Actually...

It's already halfway through the evening and it's still light outside. The sun keeps setting later each day. I do like it because it gives me hope that summer is really on its way. You wouldn't think it was springtime the way the weather is behaving, although the temperatures are only a little bit below normal for the time of year.

I've only watched the news to see what was happening politically in the country and didn't see the weather forecast so I have no idea how the rest of the week is going to be. 

The prime minister turned in his and his cabinet's resignation to the queen this afternoon. Her acceptance should be a mere formality. A lot of political parties want elections as soon as possible but others say to wait until September. There are the Euro Cup Football half finals on the day they picked in June.

I'll not bore you with the politics of my country. I'm sure you're more than bored enough with the politics of your own country. Or maybe you get excited about them too like I do. 

The dog ate a banana and an apple. I asked him if he was happy in English and he mistook the word "happy" for the word "apple" which is pronounced almost the same way in Dutch as it is in English. Of course I had no rest after that until I had peeled him an apple. 

He did eat some of his regular food but not until I threw away what was left over and put new food into his bowl. He is picky. He does require new kibbles every day. Everything has to be as fresh as possible. The cat is the same way and right they are. 

I ate vanilla pudding after the Exfactor went to the grocery store and bought it. It's my major downfall and what I really like most of all. After I've had it, I'm happy for the rest of the day. I don't have that with any kind of other food. It's completely satisfactory and filling. 

I've decided to give quitting smoking another try. I'm going to finish the tobacco I have left and then start on the nicotine patches. I have enough of those for the first two weeks. This will be the third time that I try it and that should be a charm. I sincerely hope I make it. Spending the money on the tobacco is killing me. 

I hope you're all having a good evening.

Ciao,
Irene

Positively positive...

I haven't taken a nap but I'm having a cup of that delicious instant coffee instead to perk me up. I need the caffeine so I don't mind how bad it tastes. Actually, I am getting used to it so it isn't the awful experience I make it sound like. It serves the purpose and that's what counts. It is true that I can't wait for a decent cup of coffee and that I've almost forgotten what one tastes like. It will be like an angel peeing on my tongue. 

The day has gone by quickly and no doubt that was partly due to the fact that I slept late this morning. The dog was kind enough not to wake me up at all. I very leisurely had a cup of coffee in my armchair while I remembered who I was and what day it was. I didn't realize that it was Friday the 13th but it wouldn't have made any difference. I would have approached the day the same way. 

I was glad it was Friday and that the domestic help was going to be here to clean up the apartment. It's nice to enter the weekend with everything in ship shape. All I had to do was the dishes and some laundry and make the bed. Luckily it was not that cold outside so I could open the windows and let the place air out. For that reason I'm looking forward to the real springtime so I will be able to always have the windows open. 

I have headaches off and on and sometimes I take a painkiller for them. At least I know why I get them and I'm not worried about them. It's just a bit of a bother. I mostly try to relax and ignore them. I do pay attention to how I hold myself. I make sure that I'm not in a cramped up position and that I sit behind the computer straight. I also think that I need to get some new pillows for my bed. The ones I have are a little old and not so very supportive. 

I just noticed that the domestic help cleaned the French way, in other words, with a lick and a promise. I just gathered a lot of dog hair out from underneath my desk. There's a lot of dust on the baseboard too. I think people in the south don't clean as rigorously as people in the north. The furniture doesn't get vacuumed either and very seldom underneath. I'll have to check it from now on and do some of it myself. I'm still in good enough shape to do that. 

I'm making a shopping list for tomorrow and adding to it as I remember things. It's growing longer by the minute. I've written a coffeemaker on there also. I think I need to go to "Action" with the Exfactor and buy some things I need. I also need another frying pan and another pan to cook in with a glass lid on it. I will get them at very reasonable prices at that store. The only problem is the continual crowd and the long lines by the cash registers. 

It's time for me to take out the dog. It's overcast outside but at least it's dry. It hasn't rained all day. It would have been good weather to dry the laundry outside on the clothes line. Oh well...

Have a good evening.

Ciao,

Irene

Full of longing...

The headache that I thought was gone is back with a vengeance and I also have that pain in my neck again. They're both on the right side and all I can think is that it feels like a migraine but it's lasting an awful long time. I've made an appointment with the GP for tomorrow afternoon just to make sure I don't need an antibiotic or an antihistamine, although officially I'm not supposed to be allergic to anything. It is a bother and I don't like having to take paracetamol all the time. 

Other than that I'm in great shape. At least I am mentally and that counts for a lot in my book. To me that's the most important thing. I don't mind there being something physically wrong with me as long as I'm mentally okay. 

I saw my therapist today and I had a good session with her. There's always some work to be done and she doesn't make it easy on me. And I don't want her to. I don't want her to mollycoddle me. Let her make it as hard on me as she can. I need to be able to take a licking. 

Cutting down on the anti-psychotics has worked out well and isn't bothering me at all like you maybe would expect it to. Sometimes cutting down on a medicine is a problem and it doesn't go well. I no longer feel depressed and can enjoy the good weather. I would even more if I didn't have a headache. 

I don't feel the need for a nap this afternoon because I've also cut down on the tranquilizers and have more energy now. I don't feel like lying down all over the place. I've also had some coffee and that perked me up quite nicely.

The weather is great, although I've heard that it's going to be less so in a while. I haven't watched the weather forecast in a few days but it is said that the temperatures are going to drop a lot. That we're even going to need our winter coats. I'm not too pleased about that because it means that I'll have to close the windows and turn on the heater again. I was more than ready for it to be nice weather from this point on. 

The birds are singing in the trees as happily as they always do. They have their hearts set on springtime. It's a joy to listen to them. There's a large variety of them that all take their turn being noisy at different times of the day. I hope they are smart and stay out of the cat's way. I would hate for her to come home with one like she did last year. I didn't realize that she was such a hunter. 

The dog is lying on the floor in the light of the sun that's shining in through the windows. He is basking himself. It must feel glorious after the long winter of hardly any sunshine in the living room. I still have to make an appointment to get his fur trimmed. He looks like a wooly mammoth now. All he needs are a couple of baby tusks. He already has the large ears. 

I've got to go do a load of laundry and change the bed. It is time for clean sheets. I have a longing for them. I hope my head can stand me bending over to change them. It will be worth the sacrifice and to go to bed tonight in a clean bed. 

I hope you're all having a good day.

Ciao,

Irene

Onward forever and then some...

