In total good health...

I had a doctor's appointment at the god awful hour of eight o'clock this morning. I don't rightly know how that happened either. Somehow I got talked into it. It turned out not to be too bad, really, and it did make for a good start of the day. The doctor has a cheerful personality and a friendly face so she is nice to see first thing in the morning. 

The good news is that I don't have a vitamin deficiency, or anemia, or an infection, or a incorrect thyroid hormome level. All I have is a minor cold and a chronically upset stomach for which she is now prescribing the medication permanently. I'm happy because it alows me to eat more with less problems. 

My cold is just a minor issue. My lungs sound clear and I'm just a little congested. The doctor was very impressed with the fact that I'd stopped smoking after having smoked for so long and so much. She said I should be proud of myself. I said I was. She also said I should treat myself nicely. I said I was doing that too. I don't think we need to worry about that.

I'm just glad there's nothing else wrong with me. I'm in good health and that's my main concern. I have some nodules on the lymph glands in the back of my neck, but they are not anything to be concerned about. It's good to know that. I was a little worried about them. 

I felt awfully relieved when I left there and walked home. I felt like I had a new lease on life, especially after hearing that my lungs were clear. You don't excpect that after all those years of smoking. I suppose I will have pink and squeaky clean lungs yet. 

This is a new doctor for me. She is kind and very young and I have a huge amount of confidence in her. She shares the office with the original doctor who took over the practice when the two old doctors retired. I think I will have this young doctor be my main carer always. I've got to make it a point to make all my appointments with her. Seeing as though I seldom have an emergency, this should always be possible.

I've got to hang up the laundry to dry and do the dishes. I'm trying to be industrious today. It's quite cold outside but I've got the heater turned up. At least in here it's comfortable. 

I hope you'll all have a good day.

Ciao,

Nora

Silly Woman!

After having written my cheerful post, and at 6 o'clock this morning, I got dressed and very optimistically took Tyke for a walk. We had been cooped up inside for a few days, after all, and it was time we got out. I thought I felt well enough to do it, so I was more than willing to go and when Tyke saw me get my hiking boots on, he was more than willing to go too.

We didn't go very far. I didn't want to push my luck, it being my first outing since I got sick, and we walked for only twenty minutes or so. Imagine my surprise when I was completely out of breath when we got home and I didn't feel so good. My chest hurt and I had a pain between my shoulder blades. I took off my hiking boots and laid down on the sofa to rest and catch my breath, but I stayed out of breath and the pain didn't go away. I was mighty uncomfortable.

Finally, at 8:30, I called the doctor's office and told the nurse what my problem was and she told me to come in at 9 o'clock. I went over there when it was time, which is only a 5 minute walk away from here, and soon saw my doctor. He listened to my lungs and said that I had a lower airway infection. He prescribed an antibiotic and paracetamol with codeine for the pain. I had the nurse fax the prescription to the pharmacy and the Exfactor is going to pick it up for me on the way over here.

I had so many plans for today. I wanted to take Tyke for several walks and I wanted to do some chores, but now I know that I'm unable to do those things, because the least little thing causes me to be completely out of breath and it hurts. I will have to be dependent on the Exfactor to get some things done around here and maybe walk Tyke one more time.

It sure is a bummer. I have to use up all the medication and if I'm not better then, I have to go see the doctor again. I was so upbeat this morning, because I thought I was getting better, but now I'm looking at a longer recuperation time. Of course, with the antibiotic I will get better fast. I just don't want to get down because of this. I do want to keep my mood up and it's not really good if I am forced to be so inactive. Physical health and mental health go hand in hand.

So, it's a good thing I went to see the doctor, otherwise I would have walked around with this forever. Now I'm going to lie down again and wait for the Exfactor to bring the medicines that will make me better.

Ciao,
Nora

Choices...

I took Jesker to the vet this afternoon, because his diarrhea is back in full force. The vet was sad to see him again. Because Jesker was not so bloated this time and because he had lost a lot of weight, the vet was able to examine him well and found a tumor the size of a fist in his stomach cavity. It's bad news. He is giving hum an antibiotic cure for ten days to see if it will cure the diarrhea. If so, we wait and see what happens next, although it will probably return. If the antibiotics don't work, I have to make the final decision. The one where I say, it has been enough and I have the vet put him to sleep. This is the fourth time in 3 months time that he has bad diarrhea and it is getting worse every time. Sometimes it's only liquid that comes out. His intestines are starting to stick to the tumor.

I'm taking this very hard, but somehow am amazingly calm about it. I realize that whatever time I have with Jesker now, has to be quality time and I have to make sure that I bond with him as much as I can, while I can.

