or I seem to have forgotten how to achieve it. I feel like I need to start over from scratch and begin at the very beginning again, with the wax and the styling gel and the hairspray. Short hair can be a lot of work if you want it in a certain style.Of course, the face underneath it isn't what it used to be either, so it's an uphill battle. I wish I could style my face in the morning and smooth all the imperfections out of it. Though there are creams and lotions that claim they can, and I'll sell you the Brooklyn bridge and the Golden Gate bridge too.

It's really ridiculous how much women worry about the aging process and wanting to stay eternally young looking and how they try to achieve that with lotions and potions and make up, when all we should do is use a good product to clean our faces with and a good moisturizer. I do all those things myself to try and look as attractive as I can and pull everything I've got out of my make up bag, when all I really want is a soft, clean face. I should be brave enough to face the world with it and not worry about how attractive I am and how young looking. Often enough I catch sight of myself in the mirror and I see my made up self and am not happy with it at all. I see a painted face on a middle aged woman and I think all I need is some mascara and a touch of lipstick. It's the fear of not looking good enough anymore that drives me, but I should know better. I think I'm going to change my tactics and go for the wholesome look. I wonder if I might not be a lot happier that way.

Some nights my eyes get tired and when I sit behind the computer, I have difficulty seeing the finer print and I have to put my reading glasses on.On other nights I don't have this problem at all and I can read everything just fine. I do notice a terrific difference when I take off my glasses. My right eye loses its focus and goes terribly wacky on me and I can't look at anything that's the least bit far away. That's how much it's gotten used to the glasses and how much of a correction there is. I can't imagine now not wearing them and I realize that the pain in my eyes I was having, and the slight headaches, were because I was not wearing my glasses. I've been completely cured of them. Vanity is a bad business, as I already discussed. I'm too hung up on looks and not enough on character and personality, because I think that everyone will judge a book by its cover and not look past that. God forbid they should find out I have no personality!

Well, I know that's not true, because I definitely do have one, although it is a silent one and maybe not so easy to get to know. I guess I worry about that, because I don't sparkle and shine when people meet me. I'm not all out there, but I'm kind and that goes a long way.

Okay, I've rambled on long enough. I'm in danger of having lost your attention already. I could sit here all night and write about the most insignificant things, but I do have to go to bed.

I hope you're all sleeping tight and those of you who are not, I hope you are enjoying your day.

Goodnight and see you tomorrow.

Ciao,
Nora

The day of days.

I woke up very clearheaded and sure of myself this morning. My decision was made and I was sticking to it. That was until I started answering some comments that I had gotten to my previous posts and I wonder at the wiseness of discussing my life on line into the minutest detail, because, of course, I get all sorts of advice and that causes me to doubt my own mind and my own decisions. I again feel the insecurity creep in and again feel my nerves stretch taut and I want to reach for my medication and take an extra pill to make it all more bearable. Which I end up doing.

Because I had gotten up early, and because the worrying made me so tired, I went back to bed for a while and woke up at 9 am. I got dressed in a hurry and walked the dog and made cigarettes. Then I hopped on my bike to go to creative therapy where I arrived a bit late, but where everyone was hapy to see me nevertheless. The therapist had been informed about my dilemma and was up to date and very supportive. She talked to me about what I wanted to do and I said that I wanted to cancel my enrollment in the new classes. So we talked about that for a while and she wanted to make sure that I wasn't making a mistake and then she decided that she would go with me when I went to see the head therapist when I told her this.

The rest of the morning I worked on my painting that is going very slowly, but I was having a hard time keeping my mind on it. We women chatted about other things and everything under the sun. There were no men in the class, which loosens us up to talk about women's issues more. Having a chocolate bar in the house and not being able to just eat one piece of it, but having one square of it one after the other until it is all gone. Can you imagine a man discussing this? Or what kind of chocolate is best to eat with what kind of filling. And I say pure chocolate bonbons with a creamy filling, but we were divided on that, though we all agreed that pure chocolate was the healthiest to eat.

We drank tea and I had green tea with two sugars in it and it was delicious, although one sugar would have sufficed. I must remember that for the next time. The therapist had a Toblerone chocolate bar and we ate that and some of us had more than our share of it. It had nuts in it and it was good.

