I'm not giving up yet.

After fooling around with the templates, I haven't gone to bed yet. I'm as wide awake as I was before. I don't know what's to become of me at this rate. I'm sure I'm in for some sort of trouble. It's normal that people get tired eventually and go to sleep, but I seem not to be bothered by that. I wish I got good and tired and that I  was so sleepy that I could hardly keep my eyes open, but that's not the way it is.I'm doomed to be alert and awake.

I have to pass the time and at this time of the morning I know of only one way to do it and that is to sit behind the computer and blog. It hardly seems to matter that I have hardly anything to say. It seems that any kind of nonsense will do. At least, it seems that way to me. You may feel differently about that. I'm sure you'd like to read something entertaining.

The cat walked in a little while ago with a bird in her mouth. I was able to rescue it and it seemed pretty much intact. I released it outside and I hope it makes its escape and isn't caught again. The cat stayed inside for a while and was somewhat stunned that I'd taken the bird away from her, but she went outside a while ago. I fear for the worst. I just hope that she doesn't bring it inside again.

The dog was very interested in the proceedings and followed me outside when I released the bird, but in the darkness he couldn't see where it landed. He did search for it, but I got him back inside. It's always something with those animals. They are not kind to their fellow creatures, at least not to those in the wild.

That was enough of an adventure for this morning. I don't want any more little creatures inside. The early birds were chirping so cheerfully too. Then that murderous cat had to come along.

I've been drinking milk for a long while now and have just taken my medicines. Maybe they will make me tired. Very often they do. They and the milk seem to settle me down anyway.

At least today is Saturday and a weekend day. All I have to do is fold the dry laundry and do the dishes. There's a big stack of them. You all know that it's my favorite chore. I'll have to go through the apartment and pick up dog hair too. It's floating around. The place really does need to be vacuumed twice a week.

I've started to yawn. I think this is a sign to go to bed and this time I'm serious. I will not fool around any longer.

Have a great weekend.

Ciao,
Nora

Back to the hunting grounds...

I've already been to bed, but decided after an hour of lying there frustratingly awake that I couldn't fall asleep, so I got up again. I figured that an hour of trying to fall asleep was long enough and that was all the time I was going to put into it. It's really not worth more of an effort than that. My whole body was getting restless, including my legs and I didn't know what to do with them. 

So now I'm up, drinking a glass of milk and smoking a cigarette. Of course I have to entertain myself and what better way to do it than by writing blog posts. I have to use my imagination, which I hope not to be short of, but I will try my best and dig deeply into my brain and come up with what I hope is the best. At least, what is the best of a somewhat dull mind late at night that's not overly stimulated by excitement. I probably should make myself some fresh coffee. That ought to do the trick. 

While I was lying in bed, all sorts of subjects passed my mind, but they all had to do with the state of affairs of the world, such as the situations in Japan and Libya and those aren't exactly optimistic things to write about. They happened to be discussed on the radio too and I wondered if we weren't forgetting other pressing matters that are taking place in the world. We seem to get so caught up in the immediate traumas that we forget the other ones that last forever without end and are ongoing and need our attention too. I'm thinking about the ones in third world countries and that we can't seem to bring to a satisfactory conclusion.

I'm not going to get caught up in a doom and gloom post however and try to fix all the problems of the world. I realize it's a big unfair place to live in and that I'm a fortunate person. I live in a still somewhat civilized western European country that's probably the best place to live in. I'm not going to go hungry or get raped by marauding rebels or have my limbs cut off like would happen to me in some African country. If people talk about reincarnating into another life, they never think they might end up as a poor powerless person in one of those countries.

It's definitely time to drink some coffee now and I've just started a pot. I think I'm a little bit too morose. You may not be used to that from me. I'm a bit of a cynic actually and I don't think a lot of these problems can be resolved by outside help from care organizations. It's the people themselves that have to come to their senses and have to take their lives into their own hands. Otherwise we have to return to some form of colonialism. It would be the only solution.

I'm drinking a cup of coffee now and should be good as new in no time. No doubt the caffeine will give me a more optimistic point of view soon. I will be like Pollyanna again and see the world through rose colored glasses, though I doubt that Pollyanna drank coffee. I wonder sometimes if it isn't better to live in oblivion and be ignorant of most things that happen around you except the most immediate. I feel impotent to do anything about most things, except to leave a small carbon footprint. But that's also because of economic necessities. I live frugally and therefor environmentally friendly. Nothing is wasted or bought in abundance. 

I've discovered that I like soups with pasta very much. There's one brand in particular that's like eating a meal. I can just handle one can of it and it's not too salty. It's got pasta and vegetables in it and it comes in different flavors. I had tomato with pasta tonight and chicken with pasta last night. They were mighty tasty. My gastric band can handle them well and they are nutritious. I always like discovering new foods that are easy to handle and that make me feel satisfied. I heat them up in a bowl in the microwave so I have no dirty pan. I never get the stove dirty that way and I do hate cleaning up the stove. These soups are better than eating Cup A Soups which have no nutritional value whatsoever. They're all sodium and flavoring. Don't be fooled by the advertising. 

I'm just about done with my stint of eating yogurt. It was good while it lasted, but now I'm tired of it. I've got yogurt coming out of my nose. I need to eat something else instead. I'm thinking of chocolate pudding. That would be a real treat for dessert. This kind is pourable and has the same consistency as yogurt. It would take care of my sweet tooth at the same time. I haven't been eating Nutella because I thought it was too decadent and I liked it too much. I did have to put an end to that. I do have to watch my weight a little bit, especially now that I've increased two of my medications.They do have a tendency to make you gain weight.

I'm not tired, so I will go look for other ways to amuse myself. Hopefully I will find some way to do this. I can't change my templates because I've already done that and I think I like the way they look. Maybe there's something else I haven't done yet that I've overlooked so far. I do always want my bit of intrigue when I'm up like this in the middle of the night. It never really does amount to much actually. I don't really get into any sort of trouble. Most of what I do is quite innocent. 

I hope you're all having a good night. No doubt some of you are sound asleep. Those of you who are wide awake are welcome to join me in my vigil. The more souls, the merrier. 

Ciao, 

Nora

The possibilities...

It's impossible not to jealously guard the time I'm spending here behind the computer very early in the morning due to the failure of my sleep medication. What looked like bad luck, is turning out to be a pleasant time spent fooling around with the appearance of the blog designs. I don't know if I'm done with them yet, but the first attempts are there. I don't know if I have the patience to endlessly sit and change them, but I do know that I will go back to them often and make alterations as I get in the mood. Whenever I have some spare time, I will do that. 