I, on the other hand, am as fit as a fiddle. Contrary to what the nurse of my GP had me believe, there is absolutely nothing wrong with me and there was really no reason at all for me to go in and see him this afternoon. One of the values of my thyroid hormones was high, but that is only a concern if another value had been high also and that is not the case, so it is functioning just fine. All the other results came back normal. I do not have an infection, or cancer, or a liver dysfunction, or anemia. Everything is perfectly fine. It is with a great deal of relief that I heard this, especially after hearing Jesker's bad news.

So, whatever is going on with me, is purely psychological and must be found in my emotional functioning or malfunctioning. Well, I am a rapid cycling manic depressive, so I go through these extremes of moods and it seems that the medicines I take don't prevent it from happening. Therefor I am seriously beginning to question the use of some of my medications and want to discuss with my psychiatrist the continuation of them. It seems I am no better of with them and may be even worse of in the long run. I don't see myself taking these huge doses of medicines for the rest of my life. Some changes need to be made.

It just snowed very hard for about an hour, so we have a new layer of snow, which will hopefully melt tomorrow when it is supposed to be 4C and raining. I have an appointment with my SPN at 10 am and I do intend to keep it. I'm bound and determined to go. I will walk there.

I rediscovered my long black cardigan that's very warm and that has a collar and two buttons at the front. I'm wearing it over a stretch T-shirt and my Turkish pants. I'm also wearing my red necklace with it. I look very decent.

Someone asked me when I'm going to get rid of my toad picture that's my blog template right now. I guess it is time for me to find another one. You know, I'll gladly do it, if I can find something else that's equally good. I'll have a good look around and see what I can come up with. For those of you who don't like change, you are allowed to raise your voice in protest. It may fall on deaf ears, though.

I act very tough now, but I'm not in the least. When the time comes, things will be very difficult. I don't know how I'm going to live through it yet.

Have a good evening.

Ciao!

Waking up!

I suppose when it really comes down to it, I don't so much write for the sake of you as I write for the sake of myself. I mean that I have a compulsion to write at certain times of the day even when I don't have anything noteworthy to report. I just need to sit here and tell a story and I don't know if I tell you the story or if I tell myself it. I guess it is a letter to myself to remind me of what I have done and thought and mused over and observed, yet if that were completely true I might as well write it in a notebook and not make it public, so obviously I need an audience and feedback. I write an ego document that I want to make known. But I'll try to write as if I'm the only witness to it, though I doubt very much if that is possible. Even Anne Frank wrote to an imaginary friend she called 'Dear Kitty.'

I'll set the scene. I'm sitting here in my very warm, red bathrobe by the desk lamp with my cup of coffee and the inevitable cigarette. My feet are still bare, but soon I will get my slippers on, because my feet will get cold and my toes will feel like ice cubes. The dog is asleep on his blanket, but has been over here to be petted several times. He wags his stubby tail and gives me a mournful look that means, "Don't neglect me."

Outside there is still a little bit of snow, but not very much. Only in the places where the sunshine doesn't reach during the day are there a couple of centimeters. It is 0C outside and it's supposed to be snowing now, but I see no evidence of it. Oh yes, I just had a better look and it is snowing indeed. It's supposed to do that the rest of the day also if I'm supposed to believe the weather forecast on my browser.

I didn't fall asleep until almost midnight. For some reason I went to bed late and read for a long time. I also ate Pringle's Onion and Cheese potato chips. Those were very nice, but made me very thirsty. They must be very salty and I probably had a week's worth of sodium last night. I don't recommend anyone doing this before they go to bed. It's a foolish thing to do. I shouldn't even buy them, but sometimes it is hard to withstand them when you're in the supermarket and you see them there so invitingly on the shelf. I shouldn't go down that aisle anymore. It's actually easy to avoid. I have no business being there.

I can't go back to sleep this morning, because I have to go to the tobacconist and he is only open in the mornings on Mondays. In a little while I have to take my medicines and when I'm done writing this I'll take the dog for his walk. Maybe I'll lie down on the sofa after I've gotten my tobacco. In the afternoon I have to go see my GP for the results of the blood tests and I have been trying to figure out all weekend what he wants to talk to me about that he couldn't discuss over the telephone. It's a mystery to me. I suppose it's normal for me to say that I'm just a little bit worried.

Well, that's all the sharing I have to do this morning. It's not very deep, but I'm not in the mood for an intellectual post today. I have other things on my mind. I'm preoccupied.

Have a nice day!

Ciao.

Getting somewhere...

