On the rebound...

After I wrote my last post in the middle of the night, I managed to sleep for nine hours and as a result I have felt like a new woman all day today. I needed that sleep very much as I was begining to go a little batty. I seriously started to question the workings of my mind. It was all due to the shortage of sleep, it now seems, and I feel ever so much relieved. Questioning your own mind is a terrible thing to do. I don't recommend it to anyone.

On top of everything, I just took a nap. It was delicious and I am now recuperating from it with a cup of coffee. The coffee is going down very well and is making the gears of my brain get unstuck out of the sleep position.

I'm staying in touch with my daughter through Facebook and know where she is because of it. She was last at the Trevi fountain in Rome. I'm sure she will check in again this evening. Facebook is very good for keeping track of people providing they want you to be able to. What would I do without it? Sit on pins and needles, most likely.

The dog is just happy that I'm home and not gone all the time. He sure does appreciate that. He rewards me by being very sweet and agreeable. He's such a good animal anyway. Most of the time he's a pleasure to have around. He does have his shenanigans, but that's normal. He wouldn't be your average dog if he didn't. 

I briefly had my closet door open and the cat took the opportunity and immediately climbed to the top shelf where the sweaters are. She's been sound asleep there all day. I guess she had a hunkering to hibernate. She couldn't have found a cozier spot and I would have done the same thing if I were a cat. She does trust me not to lock her up in there. 

I have to go walk the dog. It is that time of the evening again. He's sound asleep on the ground beside me, but he'll notice me get up right away. He's got a radar for that kind of thing. 

I hope you'll all have a good evening.

Ciao,

Nora

Neither here nor there...

I'm actually a little sleepy and may not at all be in proper shape to write a blog post despite the cups of coffee I'm having. I'm occasionally yawning and longing for my bed just a little bit. I'll try to ignore that longing for now and enjoy the time I'm up. I'm having a good enough time other than that. 

I did enjoy reading all the other blogs and leaving comments on them. I may have taken too much time doing that and have used up all my energy. I can only stay up so many hours at midnight before I have to go back to bed to finish sleeping. I tell myself that the cup of coffee I'm having now will see me through writing this post. 

It sure does pack a punch because I made it strong enough to make my hair stand on end. I was overly optimistic when I added the ground coffee. Some nights I get like that and make it so strong that it makes my mouth pucker when I drink it. My stomach can handle that fairly well. Now that I'm not felled by a bug anymore, I can handle just about any cup of coffee. 

I went to sleep early, but was wakened by a stumbling and scratching sound. I didn't know where it came from, but the dog heard it too. We went to investigate and after walking around the apartment for a bit, we discovered that it came from my closet. When I opened the door, a very disoriented cat came out and she had been locked in there for quite some time. I had last put something away in the closet in the afternoon. 

She was very happy to be liberated and wanted a saucer of milk first and to go outside next. She didn't seem to have any hard feelings about having been locked up. The dog thought it was all very curious and investigated the bottom of the closet real well as if he thought about taking up residence there himself. I'm sure he would get claustrophobic immediately. It would not be a good idea. 

I spent the afternoon at my sister's house, sitting in the sunshine, drinking rooibos tea. It agreed with my stomach very well and I think it has healing properties. It and green tea seem to be two of the kindest things I can drink. They don't make me feel full or give me any other sort of uncomfortable feeling, nor do they make me burp. 

The sunshine was kind and benevolent and we sat there in the warmth of it soaking up every ray. We stayed out as long as we could. Today is going to be an equally nice day. We're living under the influence of a high pressure system. The temperatures aren't that high, but the sun shines all day and when you're in a sheltered spot, it's wonderful. We do seem to be blessed on the weekends.

I watched the rugby match final between New Zealand and France for the World Championship and as you probably know, New Zealand won, although France played very well and it could have gone either way. New Zealand had not won it for 24 years since the start of the Championship. I was rooting for either team. 

A lot of football was played and I watched the highlights of it, which I like better than watching the whole games. I do enjoy the commentaries so much, which are really understated. It's the cool Dutch way of everybody keeping their heads together. There's no screaming or yelling or other over exuberance. We are not like that.

I expect to get a phone call today to tell me that my glasses will be ready to be picked up. It will be today or tomorrow. That will make it exactly two weeks since I ordered them. I've waited long enough. 

I'm ready to go back to bed. It's the only place for me to be now. I have no business sitting here any longer. Since it's officially Monday, I do need to get some sleep in order to get up on time in the morning. 

I hope you're all having a good night and that you'll have a good morning when you get up. 

Caio,

Nora

Sunday, early in the morning...

Apparently, I've slept long enough because I'm up bright eyed and bushy tailed, having my cups of coffee and feeling wide awake and ready to start the day. How this situation came about I don't quite know myself either, but I'll enjoy the moment while I can. I hope it lasts more than a moment, as a matter of fact. I hope the feeling lasts for the rest of the day because that would make me one happy camper. 

I'm still sitting here in my pajamas and the animals are sound asleep in various spots in the living room. It's too early for them to start the day. They are used to me getting up much later than this. I don't mind the temporary peace and quiet this gives me. At least I don't have to get into action yet and toss balls and pour dishes of milk. I do it with love, but sometimes I like a time out. 

It was raining when I got up and rain is predicted for the rest of the day. I really don't mind too much, except that I do have to go out in it this afternoon when I'm going to see my sister and her friend. I do know which outfit I'm going to wear today and it's something completely different than what I have been wearing. 

For a change I'm not going to be wearing one of my pairs of skinny jeans. I think the novelty of them has worn off by now and I'm ready to wear some of my other clothes. I'm ready to wear a dress again. I do first have to clean up all the clothes I've been wearing this past week and that are lying around in the bathroom. 

It's not as if I haven't got an organized closet to put them in and there's always laundry to do. Things can easily get washed if they're needed to. I've got about two loads to do and I will do them today. At least I'm in the mood for them. They will not be a horrible chore that I'm not looking forward to. In my present mood, I can handle laundry. Besides, it's usually one of my more favorite jobs. 

It's not very cold in here but I had to put my bathrobe on nevertheless. I think it is because it's so damp that it feels colder. We won't have any sunshine at all today and it will feel like fall out there. That means it's going to be dark in the living room and I will have to turn some lights on to make it cozy. 

I think I will get into action now and start cleaning up my clothes. At least I know that I won't run out of hangers. I've got enough of them. There's enough space on my shelves too since the purge. 

I hope you'll all have a good Sunday, although with a little bit of sunshine. 

Ciao,

Nora

On a cloudy day...

I've just woken up from an afternoon nap and I'm drinking my second cup of coffee. It is very necessary that I have the caffeine as I'm incapable of thinking clearly without it. Or so I've told myself anyway. 

I'm slowly becoming more clearheaded, but I should say that I'm getting a better mood. That would be more accurate. Why call things by any other name? I was a grouch before. A muddleheaded grouch.

It's not as though I have to pretend that I never get in a bad mood, do I? It can't all be moonshine and roses. 

I'm dressed in warm clothes as today is a chilly day. It was fun choosing what to wear, but I didn't pick anything adventurous. I went with a safe and sane outfit. Anyone would want to be seen in public with me, that's how ordinary I look. 

My closet is so bare now, that it's easy to choose clothes. Plus, I've got a trove of empty hangers. They are all good ones and I will save all of them. Doubtlessly, they will be used again some time in the future. I'm saying this optimistically, but I already had a stash of hangers in the bottom of the closet. 

I just remembered some clothes I have on the shelves that I have not looked at yet. No doubt they will need to get washed and ironed. I haven't worn them in ages. They should fit me well now. Ha, that will be a fun job to go and do. One load of laundry coming up. 