At the end of the session the therapist and I went in search of the head therapist who was all ready to go with me to the new class, but I told her that I wasn't going at all and that I would cancel my enrollment in all the classes. She disagreed with me doing it, but said that the final decision laid with me and that only I could make up my mind about it. She said I acted out of fear and I said I acted out of instinct and she said that she hoped I was right. She also said not to burn my bridges behind me and to leave a possibility to re-enter the program if I needed to. I said I would, but I doubt it.

Then I went to the office downstairs and withdrew officially from the classes, although there was only a secretary who took my message and I'm sure somebody will call me about it. It would surprise me if they didn't.

In the meantime, I have found some Temazepam that are not as strong as the ones I have been taking, but I only have a few of them and took one this afternoon. I still feel the need to settle my nerves, as I'm not back to normal yet. I will be forced to call my psychiatrist to ask him for some to have to take as needed and I don't know if he's going to be happy about that. I will call my SPN and ask her about it. Maybe she can run interference for me. That's what she's there for, after all. Not that my psychiatrist is the boogie man.

I had washed my hair this morning and with much stunt work got it to stay in the right place so it looked like a decent hairdo, but then I got rained on when I went to creative therapy and then someone said, "Oh, your hair looks so nice." I thought, "You've got to be kidding." I looked in the mirror and saw a women with rained on hair, it wasn't especially attractive. I wore no make up, because I hadn't had the time to apply any and it didn't seem to matter, which makes me think I will go for that fresh scrubbed look, or maybe just apply some mascara and not bother with the rest. Since I wear glasses, nobody seems to notice any change in my appearance anyway. Well, except that I wore my cardigan inside out, somebody did notice that, but that was easily solved.

Somebody needs to come and clean my apartment. I seem to be unable to handle it myself. I am snowed under. A day of hard work will set it right, but I don't have it in me. I need help. It's something I need to discuss with my SPN.

I've got to eat now and take a nap. I feel sleep coming on. I'll read little in my book and doze off.

Have a good day you all.

Ciao,
Nora

Sunday when we are lazy and at rest.

I'm having a wonderful mug of coffee and my inevitable cigarette and the Überhund is momentarily distracted while licking his paw. That means he has forgotten the myriad of things he wants me to do for him in the morning. Sometimes he is just a spoiled dog who doesn't know what he wants and decides to be fussy just for the hell of it. Either that, or we're having a big misunderstanding, which is just as likely, because I'm preoccupied and not paying the correct amount of attention.

Before I forget and before I do anything else, I want to post this photograph of my friend Von, so you will all know who I hang out with every Friday afternoon.

It's always nice to put a face to the name, isn't it? The fact that this is a very attractive face helps. Von is tall and skinny and when she walks downtown with her greyhound she turns quite a few heads. They are a perfect match. She turns heads without the greyhound too.

I fell asleep on the sofa and just continued sleeping there, even after I woke up at 3 am to go to the toilet. It's me and that sofa again, or I should say, me and that bed, which I have such a hard time sleeping in. I must change bedrooms quickly and not even wait for the paint on the walls. I have such a dislike for my bedroom, that I don't like sleeping in it. That's not good. I'll have to call the Exfactor today and see when he has time to help me change it around.

In the meantime, I've fed and walked the dog and now he is quite happily snoring on the floor beside me. Of course, I wasn't at all well put together. My hair was pointing in all directions and I had no make up on, but I couldn't be bothered just to walk the dog. It would be the height of vanity to get all dolled up for that early in the morning. The poor dog already was impatient enough.

We had the European Song Festival on TV last night and although I started watching it, I fell asleep very soon into it and have no idea who won. The Netherlands didn't even make it through the half finales, which was not surprising, because it was a very bad song. We haven't come up with a good song in years. They all sound alike, like European Song Festival Songs and there's nothing original about them. We go in there with an attitude as if we're going to win and I'm thinking all along, no way, boys! Talk about fooling yourselves.