I'm still not tired and have to find ways to fill the empty hours until it's properly morning, although the time is passing by quickly. I suppose it's true that it always does when you're having fun. I'm easily amused. I really should have a whole bunch of blogs simply to have the opportunity to change their appearances. Just to mess around with them, because that's my favorite thing to do. It's like constantly changing the furniture in the living room around, which used to be my favorite activity. You just don't get as worn out changing the appearance of your blogs.

I already wrote another blog post for Miss Daisy and god only knows how many more I will write until it's morning. I'm on a roll now. I do have to keep myself occupied until the sun comes up and it's time to walk Tyke. It does get lighter earlier every day, so it won't take too long because we have not switched to Summer Time yet. I do look forward to setting the clock ahead one hour because it will be lighter longer in the evenings when you get to enjoy it most. I never did like setting the clocks back in wintertime and don't see why we have to. Whoever came up with that bright idea? I'm totally opposed to it. 

It's time to make a pot of coffee and to start the day to some extent. It's my attempt to make the time hurry up. I'm impatient to get the show on the road. I want to do things and be engaged. It will be wonderful to be out in the chilly morning air. It's still a bit cold out there and it's not going to be all that warm today. As a matter of fact, we're expecting a few showers, which I don't mind really, although I've come to prefer the sunshine. The wind is coming from the north and will be a bit chilly. I may even have to wear a scarf this morning, which I've not had to for a while. 

At least it's already Thursday today and the week is moving along at a steady pace. Before you know it, it will be weekend again and time for a breather. It's not been an especially tough week, but I'll be glad when it's over. I haven't really enjoyed the days very much and haven't felt in such a great mood. I've been waiting for my anti-depressives to start working, but I think that they maybe have now. It's sometimes hard to tell as my moods are not always easy to pin down and can be unpredictable and depend on how much sleep I've had. I'm sure I'll have to take a nap today. I always seem to need a lot of sleep and I sure haven't had any now. 

I hope you'll all have a nice day.

Ciao,

Nora

Instinctively...

 

I always feel that whatever I write here has to be very inspirational.  That I can't just write about run of the mill matters here and ordinary things that occur in my day to day life. God only knows where I got such an idea. It's not as if this blog is loftier than my other blogs, so I shouldn't treat it that way or try to write  that way, otherwise I may get intimidated and develop writer's block and that won't do at all. I need to take this blog down a notch or two and make  it a reflection of how I really am and how I really think and not some blown up literary attempt at pretty prose. Having said that, I will now get down to business and write something plain and ordinary.

I've already slept tonight. I went to bed early, after I watched the eight o'clock news and found out about the latest developments in Tunisia, but I woke up after several hours and was wide awake again. The time it takes my 'falling asleep' pill to stop working. Now I have to wait for real sleep to hit me again. That will be some time towards the morning. In the meantime, I've had a cup of coffee and I'm now drinking a glass of milk, which is thirst quenching, but is making me feel cold. I'd better drink a glass of warm milk or a cup of hot chocolate, but the latter always makes me feel very full, as if I've eaten a meal. My gastric band can't handle anything substantial. 

I have to find some ways to amuse myself tonight and there are several possibilities. Looking for good templates is one of them. That's always a sport that I don't tire of. I can spend a long time looking for the right one. I'm also going to be looking for interesting bits of writing for the website Six Sentences, which I recently have gotten a renewed interest for. It makes me pay attention to the quality of things I write and have written. I can also go in search of images to accompany these blog posts. I do use them up quickly, but there are always more to find. I'll be looking for especially colorful ones as opposed to the black and white ones that I usually post. A body does want something different every once in a while. 

It's in the middle of the night now and I feel very good. It's so nice to sit here in the semi dark all be myself and to know that the world around me is asleep. It's not raining outside and merely cloudy. It's not all that cold either. I was standing by the back door earlier and it was very doable while I waited for Tyke to finish getting done with his business. He is a slowpoke and does take his time, unless I pretend to walk away and leave him there, but then he may start to bark and I can't have that late at night. It would upset the night rest of my neighbors.I do have one especially delicate neighbor who will let me know that he's not pleased.

I must be off to do other things now. I have dawdled long enough. It's taken me forever to write this little bitty post. I have made cigarettes in the meantime and checked my facebook account. Sometimes it's hard to stick to the job at hand. There are also emails to answer. I've seen those come in, but have resisted reading them. I do have some self control. I've got to wait for it to become morning so that I can go back to bed. It will be with much joy that I do. I will be more than ready to.

Have a good day.

Ciao,

Nora

 

Getting caught up...

Because of the long sleepless night I had last night, during which I searched for new blog templates for all my blogs and installed them, I was left short of sleep and it took many naps today to get me caught up again. Every time I thought I was done sleeping, I was not and nodded off behind the computer. Now I finally have the feeling that I'm done sleeping.

I just took Tyke for a walk in the stormy weather and the brisk wind woke me up completely. The nice cup of coffee I'm having is doing the rest. When I first woke up from my last nap, I was in a terrible mood and I knew I would have to make some coffee, despite the lateness of the day. I was right and the first cup helped improve my mood tremendously. I could think happy thoughts again.

I think I was actually in a hypo-manic mood during the night, so those of you who were concerned, were rightly so. Luckily, I was tired enough today for it not to continue and sleeping took care of it. I'll have to see how it goes tonight and if I manage to go to bed on time and stay asleep. I have the feeling that I'm going to be up for a while and that I'm not going to see my bed before midnight. I will put my pajamas on before that time, so that I will at least be ready to go when the time comes.  

I took Tyke out for a walk at the right time, because now the rain is lashing against the windows again and it is very stormy. It has been all day, because we are in a low pressure system that is spread over Western Europe. The weather has been horrid and I've had to turn on the heater part of the day. Luckily, it is now nice and warm in here and I've turned it off. Once it is warm in here, it stays warm for a long time. That was so awful this summer, but it is nice in the wintertime. 

Tomorrow it's Friday again. Can you believe it? Where did the week go? I can't sleep during the day tomorrow, because I have the personal helper and the domestic help coming. I must sleep during the night. I have to do some chores in the morning too, but maybe I can do those with my personal helper, although I need her help with filling out a form. I will never get that done if we don't sit down together and do that. It's a case of mental block on my part. 

Onward I go. I must answer emails. 

Have a good evening.

Ciao,

Nora

Reinvention...

I try to have something sensible to say every night that I sit here, but I think I fail every time that I do. More often than not I repeat myself and tell you what a delicious cup of coffee I am having. I've just had another one and that's the best I can do.

Coffee tastes great, but I'm convinced that it makes you very thirsty and causes you to want to drink many glasses of cold milk, which is what I'm going to do next, like I do every night. There's never any surprise.