I'm momentarily in a very clear state of mind. All my synapses are working in good order and I can think straight. It's a temporary condition due to having gotten enough rest and seeing the forest for the trees again. I rested the whole morning until about one pm, when the Exfactor showed up to clean house for me like he had promised that he would. You have no idea what a godsend he was when he grabbed the vacuum cleaner and proceeded to vacuum the whole apartment and very thoroughly too. It was wonderful, because it needed to happen so badly and I could not do it myself. While he did that, I hung up a load of laundry and put another load in the machine, so I was not completely idle.

We then had coffee together and an interesting discussion about public transport and rush hour traffic and the solutions to that and then the Exfactor tackled the kitchen and the dishes and it was with so much relief that I saw him do that, because it had seemed like an impossible job to me. I dried the dishes and put them away, but he did all the hard work, thank goodness. He´s coming back next week to do the rest of the jobs and I am so glad about that. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Now I can enter the weekend with peace in my heart and not feel like I have all of this hovering over my head. He´s a great guy.

I had to call my GP´s office today to get the results of the blood tests, but all I know so far is that my thyroid levels were too high, which surprised me, because I was expecting them to be too low, explaining my extremely low energy, but you do get symptoms from a too high functioning thyroid too and mentally it effects you also and makes you more nervous and edgy. It may have been this way for quite a while, because it´s been two years since it was last checked and I should have it done every year. I´ll have to look up the symptoms for a hyperactive thyroid.

My GP wants to discuss the rest of the blood test results with me personally, so I have an appointment with him Monday afternoon. So, I´m still in the dark about that, but maybe there´s something there that´s going to explain my extreme tiredness. Now I´ll have to wait a whole three days, which I don´t like, but that´s the way it is. The more I think about it, the more I think there´s something physically wrong that can be put to rights and that this is the reason why I have been feeling so bad and slowly going downhill, because it´s my body that refuses to function and that is dragging me down, although that maybe wishful thinking on my part. At least I know my thyroid isn´t functioning properly.

I just took the dog for a walk in the rain and it was refreshingly nice. It wasn´t raining hard, but it was a bit cold and it put some color on my cheeks. Jesker wasn´t too enthused about walking in the rain, but did what he had to do and we only made our small walk. That was enough for now. We weren´t heroes today. He´s doing well and is eating his normal amount of food again and he´s not acting demented anymore, so that really was because of the illness, so if that happens again, I´ll know to take him to the vet immediately. That means he´s got a fever and is delirious. Oh, how awful that I didn´t know that.

Well, that´s all the exciting news I have to tell you for right now. That as long a post as I can handle for now. I have to go and check my emails and visit some blogs. I haven´t done that in a while. You must all think that I´ve deserted you.

Ciao,
Nora

In the early evening.

I just took poor Jesker to the vet. He was doing so poorly, I just couldn't stand it any more. Luckily, the vet lives close by, so we very slowly walked over there. Jesker almost didn't make it. It's a good thing I went, because it turned out that he was running a high fever and that he has a stomach infection. The vet gave him two shots of antibiotics and some pills to take home too. The vet says because Jesker's getting so old that he's susceptible to these kinds of things. His immune system is weakened. According to the vet's records, Jesker is going to be 14 in May, so I don't know who's got it right now. I'm going to have to look it up. I thought he was going to be 13. Somebody had the wrong date.

My hairdresser appointment this morning went well. I was the first and only customer there and that's just the way I like it. I have to do that more often, go early in the morning like that. It gets the day started just right. The girl cut my hair well too. I said for her to just cut it short with a fringe and that's exactly what she did. It is perfect now. I have "no bother hair" again, thank goodness. Why do I always forget to go to the hairdresser on time? I should know better by now, instead of wondering why I can't do a thing with my hair.

My doctor's appointment was inconclusive so far. He listened carefully to me and wrote down what he heard in the computer and examined me and then ordered a bunch of blood tests. So I have to go back there tomorrow morning at nine and donate some blood. He's looking at several different things which I didn't all catch, but some of them are my hemoglobin and my liver function and my thyroid. Whoopee! I will know the results in about a week.

Now I have to go and eat and watch the news, because I've been up forever and a day and I'm hungry and tired and I want to go to bed as soon as I can.

Ciao,
Nora

Of thoughts and other things...

When I was asleep this morning, the doorbell rang and I went to answer it with my sleepy head, hair sticking up, in my pajamas. It was the maintenance man from the housing corporation who came to check the apartment for any repairs it might need. I was incoherent and he asked me if it was a bad time. I said, yes, it was, and asked him to come back later and he said he would come back in the afternoon and I went back to bed and slept another hour. I'm as cool as a cucumber, aren't I? Then I thought I had better get up and drink a slew of coffee so that I would be properly awake when he came back, because I also had to get dressed, of course, and walk the dog. I downed two cups of coffee and smoked a bunch of cigarettes and then I was ready to get the show on the road.