*

I just walked the dog around the fields. It wasn't as cold as I thought it was going to be and wearing my cardigan sufficed. It looked like it was going to rain and it has been predicted. Some rain would do us a world of good. Things are very dry and dusty. 

There are mostly buttercups and daisies now. All the dandelions that had gone to seed have been blown away. The clover is disappearing again, but I think it must be because of the dryness. It must need more water. 

Well, I must get to work on those clothes. Lord only knows what I'll find there. It will be a journey of discovery. The last time I looked through them I was quite a bit heavier. 

Have a good day. I hope your weather treats you well. 

Ciao,

Nora

...and what else do I have to say?

The good news is that there has not been a mouse in the apartment yet. At least, the cat has neglected to bring one in today to play with much to my relief. She could have done it easily while I was taking a nap, but luckily she was bright enough not to do such a foolish thing. I would not have forgiven her quickly. 

There is no bad news, unless you count the fact that I've only had one cup of coffee and that I'm not going to have another one unless I make another pot of it. I'm undecided if I will do that. I need the caffeine because my brain is not functioning optimally yet. I'm still stuck in the drowsy setting.

I'm wearing a tunic that has been hanging in my closet for a long time, but that I had not worn yet because it was too small. Much to my relief, it fit me today and I'm proudly showing off my svelte body in it. It's tight fitting and made of stretch material and I really feel daring in it. I'm glad I rediscovered it. 

I've made that other pot of coffee and am drinking a cup of it now. I slowly am getting unstuck from the drowsy setting. There's something to be said for a fresh pot of coffee. It does work miracles. 

*

I just walked the dog in the still warm evening air. It smelled like blossoming things and there was lots of pollen in the mild breeze. If I were really allergic to stuff, I would be in much worse shape now. The conclusion is that I'm not and that I only have eczema. That's bad enough, of course, but it's nothing compared to what people go through who have hay fever and asthma. 

I have to look through my closet to see what other clothes are going to fit me and what is too big. I'll have some sorting to do. It is with a certain amount of pleasure that I'll do this. I'm going to do that next, as soon as I'm done writing this. 

Oh yes, I forget that I have to eat some dinner first. That is important. I would forget something like that. No problem, something is easily microwaved. Isn't that the best invention ever? It's perfect when you live on your own and you need to make only one portion. 

Have a good evening and enjoy the weather. 

Ciao,

Nora

Don't bite my head off...

I stayed up early this morning and did not return to bed to catch another forty winks like I usually do. I just didn't feel like sleeping and I wanted to get the day started because that's the sort of mood I was in. Bed didn't seem at all appealing to me, even though I hadn't had that much sleep the night before. I was wide awake and the day could start for all I cared. I was ready for it. 

I showered and picked my outfit with care and was pleased when I was put together. The effect was pleasant enough if I pulled in my stomach and remembered to keep it pulled in. I also have to remember to do more sit ups. 

I walked the dog in the silent streets because nobody was out there yet. It was too early and it was cold. There was frost on the grass and on the windshields of the cars, but the sun was out and it promised to be a nice day. 

When I got home, I did my chores one by one while taking little breaks in between to watch the news. It was during one of these breaks that I remembered that my personal helper wasn't going to be here that morning because she had a week's vacation. That meant that I had some free time ahead of me that I had to spend wisely.

I decided to take the dog for a long walk to see if we could find any more wildflowers. We walked south toward the edge of town and skirted it eastward along a green pathway. I saw some more buttercups, but nothing else yet. There were lots of green plants growing, but I could not identify them without their flowers. There was lots of promise there anyway. 

We walked along a neglected path by a field, but the situation was the same  there until we were in the civilized world again. Here people didn't have very exciting gardens to look at. Mostly hedges and green shrubbery, there weren't any flowers yet. It was too early in the year for much color. I think I had been expecting too much at the wrong time of the year. 

We finally made it home and I made myself some coffee and gave Tyke a milk bone.  Gandhi was sound asleep on my bed like she had not even missed us. She probably had lots of peace and quiet and appreciated it very much. Tyke was tired from his outing and almost forgot to bother her. She's had a very peaceful afternoon on the sofa. 

I decided that I enjoyed looking for clothes in my closet so much that I wanted to do it again and I picked out a whole new outfit to wear. I's something I hadn't worn yet and I'm equally pleased with it. I also decided that I needed to wear some different earrings, so I changed those too. This all makes my life more interesting. I do like to make it exciting for myself. 

I have to go and walk Tyke one more time. We won't go too far this time. It's very nice outside now and it's tempting to go for a longer walk, but I need to eat and I've got to make some dinner when I get back. Tyke's waiting impatiently. 

Have a good evening.

Ciao,

Nora

What I did with my Sunday...

I finally did manage to get to bed some time early in the morning after having been up all night amusing myself behind the computer and thinking I would never go to sleep. I need not have despaired, though, because when I was finally in bed I slept like a rock in a hidden meadow.

I do vaguely remember getting up once to let Tyke out, but I didn't really wake up properly to do this. With half closed eyes I made it to the back door and back to my bed and went on sleeping until some time in the afternoon. Tyke slept on the bed with me and was very cooperative. I couldn't ask for a better dog.

I made myself a half a pot of coffee when I got up and soon was completely back to my senses. I felt pretty darn good and ready to enjoy what was left of the day. So was Tyke and we wrestled and played together and I made him speak. He thought it was funny that I barked and he did bark in return, but sometimes he gazes at me with a puzzled look and his head held to one side as if he doesn't quite believe what he's seeing. I do so appreciate a dog with a sense of humor. I do have to get my timing right.

It's been raining all afternoon, but you all know how much I like that and I think it's very cozy. It makes me feel very sheltered and safe inside the apartment. It is dark in here, but that's why I have the light in the corner of the living room turned on. Tyke is sitting in front of the window enjoying the view. It's now become a habit that he sits there and it's another way for him to amuse himself. He does very often have to share his space with Gandhi as they both like to sit there.

I haven't gotten out of my pajamas yet and think I won't because it has now become evening and I think I won't be going anywhere. I do very much appreciate a lazy Sunday like this and I'm glad I got to sleep so late. Your brain functions better on a happier plane when it's had enough sleep and you can't fool your body.

I'm not going to turn on my Bright Light Energy Lamp, because I think I've got quite enough energy. I'm afraid it will make me hyper if I do. I think it's too late in the day for it too. It's best turned on in the morning when starting the day. I think I used it too late in the day yesterday and that's why I made it such a late night. I just couldn't come down out of the clouds and settle down to a lower plane.

I still have to look through the top shelf of my closet and see what's up there. It is a hard shelf to get to, because everything tumbles down once you start pulling things out. I also keep my winter sweaters there and it's a cramped space as a result. Maybe I'll find things there that I've forgotten about, but it will definitely be the last place where such things can be. I will have covered every conceivable place where clothes can hide. The fact that I've lost weight makes it interesting to find things, because I never know it those clothes are going to fit me or if I have to put them in the bag with lost causes, so I do have mixed feelings about that.

I still haven't figured out a proper way to store my shoes and my boots. I have the ones I don't wear in a big box and I should go through them and discard the ones I won't ever wear again. The ones I do wear are put away wherever I think they are safe from Tyke. That's wherever I can fit them and that's not very organized. I do know where they all are, but I think I need a better system. I think the most important thing is to get rid of the old ones. I'm sure I can make the recycle shop happy with the ones that are still in good shape. That will be a chore that I will have to apply myself to one of these days. I will plan it in my head first and then carry it out. The same way I finally cleaned up the closet.