I can tell you one thing and that is that I'm not depressed anymore. That bird has flown the coop. The mood has escaped me. I am so relieved. I thought it had during the night but I didn't want to jubilate ahead of time. Now that it's daytime, I know for sure. I'm in a fine mood and all my worries seem far away. Hey, isn't that a line in a song? No, that goes a little bit different than that. 

I've reduced my anti-psychotics from 8 mg to 6 mg and I think that's made the difference. I think I was taking too much. That former amount was okay when I was hypo-manic but it was too much when I came down to earth again and I think it made me depressed. It was a temporary measure anyway and was never meant to be of permanent nature. 

I think my psychiatrist can trust me enough to make these decisions. I do have some personal leeway when it comes to some of my medicines. I know damn well what they do with me and it's not always the right thing at the right time.

So now I'm sitting here with my good mood and the best of intentions. The apartment is cleaned up, but I do have a stack of mail to plow through. I will do that shortly. Since it's Saturday, I've got all day to do it and no phone calls to make about it. Everybody on the help desks will have the weekend off. That does give me a break. It's nice when something is impossible to do. It gives you time to think about it. 

I was outside with the dog in the beautiful warm sunshine and wore my summer top. I do want to get a little bit of color before it gets too hot. I can't believe how pleasant it was out there and have opened all the windows to air out the place. Now it's really springtime and tonight we set the clocks ahead one hour. I do look forward to the extra hour of daylight in the evening. 

My older sister is going to have a galstone operation. Apparently there is nothing else wrong with her and that is a big relief. She did have us worried there for a while. She's very sick with them and it's about time something is done about them. She's just not assertive enough when it comes to her health. I don't take after her.

The dog is lying down on the dining table in the sunshine that is coming in through the windows. I think he likes it very much. This morning he tore the outer layer off a tennis ball. The rug in the living room was covered with fuzz. He had such a goood time doing that. He's got three balls left to go. He always does find ways to amuse himself and then there's always the cat to bother. 

The Exfactor bought me chewable vitamins and they are as good as candies. They are forest berry flavor and I want to keep eating them, but I'm not supposed to. That makes me think that I have a secret longing for sweets. I ought to buy a bag of them the next time I'm in the pharmacy. They have a good selection there of old fashioned candy. The vanilla drops are especially good. 

I hope you'll all have a good Saturday.

Ciao,

Irene

Splendidly...

I'm sitting here at the end of the day having a splendid time all by myself in the pleasant company of my animals. It is evening now after a beautiful day with lots of sunshine and the sun has just set. I am ready for a good night at home. I have all the comforts I need and am in a good mood. There's not much that can go wrong now. It is Friday evening and I'm ready for the weekend. 

I didn't have too exciting a day. It went by rather quietly. It was the usual Friday in the company of the Exfactor and my domestic help. They were both pleasant enough to be around and the groceries got done and the apartment got cleaned. What more could I ask for? Fridays always are good days when it comes to that. I do so appreciate the kind deeds that are done for me. 

The best news I had was that my older sister probably has gall stones and nothing worse, although she still has to talk more extensively to her doctor on Monday. There seems to be nothing wrong with her liver and that is a huge relief. I am so glad. I am tremendously cheered by this news because I was expecting something worse. She sounded a lot better over the phone also. 

Imagine being happy about gall stones. 

I am probably slightly hypo-manic now, but I'm making the best of it and enjoying myself as well as I can without letting it get out of hand. I'm bubbling over with happiness. The world is truly my oyster. I feel like I can handle anything at all now. All by myself I'm the happiest person on the block. Don't you think I should take full advantage of that? 

The dog's eye is getting a lot better. He has stopped blinking with it and there's no longer any junk coming out of it. I have to apply the ointment for a week and will do that. It looks a lot better too and he's so good about me applying the ointment. It's like he knows that it's good for him. He's a very trusting animal. 

I wore my tough broad boots today. I hadn't worn them in a while and they truly made me feel like a tough broad. I had forgotten how comfortable they are.They are properly beat up too so they look well used. I really should give them a good shine but I don't have the right polish. I should put that on the next shopping list. I'm sure they would look even better if they sparkle. I don't know if that would make me look tougher. 

Tomorrow it's going to be cooler than it was today and we will have a few showers, but that won't bother me. I don't mind a little bit of rain. It can be quite cozy when you're inside. No doubt nature needs it right now the way everything is growing so rapidly. As far as I'm concerned, springtime is here and nothing can stop it now. 

That's what makes going for walks so much fun. There's always something new to discover in people's gardens. What wasn't there one day, is there the next. There's  always a surprise. Even my own jasmine bush, scraggly as it is, is getting lots of buds on it. The little trees will be next. 

I've got to make myself some coffee to drink. I'm in need of some caffeine. I haven't had a cup in the longest time. I've been to busy to make a pot. My brain will welcome the stimulance. I will be all straightened out in no time at all. There's nothing like a cup of coffee to set your world right, even when you think it already is.

Have a good evening everyone.

Ciao,

Irene

Irene's Dutch Diva Blog

Unbelievably so...

Spring is here. I´ve seen the proof of it all over the place today when I was out taking the dog for his long walks. I paid close attention to everything in nature and saw green buds and new shoots on hedges and rose bushes and other plants. I also saw lots of bulb plants popping out of the ground and I saw my first tulips blooming. 

There were perennials that had new leaves and weeds underneath the hedges that were multiplying. There were even new daisies in the grass. Once I started looking carefully, there turned out to be new life everywhere. What at first had seemed like bare gardens, turned out to be places full of promise of things to come. I´m thrilled to pieces. 

Because the weather was also decent, it was a pleasure to be out there and I made the walks longer than I had planned to. The dog is just going to have to get used to it. We´ll keep going out there and making longer rounds all the time. There´so much to discover and enjoy. I do have to bend over bushes and plants regularly to inspect them for new growth. It´s not always obvious right away, whle with some others it´s clear to see. 

I´m so thrilled that today I saw these signs of spring because now I know that it´s really on its way and that we´re moving in the right direction. It is March, after all and not much bad weather can hit us now. I´m full of hope. My good mood can´t be beat and I will keep being upbeat now untill the end of the summer, even well into the fall. I´ve been waiting for this moment for a long time. 

For me this means the liberation from winterrtime and it will really be complete when we set the clocks ahead one hour on the weekend of the 24th.  That will mean that it will stay light longer in the evening and I´m all for that. It means taking the dog for longer walks then too. The poor dog does have to walk a lot. 