The dog and I made our longer walk, which is going to be our normal walk from now on, as it seems to be just the right distance for him to be able to handle with his old legs. He likes it very much, because there are very many interesting spots to sniff, many hedges and trees and bushes and walls. You do have to do an old dog a favor at his age. He has to lay claim to as much of the neighborhood as he can.

Just as we got back to the apartment, the Exfactor got there and came to have a cup of coffee, and right after he showed up, the maintenance man returned and put a new faucet over the kitchen sink. He said the one I had was leaking and I hadn't even noticed it. Maintenance men have special talents for these defects, they spot them quicker than the average housewife.

I discussed my growing nodules with the Exfactor and decided right then and there to call my GP and make an appointment. I'm going to see him Thursday afternoon. After I had done that and discussed it with the Exfactor, I became very anxious and worried, because it has been easier to ignore the problem and acknowledging it causes stress.

After the Exfactor left, I tried to call my hairdresser, but got a busy signal. An hour later I still got a busy signal, so I decided to walk over there and make an appointment. It turned out that someone there had not put the phone down properly and that's why I kept getting the busy signal. I made an appointment for Thursday morning. My hair will be very happy.

When I got home, my psychiatrist called and we made an appointment for me to see him next week. He is also sending a prescription for some new medication to the pharmacy. He has a very soft voice over the telephone, so I'm constantly saying, "Pardon?" I do have to point that out to him when I see him next.

I am now in the process of trying to get a hold of the woman who trims and bathes the dog, but I'm unsuccessful so far. I have two numbers for her, but I get no answer. The dog really needs a haircut and he really needs a bath.

So, it's been a crazy day, a very unsettled day, I guess, and I don't know what to make of it. I am ready for it to come to an end, I think, but it's awfully early still and not yet time to go to bed. I will get something to eat in a little while and watch the news and slowly start winding down, as I feel just a bit hyper at the moment and I feel that I have to relax and unwind. Here I'm going from almost no activity, to a lot of activity and it's taking its toll on me. I do feel physically tired, though, so that is good. I mean, I don't feel like changing the furniture around or changing my blog template. I'm too wiped out for that.

I have walked the dog, twice in an hour. The second time I don't know what was going on, but he insisted that he had to go out, although he walked very slowly and stumbled once. We did our little round and maybe he just wanted to go by his old spots.

Alright then, food it is and my pajamas on. Have a good evening, everyone.

Ciao,
Nora

Where's my energy?

I just scrubbed the kitchen counter with scouring powder and dusted two tables and I'm completely worn out. I was planning on doing more jobs, but I don't have the energy. I have to sit down for a while until I move onto the next job and it can't be a big one, because I won't last that long. I'll water the plants next and hang up the laundry. I'm really tired, though. It feels as if I've done a lot of work. I'm not that old, for God's sake. I feel like I'm coming down with something and my body won't co-operate. I'll have to do my work in little chunks and stop when I can't do anymore. I'm not even going to try to vacuum, I'll sweep instead. It's such a bother to drag that vacuum cleaner around and sweeping doesn't require as much energy. So I tell myself.

I was supposed to have gone grocery shopping with my sister today, but when she called I was still in my pajamas and not yet in a frame of mind to go out, so I will go on Wednesday, as I think I can make my supplies last that long. I just have to be careful that I make the milk last, as I don't like the artificial creamer in my coffee. It has a...well, artificial taste. Still, it's better than drinking my coffee black.

I've just watered the plants and it was high time too, as some of them were quite dry and I hope they forgive me and don't decide to die on me. I can't hang up the laundry yet, because the washing machine isn't done. It fakes me out, because I think I don't hear anything, but it's just sitting there between movements, humming quietly to itself. I don't think I'm going to be able to hang the laundry outside. It would take forever to get dry. As it is, I have three loads to do and only one rack to dry them on and one load fits on the rack exactly and takes at least a day to dry. I'll be doing laundry for the rest of the week, unless I can figure out a way to get it dry quicker. I could turn up the heat higher, but that's a wasteful way to get the laundry dry. It's too bad that I don't have a wood stove to heat the apartment with. I could get it real warm in here.