It looks like autumn outside and it feels like it too. It is only 13C and even inside it has gotten quite a bit cooler. That's nice, because it has been too warm in here all summer. It's finally gotten down to 21C. It's stormy outside and there's actually a draft in here, which makes it nice and cool. I did have to put on my bathrobe to keep from getting too chilled. There's nothing better than hanging around in your bathrobe. That used to be called cocooning. I think it's gone out of fashion. It's a leftover from the 80's, I think. Having been a yuppie I should know these things. Or rather, having been the wife of one.

I've got to clean the place up a bit for the domestic help tomorrow in case I don't wake up in time in the morning. I can just see myself sleep late again. It was such a nice experience today. I can highly recommend it. I have some chores to do and I will try and do them now. There's no sense in wasting time and I am wide awake again. I have to tire myself out a bit.

Have a nice evening. It's raining buckets here.

Ciao,
Nora

On a Sunday afternoon...

It rained yesterday in the evening and during the night. It was very pleasant to lie in bed and hear the rain come down on the patio through the opened window. That's how I fell asleep. To that sound.


Today it is an overcast day and cool, but I still have the windows open at the top, because inside it isn't cold. I'm wearing my boots and leggings and an extra top. I have a scarf around my neck for warmth. The draft that is moving through the apartment is not unpleasant and only mildly cool. I'm dressed warm enough for it not to bother me.

When I took Tyke for a walk at noontime, we got rained on, but it was a real springtime rain and very mild and light. It was like wet sunshine pouring down. Nevertheless, we were a bit soaked when we got home and I had to dry us off with towels. Tyke enjoys that and thinks it's the same thing as cuddling. My hair got sticky because of the hairspray. I'll have to wash it again. It was standing up in all directions anyway from sleeping on it.

I'm becoming a champion at sleeping at night. There's no problem anymore in sleeping through the night and waking up at a normal hour in the morning. I usually get about 8 hours of sleep. I think that's the requisite amount. I can do that without taking a nap during the day, but I'll take one of those too if I have to, though I prefer to do without and be really tired at night and long for bedtime.

I must admit that sometimes it's the cups of coffee that keep me going through the day. If I feel at all like I'm faltering and not hanging in there well enough, I make myself a cup and do much better again. It only takes one cup and I'm alright. I don't have to make a second one. That's what so nice about the Senseo machine. That I can just make one cup and drink it hot and fresh.

The Senseo machine is doing a lot better after a good cleaning with a bottle of cleansing vinegar. It's stopped leaking and is working normally again. I probably hadn't cleaned it on time and had waited to long to run the vinegar through. Time goes by so quickly and it is like with my haircuts. If I don't write them down in my agenda, I forget to make an appointment for my next one and walk around with unruly hair, not giving a thought to why that is. Being absent minded is one of my lesser attributes.

Tyke is doing better every day. he's not so worn out when we come home from our walks, so I don't think he really feels sick, although his eye still doesn't look so good. He's gnawing on a rawhide bone right now, preferring a new one to the left over bits of the old ones. I end up throwing those away in the trash. They're not very interesting to him. I need to go to the pet store and buy him one of those huge bones and see what he does with one of those. It will be just out of curiosity to see his reaction to it.

I put away all the clothes I wore this week in my organized closet. I had worn about four different outfits and had left them all lying around, although neatly folded. Today I finally made myself clean them up. When you live by yourself, you only have yourself to blame for the mess that's there. Whatever dish is dirty, is your dish. Whatever laundry needs to be done, is your laundry. Okay, some of the mess can be blamed on the animals, but most of it is yours.

I have to wash the dishes today, because tomorrow the domestic help is coming again and I do have to clean up the kitchen. That includes the counter and the sink and the Senseo machine. I also have to scrub the toilet and take down the dry laundry and see if there is a load ready to go into the machine. I have to change my bed, that's right. That will be one load of laundry. The fun never ends.

There are always enough jobs to do that the domestic help doesn't do. Things I need to do to make it easier for her. I didn't realize I had a bottle of bleach and I'm going to tackle the toilet with it, being careful not to get any on my clothes. That would be a shame, now that I'm so nicely dressed in my Sunday best. Actually, I'm wearing a dress that I had quite forgotten about and that fits me very well and hides all my faults. Who can ask for more?

Okay, I'm going to tackle those jobs now. It's a long enough post. After that I'm going to read my new book. "A Home At The End Of The World" by Michael Cunningham. It's intriguing, though very confronting and it makes me feel slightly uncomfortable at times. I think that must be the function of the book. I think he is harsh on young teenagers and their motivations. I don't think they're quite that sophisticated. Or young children for that matter. He interprets them through his grown up eyes and hindsight knowledge. It's written well, though. I intent to stick with it.

Ciao,
Nora

The closet!

I got up early this morning and was full of excitement, because I had promised myself that I would clean out my closet and because I had worked out the method I was going to use, I was looking forward to it. I didn't want to rush into it and had a cup of coffee first and answered my emails. It was still early and there was no need to act as if I was short of time. I had lots of time.

So when Tyke started to get impatient with me and let me know it was time to go out, I got dressed and took him for a 20 minute walk. Not too long, but long enough for him to do his business and sniff at all the blades of grass and the other various bits of vegetation. Once I got that out of the way, I took a break on the sofa with a glass of milk and a cigarette and mulled over my strategy. I was going to move some of my clothes to the shelves in my bedroom and needed to reorganize some things there first. I wanted to put some clothes there that I didn't wear very often and would easily fit on the deep shelves of the tall bookcase. So, I had to move some books first.

Luckily, my bedroom is organized and I could move things around pretty easily and I had room. That part of the job was done in no time and I had two empty shelves to put clothes on. Then I got all the mixed up stacks of clothes out of my closet and sorted them out and found four long sleeved stretch T-shirts that I had quite forgotten about. I also found some cute tank tops that I didn't realize I owned and a skirt and a pair of jeans that I didn't know about. They're all in the right size too.

I refolded everything and made new stacks. Then I went to the clothes that were on hangers. It was a chore to get the first item out. Things were jam packed, but the first dress I pulled out could go into the trash bag and the hanger could go into what would become a pile of hangers. I was ruthless. If I hadn't worn it in a year, it went into the trash nag. If it didn't fit, I wasn't going to fool myself and think it would fit me next year. It went into the trash bag.

Some things I had quite forgotten about and it was like I was shopping and discovering new clothes. A cute, colorful dress. A nice yellow long sleeved top. A green cardigan. A black top, printed with gold leaves and tied with ribbons. A light weight Hawaiian blouse.

When it comes down to it, I think I removed almost half of the clothes that were hanging there and put them in the trash bag. Some of them I had forgotten about too, but I'm not going to wear them anymore. Now I can easily move around the clothes that are left on the rod and all the extra hangers are gone too. I carefully stacked them in the bottom of my closet. There must have been thirty of them. The stacks of clothes are neatly divided over all the shelves and I know what I have now, so getting dressed is going to be a lot simpler. All I have left to do is look inside a large shopping bag in which I put some clothes a long time ago, because they didn't fit, and see if there's anything in there that might be of interest to me now.

So, wasn't that a fun job? All you need is a plan and to discuss it on your blog and then you will do it. You will be committed.

I've got to go look at that shopping bag now. My curiosity knows no bounds.

Ciao,
Nora

Sunday News...

Today is part of a long weekend, Tomorrow is a holiday too. I'm quite pleased about it, because I feel like I'm on a mini vacation and I can just do whatever I please. Well, within reason. I mean, I do have some responsibilities, like the animals and some chores that need to get done regardless of whether or not it is a holiday or a Sunday.

