Exhausted!!!

I'm so tired as I'm sitting here in the middle of the night. I got up early this morning and have had a long day and I haven't slept yet. It was late when I got home tonight and I needed some time to unwind before I could go to sleep, but I really think I'm properly unwound now and just about ready to go to bed. 

I'm punch drunk with sleep and feeling kind of pleasant as a result and I'm taking advantage of this alternative mood to try and write a post to see what I'll come up with. It's like being on drugs and trying to act normal. I think I may be able to get away with it but I'm not sure. I don't know if I'll make sense. I'm having a cup of coffee to get me a little bit back to more normal. 

After I had found a good outfit to wear this morning and had taken care of the fog and the cat, I rode my bike to my sister's house to see my daughter and her father. They were in the process of getting showered and dressed, but my daughter and sister and I did take the opportunity to look through the large collection of cosmetics that my sister's friend had brought back from the company in Milan. There were lipsticks and mascaras and eyeliners and eyeshadows and blushers and foundations.

We took our time looking through everything and picked out the best colors that matched us and were much content. We all felt like we had been kids turned out in the toyshop where we had got to pick the best toys for free. It is nice to have good connections. 

After everybody had had their expressos and cappuccinos, my daughter and her father and I rode bikes into town to do Christams shopping and taste the general festive atmosphere. It was busy, but not overly crowded and we were successful in our mission and found what we were looking for. We had lunch on a restaurant terrace that was heated and where each chair also had a blanket for warmth. My daughter and her father had typical Dutch specialties that they had been looking forward to eating. 

On the way back, we stopped by my apartment to let out the dog and for me to take my medications. The dog was very happy to see us and to go out back and do a piddle. The cat was also very curious about the company and hung around to see what was happening. I hated to leave them behind again, but at least I knew they were alright and that they were taken care of. 

When we got to my sister's house, presents had to be wrapped. I had already put my presents under the Christmas tree and the collection kept growing making it look quite exciting. I did notice that a lot of the presents had my name on it and I grew very curious. 

Earlier in the day, my sister has given me a very nice handbag because I had mentioned to her that I was going to buy a new one for myself that day. That was to prevent me from getting one. It's a knock off of a designer bag and it looks great and has lots of room in it for everything I carry with me. I felt proud as a peacock for carrying it. I am that kind of woman. But it's not a copy of your regular designer bag. I wouldn't be caught dead with one of those.

My sister prepared all sorts of foods that we slowly started eating over the course of the evening. Even I had some of it. She made too much and everybody was stuffed.

We took our time opening the presents one by one and I have to say that I made out like a bandit. I got very spoiled and got very nice things. I was almost embarrassed by how thoughtful people had been. But everybody was happy with their presents and we all did well. There were no sad faces. The process did last so long that we were all exhausted at the end of it. 

I had some trouble taking all my loot home on my bike but managed it in the end by careful arranging. I did make it home in one piece. 

I've gotten a bit of a second wind now from that cup of coffee and will stay up a while longer. I'll sleep late in the morning. I told everyone not to expect me too early. You don't have to sit on top of each other all the time. Some time alone is good too. 

Merry Christmas everyone. I hope you get as spoiled as I did. 

Ciao,

Nora

Time to go to bed....

After having changed the living room around, and having posted the photographs of it here, I find myself full of piss and vinegar and nor nearly ready to go to sleep. Firstly, because it is so nice to sit in a rearranged living room. Secondly, because I put a long blue scarf as a runner on the dining table and every time I look at it, I'm startled by the effect. Thirdly, because I put the vase with lighted branches on the dresser and hung christmas balls and other decorations in it, so now it's festive here. I also realized that the computer desk needs to be moved to where the black and white chair is now, and the chair needs to be moved to where the desk is now. Some cable needs to be laid for that and I need the expertise of the Exfactor for that. So I will have to wait for his broken collar bone to heal.