My dog thinks he's all done going out for the day and has settled down on his blanket like he is never going to move again. He wanted to go out at 4 o'clock, so I took him for a walk, but I think he's confused and thinks that's it. He's going to have to go out one more time, though. I'll have to convince him to go go with me later in the evening. He's down to eating 400 grams of food and that is enough for him. I have been buying him the Bonzo meals and he likes them very much. He never dawdles when he eats those. Now that the snow and ice are gone, we will be able to take longer walks and I think he will enjoy that. As long as it's not too cold I don't mind being out there.

I have to go to the hairdresser, because I can't do a thing with my hair. All it wants to do is stick up in the wrong direction and it is too long to get it to lay down flat in the right way. It is a pain in the neck and needs to be cut short. I don't realize how quickly my hair grows and how long it has been since I've been to have it cut and before I know it, it has lost its shape and it doesn't look like anything at all. I will call tomorrow and make an appointment. I also have to call the doctor to make an appointment about those nodules on my throat. I think I had better not postpone that anymore now, because I has been several months and they are getting bigger. I also have to take Toby to the vet, because he's sneezing again and he needs a shot of antibiotics. Oh, ho hum. Just what I like to do. Going out...

I have hung up the laundry and put the next load in the machine. I have also put the dishes in the sink to soak and will wash those as soon as I am done writing this. There weren't really that many, especially not after I washed and dried the porridge bowls separately. There are mostly coffee cups and juice glasses and teaspoons. I need to wash the dog's bowls separately, but they need a good soak and a scrub.

Ah, the dog's come back to life. Maybe he will want to go out now. He's doing an awful lot of stretching and yawning. First I need to do the dishes and then I'll take him out. A little bit of fresh air will do me good as well, especially now that I don't have to worry about breaking my neck. I realize now that I really felt like a prisoner with all that snow and ice. It's like being let out of jail now that it's all gone. I sure didn't appreciate that. I hope no more comes our way. I wouldn't like it one bit. I would curse it and move to a warmer climate.

Have a nice evening.

Ciao,
Nora

Yes, we have no bananas...

It's snowing again, but it's the kind of snow that's almost rain, or frozen mist. It's very pretty, though, and when I walked in it with the dog it made my coat all white. I saw people trying to clear paths in front of their houses, but some aren't too bright and leave big heaps of snow on the sidewalk, forcing you to walk in the street, which is very slippery. They don't get a medal for snow clearing. They get penalties. I just haven't decided what they are yet.

I was supposed to go to the post office today, but wild horses couldn't drag me there, and I have decided to go there on Wednesday when I also have to go see my SPN. Having decided that, my rate of anxiety dropped considerably and I could breathe normally again. It is such a relief to know that I won't have to go out there today, but just to walk the dog. Knowing that I have to go on Wednesday is causing me enough anxiety, but I can push that aside for now. There's no need to make myself crazy about that today.

My neighbor across the street is doing a real good job clearing a path. He means business. He gets right down to the pavement and throws all the snow far away from the path he's cleared. That will make it easier to walk there with the dog. Another place less to break my neck.

I slept in very late this morning, and after I had been up for a while, I had the audacity to go back to bed and sleep until one pm. I had a cup of coffee and took the dog for a walk and he was very grateful. He had only been out back to piddle. I do have the most patient dog in the world and he just waits for me to get my act together whenever. I was going to say, while he sits there with his legs crossed, but it isn't as bad as all that. He just goes to sleep until I'm ready, but during the final minutes he's very alert and he watches me like a hawk.

The path that my neighbor cleared has been covered with snow already and my neighbor has given up and gone back inside. I didn't think he would give up that easily. I thought he was more stubborn than that.

The trash people did come by today and so did the green bin people, so some things are happening just like they are supposed to. The recyclable paper people didn't come by on Saturday. They must have been discouraged by all the new snow that had fallen.

It's snowing very hard now and everything is getting covered up by a new layer. All the footprints are getting wiped out. I like that, because it is easier to walk on the snow than on the icy layer that's underneath it. Some people sweep away the snow but leave the icy layer underneath and you take your life in your own hands when you walk there. Some people have no sense. They don't deserve a medal for snow clearing either and they get a red card.

I'm waiting for the day when I'll get over my inertia and over my agoraphobia. When suddenly those things will no longer be a problem for me. It has happened in the past that I woke up in the morning and that they had disappeared as snow for the sun and I'm waiting for that to happen again. It's like a switch gets flipped inside my head and suddenly I'm on the other side of the spectrum. I long for that day to come, when I'll have courage again and passion. I'm living a very low key life right now and am just going through the motions of being alive and doing only the most basic things. The most active I am is on the computer, because I can focus my mind on one singular activity and cut myself off from the world around me, except for the dog, of course, who comes to be petted regularly. He forces me to pay attention to him.