I am a person of routines, there's no doubt about that, and I will not suddenly do something out of the ordinary like run around the block half naked in the middle of the night in a rain shower, although it is not raining right now. I'm limited in the crazy things I can do, partly due to the lack in my imagination and partly due to the shortage of means to carry them out. I can't suddenly drive to Paris and park my car under the Arc de Triomphe. I think I need a similarly minded person to do those things with and who has the means to do them.

When I say I am a person of routines, I think that is only partially true. I think I have enough adventurous blood in me to go out and look for interesting things to do. They are just not within my means to do so. I'm very limited on my budget and by transport and very rarely can do anything truly out of the ordinary. I would very much like to take on a big adventure, but I simply don't have the independent means.

Which takes me right back to this night here and my actual situation of sitting here behind my computer by my desk lamp with my glass of milk and my cigarette. I travel long distances in my mind and through the help of the books I read. In my imagination I go everywhere.I've read so many descriptions of so many places, and of course, I've seen a lot too. I have been places in my lifetime, so I'm not a stranger to the world.

I finished "Here on Earth" and started reading "The Drowning Season" also by Alice Hoffman. I'm just at the beginning, so I can't say much about it yet, but I think I'm going to like it, just as I liked the former book. It ended up not happy so much, but the main character ended up being safe in the end and that was the most important thing, and she was ever so much wiser, although she learned a hard lesson. Isn't that the way we all learn them, though?

I'm not happy with the design of my blog and I'm going to have to do something about it. The links are unreadable and I don't like the background of it. I may go back to the simple template and maybe choose a different background. I'll have to see. I can spend some time on it tonight.

Have a happy morning.

Ciao,
Nora

Monday morning...

As you can see, I've changed the design of my blog. If the text is too small for you to read, go to the top left hand of your screen and click on "picture." Go to "zoom" and you will see the possibility to "zoom in." Click on that and the blog will get bigger. Repeat as necessary. There is no possibility for me to make the text bigger in the design. It does not give me that option. So, you have to row with the oars that you have, as we say in the Netherlands.

I went to bed at 3 am and woke up at 5:30, so that was not a heck of a lot of sleep. Still, I'm wide awake and functioning. How that is possible I don't know. I've had my two cups of coffee and am now drinking cold milk.

I've taken Tyke for a walk and it was nice and cool outside, but I didn't wear a jacket. It was almost too cold to go without one, but it was a pleasant experience after all the heat. It was still quiet outside, but now the street is full of traffic with parents are dropping their children off at school. This is their last week, they'll have vacation next week. Six weeks of it. It will be nice and quiet in the mornings without all the cars and bicycles and kids rushing to get to school on time.

I have to do some chores before the domestic help gets here. I've got a little organizing to do and two loads of laundry. It's a joy as always to look forward to. All I can say is, thank goodness for good smelling washing powder. It does make doing the laundry that much more pleasurable. I noticed when I made the bed that the sheets smelled good. Even I with my nicotine impaired sense of smell could tell the difference.

I've not taken my tranquilizers this morning and I don't feel the need to right now. I'm not planning on taking them unless I really feel that I have to. That is until I get so stressed that there is no other recourse. I'm not going to take them as a preventive measure. I want to see if I can do without. It's too easy to take them and be somewhat numbed by them and feel very little of what is going on around you. They make you lazy too. But I will take them if I need to. I will not be so foolish as not to.

Well, it's time to get going. I can hang up the laundry to dry out side today.

Have a nice day today.

Ciao,
Nora

A new post.

I went to bed early in the evening, in my cleanly made up bed, and read my book until I fell asleep. A huge tiredness had come over me and I had been unable to stay up to watch the news on television or sit behind the computer to read blogs. Of course, at 10:30 I woke up and was wide awake and completely not tired anymore. It had just been a nap that I had taken and not a full fledged sleep until the morning.

That's just my kind of bad luck, because I had every intention to not wake up until the sun came up again. It seems I'm not capable of such a feat. I'm doomed to be awake at least some part of the night and to never just sleep through it. I think possibly one of my ancestors may have been a night creature. You can make of that whatever you will.

And so I sit behind the computer again with a tall glass of milk and a cigarette. Tyke is lying by my feet. He has just torn apart a small cardboard container and the pieces are strewn all about him. I figured he was bored, so I let him. I'll clean it up later before I go to bed. Maybe he's not quite done with it yet. I see a larger piece that can be shredded some more.You have to let dogs be innovative sometimes.

I'm more than halfway through my thriller and I have to say that it has really got my attention. The suspects are being lined up, the net is being tightened and people are behaving suspiciously. Of course, I don't know who the killer is, but I know who I want it to be. Probably I've got it all wrong and it's going to turn out to be someone quite differently. I just dislike the person who I want it to be, so it comes down to prejudice. I'm in a hurry to finish it, but I keep falling asleep with it, because the only time I read it is in bed or on the sofa. Anytime I'm in a supine position, there's the danger of falling asleep. It doesn't matter what time of day it is.

It's a shame that the weekend is over. I was as lazy as it was possible to be. No doubt it was the lack of activity that made me unable to sleep enough during the night. Some strong hard labor would have taken care of that. I have to get up at a decent time in the morning because the Exfactor is going to be here to pick up a package and do the groceries. I also have to make a phone call to get Tyke trimmed and bathed. I don't want to put that off too long.

I have to get myself back into some sort of normal rhythm. Right now I'm wasting a lot of time doing nothing of importance. My days are very unstructured. I know that's not the right way to live my life. I have to get myself onto a schedule and do certain things at certain times of the day. It's to my own benefit if I do and to the benefit of Tyke as well, because I don't take him for regular walks right now. My negative mood and the hot weather have been the cause of that. Tomorrow I'll change that immediately. Both my mood and the weather have improved. It's only going to be 26C tomorrow. That's warm, but not too hot.

I have to make a decision about this blog design. I don't know if I'm happy with it. Something about that big dried leaf disturbs me. I do like the white page and the layout. I'll have to see what I can do.

Ciao,
Nora

I guess not...

I had a cup of coffee and that lifted me right over my sleepiness and now the hands of the clock are starting to move toward the morning hour. One of the things I have done in the meantime is simplify the background of my blog to make it less cluttered and easier to read. Sometimes you have to go for the very simple design and not for the busy, full colored one. That's not always as obvious as it seems, but I did figure it out in the end. Less is more, as my friend Laura used to say.