I actually still get very sleepy and groggy during the day. I solve that with drinking coffee and taking naps. If I drink coffee and then go for a walk with the dog, it serves me well. I get lots of energy out of that. Taking a nap is a nice option too, but I don´t always want to do that. It´s okay in the morning when I haven´t slept enough yet anyway., but I don´t want to waste the rest of the day on them. 

I know I should go for a walk now, but I´m too tired to go and besides, I´m wearing my bathrobe and am nice and warm. The dog will have to go out back. 

Oh, in the morning that bird is back singing its beautiful song. It´s a long song and it takes a while for it to get through it. It sings it with a little bit of variation the whole early morning. It´s like it´s having a monologue. It sure is pretty.  I can´t see the bird, so I have no idea what it looks like. 

Oh, I just did some research and I found out that it is the European Blackbird or the Turdus Merula. If you look it up on YouTube you can hear its song. Mine just sounds so much better. He must be a pro. Maybe he speaks the local dialect. 

Well, I´ve sat here long enough and wasted my time. I´ve done other things while I was supposed to be writing this. You can´t trust me to stick to the job at hand. I´m now listening to the soundtrack of a rainstorm. It is very pleasant to listen to, though I have to say that I´m very glad that it´s not raining like that outside. It would be good to fall asleep to, though. 

I just had some whole grain bread with butter. It was a joy to eat, but I´m awfully full. I won´t be able to eat or drink anything for quite a while. 

Have a good evening.

Ciao,

Irene

Irene´s Dutch Diva Blog.

For old time's sake...

I'm trying out being back here for a time or two while I have to stress that this is not my main blog anymore. That's the one that's listed in the top right of the sidebar. That's where I do my real serious writing. But I do have to say that I was a little bit homesick for this one, so for old time's sake I'm going to write a post here and maybe I'll do it more often. 

I do have those hours to spare in the middle of the night when I've gotten up out of a sound sleep and I've had my cups of coffee and am about to have my glasses of milk. Since it is now going to be Sunday morning, I can waste these hours all I want and take my time going back to bed.

There is kind of a comfort to be on familiar ground and feel that I don't have to pull a rabbit out of my hat. I don't have to perform any party tricks. I don't mean to imply that I can lie down on the job and write just any sort of nonsense here, but I do feel less pressure to be perfect. Maybe I feel that my audience is more kindly here. I feel that you don't scrutinize me the way I feel scrutinized on my other blog. The fact that I share it on facebook probably has a lot to do with that. I do feel naked to the world. 

It's with some amount of pleasure that I think about the coming day, although I have nothing too special planned. Later in the afternoon, my sister and I are going to see the film "The Help." I gave her the book to read for Christmas and she enjoyed it very much. I have yet to read it, but I don't mind seeing the film first. It will be a fun outing because the theater is so nice to go to. It's got a good ambience and a cozy cafe. . 

I will take the dog for many walks because the weather has been good and perfectly nice to go out in. He does so enjoy going for walks and it keeps him from getting cabin fever which was beginning to become a problem. He became a bit bored with things and I realized that he had to go out more. Besides, it's good for me too. We both benefit. Nature isn't that beautiful yet, but things are starting to pop out of the ground and make you hopeful for springtime. We have to be patient just a little while longer.

If you feel so inclined, don't forget to go to Irene's Dutch Diva Blog. 

Ciao,

Irene

Midnight revisited...

Despite my good intentions I relented and closed the windows about an hour ago. I also turned on the heater. I wanted to not do that or worry about the temperature because, after all, it is springtime, even at night. But I got too chilled, even in my bathrobe, and I don't like suffering. It's toasty warm in here now and I think I can turn the heater off and have it be warm enough in the apartment for the rest of the night. It will have to suffice. 

Like I said, I'm sitting here in my bathrobe and I'm obviously not in bed where I should be, but I enjoyed being up late last night and slept well in the morning. I had no bad effects from it today and didn't need to take a nap like I had expected to. I was up on time for my personal helper and even had some time to spare.

I'm extremely mellow and slightly sleepy headed and that feels very pleasant. It's a pleasurable state of mind to be in. I think that's why I like being awake right now. 

It's the whole experience I appreciate. I'm always one to seek out the more pleasant moods that are stress free and in which I feel just a little punch drunk. I seek the altered states of mind that I seem to find at night. Feeling normal isn't good enough. It will do during the day, but at night I want a different experience. 

I went on the bathroom scale tonight and had lost 600 grams. Now I need to get on it in the morning and see what I really weigh, which will be less. I never weigh myself at night, but I was curious because I had not been on the scale in quite some time. I can't wait to see what the weight will be. I hope I will have lost a total of a kilo, but maybe that's too much to hope for. 800 Grams would be nice and I guess that's more realistic. 

Today was an utterly normal day. Nothing out of the ordinary happened, except that the weather was unpredictable. Sunshine one moment and huge gray clouds the next.  It was real April weather, although it was a little warmer than usual for the time of year. I guess even the weather wasn't that out of the ordinary. It was a completely forgettable day and you could have traded it in for any other ordinary day that had nothing to distinguish it. 

I suppose I shouldn't complain about that. I'm sure there are enough people in the world who would like to have a very ordinary day with nothing to distinguish it from any other. I'm not really complaining, just stating a fact. It went by quickly and I even watched television last night and watched a soppy show called 'Memories' in which people go in search of an old love from their past. 

Well, I did that and married him and divorced him 15 years later and I don't think the whole adventure was a good idea. It sounds very romantic on paper, but in reality it's not such a great idea. You can't revive a teenage romance. You can do it briefly, but not long term. It has to stay rooted in the past. Ships passing in the night and all that... You don't want to end up like the Titanic on an iceberg. 

I'm a sucker for soppy shows, though, providing they're tastefully done and don't abuse the sentiment. 

Well, I have to move on to the next thing, whatever that is going to be. I don't know if it's going to be bed yet, although I am yawning. I may get excited about something yet. The night is still young. 

Have a good one. 

Ciao,

Nora

A fresh pot of coffee...

What is there better in life early in the morning than a newly made pot of coffee? Okay, some fresh croissants would be very nice too, but I don't have those handy. The coffee will have to do. I'm very eagerly drinking my first cup and enjoying it very much. It will wake me up in no time. I'm quite perky on my own, though, and hardly need waking up. I stepped out of the right side of the bed.

Of course, I'm up too early because I didn't go to bed until late because of a barking dog, but I'm willing to face the day. I'm full of good intentions. As long as the coffee does its work, I'm ready for anything. I'm ready to fold the dry laundry, do the dishes, change my bed and take out the trash, which are all jobs that I need to do today. 