I keep on not doing the few household duties that I'm supposed to do. I keep finding excuses not to do them, like: oh, it is late in the day now, it can wait until tomorrow. Or: it's not that bad, if I postpone it one day it won't matter. Of course, I keep postponing everything one day and never get around to it, so today I must. I have to get the kitchen cleaned up, the plants watered and the laundry folded and put away. On Sunday, the day of rest, but I must do it to get a good start to the week.

I must also try and put in a full week of therapies and not cut one day if I can help it, even though I know there will be mornings when I want to stay in bed and sleep some more.

I just looked at the spare bedroom and saw how much stuff there is to move out of there. So many boxes, it makes your head spin. What a mess! There's no way I can tackle that job on my own. I had a small sparkle of hope that I could, but no. It looks like a dumping ground. I would be a broken woman at the end of the day if I tried to do that on my own. It needs muscle power.

I better stick to the things I have to do today. Which include washing my hair again. I will do that first.

Have yourself a super Sunday with lots of nice weather.

Ciao...

And the winner is...

Well, the poll is officially closed now and The Finely Tuned Woman has won with 11 votes, so that is who I am going to be from now on. My public has spoken and so it shall be, you made no bones about it, although there were some votes for the Idiosyncratic Watermelon. I think some people just wanted to be ornery. Or they just liked watermelon a lot.

The fact that The Finely Tuned Woman has a TV tuner laying beside her on the sofa was something that only caught my attention after I had posted the image, but I must have subconsciously registered that. It made for another perfection in the picture. The dog is actually barking at a bird in a birdcage, but I cropped the picture, so you can't see that.

But I am well pleased with the outcome of the poll and I thank you for your participation in it and for being patient with me in what actually turned out to be 2 polls. We made it in the end, though, and that's what counts.

I broke my computer reading glasses and put on my regular glasses and realized how much better I see overall and I have decided to just start wearing them again and not worry about my vanity so much anymore. They work for behind the computer and for faraway, so they solve two problems. That's because I am near sighted in one eye and far sighted in the other. I think I may have to go to Specsavers and have my eyes checked again, because one eye is just a little bit off. That is because I was having thyroid problems when I had these glasses made.

Isn't vanity a funny thing. I do my very best to look at my most advantageous, yet all day long I haven't worn any make up and I didn't really care about it. I don't think I look that much worse without it. It is mostly just a compulsion on my part, because I have worn make up my whole life and can't imagine going out in a public place without eyelashes with mascara on them, because they are so blond. I feel naked without mascara and vulnerable. I should really do a test and go without make up when I go places.

Speaking of vanity, I got this really nice award from Debs over at The Lehners in France and it is an international friendship award. I feel quite honored to have received it.

I am supposed to hand it over to international friends and, of course, I have no shortage of them, but if you don't mind, I will do that tomorrow when I am in the mood for all that copying and pasting. It is kind of late to do that now.

I have written my Christmas cards, although I did cut down the list quite a bit and did not include anyone of the Exfactor's family and friends, because I don't have their addresses. The Exfactor always did those. I wrote notes for those that needed them. I am only sending 20 cards right now, but will probably send more as cards come in that I have to respond to. I wrote cards until all of them were gone and I had the most important ones done.

Then there was this huge thick envelope from Social Services and I looked at it since yesterday with some amount of trepidation, because I thought something very complicated and nasty was going to be in it, but when I finally opened it tonight it turned out to be an offer for health insurance for low income people at a very reasonable rate with all sorts of things included. Well, I looked at it and for me the offer turned out not to be so good and the rate was higher than what I am paying now, so I'm not going to change health insurance companies. So, that turned out to be a popcorn fart. I breathed a sigh of relief.

My sister and I walked the dogs for a long walk at noon time. Her dog is only allowed on a very short leash and has to walk right beside her and is not allowed to sniff and explore, whereas I give the Überhund lots of space to roam all over the sidewalk. I can't imagine that my sister's dog enjoys his walk very much and I don't see the purpose in it very much. I always think it's the Überhund's outing and he has to have all the fun when we go. I know my sister silently disapproves of my attitude, while I silently disapprove of hers.

Well, it's time to go to bed and take my medicines and shut the apartment up for the night. I hope you all had a good day and that you all will have a good night.

Ciao...

To the vet again...