Did you see that Blogger has a new feature? They now have "Design" instead of "Lay Out" and you can custom make your templates. It's more interesting than it was before, but that's not where I got my background. They do have some more interesting templates to choose from now, though, and more options for the colors you want them in, so it's not bad if you just want to stick with them. If I hadn't already picked out my background, I would have been tempted to go with one of theirs. I still may change my mind. you know how fickle I am. If it's there and it's available., I want to use it. Why let a good thing go to waste? I always want to try something new.

I've completely woken up now and will greet the early morning that will start with birdsong in about half an hour. That will be the official start of the day. Sometime after that the sun will come up, although it will most likely be overcast again. The temperature today is going to be 26C and we're expecting some rain this afternoon, but I won't hold my breath for it. It was predicted yesterday too and we never had any. I think we're too far south for it, tucked away in the valley of the Meuse.

I think the best thing I can do is take Tyke for an early morning walk, now that I'm wide awake and no longer under the influence of my nighttime pills. They're completely out of my system. I had taken them on time yesterday thinking that I would sleep early and long, but it didn't work out that way and turned into a nap instead. That's such a let down, when you're ready for a long sleep and it turns into a popcorn fart. I feel cheated out of my sleep, but no doubt I will make up for it later in the day. There's always the sofa to go lie down on for a few hours.

The first birds have started to sing early. They start earlier every morning and ever so cheerful. Birds must always be happy in the morning, how else could they sing such beautiful songs? I suppose they're not worried about hat sparrow hawk I saw the other day. We also encountered a dead pigeon on the sidewalk without a head. Tyke wanted to take it home with him. I didn't think so. I've seen more appetizing things.

I had changed the sheets on my bed, but now I've hardly slept in it and I was all ready for a long night. I washed the ones that were on my bed, because I'm completely caught up on the laundry. I have to go hang them up to dry in a bit. This way I'll never run out of clean sheets. Well. it's actually not the sheets I'm worried about, it's the pillow cases. I use four of them at once and run out of them. I have to invest in more of them, but have to go to Ikea to do it. They have the right size pillow cases there. A trip to Ikea is always interesting, of course, because of all the wonderful gadgets you can buy there.

The personal helper is coming in the morning and just as she's about to leave, the domestic help gets here. The one that works so hard until she's got a backache. She's an amazing worker. I don't want her to get a backache and she can take it a bit easier if she wants, but she doesn't want to. She likes to go hard at it. I thinks she likes to be really worn out after a job. It gives her a feeling of satisfaction.

The personal helper is a very maternal type, even though I am older than she is. She is a caring kind of person who mothers you. Although I won't say that I need to be mothered. It is nice to have someone be kind to you, though, and tough at the same time. She makes sure I do the things I'm supposed to do. That I'm committed to. We're supposed to go to the store together one of these days. I think I will make it an errand to the post office. That will give us a chance to walk there and not have to haul groceries back with us. I don't think I can carry groceries that far.

I think I will go look at the Blogger designs now and see if there's anything I want there. I am curious. It's also starting to get light outside, so in a little while I'll be able to walk Tyke. It will be real early, but it will be nice and cool. No dew treading yet for me, though. Tyke will want to walk in the wet grass and get curly fur. I always looks like he's been for a perm.

Ciao,
Nora

Oh darn, it's late again!

I'm sitting here with a glass of milk (no coffee, thank you) and I think I should go to bed, but I want to stay up just a little while longer to give you fair warning that I have changed my template and the name of my blog to the one that it was over at Wordpress. Just for the form, I have put in a small picture of some sunflowers, but it was really beside the point. I don't really need a picture to justify my name, just like I don't need an apology for having two bowls of goldfish on my header. I just liked them a lot and would like to stick my hand in the very full one and stir the fish around. I do think the water would get awfully clouded quickly and it would have to be changed every hour.

I told myself that I would make it to bed before midnight, so that is my goal. You will never know if I make it, because I can put whatever time I want on the post when I publish it, though I'll probably be honest and post the real time. I'm not very good at lying when it comes down to it, unless something very important depends on it.

I'm sitting here in my gray cardigan in my warm apartment with Tyke by my feet so that I have to sit with my legs at an awkward angle. This is causing me some knee pain, but I'm blaiming that on old age. Can't blame it on the dog, oh no. He's sound asleep and gone from this world, but I know that as soon as I get up, he will be wide awake again and want to play with all of his toys in the middle of the night.

I have to go to bed now and before that I have to take my medicines and get into my pajamas and let Tyke out one more time to see if he'll do a piddle. Listen, I don't have the slightest idea what I'm doing half of the time, so just bear with me. It will be alright, I think. I will come out okay at the other end.

Ciao,
Nora

It didn't quite work out...

Well, I tried to publish my second to last Wordpress post over here, but it wouldn't let me copy and paste it, so that didn't work out at all. It was an important post, so I would really appreciate it if you went over and read it anyway, even though I am back here in Blogger country. Then you would at least know what happened to me over the last 4 days and I would hope that you would gain some understanding from it. I need for as many people as possible to know what happens to me, so that everyone will be aware and can warn me if they see a certain kind of behavior. I was extremely hypo manic for 2 days, then I was very depressed and anxious for a day and a half, and now I am okay again, close to what's normal for me. I didn't work this out until early this afternoon.

I just got back from walking Tyke and we ran into a woman with two French bulldogs. Tyke thought that was great and wanted to follow them home. He doesn't care about beauty, he only cares about friendship and these girls were friendly and very interested in him. He wants to be friends with every dog he sees, but often owners are neurotic about their dog getting close to another dog. I don't know what they think is going to happen.

Hey, I should be happy now. I'm back at Blogger and I've got that fairly nice template and I'm over the worst of my weekend. But I liked my last template at Wordpress too and am now convinced that with something very simple you can make quite an impression. It's all about the lay out and the colors and the balance between things and I'm going to look into that some more, but not stay up all night. Save me from staying up a whole night.

Well, this is just a little "hello, I'm back post." I've written all I could in that Wordpress post. I gave it my all. I hope you're happy that I'm here again.

Ciao,

Nora

An encore...

I took two 2 hour naps today, one in the morning and one in the afternoon. I just woke up from the one in the afternoon, so I guess it was really one in the early evening. After the one in the morning, I wasn't sufficiently done sleeping to really start the day right. I had claimed here that I was so clear and levelheaded in the morning when I first got up, but after I walked Tyke, I realized how tired I still was and laid down on the sofa for a nap. I should have just gone back to bed for a proper sleep.I don't know why I thought that was improper for some reason, as if I was not supposed to lie in bed during the day.

My SPN called me after I had sent her the email about my grouchiness and the Welbutrin and told me not to make any changes in my medicines for 3 weeks so that I will stabilize and that they will be able to see then which medicine can be reduced or taken away completely. I begrudgingly made that promise, because 3 weeks is a long time to be grouchy, but I'm not it nonstop all day long so I guess I can live with that. You'll probably notice it in my posts when I am, though, and pay me no mind.

