Great and small...

I'm having my second much needed cup of coffee after experiencing serious brain drain when I got up from my nap this afternoon. I slept a little longer than I had intended to, but I must have needed the sleep. As a result, I was a little foggy when I got up and needed the caffeine very much. 

I was reluctant to make a pot of coffee because sometimes my stomach revolts against it and I never know when that is going to be. I sat here bleary eyed and had no other choice but to make one if I wanted to get anything done and be in a good mood. 

Luckily, the coffee was quickly made and the first cup not only agreed with my stomach but also put my mind in working order in no time at all. I was tremendously cheered. I felt that I had triumphed over evil forces and that the goodness of the caffeine was allowed to do its healing work. 

Outside it is raining hard and the wind is whipping it against the windows. I don't think the dog and I will be going for a walk any time soon. The weather has been bad for the past few days and I don't know exactly when it is supposed to improve. I'm hopelessly out of touch with the latest news. I haven't been watching TV at all.

My daughter and her father are on their way back to the States. I'm in the process of getting used to their absence and that will take me a while. I must be careful not to fall into a big hole and I have to hang on to the sense of optimism that I got out of the visit. It did me a lot of good and I feel like a reborn woman.

I have made some resolutions for the new year and I hope I can stick to them. They are not too complicated and some of them are just continuations of ones that I had last year. Others are new and take some effort to get used to as new goals. It's easier to leave everything the way it was, but not wiser. 

There is such a thing called emotional investment and I've decided to do much more of it. In the past I've always been afraid to take the chance in case I got hurt, but now I'm willing to invest. It's going to be a theme throughout my life this whole year and I'm going to put a lot of effort into it. It's not just going to be a hobby that I do on the side. 

The focus will not be on me but on other people. My look will be outwards. I will not be self centered but social. There is enough of me to go around. 

Have a good day, all of you.

Ciao,

Nora

I wasn't quite ready for it yet...

I went to bed late in the evening after watching a thriller thinking I was ready to go to sleep, but when I was lying there, sleep didn't come no matter how hard I tried, so I got up again and made myself some coffee. I did what I usually do in the middle of the night only now I did it a little bit earlier. The fact that I didn't sleep yet doesn't bother me. I will stay up for a while and amuse myself until I'm ready to call it quits for the night and go to bed again. Sooner or later I will get the sleep I need. I've got no place to go in the morning and I can sleep late providing the dog will let me. 

The coffee tastes very good and is turning me into my usual cheerful self. I'm lucky that caffeine does have that effect on me and that I can count on it. It provides me with many happy moments. You could say that it's the drug of my choice. It and nicotine are the crutches that I stand on. I do want to quit the nicotine soon though. It's a bad habit that I can ill afford. I think about quiting quite often and try to determine when would be a good moment. I want to succeed and am trying to figure out how to best achieve that. It's a resolution for the very near future. I'm coming around to it. I've even thought of accupuncture and reading that book by Allen Carr that helps you quit. 

I'm sitting here very cozily in my bathrobe and the heater isn't even on. Outside it has stopped storming and all is quiet for a change. I hope this is the end of the foul weather. It did really hit us today. Luckily, there was no snow, just hail and lots of rain.  I'm more than comfortable now though, and oh, so warm. I should always be dressed in my bathrobe because I would never be cold. 

I think the thriller that was on tonight was called 'Trial and Retribution.' It was very good and kept me up and mesmerized. I liked the people who had the lead roles as they weren't the usual glamour types. They were unknown to me, but that doesn't mean much. I'm not up on all British actors. They were very believable and the plot was good. It was the usual well done British thriller. The BBC does have the budget to turn out good ones as opposed to Dutch program makers who don't. It does make a difference. 

I'm drinking cold milk now in preparation to getting ready to go to bed. It's waking up the orchestra that's in my stomach and producing quite some sounds. It's a good thing that I'm sitting here all by myself. It would be embarrassing to do this in company. It will settle down soon enough after I have had the last little bit and it has passed my gastric band. It always protests loudly before it does. Milk must be enough like a solid food to behave this way. 

I've told you all I have to say for now. I suppose it's time for me to go back to bed. I'm not really sleepy, but I'll try anyway. I can't think of another thing to do. The dog and the cat are sound asleep. I'll take the lead from them. 

I hope you're all having a good night.

Ciao,

Nora

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Can't make up my mind...

I was already in bed but found it impossible to go to sleep. I got up again and now I'm drinking coffee because I didn't know what else to do. It's such a ritual that I automatically made a pot. I normally sleep first though, but I don't mind, every new experience is one to be savored.

It's not quite coherently that I sit here. I'm under the influence of my sleeping pill and I'm waiting for the effect of it to wear off. I don't quite like the way it's making me feel. I'm hoping the coffee will do the trick, but it's making me burp something awful. The sound effects are out of this world.

Sooner or later I'll end up going to bed. I will get tired enough in the end and get the sleep I need. I've already set the alarm clock for 7 am. That's when I'm planning on being up again. I have some things to do and the day is going to start early. I'm getting up an hour earlier so I can drink my coffee contemplatively. 

I lightly decorated myself with make up today and was pleased with the effect. I didn't overdo it, so it was not too much of a shock to my system after having had a bare face all this time. The most fun was trying out the lipsticks to see which one would last the longest. I kept having to reapply them after having had something to drink.

Luckily, I still had a face wash to remove the make up with when I got ready to go to bed. I used that with a warm wet washcloth. I applied a night creme afterwards and now have a soft skin. I'm actually starting to care again and making a fuss over myself. They're good deeds I do for myself. My skin deserves it. Wearing make up makes me pay more attention to my face and its care.

It's good to be a woman and indulge in taking care of yourself and paying attention to the little things. They are all small ways to pamper yourself and give yourself the tokens of affection that you need. They are things that nobody else is going to do for you. They're little rituals that you perform for yourself and can be very nurturing and restful. If you end up looking especially nice, then that's a bonus. It's icing on the cake. 

I'm already making my resolution for the next year and that is that I'm going to take good care of my appearance and I don't mean my clothes because those are alright. My whole self image is going to change and improve and that includes my hair and the perfume I will wear. I'm going to give myself an overhaul and it will be a long term project. I will give myself a whole year to achieve it. I do have the patience for that.

I will go to bed now. I do need to get some sleep before it's morning. I have sat here and dawdled quite a bit and I've gotten sidetracked a few times. I have to take good care of myself because if I don't, who else will? 

Ciao,

Nora