Other than that, it's not much. I barely remember to water the plants. Only when I see the dire need they are in do I think of it and then I forget about it again some time later. They will probably die, unless they are very forgiving. You see, I have a terrible attitude. The nodule on my throat has gotten bigger and I suppose I have to go to the doctor for that. I don't know if I should worry about that. I have to do two loads of laundry and they are just sitting there waiting for me to do them.

Well, I'll try not to be so negative and look at things from a more optimistic point of view. I am sitting here with a delicious glass of juice and a very good tasting cigarette. These are the little pleasures of life. Another pleasure is that it's almost time for dinner and that the news will be on in a while and I can see what kind of chaos the weather caused in the rest of the country, not that that is a pleasure, of course, but it is a form of entertainment. Nobody I know is out on the road making a long journey and is stuck in traffic. You have to count your blessings.

Alright. I'm going to turn on the television and get ready for the news. My dog is being restless. I don't know what he wants. We have been out and now he's trying to dig a hole in the linoleum. I think his old age is getting to him.

Have a good rest of the day!

Ciao,
Nora

Sunday early in the morning...

No new snow fell during the night and we are left with the snow as it was yesterday, trodden on by a dozen feet and compacted by car tires. More snow is expected today and more wind from the northeast. From Siberia, as my sister says. Right now it's cloudy and a mere -2C, so it's not very cold at all. Well, I wouldn't want to go out there in my bathrobe and slippers, but then nobody is expecting me to.

I've been up for quite a while. I went to bed very early last night, finding that I had no patience to watch the television and no energy to blog. I would sleep longer, I think, if it weren't for the pain in that darn arm that keeps waking me up. It radiates from my shoulder, because I know I have a bad shoulder and it hurts too. I may end up going to the doctor with it, even if he says there's nothing that can be done about it. I can't afford physiotherapy, so that's out. I think I will get the heating pad out and put that on my shoulder and see if it helps me any. It's very frustrating not to be able to do anything.

In the meantime, I've had my second cup of coffee, I've fed the cats and petted the dog several times, and I've had a tall glass of multi vitamin juice, which was delicious. I'm imagining that my hair has gotten thicker now that I take that special vitamin pill every day, but that may really just be my imagination. It seems that way to me anyway. It would be really good, because I had a thin patch on my head that really showed up and my mother used to have it too. I guess I'm genetically predisposed. My bad luck. I try to fix my hair in such a way that it doesn't show up, but I'm not always successful.

That special shampoo and conditioner I bought for brown hair work great, though. My hair is keeping the color I dyed it in much better and there aren't any roots showing yet. Usually the color would have faded by now and I would have had to dye it again, so it was worth buying those products. Andrélon has them for blond hair too and you can use those products too if blond and brown or red are your natural colors. It just perks them up a bit. Hey, I should be paid for being a spokeswoman again. I do speak up for a product every once in a while, completely free of charge and hey, hair is dead, you can do to it what you like, it's your scalp that counts.

I put my reading glasses on this morning to read what it said on the tube of ointment that I'm now using for my eczema. Much to my surprise it turned out to be a homeopathic medicine. Now, I hold no faith in homeopathic medicine whatsoever. I don't believe in it, so it is with great skepticism that I will continue using this ointment, but I'm going to give it a fair chance and see if it will do the job. It says that I need to apply it 2 to 3 times a day and so I will. I'm not going to dismiss it outright and say it won't work. I will just assume that it will and forget my prejudice. Stranger things have happened and maybe I will be proved wrong. I used to be very skeptic about antidepressants too, and about mood stabilizers, until I started using them. Once I'm done with the tube, I'll look for an ointment that's based on medicinal herbs. When I'm done with this post, I'm going to look up the main ingredient in the ointment.

Oh well, I just did. The main ingredient is from a plant called Cardiospermum Haliacabum, also called "Love in a Puff" in English. It is a vine from Africa, South America and India and the product of the plant is used there for skin conditions. Well, you learn something new every day. Maybe this ointment will work after all. Except that homeopathic medicine just has the very diluted "memory" of the original ingredient in it. So it's really quack medicine, but like I said, I may be wrong. The ointment is called Cardiflor. I'll keep you updated. At least I didn't go out and buy it, because I never would have.