There is always a job that has been put off for a long time and that finally needs taken care of and today was the day to do it. I tackled the floor in the spare bedroom, which has been turned into a storage room where the Exfactor and I keep everything that we don't have room for and there are stacks of boxes there against all walls and numerous other items. It is also where the back door is and in the back door is the cat flap where the cats enter and exit the apartment. It is also where I let out Tyke if he has to do an emergency piddle, so needless to say, the floor was quite dirty and littered with sand and cat and dog hair and twigs and leaves and other debris.

It hadn't been cleaned in a long time and I kept promising, no threatening myself, that I would clean it and I finally got around to it this morning. I swept it first, as well as I could with everything that was in the way, and then mopped it. I got it fairly clean, good enough for the animals anyway, and we'll see how long it lasts in this condition. If I stay on top of it, it should never get out of hand again. This was the result of a depression. Now that I'm out of it, I should be able to manage better.

I also hung up another load of laundry to dry and I have another load of sheets and odd ends to go into the machine. I told you, I never run out of laundry. It seems to be my favorite chore to do.

There is one more job that I am putting off and that I'm going to have to get around to doing and that is cleaning out my closet. I'm not looking forward to it at all. The first thing I ought to do is take out everything I don't wear anymore and put it in a bag. I must be very organized when I go to work at it. I think sorting through the clothes that I do and do not wear is the first job. I will get a big trash bag and fill it up with obsolete clothes.

Next, I have to sort out the stacks of different tops and sweaters. They are hopelessly mixed up right now and I don't know in which stack to find what anymore, it's all guess work now. I'm only sure of what's clean and folded in the laundry basket.

I have to sort through everything that's on hangers and that's the tricky part. The clothes are packed in so tight, that it's hard to get to an individual piece and very often the pressure of all the clothes together is the only thing that keeps an item on the hanger. Very often when I make space, things end up on the bottom of the closet. I have to decide which of these things can be folded and put on a shelf instead.

You mustn't think that I've got an enormous amount of clothes. I just have an old fashioned closet. It's not like the kind of closet Americans have. The kind that is built in with sliding doors and lots of floor space. This is a closet from the 20's that I repainted and used to have to share with the Exfactor. I don't know how we did that. I had much less clothes then. That is true. One thing I did when I became single is expand my wardrobe. Long live me! That's one thing a woman ought to have, a choice of clothes when she gets dressed in the morning. Although it is true, that as you wear your clothes, you do end up wearing certain items a lot and other things hardly at all. And some of them never. Those are the obsolete ones.

Who knows what I'll find in my closet? There are probably clothes I've forgotten about. It's very likely that I have more things to wear than I am aware of. Writing all of this down has gotten me curious and I think I will tackle this job tomorrow. It will be a good way to spend some spare time.

I took a nap this afternoon and woke up in a minor mood. I thought something was wrong, but couldn't place my finger on it. I had a slight feeling of discomfort and thought I was coming down with a dip. I made myself a glass of lemonade, because I thought I might need the sugar, but that wasn't it. I sat and pondered about it for a while and then had the brilliant idea to try a cup of coffee. That did the trick. Very soon I was my own cheerful self and I could think straight again. I just needed to have my brain stimulated and a bit of a kick in my rear end. I still take tranquilizers in the afternoon, but I think maybe it is time to stop them. I can't do that on my own. I need to discuss that with my psychiatrist. I think the tranquilizers slow me down and make me fuzzy brained. I feel better when I don´t take them. After all, they subdue your mood and that can´t be right under the circumstances. I don´t need subduing.

Now I´m having lemonade and it tastes great. I´m not going to bed yet, because I can sleep as late as I want in the morning. Just kidding! If I sleep from midnight until 8 am, I will be happy. A little later would be okay too, but 8 hours of sleep would be nice. I´ve started reading Under the Tuscan Sun and I must have read it before at a crucial time in my life, because all sorts of memories are drifting to the surface. It´s a subconscious thing and I don´t know how happy I am about it. If it becomes a problem, I´ll have to stop reading it. Not all my memories are good ones and the past is better left alone. It´s better to stay in the present and not torture yourself with old pain that can´t be resolved.

Okay, that´s enough of that. I made it a long enough post for today. I could sit here for a long time and write a novelette, but I don´t think that´s what you came for.

Ciao,
Nora

Today...

I got up on time to answer my emails and have some coffee and smoke some cigarettes and blog a little. Before I do anything today, I have to go to the tobacconist to get my supply of tobacco and filter tubes. I can walk Tyke at the same time and then do a few chores around here. I have to get the apartment ready for the domestic help. There can't be any kind of a chaos for her to start with, not even a little one. So I must organize the kitchen and clean up some things that are lying around in the various rooms.

There's a bowl of porridge sitting in the kitchen that I have to throw out, because I couldn't eat it. My gastric band didn't allow me to. I think my stomach shrank. After just a few bites I was awfully full and had to stop eating. I did manage to eat some curried rice noodles later. They were pretty good, although they weren't what I had asked the Exfactor to buy for me. I had asked him for small packages of flavoured rice. Something got lost in the translation between women's talk and men's interpretation. Isn't it always like that?

I may be awake, but I think I'm not quite done sleeping yet and I look forward to the end of the day when I'll be able to take a nap. Goodness, I can look forward to that already. I'm like an old lady who needs to get her forty winks in. Sleep plays such a big role in my life, either as in too much of it or not enough of it.It all depends on what time of day or night it is. I constantly fall asleep with my reading glasses and my reading light on. My book drops out of my hands onto the floor. So far Tyke hasn't demolished it. I'm still looking forward to the day when I will sleep 8 hours straight again like I was doing for awhile. It's a shame that this stopped, because it was very pleasant.

Since I'm planning to wear my summer clothes today, I do hope that the weather is going to be nice. I didn't watch the news last night, so I have no idea of the forecast. Last night, after that splendid weather we had during the day, it rained and everything has gotten refreshed. The sky is overcast now and it doesn't look too promising. Actually, I shouldn't make it sound like that is a big deal. All I have to do is dress warm enough, because I really don't mind cool days and a little rain. I just means a change of plan in what I am going to wear. I think I can deal with that. That would be the least of my worries and I can wear socks and my cowboy boots and I will be nice and warm. Not to mention a scarf.

Tyke is barking at phantom people walking by. He does that at night too when the blinds are closed. He barks at the windows as if there is someone there. It doesn't scare me, because I feel pretty safe here and I think his bark will scare anyone away, he sounds like a big dog. I do wonder what in his imagination sets him off, though. He must be very alert and imagine all sorts of people trying to break into the apartment.

Oh, I was just out back with him and it is cold out. I will dress very warmly. It is not at all going to be a nice warm spring day. Well, it will be fun to choose my clothes for today. My imagination is working overtime already, but it will be better if I dive in my closet and see what is there. There are always forgotten surprises. Clothes that temporarily disappear in the chaos and then reappear again. The closet is too full and not organized well enough any more.

Right, it is time to take my medicines and to get dressed. I wish I had gotten my hair cut, because I can't do a thing with it. Isn't that a famous last line?

Ciao,

Nora

What do you do?

What do you do if you wake up from a nap on the sofa and your first thought is that you don't want to be there any more? And what do you do if nearly an hour later you still feel that way, despite the fact that you've taken your medicines and smoked a cigarette and petted the dog?

Well, you make yourself a large mug of strong coffee and drink it as rapidly as you can and very quickly you will start to feel better, because the caffeine does something to the chemistry in your brain. It is an added value and because it is, you make another mug and drink it with the same eagerness you drank the first and just generally start to feel good. Wasn't that a wonderful invention of the people who first started to brew coffee and discovered the stimulating qualities of it? Little did they know that they would save the life and sanity of a woman in the 21st century on the European continent.