Of course, I don't have to do them right now this minute. They can wait awhile. I just wanted to show you my eagerness. I wish today was a day of major happenings, because I'm more than ready for them. I'm in the mood for something exciting to happen. Something unexpected. It would be nice if today I won the lottery, for example, but an unexpected visit would be nice too. I will have to prepare myself for anything at all and pretend it's going to happen. I have festive bones in my body, even if I have to celebrate all by myself.

When I'm in a mood like this, the impossible seem possible and the world seems within hand's reach. Anything wonderful it has to offer seems to be very close by as if I can touch it. As if I make part of it. I guess in my own insignificant way I do. I do feel part of a greater whole. I suppose I have my rose colored glasses on this morning. I will try to keep them on for a while and not become jaded yet. Because today is Sunday, I will not be cynical. It will be a skeptic free day and I will try to believe in everything that's positive. I will be like Pollyanna and in total denial.

I will start the day with putting on a very cheerful outfit. I've already figured out what it's going to be. Your day can't go wrong if you're dressed right, even if it's only for your own sake and to walk the dog in. Even if it's only to hang leisurely around the apartment in. It's your whole attitude that counts and it's reflected in your clothes and your squeaky clean hair and the air of good perfume you carry everywhere you go. You have to be your own party and good luck charm. A totem to your own womanhood. If I were an aboriginal, I would deck out in my finest beads and hand paint my body to ward off the evil spirits.

It's starting to be daylight and the sky is overcast. There will be no sunshine today like there was yesterday, but there will be no rain. We've left wintertime truly behind us now and are in the throes of early springtime. The temperatures are much better and there's no need to dress as warmly. Other clothes can be pulled out of the closet and my winter coat can be put away for good. I haven't worn it for awhile. 

I have to get the show on the road and walk the dog. He is impatient. He has spring fever. I think I do too. 

Have a good day.

Ciao,

Nora

It's not too bad outside...

I just walked Tyke in the not too cold evening air. It just started to get dark outside and I noticed that the days are lasting longer all the time. The wind had stopped blowing and it was pleasant out there. I hardly needed my scarf, but wore it anyway just in case. There were birds chirping their evening song and, although I can't identify them, it sounded pretty anyway. It made you feel like spring was on its way, especially since it was relatively warm and you could almost imagine everything shrouded in a green haze. 

Tyke is sound asleep by my feet now. He always thinks he needs a little nap after his walk. He will come around again in the shortest amount of time because he'll want to play or bother Gandhi. She's taking advantage of the peace and quiet by taking a nap herself on the back of the armchair behind me. That's where the yellow fleece blanket lies folded and she's lying on top of it. Luckily, she's stopped shedding all that hair, so I'm not in danger of getting cat hair all over me when I lie down under it on the sofa for a nap. 

The domestic help has been here and cleaned up the place. It's a load off my mind. I had been keeping up with the chores as well as possible, but everything needed a good cleaning. Because of the holidays, it had not been done in eleven days, so it was about time that somebody showed up. 

I've decided not to watch any television tonight. I watched the news about the earthquake and the tsunami in Japan all day long and listened to it on the radio too. I think I got an overdose of it now. I will wait until tomorrow to hear the rest. No, I won't. I'll hear it tonight when I go to bed and listen to the news bulletins on the radio. I'm sure they'll pay lots of attention to it. It isn't every day that an 8.9 earthquake hits with a tsunami as a result. 

Tyke has woken up and wants all sorts of attention. He doesn't really know what he wants, he just wants attention. He's already had a belly rub as part of the bonding ritual. I'll play ball with him next. 

Have a good night.

Ciao,

Nora

On a sunny day...

I just walked Tyke in the sunshine and it was a true pleasure. I had not expected to enjoy it so much. I thought I didn't like the bright sun in a clear blue sky, but today I was mistaken. I went out there with some apprehension, but I immediately felt good and made the walk longer than I had planned. I think Tyke enjoyed it too. 

I was going to pay attention to the flowers that were in peoples' front gardens, but I forgot to do that. I was so busy paying attention to what Tyke was doing. He was scampering around at the end of the leash, trying to get into every bush and behind every tree we ran into. He was like a toddler set loose in the playground. I wanted to see which bulbs were blooming and now I still don't have the vaguest idea. I will have to try and pay attention at the next walk.

I thought it was going to be cold outside, but it was actually very pleasant. It did freeze last night, but it has warmed up since then. It really does feel like a spring day out there and it should. It is March. I know some of you still have snow, but I think that we can expect some better weather now. We do live in a temperate climate, after all.

I picked out a brand new outfit to wear and all my clothes smell of washing powder and perfume. It's a pleasure to wear them. I had thought about what I was going to wear earlier and when I got ready to get dressed, all I had to do was reach into my closet and get the clothes off their hangers. It's a cheerful outfit that matches the day and my mood. 

It will also get me motivated to do the chores I have to do. There aren't that many, but enough to keep me from reading my book for a while. I'm not too house proud and can easily let things go for a while, but my sense of duty does get the better of me in the end. I can be lazy for a day, but that's my limit. I do feel compelled to set things right after that. And if I look good, the apartment has to look good too. 

I'm not going to take a nap this afternoon. I really feel that it would be a waste of time. If I do get sleepy, I'm going to take Tyke for an extra walk. I may as well enjoy the nice weather. I only regret that I don't live closer to the countryside. A good walk through the woods and meadows would be nice right now. It's too bad that I'm a town dweller. Pavement and asphalt are not good alternatives to a country lane. 

I'm going to get the show on the road. I must do my chores before I can plan the rest of the afternoon. 

Have a good day.

Ciao,

Nora

Chasing away the Sunday blues...

I don't really have the Sunday blues, or if I do, I only have them in the slightest form and I hardly notice them. I'm mostly frustrated with what's on television, although it was interesting this morning when there were programs on about literature and politics. This afternoon there are sports on and that's usually okay, but I'm not interested in the kinds of sports that are being shown. The highlights of the rugby game between France and England aren't being shown until 5:30 pm. I hardly have enough patience to sit and wait for them. 

I took my usual nap on the sofa and for a change I'm not so discombobulated. That's quite a relief because I don't like the long drawn out process of rejoining the living when I am. I did make myself a cup of coffee immediately, but I hardly needed it as I was pretty clear headed right away. That goes to show you that you can't compare one day and one experience with the other and that each one is different. You can't always anticipate everything ahead of time because it may turn out quite differently than you thought. 

Nevertheless, I am having another cup of coffee because it's putting me in an excellent mood and I like it. I'd rather feel this way than hopelessly confused and in search of a good one.