I walked to my sister's house in the afternoon with Tyke for some cappuccinos. My sister's dog is getting used to Tyke's enthusiasm, but doesn't quite want Tyke to have his toys yet. So he collects them under the table and guards them. They are doing better all the time and Tyke is learning to give Quinto his space and not to be too pushy. Quinto was used to Jesker and they got along well and now he has to get used to this little curious fellow who wants to be right there the whole time and be wherever he is. They'll work it out.

When I came back, I hung out on the computer for a while, but it was clear that I needed more sleep, so I laid down on the sofa again and was soon sound asleep once more. I'm just going to have to give into these urges to sleep during the day, because I am in a much better mood if I do and it doesn't seem to make that much difference with how much I sleep at night.

My template is back and I hope you can all read the font better on the white background. I have no way to enlarge it. You may all have to get reading glasses. Don't worry, I've got them too. There's no stigma attached to it. This is not the original watercolor template that I started out with, this is a new one in effort to get any template to show up at all. I can't find the unzip file with the watercolor template in it just now, but if I run into it, I will reinstall it, although I quite like this one too. I will go have a look for the other one in a minute. Maybe it is retrievable.

I need a tall glass of milk, so that's what I'm going to get. Have a good evening you all.

Ciao,
Nora

Adding up the hours.

I was up early this morning, because Tyke was barking and I had to stop him so he wouldn't wake up the neighbors. Once I had assured him that everything was fine, I was wide awake and ready to stay up, so I made myself some coffee and answered my emails, which is always a good exercise for my brain. I feel surprisingly clearheaded this morning and not at all hung over, so answering my emails was done with a well functioning mind, which I can't say is always true. I'll have to see how I do the rest of the day, but it's good to feel so levelheaded so early in the morning.

I still can't see my complete blog template, but I've heard that Blogger is having some problems, so maybe it is due to that. I will wait it out patiently and see if the problem clears itself up. I've also left a message at the template website, but I haven't heard anything from them yet. Will those of you who do see my complete template let me know? At least I'll know there is hope.

Well, I was speaking of feeling clearheaded, but I can't think of a bloody thing to write about, yet write I must. It's supposed to be a compulsion, after all, and when you are compulsed to do something, you can't help but. It's like people who talk, but don't have anything to say. This may turn into one of those exercises.

Tell you what. I think I'll take my medicines and see if that makes any difference. It will be an interesting experiment and I will wait half an hour before I start writing again.



Okay, I've hung out on Facebook and tried to figure out why some people are so incredibly popular. I just don't seem to fit in that category, you know? People don't flock around me. I make statements, but I don't get many responses. Maybe my statements aren't provocative enough and they should be more outrageous. Maybe I should insult people in high places or become incredibly political or put in more links to interesting stories. It's a puzzlement. I will have to think about it for a while. I must have a better plan in place. Look at me, the big strategist.

I've noticed that after I take the Welbutrin in the morning lately, my mood just goes downhill. I become angry and irritated and impatient. I don't know if this is a temporary condition, but I've just sent my SPN an email discussing this problem with her. I don't think this is the way an antidepressant is supposed to make you feel. It happens within an hour after I take it. It's impossible to do anything about it once it strikes, but to keep in mind what the cause is and that it's an artificial mood and that it has nothing to do with reality. It does help to talk about it. I feel I'm coming out of the closet with my perfect Welbutrin that made me feel so good for the first two weeks.

If it's a temporary side effect, then I can live with it, but if it's a permanent thing, then I'm going to get off them and not try anything else. I've had enough different kinds of antidepressants and none of them have really worked, except for my temporary believe in them. There is no happiness pill.

Well, I'm going to get dressed and take Tyke for a walk. It will do us both good.

Have a good day.

Ciao,
Nora

Tell me why...

My blog template showed up incomplete all day. All I saw was a green screen with text and photos, in other words, things I had posted and filled in. So, I went ahead and installed a different template, but I have the same problem with it, so I have no idea what's going on. I'm assuming the problem will correct itself, since it is happening with both and I'm stubborn enough to believe it. If not, I will turn into a toad again and when I'm kissed, I will not turn into a beautiful princess, but an old hag. How many people go around kissing toads anyway? I've never done it.

The Exfactor did a good deed today. He took the train and specifically came to visit me so I would have someone to talk to. He knew I was having a hard time and he brought a lighter too, so I wouldn't have to go back to the store to buy one. I told him everything that was on my mind and he could only agree with me and saw the logic in what I was saying. I don't have emotions, I have symptoms and for all these symptoms there are labels, and for every label there is a pill. Every time I have an emotion, there is a pill or an increase in a pill to kill the emotion. I'm not supposed to feel anything. Every deviation is dangerous.

Well, the domestic help was here this afternoon. It was the same girl who was here last week and I hope she becomes my regular help. I may have to call about that and see if I can arrange that. She wasn't upset that I hadn't done anything, but she did tell me to ask for more time for her to do her work in. So three hours instead of two. There's lots of cleaning left to do in this apartment. Things have been neglected for a long time. At first glance it looks okay, but when you look closer it's not and those girls know how to look. They see dirt that I don't. It's getting harder not to be embarrassed.

Tyke is so fond of the domestic help. He wants all her cleaning supplies, but he listens well when I tell him that no, he is not allowed to steal things. When it was time for her to vacuum, I took him for a walk so he wouldn't bark the whole time and drive the neighbors crazy. That was a good solution. Too bad I can't do that when I'm supposed to vacuum.

Now for me the best time of the day starts, after I have taken my 6 pm medicines. I don´t know why that is, but soon afterwards, I always feel the best of any time of the day. I take my medicines, walk the dog, and when I get home, I feel good. It´s not that everything is suddenly okay and that all the problems have been solved, but I feel more courageous and a little more happy and not so drained, while there´s really not much to look forward to but loneliness. I think that is one reason why I write so many posts. I feel that I´m in contact with you all while I´m writing them, as if I´m having a conversation with you and we are connected through the words. When I´m done writing a post, I feel immediate regret and want to start writing another one, so I won´t lose the connection. I will still be part of something bigger than just me and the animals.

On Thursday afternoon, I´m meeting my friend Von at our café on the Our Dear Lady Square downtown. I think it´s been 5 months since we´ve met at the café. I´ll go see if the trees have any buds on them and if the outside of the church has been fully restored. If it is at all possible with my schedule, Thursday afternoons are going to be our regular afternoons.

