It's an interesting thing to watch yourself evolve and to anticipate what you are going to be like each new day. Of course, I'm not so much evolving into a brand new person as I am becoming the person I was about eighteen years ago. It seems that once I took ownership of my life, and the complete responsibilty for it, I could embrace this person I was a long time ago and allow her back into my life. I found that instead of being afraid of her and her spirited character, I actually liked her very much and very much wanted to be her again.
I have embraced her with open arms and now am her again and I have complete faith that in this reincarnation I will live happily ever after. There is no need to hide my light under a bushel anymore. I can go ahead and shine it all over the place. There is all sorts of breathing space for the person I am now and I am so happy to be me that I could sing at the top of my lungs. I won't do that because I can't keep a tune and can only sing in the shower and very badly at that on top of it. .
I have forgiven myself for at one time being a frail human being and for making mistakes and not being perfect. But I also like the woman who made the choices she did and see the problems she was confronted with and the limited choices she had and how she made the best of them. I'm glad I now have years of experience behind me and lots of wisdom that I didn't have then that I can apply now and I do have lots of compassion for who I was. I don't hate myself and I can look back now without embarrassment.
If you think I'm in the Hallelujah Chorus, I assure you I'm not. I have both feet on the ground, but I'm much contented.