I never did turn off the television, but just turned the sound down low. That way I am keeping track of what's on without it being intrusive. It's a little bit like having company without having to concern myself with it. The voices of the newscasters and the sports commentators are very familiar and they sound like old friends. It's pleasant to hear them in the background. I know I am thoroughly integrated now because I know everybody who's anybody on television. 

There are little buds on some of the hedges in the neighborhood. Some of the trees are starting to show buds too. Some of the bushes in the gardens show colored buds and I think they are about to flower. There are more daisies in the fields and I'm waiting to see other kinds of flowers, though I don't know which ones would come up next in the wild. We need more sunshine, but all we have is this drizzly weather and gray skies. We do have mild temperatures and I think spring will be here early this year. 

I have to watch the news now and see what is happening in Libya. 

Have a good evening.

Ciao,

Nora

Enough of that...

I had to do some on line banking and had to put on my reading glasses to use my little interaction gadget. I can't see any of the numbers I'm supposed to punch in without them. I forgot to take my glasses off when I was done and was amazed at how much better I saw everything on the computer with them on. I read the blogs I visited much easier. I wasn't squinting and getting eye pain because I couldn't read the fine print. 

I should have figured this out before, but I was probably not aware of it enough. Sometimes I'm too absentminded to pay attention to the details and small annoyances. My reading glasses are always within hand's reach, as they always lie on my computer desk. Everything important does. It would have been a very simple matter to put them on. Isn't it funny how we don't do the obvious thing? I know my eyes are bad, but I just ignore that and go fumbling on without my glasses, unless I have to sit down and read a book. 

I miss them in the kitchen when I have to read the ingredients on a label, or read the instructions on a package of food. I squint and try to decipher them as if I'm reading hieroglyphs and know what the heck I'm doing. I pretend I know what it says to do and make the rest up, which results in many mistakes and surprises. I could very easily get my glasses, but I'm basically too lazy to do that. That solution would require me to have to go to another room and that is too much of a bother. I think you can call that a universal flaw. 

I think from now on I'm not going to be so dumb anymore and put my reading glasses on as soon as I turn on the computer. It will be much kinder to my eyes and I'm sure it's not good for them when I don't put them on. It's not like I'm exercising my eyes without them.

I've done enough chores today to not make me feel that I was lazy and I've walked Tyke a couple of times too. I think he wants to go out one more time and I just may be talked into that. It's almost dark outside, but I know the neighborhood and that there are no bogeymen hiding behind the buildings. I sure as heck don't want my imagination to start working overtime. Besides, I do have a very fierce dog who I assume will protect me at all times. I would be very disappointed if he didn't.

It is getting dark later at the end of the day all the time. It really does make you feel that spring is on its way. The very pleasant temperatures that we've been having help too. I've not needed to wear my winter coat for a while. I hope I can put it away soon. That's one of my biggest wishes right now. It will be nice if it stops taking up space on the coat rack, because it is big and bulky. 

Well, Tyke is very impatient and I have to go. He doesn't even want to take the time to eat his dinner. 

I hope you'll all have a nice evening.

Ciao,

Nora

Don't neglect the masses...

It's in the middle of the night and, because I went to bed very early, I've already slept several hours before I woke up and was wide awake again. That, of course, is usual for me. As morning approaches I will get tired and go back to bed to sleep some more and I do have the luxury to do that. I'm completely aware of how lucky I am. I do like this schedule and enjoy being awake in the middle of the night and sleeping in the morning. That seems to be the rhythm that suits me. 

I was asleep with both Tyke and Gandhi on the bed, because it seems that the extra blanket I put on it is just what they desired. It is soft and comfortable for them to lie on and it is warmer than the relatively cool duvet cover. They both huddle close to me as if we live in the Arctic and we are sleeping through the coldest possible night. It really doesn't get that cold in here, I never do turn the thermostat that low. Tyke is colder because he got his fur trimmed and he does lie closer to me to profit from my body's warmth. 

Yesterday was a day of chores and walking Tyke. I'm not finished with the chores and got some of them only halfway done. I will have to do the other half today. I did check my bank account balance and saw how solvent I was. I opened all the mail and much to my relief most of it turned out to be very unimportant. You can't tell that by looking at the envelopes. I always expect the worst and then it usually turns out to not be so bad, but there is much anticipation ahead of time. It's very enjoyable when I can put most of the paperwork in the recyclable bin. 

It's very enjoyable to pass the time with more or less insignificant things. I don't feel a great need to perform out of the ordinary deeds. I'm glad when the day goes by as smoothly as possible and all the elements are as uncomplicated as can be. I like solving problems, but I don't like for them to be huge. I do like their size to be of human proportion and manageable. Other people's psychological complications I am usually able to deal with very well. I seem to have a good understanding of them and have an answer too. I usually come up with some solution. My own psyche is becoming clearer to me, especially now that I'm cutting down on my medicines. It's amazing what difference that makes in my ability to view myself. I'm less complicated than I thought I was. 

I do believe that everybody should create their own myth to live by and that you should not believe in other people's myths. If you make up your own, you can fill it with elements that are true about you and not about other people. You have to make up the story about yourself based on how it really is and then live accordingly. If you're completely honest with yourself, you will know what your own truths are and not try to maintain those of other people. Believing in other people's myths and truths will set you on the wrong path and it will lead to frustration and sadness. They won't fit you and you will be uncomfortable with them. Many people go burdened by mistaken beliefs about themselves.

Having said that, I do hope I don't forget my own advice two months from now when the leaves come back on the trees, because that can be a time of turmoil for me. I'll have to go back and reread my own blog posts. In times of sanity I can be very wise, only to forget everything I've said when I go off course. Hopefully, this spring things will be different. I will be off a lot of my medication and that may make a difference. I don't know how much the pills have influenced my moods. It may have been for the worse. We'll see. 

I hope you'll all have a good morning when you wake up, or a good night when you go to sleep, whichever applies to you. 

Ciao,

Nora

Inspiration...

That's what I'm hoping for on this chilly Monday morning. Yes, the week is about to start again and we must get ready for all the inevitable events to take place, starting today with the visit of the domestic help. Oh, hurray! She'll be here this afternoon and that will give me time to clean my desk and put away the clean dishes and scrub the sink and also the toilet bowl with the toilet brush that I've been pointedly told needs replacing. Hrmph...I've not been to the store yet to do this and don't know when I will. It's hard to get out when you're basically a recluse.