After you drink your coffee, you feel fit enough to deal with your dog, who needs to be walked and you cheerfully do so. All that caffeine in your head is making your synapses fire properly and your thought processes move smoothly and easily as if they were the products of a well oiled machine. There's something to be said for little cups of espresso too. They are downed easily and quickly and give fast results. An espresso machine may be in order. Something worth looking into, since the Senseo coffee maker is starting to leak. A creative solution must be thought of.

I'm wearing a brand new outfit today. I got it ready during the night when I was up and wide awake and not nearly ready to go to sleep. The only same things I'm wearing are my cowboy boots, but you can't get those off my feet nowadays. I'm completely hooked on them and they are comfortable, except for where my little toe hurts from my hiking boots, but I would have that in any kind of shoe now. A new outfit was easily put together, because I do have enough clothes to choose from, although I need to clean out my closet to get a better idea of what is there and what fits and what doesn't. I need to sort through the whole collection. That's a good job for a rainy day, which we are not going to have for a while. It's supposed to be nice weather this weekend with pleasant temperatures.

I also found all the rings I was looking for. Most of them are very nice with pretty stones, but the prettiest ones were too big. I'm wearing a mother of pearl and a red translucent stone of which I don't know the name. They are both set in silver, which is a metal that I can be allergic to, so we will hope the best. The other ones have prettier stones, but like I said, they are too big, although it must be possible to make them smaller. I'll see if I want to go through the trouble of that.

I think I went to sleep a little after 6 o'clock in the morning and woke up at 9:30, just before the phone rang. It was the Exfactor who said he would be over in about an hour, which left me time to get dressed and walk Tyke. I was till very sleepy when the Exfactor got here and couldn't engage in a too animated conversation, because I still needed my coffee. He did do the groceries for me, which was very sweet and now I've got enough milk and cheese to last me for the week. I've also still got porridge and since I haven't eaten it in awhile I think I will have a bowl of it tonight. That will be simply delicious.

An air plane just flew over and I'm disgusted by the sound of it. It has been so nice not to have the sound of it and now it is slowly returning to the every day noises we hear. For a while it was really silent and only if the wind was coming from the right direction, you could hear the traffic on the highway or the trains at the station. I find the noise of air planes very intrusive and am indignant that they can just fly over populated areas, which is hard not to do in the Netherlands or anywhere else I suppose, the airports being built near highly populated areas. I feel sorry for the people who live near Schiphol, which is a very busy airport and they must go mad with all the noise. We have it relatively easy compared to them.

My personal helper called this afternoon and she is coming over on Monday for an introductory meeting and will start to work on Thursday. That is amazingly fast, because I thought I would have to wait a few weeks. She sounded very nice on the phone, although she did address me in dialect, which luckily I understand. Everybody automatically speaks dialect to each other until they realize that you speak Dutch.

My psychiatrist called also and I could tell him that I was having a fairly good day, which he says is something that is very typical of me, that one day I can be completely in the lowest valley and the next day be out of it again and he said that that's why it's so important that I stick to a strict schedule, although he understands my desire to stay up when I feel good. It's hard to let go of that feeling, but it does take all day to recuperate from a long night up. I told him that what he had said about guilt and wanting to be dead had made a lot of sense to me and that I had given it a lot of thought, and he said that was half the work, that an idea made sense to you and that you recognized yourself in it.

Well, I've rambled on long enough now and I don't want to bore you, so I'll bring this to an end. I'm also coming to the end of "The Stone Diaries" and am enjoying it very much. I hope I have another book by Carol Shields on the bookcase, but I'm not sure. If I don't, I'll have to order one. She has such a nice writing voice and it all flows so naturally and you don't get the feeling that she's writing according to some standard formula.

All right, have a nice day and a nice evening Drink some coffee if it's not going well. Don't drown your sorrows in beer.

Ciao,

Nora

Stumbling and fumbling...

I had a pan of noodles on the stove and fell sleep sitting in the corner of the sofa. Some time later I woke up to the smoke alarm. At first I couldn't figure out what was wrong, but I did smell something funny. It took me a minute to figure out that it was the pan of noodles, now burned to a crisp. I opened the kitchen window and the back door and reset the smoke alarm and slowly the fumes left the apartment. It's a shame about those noodles and I won't be able to save that pan, but at least the apartment didn't burn down. We call that 'lucky while being unlucky.' I should have nuked the noodles. They wouldn't have burned. Oh well...

Now I'm sitting here half awake, unable to go back to sleep because of the excitement of it all and slightly hungry. I need to figure out what I'm going to eat instead. There's not that much choice, because I'm not going food shopping until tomorrow afternoon. I'm having a glass of fruit juice for the energy and I can have a bowl of tomato soup later, but I feel like eating short bread cookies. Fat chance! Visions of sugar plums...

Good, the fruit juice is working and now I'm having another glass of it. I'm practically becoming a human being again. I was just beginning to wonder if the gas station would be open so I could buy some chocolate and cookies, but I think I'll live now. A disaster has been averted.

-------------------

Of course, I ended up going to sleep after I wrote the above, because I was really keeling over with tiredness. I was just too stubborn to admit it. I was trying to artificially keep myself awake by thinking that if I just ate something, it would pep me up and I would be okay. Common sense prevailed, or should I say, my closing eyelids?

I'm having a cup of coffee with the last bit of milk that I have left. From now on it is artificial creamer. That's not something I look forward to, but at least I've not run out of coffee. That would have been really bad. I bought three bags of pads the last time I went shopping, just in case, and I think I will do that again today. Oh, I have to remember to buy vinegar to clean the Senseo machine. It's high time, because it's not giving me a full cup of coffee. There's hard water deposit in it. Pledge and vinegar, that's what I need to get.

I have an appointment with my SPN today and I had sent her an email explaining to her my intention to quit taking my medications. I know she read the email, because she told me so when she called me yesterday to change the time of the appointment. She didn't say anything about it other than that we would discuss it today, but I do have a feeling of apprehension as though I'm going to have some heavy explaining to do and convincing. But I know I'm also a tough cookie and that once I make up my mind about something, it is hard to change it and I will maintain my right to do what I think is best. I do hope that I'm not going to run into all sorts of resistance, but I'm ready to deal with it. I hope for co-operation.

Well, here I am worrying ahead of time about attitudes that I don't know a thing about. I'm anticipating all sorts of problems that I may not even run into. So I better put my mind at rest and think about something totally different, like, what am I going to wear today? I was thinking about wearing jeans, but I do have to find a nice top to go with them. I so very rarely wear jeans, but I saw them laying there yesterday and thought I might try them on today (with a belt, of course). It means having a good look in my closet for once. I haven't done that in a while. Lord only knows what I'll find. It will be a regular expedition.

Okay, on that happy note I'll leave you. I wish you all a good morning and a happy day!

Ciao,
Nora

What I should be doing!

I should be rushing around getting ready and walking the dog before I go to the post office, but I've pushed my pause button and am going to sit here just a while longer and enjoy the not so quite start of the day. Why? Because I can and because the dog is lying here beside me snoring and he has already been out for a piddle and my coffee tastes especially good. Besides that, my mood is extremely good right now and I want to keep it that way for a little while longer and not disturb it with aggravating activity yet. I know the post office isn't open yet, though by the time I'm dressed and walk the dog it would be, but I have time yet and all will get done in the end.

