Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Internal combustion...

There really is a difference between taling my sleeping pills and not taking them. Without them I am less likely to inhabit higher spheres in the middle of the night. I also have less of a fantasy and I notice that when I try to write a blog post. I wax less poerically when I'm not under the influence of a barbiturate. In other words, I don't think I write as well when I am stone cold sober. 

That does mean I won't write a long, drawn out, epic blog post that is about nothing at all. I won't write just for the sake of writing, although there will always be some of that. I do enjoy my writer's role and do believe in the power of the word. But I do want to have something of significance to say. The words can't just be a means to fill the page. 

I can get a bit philosophical here and talk about the purpose of blog posts at all, but all I will tell you is that in my case they serve the purpose of alowing me to air my thoughts. In the process of airing my thoughts, things become clearer to me because it's like speaking out loud or having a conversation in which you get answers. I look at myself think and put things in order. 

It's better than having a talk with my therapist because she only causes confusion with her analysis. I resist her attempts at making me a patient and more than anything want to be an ordinary human being with all the facets that are attached to that. I do insist on that and refuse to be anything else.

Now I've got to finish sleeping. To dream, per chance. I know I will do that, there's no doubt about it. They will be the most fantastic and out of the ordinary dreams. 



Maggie May said...

Hope you dreamed of something lovely.
I often imagine that I hear the door bell or the phone go just as I am awakening. This morning, I jumped out of bed, but there was nobody there. Strange that. Oh well, I am up now.
Have a good day.
Maggie X

Nuts in May

Wisewebwoman said...

I think writing when under the influence is not as great as we think it is. Many of the great writers concur with me.
I look at my drunken writing from years and years ago. And cringe.
I hope your dreams were wonderful. Mine usually are.

Rob-bear said...

Some of the stuff I have written while medicated is pretty awful, as Wisewebwoman can testify. Looks great when I write it; looks terrible the next day. What seemed brilliant turned out to be boring.

That said, some days I have suspicions that sobriety is overrated.

I hope you keep writing, whatever the state of your mind. I think you are a good writer, in whatever state you find yourself.