I had already taken the tranquilizers and hoped they would do to get me over the stress, but they did not help me get over the foul mood I was in, so there was nothing else to do but make a pot of coffee also. I much regretted this because I didn't want to have to drink coffee at this time of the evening.
Now, having had a mug of coffee, I can see the sense of it because I'm starting to feel a lot better and realize I should have done this much sooner. Like maybe two hours ago when I woke up from my second nap of the day.
I feel that by all sorts of trickery I have to try and get into the right mood. If I just get the ingredients right maybe I will succeed. Sometimes I'm so low that I could scream and start tossing pieces of furniture around out of frustration. Mostly I crawl in bed and try to find my safety there. There's always salvation in sleep.
I'm struggling very hard with this depression. I hate the way it makes me feel. I so despise the feelings of despair. The sense that I'm at the end of the road and that there's nowhere left to go.
I mustn't dwell on that too much.
I think I will get ready for bed and try to sleep as long as possible. It seems like the most attractive option now.
Have a good evening.