At least my packages and Christmas cards are all ready to go and all I have to do is pick them up and put them in my shopping bag. It may be a bit tough to ride my bike, because there's still snow outside and it is still freezing. I was standing by the back door when the dog did his piddle and shivered. Of course, he took forever, because he had to investigate everywhere and found one spot in particular very interesting and I wonder if there is a hedgehog there that took shelter. It was too cold and snowy to go out in my slippers to have a look. Every once in a while there is a hedge hog out back that wants to look for spots to hide under and the dog is always very curious when he runs into one.

I started my morning with a big glass of fruit juice, but realized very quickly that it doesn't work the way a cup of coffee does and after half an hour, I very quickly walked to the Senseo machine and brewed myself a strong one, which I drank quickly and which restored me to my senses soon after. Yes, I do need my caffeine or I'm a sad camper who does not function well. I'm a typical Mickey Spillane writer who lives on caffeine and nicotine. I should have lived decades ago when it was still glamorous and I could have been a babe and have had interesting cocktails to drink in a rundown office on the backstairs, with a loaded gun in the desk drawer. Such is my fantasy this morning.

I've very quickly read as many blog posts as possible in the little time I allowed myself to do so, because I was up rather late this morning by my standards and that means that I had a good night's sleep. I slept for at least 8 hours and feel quite spunky now. I don't know what's come over me, but for some reason I'm managing to sleep like a regular human being. I do get up in the middle of the night once, but have enough sense to go back to bed and I hardly remember falling asleep again. I'm very fond of my duvet and roll myself into it as if it were a sleeping bag with only the top of my head showing. I think I would like a heavier duvet in the wintertime, but I'm not cold. I think I would just enjoy the weight of it. I must look into that the next time I'm at Ikea. I need a new duvet anyway. This one is getting kind of threadbare.

I put a whole load of laundry through the machine last night and I would love to dry it outside, but the weather forecast predicts 2C and rain, so I think I can't take the chance, which is really a shame, because there nothing like having your clothes dry outside. They smell so good when you bring them back in and put them away in your closet. The next best thing is when all your clothes smell of your favorite perfume. I've also tried those lavender sachets, but I find them next to useless, as I never have any of my clothes smell like lavender and I think it's all just a rip off. I have thought of putting dryer sheets in the closet and hoping that their scent would make my clothes smell good, but I don't know if they would stain them. Of course. all my clothes also smell of smoke and that is an odor that is hard to get rid off, unless you constantly wash your clothes, even when they aren't dirty. That's the kind of wear end tear I don't need, though.

I just checked my bank account and my money isn't there yet. Luckily, I have cash to pay with at the post office. I do have my guardian angel, I tell you. I am concerned about my money not being there and I will have to make a phone call today and find out where it is.

The dog is becoming restless and is giving me the evil eye. It says, "Come on woman, I need to go out," so I guess I better do that now.


It's still plenty cold out and of course I didn't wear my gloves, so the hand that wasn't in my pocket is very cold. It's -4C and the snow is till just as thick as it was yesterday and nice and crunchy. I don't see how I'm going to ride my bike in it, but I'll worry about that when the time comes. It looks very slippery on the streets where all the cars have driven. I'll have to walk in some spots.

Now that I've been out, the spell has been broken and I feel that the day has officially started. That means I can't sit here much longer, although I can prolong the inevitable a little bit. I haven't opened the blinds yet to let the daylight in, although I will do that soon and watch the sun shine on the snow. I hope the weather forecasters got it wrong and that it doesn't rain today and that I can hang up my laundry to dry. I will tempt fate and hang it out anyway and see what happens.

I haven't got anything planned for Christmas and I think I will just pretend it is a day like any other day, but just a little bit more jubilant. I don't have a tree up, nor any other decorations, except for the sparkly branches in the bedroom and the Christmas cards that are hanging on the living room door. I do enjoy getting and sending cards. That's one tradition I will honor. I'm not going to roast a goose or a turkey and I won't be drinking eggnog. I think I have some Bailey's Irish Cream left that I may imbibe in. I do always think of that as a Holiday drink. It's the smoothest stuff I know.

Well, I'm off to hang up the laundry, so I all expect you to keep your fingers crossed for me for dry weather. Just think, all I want is nice smelling clothes. Oh yes, and money in my bank account.

I hope you all have a terrific day and that you have all your Christmas shopping done, because I would hate to think of you having to do your shopping now.

Ciao,
Nora

Sunday is lovely too...

I'm going to drink lots of coffee, because I need it, as I just woke up from a comatose nap on the sofa and I think I have the seam of the arm cushion imprinted on my face. Actually, I wasn't as comatose as all that, because I had coughing fits every now and then and that bothered the dog and he barked at me every time I did (my gastric band was regurgitating the salami I had eaten earlier). So I suppose you could say that I had a fitful comatose nap, because I was completely out of it in between the fits of coughing.

A few hours passed this way and now I have to stay up until 10 pm at least, so I'll be on a normal schedule and sleep through the night, so I can go to creative therapy in the morning. There will be much temptation to stay in bed, I know it now, and I'll have to convince myself to get dressed and go and overcome my own resistance. I'll find excuses not to go and want to give in to the lure of my warm bed and maybe I'll be in a low mood and I'll have to sleep more. All of these things can happen. I even think that I'll stay home and clean house and go grocery shopping instead, which are things that also need to happen, but I can do those things later in the day, except that it seems harder to do them then and I have lost a lot of my motivation by that time. I've run out of milk and do need to get that and I also need to buy porridge and dog bones.

For some strange reason, it hasn't rained all day, although the wind is blowing as hard as ever, reminding us that it's still Autumn and that we're not out of this low pressure system yet. The sky has been overcast all day and the sun didn't shine once. At least all the puddles in the streets have dried up and the street cleaner came by on Friday and swept up all the dead leaves. Do not very quaintly imagine a man with a broom here and a pushcart. It was all done with a truck with big revolving brushes underneath it. We do not have babushkas with twig brooms sweeping in the streets like they do in Russia. There's not that much romance in it, after all, and all the leaves on the sidewalks are removed with those horrible leaf blowers. That is, when it's not raining. When it rains, I imagine the men play cards or have their days off. Isn't it strange how you never wonder about that? What do they do when it rains?

The dog pretended he wanted to eat, but when I filled his bowl, he turned his nose up at it and went to sleep. Well, there's only so much you can do. You can't say I didn't try. It seems I spend the day trying to figure out all his different demands and it is getting worse the older he gets and I think that's because he is getting a little bit confused and doesn't know himself what he wants. He is a little bit addled and the other day he barked at a tree. I think his sight is going as well as his hearing. He bumps into things sometimes in the living room, although most of the time he navigates his way through alright. It's when he gets in tight spots that he makes misjudgments and clonks into things with his head. The other day he was stuck in the corner of the hallway, right beside the door, waiting for me to open it. I had to redirect him to the right place.

I wonder if and when I'll ever turn into a proper housewife again. I seems that I lose control over the household on a regular basis and then somehow in a short amount of time have to pull it together again, but I never get it as clean as it ought to be. It always gets out of hand and I seem not to be able to just keep up with it. I feel enormous amounts of frustration and I'm happy if I just get the most basic jobs done, such as the laundry and the dishes and changing the bed. The bigger jobs are a challenge and I only do them when I have no other choice and I don't do them well. Even my sense of pride isn't big enough to motivate me to get them done right, because I feel defeated halfway through. I used to be such a good housewife and be real house proud. I can certainly not say that about myself now. I must talk to my SPN about getting help in the household on a regular basis. Someone who will come in and do the big jobs once a week, so that I can do the little jobs in between, which there are enough of. I must clean house well this coming week, because J. is coming next weekend and I want the place to look nice and I want the floors mopped, which badly needs to happen. Oh, how I hate linoleum. I wish I had never gotten it. It's the bane of my life and it's hard to clean. I am just having an anxiety attack now, because I have so much to do.