Tyke and I went for our walk this morning and for an April day it was cold outside. The sky was overcast and there was a cold wind blowing. You wouldn't think this was springtime, well yes, springtime in the Netherlands, of course. I don't see any happy flowers blooming to cheer up the place, or I must be blind. I think there should be daffodils out now and I don't seem to see any, but maybe I live a sheltered life and I'm not in the right places. I haven't seen any tulips yet either.

My psychiatrist called me this morning and officially took me off the welbutrin and increased my effexor just a bit and that should be it. I should be on the dose now that is going to sustain me and I certainly hope that this is the case, because I don't want to take any more than this. Now I am taking half of what I used to take and I think that is just perfect and an acceptable amount. And, of course, I'm not taking the other extra antidepressant anymore, so that is only good news. Less is more. I don't know if that applies in this case, but lets run with it. I do know that this afternoon I feel good and I haven't had the welbutrin and I did have a double dose of effexor. Maybe that is just all in my mind and wishful thinking (suggestive thinking). Either way, I feel good and that's the way I like it.

The domestic help is here now dusting the living room, actually doing more than that as she's also doing the woodwork, which is more than I would do if I were cleaning the place. She's a hard worker. She cleans things the Dutch way and I clean things the French way, that's what we say here, and guess which way is best? The French did leave their influence here when they ruled the country in the late 18th century. Yes, every once in a while we get run over by a foreign power. It's been a while now, thank goodness. Not long enough to forget, though.

I will have to take Tyke for a walk when she gets ready to vacuum. Tyke won't mind that one bit. He's all for walks, as many as possible and he'll drag you all over the place. All 11 kilos of him. He's a strong dog with powerful legs. I really have to pull hard to get him to go in my direction. It's a real tug of war. This morning he managed to drag me all over the field to the other side, because he was on the trail of something. That reminds me that yesterday we saw a little chihuahua and Tyke wanted to play with it, but the poor animal took a flying leap every time Tyke got close. It was very scared and barked in a high pitched voice. It was kind of cute, but I wouldn't want a dog that was so scared, though. That's why I like Tyke, he's got guts, even when confronted with a big Newfoundlander.

Well, I have to end this now. I have to hang up the laundry to dry and put the dry laundry away. I do have to look a little industrious. I can't sit here like the lady of the house and only do leisurely things.

P.S. I take back everything I said about the flowers. I just took Tyke for a walk in a different neighborhood and I saw all sorts of flowers, including daffodils and tulips and lots of other flowers that I don't know the names of.

Have a great day,

Ciao

Nora.

Getting it right.

I just woke up from a long nap on the sofa and feel like a normal human being now. I was up earlier, but it was a disaster, because I had not slept long enough and I was in a terrible mood because of the shortage of sleep. Of course, instead of going straight back to bed, I was stubborn and convinced that I should stay up and function and do things, even though it was clear that I was not doing them well at all. I thought I should just have another cup of coffee and then I'd be okay, but that second cup of coffee didn't help me any more than that first one.

Finally it dawned on me that what I needed, for everyone's sake, was sleep. I laid down on the sofa and thought I would just rest with my eyes closed and that I would not really fall asleep, but I was wrong and as usual, I feel a lot better now and am a much friendlier person to be with. All my kindness has returned and I don't feel like the end of the world is coming and I'm the doom sayer to tell you. Goodness, that's a rotten job.

Now, of course, I'm dealing with that hour of adjustment in the time. It's really an hour earlier than it says on the computer clock and my watch. I haven't changed the clock in the living room yet, but it is dark and gray outside and it is raining, and it could be any time of the day. Still, I feel like the day is going by awfully fast time wise. I feel like I need to hurry up and do a lot of living in the few hours that are left of the day. I don't think it will happen, though.

I'm supposed to be doing my share of the house cleaning, meaning that I have to dust, vacuum and mop the apartment and clean up the kitchen, but I am so completely not able to do that right now. I think I will have to be excused and have the help do that work herself, because what else is she going to do? If it's raining, she can't wash the windows, except for the insides and those will be done in no time. The first girl who was ever here set up that schedule and I think she was a little bit confused. It's time to throw a wrench into the works.

Oh yes, I've changed my template. Of course, you can't help not missing that. I was over at Eye in the Sky and saw her link to Free Blogger Templates and, of course, I had to go have a look, and you know me, once I go have a look at free templates, I go see if there's one I like. I tried on a couple for size, before I settled on this one. I thought that maybe the other ones were a little bit too garish, although they had their appeal too and I'm not firmly decided yet. Let's just say that I'm thinking about it and things could change any minute. There was one I really liked but the tags were gobbled up with the text and I don't know how to fix it. If this one stays all depends on how much you like it. Thumbs up or thumbs down? You can't vote for the toad. Just for the unknown.

Tyke is lying by my feet, occasionally snoring. The back door is open, so he has been running in and out. There are bits of cardboard spread all over the living room and bedroom from an earlier adventure with a cardboard box. I get to pick up all those pieces. I think he has grown since I've had him, because he doesn't seem like such a little puppy anymore, although he still is in his behavior. He's getting less destructive, though, and more aware of what are his toys to do with as he pleases. He does like to steal things that belong to me, to tease me and to see if he can get away with it. I'm just waiting for him to get this stage behind him and become more normal, to whatever point that is possible. I think he will always be a little bit of a stinker. It's in his nature to be the clown.

The sun has come out again, though it isn't very warm out. There's no abundance of nature happening out there. Everything is late. It's just all sort of dreary looking, as if it's been fall. There is no eruption of green yet, nor are there bright blossoms of daffodils. Spring has forsaken us. At least I don't live in certain regions in Canada, where people still struggle with the cold and the snow and the wind. I would find that unbearable, but I guess you get used to anything. I suppose we don't have it so bad here.

I've had 3 cups of coffee and I will make myself a decaf now, so as to not upset the delicate balance of my psychic system. Ha! I'm only half kidding. I feel good now and I want to keep it that way. I mustn't upset the applecart.

Have a good afternoon. Don't forget to let me know what you think, or otherwise I'll start to act independently.

Ciao,
Nora

A rainy Friday...

It is fairly early in the morning still and it has rained already. I think it rained during the night too. I have the back door open and could hear the birds welcome the day. It smells good outside, like springtime should, but that could all be in my fruitful imagination, because it is that time of year. When you hear the birds sing like that, you automatically start thinking along those lines.

Tyke has been running in and out and thinks he is having great adventures. He comes in quite excited and then plops down to go to sleep. I think he is just chasing cats that can climb fences and frustrate him and maybe the occasional bird. Oh, he just came to get me. Apparently he can't poop end pee without me watching him. I'm so honored.