The Überhund and I have been to the vet again. Luckily, the vet is right around the corner, so it is the same as taking him for a walk, so no extra effort for me. I huff and puff and get there in the end. Well, it isn't quite that bad.

We had to wait in the waiting room as there were three couples with cats ahead of us and the poor Überhund just wanted to run out the front door. He pulled at his leash and his whole body was shaking, so I kept him close to me and tried to settle him down as much as possible.

Luckily, some people came in with a Jack Russell and that provided some distraction for the Überhund and made the time go by quicker. He almost forgot to be scared and almost stopped shaking. When the vet came to get us, he very obediently followed me into the examining room, but once he was in there, he sat by the door and wanted to leave again as quickly as possible.

I had used up all the eye drops and his eyes were a little bit better, but the vet wasn't happy yet and now has put him on an ointment that I have to apply twice a day and then go see him again next week. You can see how the Überhund's eyes are still very red and inflamed, so they are definitely not better. Poor guy, I hope he is going to be okay in the end and that this is not going to be a chronic problem.

The thing I am happy about is that he doesn't seem to be in pain like he was before when he was constantly rubbing his eyes. He was very good for the vet, by the way, and allowed him to do everything that needed to get done. He's a good dog. He's a good vet.

While I am writing this, I am listening to dEUS, which is a Belgian band with out of this world music. I am listening to one of my play lists at Deezer, which I can heartily recommend going to. It's fun to look up artists and put together play lists that you can listen to any time you are in the mood. I sometimes forget to turn on the music and sit here in complete silence and then I wonder why I can't find any sort of rhythm in my typing. If I were young and was going to be a groupie, I would be one to dEUS. Either that one or Massive Attack.

Since I am not young and since grandmothers can't be groupies, I will just sit here and listen to their music instead and pretend I am young at heart and foot loose and fancy free.

I will tell you how sore I am today. I am so sore that I've not put on any make up. Can you believe that? I have an unmade up face, naked and all. No eyebrows and no eyelashes. That's how I've gone out into the world, even to that dishy vet. I just didn't give a hoot. I was too sore to care.

The Exfactor came and got the groceries for me, thank goodness. He can be such a help. It really would have been too much for me to do. He has promised to come back later in the week to see if I need anything else. He has also hooked up my new Digitenne for the TV, so now I have 27 Channels plus radio channels. I am sure I would have figured it out on my own, but he had done it himself for his own TV, so it was done in no time at all. It only needed two phone calls to the help desk for what turned out to be two silly little things.

My sweet dog is laying by my feet. If I make a wrong move, I'll run over him with my chair. I got the feeling that he was so proud of himself when we got home from the vet and I spoke to him in high praise. I gave him a treat and told him how well he had done and, of course, I'm convinced that he understands everything I say to him. I always think of him as a three year old child and treat him accordingly. He has some sense, but not always that much, but he means well.

For some reason, I always get the idea that the cats are much smarter, although they may in fact not be at all, but that may be because they seem more independent and seem to have made up their own minds about that. Like they are making the statement that they can manage just fine without me, thank you very much. They come and go as independent creatures who have an agenda that they live by that has nothing or little to do with me. They make up their own minds about their life style and it just happens to include me, because I am the food and drink provider. I know they like me and they let me know that about three times a day, but they don't wag their tail and bark when they see me and think I am the center of their universe. Therefor I think I am a cat, really, because that's how I behave. I would never make someone's loyal dog.

Concerning this poll I've put up, I know I've screwed it up by changing the name and the image, so please excuse me for doing that and vote again and let me know in no uncertain terms what you like. I'll not change anything again now, that was a mistake. Enjoy yourself on the other site with the changing names and images.

Well, that's it for tonight. I am a bit long winded. I don't want to stop writing, but I will.

I'll see you all tomorrow.

Ciao...

Change.