On Wednesday morning, I have a meeting at the SPC for an intake for the creative classes of which I don´t know when they are going to be yet or when there is a place for me available. I can´t go Monday afternoons or Thursday afternoons, so hopefully there will be something available on other days.

So you see, I have plans and they will be good for me, I have no doubt about it. It will be good to get out of the house and amongst people and have activities and create things. And hang out with Von and drink cappuccinos. I do have to add those to my budget, mustn´t forget that.

Okay, this post is done, because I´ve told you everything that will go in this post. I don´t know if there will be another post. It depends on how the mood strikes me.

Have a good evening!

Ciao,
Nora

It's the coffee...

You see, it's the coffee that's keeping me going now. I had that decaf, but it didn't do me any good. I just mentally collapse and find that I'm on the verge of the throwing in the towel. I just want to give up and more than anything throw all my medication down the toilet for all the good it does me. I know I can't do that because of the withdrawal symptoms, but I wish I was a year along and off a lot of these things I'm taking now. I've never been as depressed and anxious and stressed and unstable as when I've been on the medication.

Anyway, I make myself a cup of coffee and drink it and I'm okay again. I'm not collapsing any more, but I can't stop and think about my situation too much, because if I do, I become very disheartened and disgusted and I want to run away from it and wish myself into another life. I am most unhappy and I don't care who knows it and everybody can have their opinion about it and their suggestions about how to make it better, but I tell you, I have to get off those drugs that are screwing up my mind.

I'm always having to artificially pep myself up to make it through the day because of all the sleep inducing medication I take, and I take a lot, even though I want to take a little. I had just reduced my anti-psychotics and my tranquilizers when my psychiatrist increased them again when I started on the Welbutrin and stopped taking my other antidepressants. I'm sure that this was well intended and done as a precaution against the problems I would have with withdrawals, but I think it wasn't necessary, really, and now I have to reduce those medications again. I can't do anything on my own without his express approval, so my hands are tied.

For as well as I was doing for the first 2 weeks on Welbutrin, I am doing badly now, but I will also blame it on withdrawal of one antidepressant that I completely went off immediately without any back up. It's gone completely out of my body now and no doubt it is having its effect. If I don't feel a marked improvement on the Welbutrin in a little over 2 weeks time, I'm going to stop taking it and not use another antidepressant, but just depend on my mood stabilizer. Then I can start reducing the anti-psychotics, which is a medication I really want to stop taking, having never been psychotic.

You realize, of course, that I'm using this blog to organize my thoughts. As I write these things down, they become more clear to me and my course of action becomes more obvious. I'm not really writing this down to get answers to questions from you, though input is always welcome. I guess I'm trying to make clear to you how I live in the artificial world of pharmaceutical products and how that influences my mind and my body and how really unhealthy that is. When my second psychiatrist had to hand me over to my third psychiatrist, he worried a great deal about how he was going to explain my list of medications to him. You know something was rotten in Denmark.

So, I'm having my second cup of coffee now. If that's what it takes to keep me going, then so be it. It's really an hour earlier than it says on the clock and I will pretend I live on the Mediterranean and have a nightlife. I started out this post with a feeling of despair, but it has settled down now to a feeling of control. I see what I need to do and the road that I need to take to get there. That does not mean that I will not sit here the next time without feelings of despair again. My moods are as unpredictable as the March weather here.

For those of you who think I like changes very much because I changed my blog template, I have to tell you that it s very double. I get very excited because it is something new and I look forward to how everything will look and which template I will end up with, but at the same time I also don't like changes very much and am most at ease with the familiar, so doing this is a daring step for me. It's a challenge and I have to get used to it myself and I feel very insecure about it. I would have liked to stay the toad forever, but now I'm a watercolor. I'm trying it on for size. Maybe it will be scary and I will flee back toward toadness.

I have a feeling that I'm not going to stay up that late, in spite of the coffee. It will be good to get a decent night's sleep or as long as I manage it. I have to pick up pieces of cardboard in the morning and go to the tobacconist.

Thank you for letting me bounce my thoughts off you. It's been very helpful.

I wish you all a good night.

Ciao,
Nora

Getting it right.

I just woke up from a long nap on the sofa and feel like a normal human being now. I was up earlier, but it was a disaster, because I had not slept long enough and I was in a terrible mood because of the shortage of sleep. Of course, instead of going straight back to bed, I was stubborn and convinced that I should stay up and function and do things, even though it was clear that I was not doing them well at all. I thought I should just have another cup of coffee and then I'd be okay, but that second cup of coffee didn't help me any more than that first one.

Finally it dawned on me that what I needed, for everyone's sake, was sleep. I laid down on the sofa and thought I would just rest with my eyes closed and that I would not really fall asleep, but I was wrong and as usual, I feel a lot better now and am a much friendlier person to be with. All my kindness has returned and I don't feel like the end of the world is coming and I'm the doom sayer to tell you. Goodness, that's a rotten job.

Now, of course, I'm dealing with that hour of adjustment in the time. It's really an hour earlier than it says on the computer clock and my watch. I haven't changed the clock in the living room yet, but it is dark and gray outside and it is raining, and it could be any time of the day. Still, I feel like the day is going by awfully fast time wise. I feel like I need to hurry up and do a lot of living in the few hours that are left of the day. I don't think it will happen, though.

I'm supposed to be doing my share of the house cleaning, meaning that I have to dust, vacuum and mop the apartment and clean up the kitchen, but I am so completely not able to do that right now. I think I will have to be excused and have the help do that work herself, because what else is she going to do? If it's raining, she can't wash the windows, except for the insides and those will be done in no time. The first girl who was ever here set up that schedule and I think she was a little bit confused. It's time to throw a wrench into the works.

Oh yes, I've changed my template. Of course, you can't help not missing that. I was over at Eye in the Sky and saw her link to Free Blogger Templates and, of course, I had to go have a look, and you know me, once I go have a look at free templates, I go see if there's one I like. I tried on a couple for size, before I settled on this one. I thought that maybe the other ones were a little bit too garish, although they had their appeal too and I'm not firmly decided yet. Let's just say that I'm thinking about it and things could change any minute. There was one I really liked but the tags were gobbled up with the text and I don't know how to fix it. If this one stays all depends on how much you like it. Thumbs up or thumbs down? You can't vote for the toad. Just for the unknown.

Tyke is lying by my feet, occasionally snoring. The back door is open, so he has been running in and out. There are bits of cardboard spread all over the living room and bedroom from an earlier adventure with a cardboard box. I get to pick up all those pieces. I think he has grown since I've had him, because he doesn't seem like such a little puppy anymore, although he still is in his behavior. He's getting less destructive, though, and more aware of what are his toys to do with as he pleases. He does like to steal things that belong to me, to tease me and to see if he can get away with it. I'm just waiting for him to get this stage behind him and become more normal, to whatever point that is possible. I think he will always be a little bit of a stinker. It's in his nature to be the clown.