It pays to always be skeptical in this world and to not believe everything you hear outright. People make so many claims and tell so many stories. It's best to be a cynic and to be your own best advisor and to look up information as well as you can before you accept all sorts of Indian stories. It's unbelievable how gullible some people are or want to be, or just are because they lack a certain amount of common sense or power of deduction. When someone says to me that I'm a cynic, I'm proud of it, because that means the wool can't be pulled over my eyes easily. I'd rather be a cynic than the naive believer in things that I used to be when I was younger and impressionable and not taught to rely on my own powers of observation. Being impressionable is not a positive trait. I say, make your children skeptical and teach them to be cynical. They'll be better armed to survive in this world.

When I was young, I was taught to ignore many things that were just very wrong and I was not allowed to talk about them or acknowledge them in any way. That teaches you to doubt yourself and your feelings and your powers of observation. It also teaches you to accept the unacceptable. You can see how subsequently that allows you to get into all sorts of unpleasant situations when you get older. You doubt yourself too much to put your foot down and demand proper treatment and living conditions. You don't know when you are in an unacceptable situation. You go along with whatever program you find yourself in, no matter how unpleasant it is. It's very awful to be denied the truth of your situation when you are a child, but also when you are older and you don't have the tools yet to extract yourself. You find yourself trying to manage a life that you're not equipped for and there's nobody around to show you that it's not okay, that there's something seriously wrong with it. If on top of that you are naive and gullible and impressionable, you have a very sad situation. That's why I prefer being a skeptic and a cynic and I hope I only become more so.

That was a little observation on life I allowed myself. Now it's time to eat breakfast and go back to bed for a while. I've got to get a few more hours of sleep. First I've got to find the heating pad, but I think I gave it to the Exfactor when he had a backache.

Have a wonderful Sunday and don't let the weather get you down.

Ciao,
Nora

Just not happening...

I had planned on going grocery shopping this afternoon, but the weather worsened in the course of the day and when I got home from creative therapy it was miserably cold and windy and wet. I didn't want to be out on my bike anymore and parked it in the hallway. I did go out to walk the dog and cursed the wind that was blowing and all I could think about was being warm and cozy inside.

During the coffee break at creative therapy some of us in the smoker's room had discussed smoking and cancer and just then I coughed up a big green phlegm (sorry, this is unappetizing) and I happened to mention that I had a nodule on the lymph gland in my throat for more than two months now and that it was getting bigger. So, then I got the advice that I better go see my doctor and they were real serious about it, so I grabbed my mobile phone and made an appointment right away for Monday afternoon at 4 pm. Of course, then the feeling of dread didn't leave my head and I imagined all sorts of things being wrong with me and that feeling has stayed with me all day. I haven't done a Google search yet, because I don't know what to search for exactly, but I imagine the worst.

Anyway, I'm slightly preoccupied with this now and I keep touching that nodule and it is a little sore. I guess I keep touching it in the hope that it will be gone. Oh, I just realized there's a little one growing on the other side too in exactly the same spot. I hadn't noticed that before. There must be many reasons why your lymph glands get nodules on them. Right? As a result, I was a little bit distracted and didn't do the jobs that I had planned to do, but sat at the dining table drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes and doing a lot of thinking. This is possibly a result of Maggie May's dilemma who is seriously ill and whose situation has come to worry me quite a bit and has made me think about life and death issues. Thinking about those things will take care of any depression you may have. It will scare it right out of you.

So anyway, I didn't get any of my jobs done, although the night isn't over yet and there are some hours left before I'll go to bed. I may have time to do the dishes, if I'm so inclined, but I always feel funny about doing housework in the evening, as if I'm not supposed to be doing that. My mother never did anything after we did the dishes after dinner, except make coffee, so I guess I take after her. Besides, the kitchen isn't very bright at night and I would miss the dirty spots on the glasses. I need a better light over the sink. I'm now trying to figure out how to do that. I think there is a way.

I made a terrible drawing at creative therapy today and I didn't even care. I thought, "Oh what the heck, it's one of my last ones, it doesn't matter." I'm coloring it in with ink and that may actually improve it. I have two days left to produce something decent. Maybe I'll have a stroke of genius on Monday all of the sudden and make something wonderful. And maybe Rome was built in one day. I just realized that I would have liked to have made one more collage and I think that if I work fast, I may be able to do it, if I can find the right images. I'll have to look through some magazines I have here and see what I can come up with. I steal magazines wherever I am (not in stores, in waiting rooms), and I have some very good ones here. I almost feel like an evil witch coming up with my little ideas, hee hee!

Oh, by the way, I'm still wearing my new boots and have been all day and they are very comfortable and keep my feet warm and dry. You know how you have some footwear that you have to take off the minute you get home? Well, these I don't. I can wear them non stop. I'm going to toss out two pairs of boots this weekend that are both worn out past repair and I'm never going to buy cheap boots again, because it's just not worth it. I can only wear them one year and then they're worn out completely. It's because of my crooked back and my uneven legs. It makes me wear my shoes and boots out fast if they're not very strongly made. I need very sturdy footwear. Believe me guys. Spend money on good shoes!