I must look in my closet and decide what I'm going to wear tomorrow. It needs to be something new and interesting, because I've been wearing the same old thing nearly all week. It must match the green scarf I am wearing, otherwise I have to find a different scarf and I like this one a lot because it's very warm. They'll have to be warm clothes, because it's still cold outside and I will want to wear layers, which is fun. You can make amusing ensembles when you wear layers and scarves. One thing I know is that I'm going to wear my denim skirt. So I must find things to match that. I will be fun to dig into my closet and find the possibilities. The stuff is packed in there so tight, that it's easy to overlook something. And then, of course, everything falls of its hangers, which is a major frustration, and the stuff ends up in the bottom of the closet. I do always forget which clothes I have and it is always a revelation to see what I run into. I have dresses that I hardly wear, because I prefer skirts with pockets and boleros that are cute that I can wear over long sleeved shirts, but those may be too cold. Oh well, I'll see. I'll take some time and really make a study of it. It will be something to look forward to. I'll let you know what I end up with. I have some good ideas already.

I've walked the dog for what I hope is the last time today. It's funny how he can be completely out cold one moment and demanding something unknown to me the next. Usually he settles down alright at night after we've had our last walk and he really settles down when I've gone to bed. There's not a peep out of him after that, usually, I must add.

I'll go look in my closet now and see what I can come up with. Something very exciting hopefully. It must be warm, that's one stipulation. I will not be cold these coming days.

Have a good rest of the day or a good evening, actually.

Oh, those of you in England, don't send any more rain this way.

Ciao,
Nora

Late in the evening.

Isn't that always the best time to write? When you maybe ought to go to bed, but you're sitting so very cozily behind the computer with just a few lights burning and the dog snoring gently beside you and the cat crunching her kibbles in the kitchen? I actually turned on the heater today, but it ran for only a little while and then the apartment was warm and stayed warm. It's been a steady 20C all evening and the heater has not gone on again. Thank goodness for good insulation. I think I'll keep it at this temperature and be nice and comfortable, because before I turned the heater on, it was cold and just too chilly to feel good. I am wearing a scarf around my neck for extra comfort and that always feels nice. There's nothing better than having your upper parts heated.

I haven't even changed into my pajamas and bathrobe yet and am still wearing my clothes and boots, the ones that are so comfortable. I'm wearing a cardigan that I had not worn for a long time, because I had forgotten about it in my overfull closet, but I chanced upon it today while digging through my clothes. Then I thought, "Hey, that's something I can wear, and what does it look like and how many buttons does it have?" It forgot what it looks like on me and it's like trying on something new. I really need to do a major closet clean up, but I have to be in the proper mood for that and decide which clothes I still want to wear. That means trying on some of them too. That's just too much work tight now. So, instead I dig and hope to come up with something good.

I received another two books today and the third section of my book case is becoming filled up. Just this past week I received seven books. I have to buy some brown wrapping paper and some more scotch tape. I hope to be able to buy that at that cheap store that carries everything under the sun. I will have to go over there this weekend and see if they have that. Then I can get my books ready for the next shipment. I had added a lot of new books to my inventory and got a lot of requests, which also led to me being able to mooch a lot of books myself. Some I am especially pleased about, because they were hard to get. It's always nice if you get an affirmative answer to a request for a mooch.

The on line store has straightened out my account and separated it from the Exfactor's. I now have my own account, which is a relief, because I do like the convenience of shopping on line and I know the brand of clothes and the size that I am there, so I can buy things without worrying about that. I can even buy bras and panties without any problems. The quality is good too and the clothes don't fall apart in the laundry. It will be a real pleasure to shop there. That is after I clean up my closet to see what is there and what needs to go. That reminds me that I have a green denim skirt that I need to alter and I should try to do that this week, because it's a job I have been putting off forever. Time to get the sewing machine out. I must do these things and not only think about them and then forget about them until I run into them again.

I tried to do something sensible with my hair, but I seem to have lost the touch and I could only make it look halfway decent and that with the help of a lot of hairspray. Sometimes my hair just won't do what I want it to, or I seem to have forgotten how to achieve it. I feel like I need to start over from scratch and begin at the very beginning again, with the wax and the styling gel and the hairspray. Short hair can be a lot of work if you want it in a certain style.Of course, the face underneath it isn't what it used to be either, so it's an uphill battle. I wish I could style my face in the morning and smooth all the imperfections out of it. Though there are creams and lotions that claim they can, and I'll sell you the Brooklyn bridge and the Golden Gate bridge too.

It's really ridiculous how much women worry about the aging process and wanting to stay eternally young looking and how they try to achieve that with lotions and potions and make up, when all we should do is use a good product to clean our faces with and a good moisturizer. I do all those things myself to try and look as attractive as I can and pull everything I've got out of my make up bag, when all I really want is a soft, clean face. I should be brave enough to face the world with it and not worry about how attractive I am and how young looking. Often enough I catch sight of myself in the mirror and I see my made up self and am not happy with it at all. I see a painted face on a middle aged woman and I think all I need is some mascara and a touch of lipstick. It's the fear of not looking good enough anymore that drives me, but I should know better. I think I'm going to change my tactics and go for the wholesome look. I wonder if I might not be a lot happier that way.

Some nights my eyes get tired and when I sit behind the computer, I have difficulty seeing the finer print and I have to put my reading glasses on.On other nights I don't have this problem at all and I can read everything just fine. I do notice a terrific difference when I take off my glasses. My right eye loses its focus and goes terribly wacky on me and I can't look at anything that's the least bit far away. That's how much it's gotten used to the glasses and how much of a correction there is. I can't imagine now not wearing them and I realize that the pain in my eyes I was having, and the slight headaches, were because I was not wearing my glasses. I've been completely cured of them. Vanity is a bad business, as I already discussed. I'm too hung up on looks and not enough on character and personality, because I think that everyone will judge a book by its cover and not look past that. God forbid they should find out I have no personality!

Well, I know that's not true, because I definitely do have one, although it is a silent one and maybe not so easy to get to know. I guess I worry about that, because I don't sparkle and shine when people meet me. I'm not all out there, but I'm kind and that goes a long way.

Okay, I've rambled on long enough. I'm in danger of having lost your attention already. I could sit here all night and write about the most insignificant things, but I do have to go to bed.

I hope you're all sleeping tight and those of you who are not, I hope you are enjoying your day.

Goodnight and see you tomorrow.

Ciao,
Nora

Towards morning...

Well, it hasn't quite turned out the night I had envisioned, I thought I might have been a bit more active, but instead I have been sitting here behind the computer doing many unimportant things. I think my body is protesting and it doesn't want to do any work, darn that body anyway. I do have a slight backache and I have been leaning to the left again quite a bit, so that I'm almost looking at the keyboard sideways at times and I can't see the letters.

I'm still going to iron some clothes, but I have enough time left to do that. The other chores on my list are going to have to wait, though, until I am sufficiently recuperated. Sometimes I would like to have a brace for my back to keep it straight so my muscles won't ache so much, but then again, a few days of taking it easy is usually enough to take care of it and if I ignore it, I hardly notice it. At least I know what the cause is. That takes the worry away.