The sun has come out again, though it isn't very warm out. There's no abundance of nature happening out there. Everything is late. It's just all sort of dreary looking, as if it's been fall. There is no eruption of green yet, nor are there bright blossoms of daffodils. Spring has forsaken us. At least I don't live in certain regions in Canada, where people still struggle with the cold and the snow and the wind. I would find that unbearable, but I guess you get used to anything. I suppose we don't have it so bad here.

I've had 3 cups of coffee and I will make myself a decaf now, so as to not upset the delicate balance of my psychic system. Ha! I'm only half kidding. I feel good now and I want to keep it that way. I mustn't upset the applecart.

Have a good afternoon. Don't forget to let me know what you think, or otherwise I'll start to act independently.

Ciao,
Nora

Back to the old template.

As you can see, I've gone back to the toad. I decided in the end that it was really me after all. I also like the layout and the colors and how easy it is to read the text. But I tell you, I feel an affinity for that toad. I really feel like that´s a bit me sitting there on that rock with those wise bulging eyes and that little fat body. I connect with that toad.

I've just come back from walking Tyke in the not so cold morning and I've fed him his lunch. I have to sit very close to him when he eats, otherwise he will not finish eating. As it is, he takes a couple of bites and comes and sits with me until I tell him to go eat again. Or until a cat dares to come close to his bowl. He beat up Toby the other day for daring to eat from his bowl. I don´t think Toby will ever try it again.

Right now Tyke and Gandhi are running through the apartment like Tasmanian Devils and I fear for everything that is standing upright. And just as quickly, Tyke is sound asleep on the floor beside me. Go figure! I think it is because Gandhi is now sitting on the dining table grooming herself. The animals are as unpredictable as the weather.

In spite of the fact that I slept well last night, I took a nap on the sofa this morning. I slept for 2 hours and it was very nice. I'll not worry about it today, since it's Sunday and a day of rest, but, of course, I'm not supposed to be asleep during the day, especially not in the morning when I've just gotten up. I don't want to spend what are supposed to be my waking hours asleep on the sofa. There are other things that I can do with my time.

I do have to say, though, that Tyke is great when I'm asleep. It seems that all he does is sleep also. I never wake up from any racket that he and Gandhi are making and he never gets into things he's not supposed to when I'm taking a nap. I'm now going to knock on wood really hard three times lest I call bad luck out over myself.

The wind just picked up hard outside and I think it is going to rain. Showers are predicted. It promises to be a cosy afternoon here. I'll have to turn on some lights, because it's dark in here. Still, it's 11C (52F), so it's not cold. I can say for certain that there's no chance of snow. Lord, I am so grateful for that. If I never see another snowflake I'll be so happy. Do you think it's time that I immigrate to another climate? At least it's already staying lighter later in the evening. That's something. I really do appreciate that. I love it when the sun starts going down late and the day lasts longer. It makes me feel like I have more time to do things.

Today is the last day of February. Good riddance to it. Not that March is not an unpredictable month, but it does bring us close to springtime. You do get your reward if you're patient enough. Someone wrote about the darling buds of May, but here we can speak of the darling buds of March. He must have lived in a different geographical area. I'm talking about the buds on shrubbery and trees. I can't wait to see that green haze on those bare branches or am I running ahead of myself? I do remember this correctly, don't I? It's a mystery and a surprise every year over again.

I think have to find a new home for Gandhi. Tyke won't leave her alone. He misinterprets everything she does as playful behavior and he is constantly chasing her around the apartment and bothering her. He doesn't give her one moment of rest, like a typical puppy, and follows her wherever she goes. He nips at her and shoves her around and paws at her and he thinks that whatever she does in return is playful feedback. Gandhi is going nuts and I have to correct Tyke all day long. That lasts as long as it does and then I have to start all over again. It's maddening. I called the Exfactor and asked him if he wants her and he is going to think about it and also ask among his friends if anyone wants her. In the meantime I'll have to sit on Tyke. I guess I didn't knock on wood hard enough.

Gandhi has scratched Tyke in the eye and damaged his lower eyelid. It's swollen and red and it looks terrible. I'm putting an antibiotic cream on it, but I'll have to take him to the vet tomorrow just to make sure that his tear gland isn't damaged. Oh, it's always something.

I want to end this on a happy note, so let's see what I can write about. It has started to rain, but that is not really something to be happy about, although it is cosy when you're nice and dry inside. You must see the glass half full. I'm wearing a sweater that I had quite forgotten about and found another one that I had forgotten about too. It now is in the laundry, which I will do as soon as I'm done here.

The sweaters were laying on the top shelf of my closet where I don't have a look very often. It's a neglected area. Actually, my whole closet is kind of neglected and I'm wearing the same clothes over and over again. I put them in the laundry and when they're dry I put them on. I have no imagination when it comes to dressing up at the moment and I haven't worn any make up in a long time. I'm about the dullest woman in the street and it hardly bothers me.

Gandhi is now peacefully sleeping on the sofa and Tyke is lying beside me chewing on a rawhide bone. Temporary peace!

Have a good rest of the day. It is Sunday, so I hope you do only nice things for yourself.

Ciao,
Nora

His name is Tyke!

I am, as of 3:30 this afternoon, the proud owner of an 11 month old American cocker spaniel named Tyke. He is black all over except for under his tail, where he is white, which looks very cute.

I was very unsure about getting another dog when I found out about Jesker's tumor. At first I thought I wouldn't get another dog at all, but then I thought I would be awfully lonely without one and that I would very much miss the company and the routine and the loving care. Then I thought I would wait until Jesker was gone and that seemed like a sensible idea, but out of curiosity I started to visit the websites of all the local dog kennels and, of course, there were all the usual dogs there that nobody wanted. German shepherds, pit bulls, Jack Russel's, the usual assortment. I was not interested in getting any of those dogs.

This morning I went to the website of a kennel in Heerlen, which is a town twenty minutes away from here and saw, between all those dogs I didn't want, this wonderful American cocker spaniel. I couldn't believe it. It was a new dog and up for immediate adoption. I tried to put it out of my mind for a few hours, but couldn't and I kept thinking about that dog that was sitting there waiting for me. The problem was that I didn't have a ride, but then I remembered that I could call my friend Yvonne, who is a big dog lover herself, and ask her if she would take me there to pick up the dog.