I darn near killed three very good house plants. First I forgot to water them and they went limp and then, in my zeal to save them, I over watered them and they started to drop their leaves, leaving them kind of ragged looking. I know they will recuperate, but it will take a while and in the meantime I'm afraid to touch them for fear that they'll drop more leaves. I tell you, you can tell a lot about my mental state of health by looking at my plants. If they look poorly, I'm not doing well. If they've died, I'm in trouble. The thing now is to nurture them back to health again. If I can do that, all is well. Or I may have to go out and buy new plants. That's another option.

Now I've missed the 6 pm news and the 8 pm news, which means that I'll have to watch the 10 pm news. Never fear, there's always a news program sooner or later.

Well, that's all I have to tell you tonight. I'm going to get my pajamas on and vegetate. That's always a nice way to spend the evening. It does mean that I have to take those nice boots off. Oh well...

Ciao,
Nora

As I sit here...

As I sit here comfortable in my pajamas, completely ignoring the time on the clock and having another mug of coffee, the world outside has come to life and mothers have been walking by taking their children to school. I am almost oblivious of everything and just go on sitting here, because, after all, it is Friday and nearly the weekend, hurray! And the Überhund is oblivious also, because he is sound asleep on his blanket and has not even had his breakfast yet. What is wrong with us this morning? Do we not have any get up and go?

Well, I suppose we don't and that is fine with me, because I am waiting for the apartment to heat up, although it would be better if I put on my bathrobe. Being too lazy to walk to the bedroom, I am holding out for the heat. It is 4 degrees Celsius outside and it is going to be 8 degrees today, so that is practically springtime weather, if you look at it optimistically. The sun is actually shining and should be out most of the day.

Three things are happening today. My SPN is calling me at noontime to see how I am doing and, luckily, I can tell her I am doing well. I don't know if my medication can be decreased now, but I'll discuss that with her and see if we can take the chance.

Then the Exfactor is coming over for coffee and it will be nice to see him, because he can do a little job for me while he is here, having to do with the cable for the TV reception. I have no idea where the cable is that I need and how to get the whole thing switched around, so I need his expertise. I think it will make him feel good to be able to be helpful.

Later this afternoon I have a doctor's appointment for him to look at my little toe that is hurting me so much after all this time still. The only time it doesn't hurt is when my foot is dangling in mid air without any footwear on it. I'm pretty sure it is broken, but I don't know what can be done for it.

Oh, the Uberhund is waking up. He´ll be wanting his breakfast next and lots of cuddles too, of course. We must never forget the cuddles. The scratches behind his ears and the rubs on top of his rear end. He´s got a good life, that dog. I´d love those kinds of cuddles myself, even the ones on top of my rear end. I am picturing someone rubbing my rear end now, hee, hee.

I´ve just made myself another mug of delicious coffee and I am all set for another while behind the computer. I´ll give myself another half hour and then I must get dressed. I do have to put some limits on myself, otherwise the whole day will be in shambles. I don´t mind deviating from my schedule, as a matter of fact, I do it all the time, but I do want to keep it within some sort of boundary.

The cats are futilely checking the dog´s dish to see if he left anything in it, but no, it is all gone. Too bad, now they have to eat their boring kibbles and drink their boring milk. It´s tough being a cat in this household. The dog growls at you when you get too close to his dish while he is eating and he doesn´t leave you anything either. What´s a cat to do?

It´s very funny how I always look forward to the weekend, while it makes no sense whatsoever, because I have many days that I can fill in as I please, so I really don´t need a weekend. Still, I do have that weekend feeling when it is there. I especially like the Sundays, because everything comes to a standstill then. The shops are closed and there is no mail delivery, so no bills, and there is less traffic on the roads. Al the cafés are open, so that is good. The church bells ring more often too and that is kind of festive, although it is supposed to make me feel pious, but that is wasted on me. Besides, all the bells that ring are Catholic and that I am not. Well, neither am I anything else, really.

My friend Yvonne just called me to see if I wanted to meet downtown, but I´m not going to be able to make it today, though I would have loved to. The day is perfect for it. Today is market day and it is always cozy and crowded then and the café terraces are busy with shoppers and tourists and so are the narrow cobblestoned streets. So yes, I would have loved to go downtown. Alas.

Okay, now I am going to start the day for real. I must get dressed and take my medicines and walk the dog. And make sure I look my darn best!

Ciao...