The cats liked me moving the furniture around and immediately started climbing on top of everything. Cats always like that kind of stuff, they like to be right in the middle of things and then claim all the new territory as quickly as possible. The dog was also right there and barely moved out of the way for the vacuum cleaner, but he reluctantly did if he had to. He was trying to hang on to his sleeping spot, but I had to move his blanket and for a while it didn't have a place anywhere, leaving him stranded. I finally folded it over double and put it beside the bookcase where he is sound asleep now. I think I will put another blanket under it to make it even more comfortable for him to sleep on. I do have to consider his aging bones that want as soft as possible a place to lay on.

Now that I've moved the furniture, it's really obvious that the walls need to be painted, but that is going to be such a big job that I'm going to wait until I'm physically very fit. Or if I keep being as fit as I have been today, because today I can imagine painting the walls and it doesn't seem like an unsurmountable job. The hardest part is going to be to move the bookcase away from the wall. It is heavy even if I take all the books out of it and very tough to manhandle. I want the walls to be a sand color and I can already imagine what they are going to look like. I also want to get brighter color blinds for the living room windows. The ones I have now are burgundy colored and I want red. Yes, and money still doesn't grow on trees, especially not at this time of the year.

I got a nice gift from Babaloo. She gave me the book The Last Girls from Lee Smith, which is a book I really wanted. I seem to be blessed with people who send me kind gifts. You don't know how much that means to me. It makes me feel ever so special. Lee Smith is a new writer for me. She is a Southern writer from the States and writes about small town America there. I'm looking forward to reading that book very much. I will spend much time on my newly positioned sofa reading good novels. Thanks, Babaloo!

I trimmed one of my plants that lost a lot of its leaves. I have it sitting on the dining table and it was trailing all over the place looking scraggly, so I took the scissors and gave it a haircut in the hopes that it will fill out well and look bushier and fuller in a short amount of time, and I'm going to keep trimming the trailing ends to keep it compact. I'm hoping to turn it into a healthy plant again. I think I can do it, as the other plant has perked up and is looking better already. I've also watered my prayer plant, as I discovered it was dry and moved it to a spot closer to the window and it too has perked up quite a bit. It seems to appreciate daylight a lot more than the somewhat dark spot I had it sitting in. Plants do appreciate the little things you do for them. I've moved my rubber plant, but I don't know if it's going to like where it is now, away from the window. I can only try and hope for the best, if not, invest in a plant that will take low light conditions.

I was just sitting here looking around and I decided to move the big scratching post from the corner of the living room, because the cats never use it, and to hang one of my paintings in that corner. So I did and got a light that I clamped on to the bookcase and pointed to the painting and now I have a nice bright corner there. Then I took two more of my paintings and hung those up in the living room too instead of two smaller things that were hanging there. I had to very softly hammer two little nails into the wall for one of them, so as not to wake the neighbors, but I was successful. I must say that it all looks quite nice. It is very gratifying to have your own art hanging around, no matter how simplistic it is. Of course, what I really want is the collages framed and hung up, but I have to buy the frames for those. That will please me to no end. But this is nice too. Another brilliant idea, if I may say so myself.

If I sit here long enough, I'm sure to have more ideas. Now that my evil little mind is at work it is not going to leave me alone and keep scheming and planning, except that it is the wrong time of the night to be doing these kinds of things. Darn, isn't it a shame that there is such a thing as bedtime? Just when you're having all your good ideas. I just went to have a look in the kitchen closet where the modem for the computer is and I think there is enough extra cable for me to move the computer to the other side of the room. Aha! Isn't that interesting? I may not even need the Exfactor. I may be able to do this job by myself. This requires careful investigation.

It would be really funny if I managed to do all of this on my own. It would be the total liberation of myself as a woman. First I would have to make a little drawing of where all the plugs go in the back of the computer. That would be simple. But the first thing I have to do is trace the proper cable to it's source and trace the other cables that are coming out of the modem also. One would be for the television and one for the telephone and one for the computer. That ought to be easy to figure out. I love it when I think logically.

Okay people, I'm about to go do a big experiment. Keep your fingers crossed for me. Hopefully everything will go well.

Ciao,
Nora

In the middle of the night...