I called her up and explained the situation to her and she was more than willing to take me there. She had planned to do the same thing when her dog before the one she has now died, but he died so suddenly, that she did not get a chance to pick out another dog until afterwards. She wanted to have another dog while he was still alive to ease the pain, so she understood what I was doing. Well, what really motivated me was the chance to get a good dog and they don't come along often. Just once in a while you see a dog like that at the dog kennels.

We drove over there and needless to say it was love at first sight. Here he was sitting in his cage with his sad looking eyes, but eager to make contact and very alert. The woman that worked there put him on a leash so I could get to know him better and he was all over me and all over Yvonne. He was so happy to be with people. I asked all the usual questions and was soon satisfied. Of course, we had to do all the paperwork and he had to get a chip in his neck with my information in it, but all in all it was a fairly painless operation.

Nobody needs to worry about Jesker not being a dominant dog, because he his. He made it clear from the start that he is in charge and that Tyke comes in second place. Anything Tyke can do, he can do better. He even steels his food and his toys, things he normally pays no attention to whatsoever. Dried dog food that he doesn't like. Rawhide bones that he never chews on. Tyke did manage to demolish one tennis ball on his own on the sofa. That took him about half an hour, so I need to get better balls. Well, everybody needs those. The cats let him know they weren't scared of him, so that was settled very quickly.

So, we have a new addition to the family and it will take some getting used to, but he is as cute as anything and listens well. We'll grow on each other in no time and do some real bonding, which he is very good at. He is very enthused when it comes to showing his love.

Oh, I don't like my template and I think some of you don't like it either, so I'm going to change it. The only one that comes close to the toad template has an animal on it that is very slow and sluggish, which may be appropriate for me, and it carries it's house on its back, which I think I do in the sense that I carry all my troubles with me. Also, I do like to go into hiding, just like this animal. I just hope it doesn't turn you off. I think it is just the least bit endearing and don't think of escargot.

Have a good evening, at least what's left of it. I've got to change my template and cuddle with both my dogs.

Ciao.

Choices...

I took Jesker to the vet this afternoon, because his diarrhea is back in full force. The vet was sad to see him again. Because Jesker was not so bloated this time and because he had lost a lot of weight, the vet was able to examine him well and found a tumor the size of a fist in his stomach cavity. It's bad news. He is giving hum an antibiotic cure for ten days to see if it will cure the diarrhea. If so, we wait and see what happens next, although it will probably return. If the antibiotics don't work, I have to make the final decision. The one where I say, it has been enough and I have the vet put him to sleep. This is the fourth time in 3 months time that he has bad diarrhea and it is getting worse every time. Sometimes it's only liquid that comes out. His intestines are starting to stick to the tumor.

I'm taking this very hard, but somehow am amazingly calm about it. I realize that whatever time I have with Jesker now, has to be quality time and I have to make sure that I bond with him as much as I can, while I can.

I, on the other hand, am as fit as a fiddle. Contrary to what the nurse of my GP had me believe, there is absolutely nothing wrong with me and there was really no reason at all for me to go in and see him this afternoon. One of the values of my thyroid hormones was high, but that is only a concern if another value had been high also and that is not the case, so it is functioning just fine. All the other results came back normal. I do not have an infection, or cancer, or a liver dysfunction, or anemia. Everything is perfectly fine. It is with a great deal of relief that I heard this, especially after hearing Jesker's bad news.

So, whatever is going on with me, is purely psychological and must be found in my emotional functioning or malfunctioning. Well, I am a rapid cycling manic depressive, so I go through these extremes of moods and it seems that the medicines I take don't prevent it from happening. Therefor I am seriously beginning to question the use of some of my medications and want to discuss with my psychiatrist the continuation of them. It seems I am no better of with them and may be even worse of in the long run. I don't see myself taking these huge doses of medicines for the rest of my life. Some changes need to be made.

It just snowed very hard for about an hour, so we have a new layer of snow, which will hopefully melt tomorrow when it is supposed to be 4C and raining. I have an appointment with my SPN at 10 am and I do intend to keep it. I'm bound and determined to go. I will walk there.

I rediscovered my long black cardigan that's very warm and that has a collar and two buttons at the front. I'm wearing it over a stretch T-shirt and my Turkish pants. I'm also wearing my red necklace with it. I look very decent.

Someone asked me when I'm going to get rid of my toad picture that's my blog template right now. I guess it is time for me to find another one. You know, I'll gladly do it, if I can find something else that's equally good. I'll have a good look around and see what I can come up with. For those of you who don't like change, you are allowed to raise your voice in protest. It may fall on deaf ears, though.

I act very tough now, but I'm not in the least. When the time comes, things will be very difficult. I don't know how I'm going to live through it yet.

Have a good evening.

Ciao!

Post # 605

Don't you all just love my new template? I'm quite fond of it myself. I see myself as that frog, sitting there so comfortable with my arms folded over each other. I saw it and I knew that was it for me. That was the perfect Green Stone Woman image. I also like the colors and the layout. I didn't have to change a thing about it. Let me know if any of you have any problems with it. I'll see what I can do about it. The frog is staying, though.

I slept 4 1/2 hours last night and I feel like I've caught up on some off my lack of sleep. I was awfully tired when I went to bed last night and I hardly remember getting in bed and going to sleep. I don't even know if I read my book, though I woke up with the indentations of my reading glasses on my nose. I always love that when it happens, because it makes me look slightly Oriental.

I don't know about you, or if it's my age, but I always have night sweats and wake up with my T-shirt drenched and the sheet all wet. I'm assuming it is menopause, although I always think I must be way beyond that now. Maybe some women have it over longer periods of time. If anybody else has this, please let me know.

I have an appointment with my SPN this morning and she'll be happy to no longer see me depressed. I don't know what I am instead, but I'm not depressed. We're supposed to fill in those forms for the help in the household that I already got in the mail the other day and that I must not forget to bring. Other than that, my day is free and I want to get a lot of housework done. There's the laundry and the mopping of the floors and my bedroom to clean up. The inevitable dusting that goes on endlessly and shouldn't even be mentioned. I think the vacuum cleaner is plugged up again, so I'll have to take it apart and unplug it. I vacuumed up an awful lot of dog hair the other day when I was so industriously changing the living room around.

I'm still happy with the result, but I need more house plants. I need a potted palm, but I don't know if I have the right spot for it. I always assume they need a lot of light and I don't know if the spot I have in mind gets enough of that. I'm tempted to buy a ficus, but I have such bad luck with them. Except for the one that grew in my backyard in California. It grew to be a real tree that my son used to climb in.

Oh, I really feel like going back to bed and sleeping some more. I'm not nearly wide awake enough yet to get the show on the road. I'm suddenly hit with a great tiredness. All I want to do is go lie down and sleep. I think that's what I'll go do now.

Ciao,
Nora