I'm going to wear my thin black leggings with my black and white summer dress and a long black cardigan over it. The dress and the cardigan need to be ironed. I have a necklace that will match my new bracelets and I will wear my summer boots, or my ballet slippers, I don't know yet. Actually, I also have to decide between two cardigans. One is a little heavier than the other one and itś only going to be 22 degrees today, so I don't know. I want to wear the heavier one, but it may be too warm. Decisions, decisions! The more clothes you have, the harder it is to get dressed in the morning.

I definitely need a bigger closet. My clothes are packed into the one I have now and there is no more extra room, but a new closet is expensive, They have nice ones at Ikea, but I can't afford them, so I will have to look at the recycle store and see what they have there. Yes, go ahead and add that to your ever growing wish list, kid. But miracles do come true, don't they? Sure, they do. Ha, ha.

Once upon a time, I was not such a clothes horse. I had just a few basic items like jeans and T-shirts and sweaters and some summer dresses. I didn't pay attention to my looks very much then, being basically good looking. But now...I love every article of clothing that I own and I have very few regrettable purchases. Some things are too small, but I will shrink into them. The only thing I really don't like are my white leggings. I don't know what possessed me to buy those, yet I may wear them some day. Stranger things have happened.

Itś very funny how clothes gave gotten such an appeal to me and I don't get tired of them once I have them. They'll disappear in the closet for a while, but then reappear, newly found and loved again with the same passion as when I bought them. The cardigan I am probably going to wear today, I haven't worn in over six months, but I'm looking forward to it now with pleasure. I'm hopelessly devoted to clothes.

Well, now I am going to take a shower and wash my hair and make myself look brilliant, or try very hard anyway. Lord knows I need all the help I can get, so I will be awhile. I wrote a post before this one earlier tonight. Try to read it too.

Ciao...

A lot of work...

When I'm talking about a lot of work, I don't mean me. I mean you people who will have to read several posts to be completely updated on what I have been doing this night, and since the night is not over yet, god only knows if there is going to be another post for you to read.

I said that I was going to make my bed first when I left you last and that is what I did. I picked a neat stack of fresh smelling sheets out o f the closet and made the bed ever so quickly. It was done before you could say "Geronimo." They smelled so good, because I had dried them out on the line in the July sunshine and they felt nice and crisp. If I ever do get to bed, it will be a pleasure to lie down in it.

Then I gathered all my dishes and glasses that were spread a round the apartment and rinsed them under hot water and did the dishes in hot soapy water until they were sparkling clean. I dried the silverware, but left the rest to dry in the rack and will put them away first thing tomorrow morning, which it almost is, come to think of it.

The ceiling light in the kitchen had not been working for months and I finally got a new bulb out of the closet and with the help of my stepladder, changed the light bulb and behold, I could see the dirt!

Well, really, I am exaggerating. I could see a lot better where I had to sweep the floor and I did that first and in the process of doing that, I nearly knocked over the water bowl for the cats and sloshed water all over the floor, which then actually made it easier to sweep up the dog heir, because it clumped together better. So I wondered if it would be better to always sweep the floors with a wet broom and now that I think about it some more, I think I may be right and I'm going to try that out some time.

Then I dusted the surfaces in the living room with a damp cloth and wiped away the cat hair that they leave all over the place, because they sit wherever they like and nothing is sacred. If you use a dry cloth it doesn't work. The hair just escapes to other places. I emptied the ashtrays and put numerous little items back in their place. Doesn't everybody leave their nail clippers and sunglasses and pliers laying around? And don't you all have a special odd place to keep those things?

I swept the living room floor and you would be surprised by the amount of hair and grit that was there. All that stuff goes into your carpet. I was sorry that I couldn't vacuum, because the chairs needed a good cleaning and doing it with a brush isn't going to cut it this time. Can you believe that I said I was sorry that I couldn't vacuum? Really! It's unbelievable!

I swept the hallway and had to move several items around and the swept the spare bedroom, which is really the junk room, so I'll call it that and it seemed that Jesker's hair had gathered here into snowdrifts that kept escaping from my broom. That's why I think a wet broom will work better. It will make the hair all nice and clumpy and stick to the broom better.

Anyway, I finally got that done and had heaps of dirt and hair all over the place, which I removed with the hand broom and the dustpan. That's always a very satisfying job and I always wish for more heaps, because I like brushing them into the dustpan. I did see that I needed to mop the floors and that there were some areas that I needed to scrub, so that will be my next job. It will be fun and satisfying. I can't wait. I also can't believe I said that. What's wrong with me?

Next I drank a tall glass of juice and made a package of cigarettes. I used to get tobacco in cans and always had problems with tobacco that was either too moist or too dry. Since I switched to strong tobacco, I get it in a heavy paper pack and the tobacco is always just right all the way down to the bottom of the pack, so you see that the old fashioned way of packaging sometimes is the best. I love to hold my paper pack of tobacco. I like the printing on the label and the name of it. It is called "Look Out." It is a brand that has been around forever. It's a manly tobacco in a manly pack.

I took all my medication, including my sleeping pill and we'll see if it is going to work. Either way I have to take it, otherwise I'll get withdrawal symptoms. I can't just not take t, even though that's what I want to do. I'd like to just stay up and not bother going to bed and do some more chores now that I'm in the proper frame of mind. I could mop the floors and I still have to hang up the laundry and I could wash windows when it gets light, even though it is Sunday, but who can be bothered?


I just cleaned up a whole bunch of my clothes that I had laying in the bathroom, things that I had worn this week and had discarded and not put away where they belonged and now seemed like a good time to put them away properly before I hung up the laundry to dry. So now the laundry is on the drying rack smelling of delicious clean detergent, but I did notice that I need to clean the mirror and cosmetics shelf as its is rather dusty and could use a good shine and I should mop that floor too. I've got my work cut out for me.I did manage to pair up one single sock with its companion, leaving no sock single. At least none that matter. I knew it would show up sooner or later in one of the following washes.It was just temporarily misplaced and not in another universe or another dimension.

I do have to organize my closet a little bit better, I do have some sort of system now, but it's getting kind of messy and although I can find things, I like it neater than it is now with the stacks a little better organized. maybe I should start a list of things to do and work my way down it and neatly check off what's been done. That ought to give me some satisfaction. Right, first things first, make a list, however brief and concise and give it many admiring glances through out the day.

This is not at all in conflict with my doing things in chores of threes of course, I can still do that, Some of the chores may be a little bit bigger, but if I have the energy, than more power to me. I just have to take advantage of this energetic me that's surfaced and get her to do as many things as possible in whatever time we've got.

It's too bad that I don't have an Ikea flat pack to put together right now, because I do need a bigger closet and I have the wherewithal to stick one together in a few hours, but I'll have to price them first and see what they cost, probably an arm and a leg. I also want to look for a new area rug, because the one I have was very cheap and is starting to show its cheapness and I want some more color instead of the drab browns. I'll have to check the Ikea website in a while to see what's available. Oh, aren't I just full of big plans.

Somebody said I'm back in the saddle again and I guess they weren't joking. I'm like the Pony Express going at full speed. I've got me a pinto that won't quit. Sheer will power is keeping me going and lots of very focused energy.

In a minute, I am going to make me a bucket of suds and get my sponge mop and tackle the floors, It will be a pleasure to do them. I have boundless energy and I think that with a break now and then, I can do the whole apartment.It will be like in the olden days, when housewives got up with the chickens and did their chores before their husbands and children awakened.I will be a babushka and wear a scarf around my head and boots over my long johns and be forever at work cleaning and scrubbing because cleanliness is next to godliness and I'll have a crucifix above my living room door. Of course, I'll need some chickens to get up with.

Okay, I'm off to do my next chores, I'm sure I'll keep you updated on my coming housewifely acts and the sheer excitement of them, so get ready for the next installment.

Ciao...