Well, the really good thing about this mood change is, that I've gotten over feeling so chronically tired all the time. I now have enough energy to last the whole day, even if I get up early in the morning like I did today. I was up with the chickens and rattling away behind this old computer like it was an old Remington. I don't quite remember all the things I did, but it took quite some of my time and I was actually running late this morning and ended up having to get ready in a hurry. That meant taking the Überhund for a shorter walk and wearing less make up than I usually do, but nobody seemed to miss my eyebrows and since they are so blond, I think I will keep them that way from now on and pass myself off as a Scandinavian. I also wore less eyeshadow and I think it made me look younger and more innocent, and if I can look that way at my age, I don't know why I bother to apply all the artificial stuff to look better, when maybe I really don't.

So, this week I am experimenting with the minimum look and I want to see what people's reactions are, if any. I've got the trick with my hair down pat now. The thing is to brush it out in the morning with my head bent over and then to stand up and mess it up with both hands and then to spray hairspray on it. It only needs minor adjustments after that, and voilá, I have bedroom hair. I use Schwarzkopf hairspray, because it is like an invisible net of steel that holds your hair in place, even when you are on your bike and the wind is pulling at your beautifully coifed hairdo. The only drawback is, that you can't have a man lovingly run his fingers through your hair, but since I have no plans in that direction, it is no problem for me. I am only to look at, not to touch.

I have found, that I can now comfortably only eat half of what I was eating before the gastric band was filled again. Believe me, I tried to eat more, but was defeated after a few days and had to stop trying to eat the old portions. It seems that the gastric band settles over a weeks time into a comfortable place and then it will not allow you to do what you wish to get away with. I have hung over the toilet bowl quite a few times these past couple of days and I have to admit my defeat. Even the good little cookies at creative therapy are becoming problematic, which is a shame, because I always look forward to them.

I thought I was finished with my collages, but after I put the whole thing together, I realized there were some empty gaps. The page that said nothing but 'contents' in numerous ways, needed dressing up, so I applied upside down images of which I will remove the backs next week. The page that deals with my childhood, and that I kept deliberately bare and dull, was too dull and I changed it by writing my name on it with pen and ink right side up, upside down and side ways all over the place. I guess I want to own that page and put my stamp on it.

In the meantime, I have started another collage on a a large sheet of paper with upside down images that I am carefully choosing for effect. I may or may not add text to it, I don't know yet, it depends on what I find. There is a limited choice of magazines, although I have some new ones in my bike bag that I have to remember to bring in. That will give me some more choice for images and text. I think I have found my niche.

Coming home this afternoon, I found out that I had missed the delivery person and she had put the new cardigan in the mailbox and put a note in saying that she will be back tomorrow to pick up the other one. So, I tried on the new cardigan and I am not thrilled with it and have decided to go with something else altogether in green. I called up and ordered that and it will be here tomorrow and the delivery person will be picking up two cardigans that will go back.

I don't know why I thought I should have another cardigan in black when I already have two and suddenly it seemed silly and I came to my senses. Besides, every dog and cat hair shows up on black and I look like a baglady that way. Besoddled and unkempt. I will not go down in history as the lady that always was covered in dog hair. I do have some amount of dignity yet.

I think I've spent a large part off the afternoon walking the Überhund who can make very convincing and urgent noises that make me believe that his bladder is about to burst if we don't go out now this minute. He has very mournful looking eyes when he is in need. I dare not refuse him and give him a complex. I know that I will have several hours of absolute peace and quiet when I have taken him out, because he very contendly goes to sleep. He has such small pleasures and if going for a walk often is one of them, I guess i won't take that away from him. It is a nice break for me too, as I have a tendency to get very involved with what I am doing and I forget everything around me.

I think the change of mood is a survival mechanism for the tough dark and cold days ahead of us. Already it gets dark early at night and the temperatures during the day are not very high. It's not a kind season that is upon us now and maybe this is my reaction to it. First there was this desire to hibernate and now I have come out of my corner fighting and with an attitude that I will not be beat. I have to be a little bit more ruthless now. It is the survival of the fittest, after all. I do not wish to succumb to a depression. I have made that decision earlier in the year and I will do whatever i can to prevent it from happening. If that means having a big mouth and a chip on my shoulder, then so be it. I refuse to be a victim.

Well, it's time for the 8 o'clock news. I do have to keep up with all the important events. I have sent my daughter a message, but have had no reply. Batteries are probably running low.

Have a good one, you all.

Ciao...