I slept very well last night. I climbed under the covers and was asleep within a minute. I slept for 8 hours and could have slept more, but I felt like getting up. There may be a nap later in the day, though, now that I know it doesn't interfere with my night rest and now that I have decent decaf to drink. Welbutrin is supposed to cause you insomnia, but that has not been my experience. What causes me insomnia is coffee.

I just had my breakfast of Brie and a glass of cold milk. I'm still drinking the milk. This morning I had lost 5.2 kg, that's about 11.5 lbs.

--------------------

I suddenly found myself so sleepy that I had to shut down the computer and go back to bed where I slept another 2 hours. I'm in the process of waking up now with another cup of coffee. I hope I'm successful, otherwise I'll have to go back to bed and it will be so boring for the dog, who's now looking out the window for people and dogs to bark at.

About the weight loss. I had said I would not weigh myself compulsively, but I find that I go on the scale almost every morning now. Just like I used to do when I was losing massive amounts of weight, so it is becoming a big deal to me and I want to keep track of it daily, so that I know I am losing weight and not unknowingly gaining any. Yeah right, it's becoming compulsive behavior, but I think it is very understandable and forgive myself for it. There are worse habits to have and I only have 12 kg to go. At this rate, it will take me 6 weeks. That's why I'm so excited.

Okay, I have sufficiently calmed down now and will write about something else. Tyke had found a book that had slipped under the bed and has torn it to pieces during the night. It is another fine mess for me to clean up. He had much fun chewing on the cover and spitting out the pieces. If he had hands, I would make him clean it up himself, but then again, he doesn't have the sense that God gave him either. He's more like a very inept small child that's just out of it's Pampers. Every time I think he's done destroying things, he finds something to tear apart. That's why I don't go to bed with a book and my reading glasses. I'll fall asleep with them in place and wake up to a disaster. If you'll remember, he's already destroyed one pair of reading glasses.

Now all I have to say is, "It's my monkey," and he grabs his monkey and keeps it just out of reach of me until I manage to grab it anyway and then we have a tug of war which I let him win. "How to amuse your dog and play other boring games with him. A handy guide book in 10 chapters, illustrated with very interesting photographs.Published by Reader's Digest."

Oh, I just found out that I have a choice of languages now to write in and have a spell check for. Well, that sure simplifies my life. Now I don't have to keep rereading the text for stupid mistakes. I can also point my mouse to an English word and it gives me the translation in Dutch, which is interesting and not always to my agreement, but then nobody asked me first. I think they should have.

Before, it would only spell check in Dutch and, of course, it was underlining every word and giving me Dutch words to put down instead. Now it's reading the text in American English. It gave me that option, so the dictionary must have installed itself anyway. They just assume you'll figure out all these things by yourself, which I did, quite by accident. Maybe I'm a dumb blond after all.

Well, it's time to do something else besides sit here and write posts, though what it could be I have no idea. Well yes, there are several options when I really think about it. None are really urgent, though, but not many things in my life are. They are things I ought to do.

Have a great day. It's still raining on and off here.

Ciao,
Nora

Naps!

I was feeling a bit down and out this afternoon and that was not at all in my line of expectations, of course. I wanted to consistently feel good now and not have any dips. Luckily, after a while, I realized that what I needed was a nap, so I laid down on the sofa and took one. When I woke up an hour and a half later, I felt better and was awake just in time to take my medicines. I'm still yawning and I still need more sleep, but I'm saving that for tonight when I go to bed. I woke up because I thought there was someone at the door, but I must have imagined it. I thought I heard the buzzer of the outside door, but when I answered the intercom, there was no one there.

Yesterday evening a neighbor came by my door twice insisting that a package for him had been delivered at my apartment yesterday afternooon and I kept saying that it had not been because I had not been home myself. He was highly ticked off and at me too, I think. Somehow I had to magically make a package appear. He's a bit of a strange neighbor anyway, so I don't take it personally. He'll have to call the delivery people and find out what happened to it. He hasn't come back yet. Phew!

I'm having a wonderful glass of cold milk. I can't get enough of it. I had a cup of coffee to wake up with, but I prefer this glass of milk. I would like some short bread cookies to go with it, but alas, I will forego those. When I next go to the store, I'm going to buy myself a pot of Nutella, maybe two, and eat from those with a little teaspoon. Mmm...nutritious! And delicious! I'm looking forward to it very much. I can't eat a lot of it all at once because of my gastric band, so it limits the amount of bad I can do at one sitting. Well, I don't even sit down. I stand up by the kitchen counter and eat it. You take in less calories that way, you know!

It's freezing outside and partly cloudy. I don't want to go outside. I will let Tyke do his business out back. I really don't like the cold, especially not now anymore when it has lasted so long. I think we all need a proper spring day with pleasant temperatures and sunshine.

Oh lord, I'm yawning so very much. I don't want to go to bed yet. It is much too early. I must amuse myself here a little while longer. I have to lock my evil dog into the bedroom with me so he doesn't do any bad things while I sleep. I don't know if he will like that, but that's the way it's going to be. Him and all his toys.

Have a nice evening. I will try come and visit your blogs. If I don't fall asleep on the keyboard.

Ciao,
Nora

Back to the old template.

As you can see, I've gone back to the toad. I decided in the end that it was really me after all. I also like the layout and the colors and how easy it is to read the text. But I tell you, I feel an affinity for that toad. I really feel like that´s a bit me sitting there on that rock with those wise bulging eyes and that little fat body. I connect with that toad.

I've just come back from walking Tyke in the not so cold morning and I've fed him his lunch. I have to sit very close to him when he eats, otherwise he will not finish eating. As it is, he takes a couple of bites and comes and sits with me until I tell him to go eat again. Or until a cat dares to come close to his bowl. He beat up Toby the other day for daring to eat from his bowl. I don´t think Toby will ever try it again.

Right now Tyke and Gandhi are running through the apartment like Tasmanian Devils and I fear for everything that is standing upright. And just as quickly, Tyke is sound asleep on the floor beside me. Go figure! I think it is because Gandhi is now sitting on the dining table grooming herself. The animals are as unpredictable as the weather.

In spite of the fact that I slept well last night, I took a nap on the sofa this morning. I slept for 2 hours and it was very nice. I'll not worry about it today, since it's Sunday and a day of rest, but, of course, I'm not supposed to be asleep during the day, especially not in the morning when I've just gotten up. I don't want to spend what are supposed to be my waking hours asleep on the sofa. There are other things that I can do with my time.