I am wide awake. I fell asleep on the sofa yesterday evening and then moved to my bed at eleven o'clock, but I just woke up again, ready to start the day that isn't even remotely here yet. I guess it's going to be one of those mixed up nights again. I'm not concerned about it, because I don't have to be anywhere today, except for the pharmacy where I have to pick up some medications and I can do that at any time.

Yesterday was a nice enough day as birthdays go, but I suddenly hit a low point at about seven o'clock in the evening. My mood tumbled down and I became sad and disheartened. I knew the thing to do was to go to sleep, so I ate some dinner and put on my pajamas and laid down on the sofa, where I promptly fell asleep. It was the best thing I could have done and when I woke up at eleven, and I still felt that way, the best thing to do was to take my medicines and to go to bed. I didn't even bother reading my book and just went straight to sleep.

I think any event, no matter how big or little, has a tendency to upset me and throw me off balance and I guess certainly my birthday did, although I was happy about it during the day, so even happy events can be upsetting. I felt as if I suddenly became depressed, but that mood is gone and now I feel pretty neutral, which in itself is an odd thing, because how can you feel neutral about anything? That means you don't feel one way or the other. Still, it's better than feeling depressed.

I bought an apple pie and chocolate chip cupcakes yesterday, because my nephew doesn't like pie. I also bought him a bottle of diet coke, which I now have to finish and that is a real sacrifice. The apple pie was delicious, which I knew it would be, because the store is well known for them. I also did the grocery shopping at the same time and it wasn't all that bad. It was busy in the store but the lines weren't too long and I was done in no time. Which goes to show you that what you dread to do is never as bad as you think it will be.

My sister got me a hardbound Inspector Linley novel and the Exfactor got me a very good bicycle tire pump, the kind that stands up. He says I've got another present coming at the end of the week, so I'm looking forward to that. My oldest sister sent me money and she doesn't half know how welcome that is, because I now have 50 Euros in cash. That's a lot of cash for me and is a week's worth of groceries. When you're on a low budget, that counts.

My cups of coffee are tasting especially good right now. I just made my second one and it turned out just right. I also took a tranquilizer about an hour ago to get rid of the stress I felt, even though I at first was not aware of it. I so often feel stress without realizing it, until I pay attention to myself and feel that my body is tensed up and that my jaw is tight. When I take a tranquilizer, everything relaxes after awhile, and includes the softening of my thoughts, which is very welcome. It's like a load is removed from my shoulders and everything is so much easier.

My sister called my attention to the fact that the dog has gotten fat and she is right, he is overweight, but I had already started to cut down on his food, so hopefully that will help. He is getting half the portion of canned food that he was getting and he is not complaining, so he is getting enough food. He was most likely getting too much to eat before.

I am going to two more ergo therapy sessions. Then I will have my meeting with my therapists and my SPN and I will start the new creative therapy class. I think that's fair enough and two more sessions are okay. It also gives me a chance to say my proper goodbyes to the group, of which there are only three original people left that I started out with. You do become attached to them, but I will still see them at the clinic during coffee breaks. I am looking forward to the creative therapy class on Wednesdays, which is a different one than I go to on Mondays and Fridays, so I will learn different techniques there.

I finished the first painting and I took a photo of it, but I haven't downloaded it yet, so I can't show you it. I will in good time. I've started another one on a new canvas and I've got most of it drawn on there already. I knew what I was doing this time and the scale is a little bit better, I think, although my therapist said it is fine in the first one and when I was done with it, someone wanted to buy it, but I said no. She didn't say how much she wanted to pay for it and if she had offered a 100 Euros, I would have said yes. I don't come cheap.

I'm looking forward to the day when I can buy some frames for some of my collages. I want to frame at least two of them and hang them up in the living room. I've already picked out the ones I want to do. It will be nice having them up and being able to look at them every day, and to think, "Yes, I've made those and I'm happy with them." That's a satisfaction I can't wait for.

I hope you all have a very good day filled with good and satisfying events. I'm hoping for a day filled with serenity myself.

Ciao...