I do have to say, though, that Tyke is great when I'm asleep. It seems that all he does is sleep also. I never wake up from any racket that he and Gandhi are making and he never gets into things he's not supposed to when I'm taking a nap. I'm now going to knock on wood really hard three times lest I call bad luck out over myself.

The wind just picked up hard outside and I think it is going to rain. Showers are predicted. It promises to be a cosy afternoon here. I'll have to turn on some lights, because it's dark in here. Still, it's 11C (52F), so it's not cold. I can say for certain that there's no chance of snow. Lord, I am so grateful for that. If I never see another snowflake I'll be so happy. Do you think it's time that I immigrate to another climate? At least it's already staying lighter later in the evening. That's something. I really do appreciate that. I love it when the sun starts going down late and the day lasts longer. It makes me feel like I have more time to do things.

Today is the last day of February. Good riddance to it. Not that March is not an unpredictable month, but it does bring us close to springtime. You do get your reward if you're patient enough. Someone wrote about the darling buds of May, but here we can speak of the darling buds of March. He must have lived in a different geographical area. I'm talking about the buds on shrubbery and trees. I can't wait to see that green haze on those bare branches or am I running ahead of myself? I do remember this correctly, don't I? It's a mystery and a surprise every year over again.

I think have to find a new home for Gandhi. Tyke won't leave her alone. He misinterprets everything she does as playful behavior and he is constantly chasing her around the apartment and bothering her. He doesn't give her one moment of rest, like a typical puppy, and follows her wherever she goes. He nips at her and shoves her around and paws at her and he thinks that whatever she does in return is playful feedback. Gandhi is going nuts and I have to correct Tyke all day long. That lasts as long as it does and then I have to start all over again. It's maddening. I called the Exfactor and asked him if he wants her and he is going to think about it and also ask among his friends if anyone wants her. In the meantime I'll have to sit on Tyke. I guess I didn't knock on wood hard enough.

Gandhi has scratched Tyke in the eye and damaged his lower eyelid. It's swollen and red and it looks terrible. I'm putting an antibiotic cream on it, but I'll have to take him to the vet tomorrow just to make sure that his tear gland isn't damaged. Oh, it's always something.

I want to end this on a happy note, so let's see what I can write about. It has started to rain, but that is not really something to be happy about, although it is cosy when you're nice and dry inside. You must see the glass half full. I'm wearing a sweater that I had quite forgotten about and found another one that I had forgotten about too. It now is in the laundry, which I will do as soon as I'm done here.

The sweaters were laying on the top shelf of my closet where I don't have a look very often. It's a neglected area. Actually, my whole closet is kind of neglected and I'm wearing the same clothes over and over again. I put them in the laundry and when they're dry I put them on. I have no imagination when it comes to dressing up at the moment and I haven't worn any make up in a long time. I'm about the dullest woman in the street and it hardly bothers me.

Gandhi is now peacefully sleeping on the sofa and Tyke is lying beside me chewing on a rawhide bone. Temporary peace!

Have a good rest of the day. It is Sunday, so I hope you do only nice things for yourself.

Ciao,
Nora

Rain...

It's been raining non stop since I woke up this morning and even Tyke can't be fooled into going out into it. He'll quickly go out back, but looks at the sky to try to figure out what this wetness is that's sprinkling down on him. I let him out often, because he comes in so quickly that I get the impression that he hasn't done what he's supposed to do. To be on the safe side, he goes out every hour or so.

This morning his special puppy food was delivered that I ordered on line at my favorite pet shop. I ordered a 10 kilo bag and I'm curious to see how long it will last. Tyke has a good appetite and has been eating Jesker's left overs, but now I want him to eat more specialized food. He is growing, because I've had to move his collar up two notches. It was too tight. I noticed that when I was giving him an extended petting session yesterday. I don't want him to get fat and am constantly checking his belly for leanness. He doesn't get any food if his belly still feels a bit round. If it's empty, and it's time to eat, he gets food. I feed him in the morning and the evening and he gets a little snack in between as a reward if he has gone outside and done his business.

He's pretty easy to distract from negative behavior. I don't have to get cross with him, but just call him over and get his mind focused on something else. He really does do his best, although some habits are hard to break, such as wanting to dominate Gandhi over and over again. Gandhi is giving out very mixed messages and goes to look for him and parks herself right under his nose, so it's very confusing to Tyke who thinks she wants to play with him. He thinks it's all a game and that she is willing. He doesn't realize that she's a reluctant participant and confused herself. Tyke thinks they're married for life.

It just stopped raining and I went for a quick walk around the block with him. We met one of our neighbors with her dog and her dog was quite taken with Tyke and made advances. It was a girl dog at the ripe age of 12. She put all of her charms into it and Tyke was quite amused and flattered. He longingly looked after her when she went on her way with her owner. He would probably jump her if he got the chance. He's not as innocent as he looks, that feisty little thing.

It's been a long time since I've felt happy. It's been many months, but the last two days I sometimes feel little pinpricks of it. They are so tiny that they are hardly noticeable, but they are there nevertheless. I hope these pinpricks become larger and that they will turn into seconds and minutes and hours, but I'm afraid to hope for too much. I miss being happy. You don't know what you miss until you start feeling it again and now that I do on occasion, I want more of it. I long for it very much. It is a state of mind that I miss as much as blue skies and sunshine. It's awful to always feel like the colors black and gray and to never feel yellow and red. I don't know how I've lasted through all these winter months. It's been such a hell. All that's kept me hanging in there was the thought that there would be an end to it one day and the end is coming in sight now. I´m plain worn out from it.

The fact that there are the tips of leaves of plants showing up in the dark wet ground now gives me hope. Some shrubs have buds on them. It´s all full of promise and soon I will put this dark period behind me. Next year I´ll be smart and use the sunlight replacement lamp again, though I did not really believe in it. I´ll have to believe in it if I´m going to survive another winter. But I can´t think about that now. First I have to get ready for spring and thoroughly enjoy that and come back alive. I can start sitting on café terraces with my friend Yvonne again and take photographs of the world. I feel like I´m about to be let out of jail and join the human race again.

Well, so much for those ponderous thoughts. I´ve felt so trapped inside myself and inside that entity called winter that loomed so large around me with it´s darkness and cold and snow and ice and rain. I´m ready to be liberated from it.

This is the end of my epistle. While I´m typing this, I´ve been liberating Gandhi from Tyke´s amorous hold many times. I do want to break him of the habit.

Have a good day! Wish the rain away.

Ciao,
Nora