Options...

It was a choice to either have some coffee or go take a nap. I chose for the coffee and am waiting for the coffeemaker to finish brewing it so I can have a much needed cup. I will forsake the nap and save up my sleep for tonight when I will go to bed at a fairly decent time. I won't have to watch any football matches anyway after last night's debacle when the Dutch team lost against Germany. They haven't won a match yet. It's a terrible situation and I'm much disgusted and so is the rest of the population of this country.We're all walking around in a bad mood. 

I mustn't let that press my fun and immediately move on to other things more uplifting. I will not let the defeat of the Dutch football team determine my outlook for the rest of the day.  I'm sure there are other more important things that are of influence such as this cup of coffee I'm having now and the fact that the sun is shining into the living room. That does alter your mood and make you more cheerful. There's nothing as welcome as a bit of sunshine after all these days of cloudy skies and showers. I'm going to enjoy it as much as I can. 

I knew I would cheer myself up writing about that. Just making a note of it is enough to make me happier. The fact that it's getting warmer in the living room does also because it was a little bit chilly in here and I wasn't about to close the windows. It is June after all and that would be admitting defeat. For the same reason I can't turn on the heater even if it does get cold in here. I am bound and determined to keep believing that summer will get here yet and that it will happen in my lifetime. 

I'm wearing a summery top that is new, but at the same time I'm wearing my jeans and a jeans jacket. I'm not quite as warm and comfortable as I'd like to be. I'd like to wear a pair of socks too and a scarf around my neck, but I thought that might be a bit too pessimistic and not in keeping with the time of year. It's always a bit of a struggle to decide what to wear in the morning because I want to wear my summer clothes, but the weather discourages me from doing so. Wearing layers seems to be the best way to deal with it. 

The dog is watching the maintenance people from the city clean up the municipal flowerbeds. They are making an awful lot of noise because they are using power tools. I liked it better in the olden days when things were done by hand and it was a gentle occupation. I'm sure people were more skilled back then too. Nowadays everything seems to get cut back indiscriminately. The dog was sleeping in the sunshine on the dining table. He was very rudely disturbed in his sleep. 

I will now go take him for a walk and enjoy some of the sunshine. Hopefully, it will be warmer outside than it is in here.

Have a great day.

Ciao,
Irene

Working the odds...

I'm drinking coffee to increase the chances that my mood will improve, because coffee generally seems to have a positive influence on how I feel mentally. I'm telling myself that after this second cup, I already feel better but, of course, it could all be a question of mind over matter and a huge illusion. On the other hand, maybe caffeine really does do something for me and it is beneficial to my state of mind. 

At any rate, I feel somewhat capable of writing a post, although I have no idea where it's going yet. I'm in a rambling sort of mood and I don't have a specific subject that I want to discuss, except that I want to say that feeling depressed is not my idea of spending quality time with myself. I have been in much better moods and have enjoyed my own company more. I think you bother yourself the most when you're not doing well emotionally. 

But anyway, like I said, the coffee seems to have put me in a better mood and I think I can handle putting my thoughts down on paper (ha, there's that Freudian slip again).

We're having summer weather in April and lots of pollen is blowing through the sunny sky. I don't seem to be in the least bothered by it, so apparently nothing is blooming that I'm allergic too or I'm not allergic at all. I'll just assume that I'm not. It will simplify my life tremendously if I'm not and I would probably have eczema anyway. All those allergy tests I had in the States may have been false positive. I'm also supposed to be allergic to dogs and cats.

The temperatures have been very pleasant and warm and I now have all the windows open on a crack. That means the apartment can air out properly and that some of the warmer air gets inside too, slowly but surely. It is still cooler inside than it is outside. I'd rather keep it that way, but I know that by this summer it won't be. I'll have to try and keep the sun from shining through the living room windows as much as possible. That means keeping the shades drawn for the most part.

It was almost too warm to walk the dog at noon, especially when we were between buildings and out of the breeze. You can tell that I'm not used to this kind of warm weather anymore, nor is the dog. He will have to be trimmed soon because now his fur is too thick and hot. We both laid down in the cool bedroom when we came back and took a nap. It was very pleasant. I'm lucky that the sun only shines on the back of the apartment very briefly in the morning. 

Oh, I see that it's almost time to watch the 6 o'clock news. I will keep this short. I do want to know what has happened in the country and the world. 

I hope you all had a good day.

Ciao,

Nora

Absorbing sunlight...

It was another lovely yesterday. The dog and I went for a walk in the afternoon and dawdled. We just hung out by bushes and trees and took our time. I noticed all sorts of plants popping out of the ground, some of them with small flowers on them. I don't know what all of them are, but I'm glad to see them. It makes dawdling more interesting. Suddenly I don't feel that I'm in a rush.

We went home in a roundabout way and the dog got to explore some seldom visited territory. He climbed into the shrubbery by the edge of the road and I let him. He no doubt thought there were very interesting things in there. I expected him to come out with all sorts of horrible finds, but luckily, he didn't. 

The sun was shining in my face and it felt good. I wasn't wearing my sunglasses and had to squint. Doubtlessly I'll get wrinkles by my eyes now. I must remember to wear my sunglasses if I want to preserve my relative youth. Ahum...

It's supposed to rain tonight and the next day, which is a darn shame. A person gets used to this sunshine and the long bright days since we set the clocks ahead one hour. That's agreeing with me very well. I feel like I'm finally on a normal schedule again. We should do like the Russians decided to do and always stick to summer time. I wonder to whom I have to address the petition that no doubt everyone will sign. I probably have to address it to the prime minister who I'm not too fond of. I would hate to beg something off him.

Regardless of the fact that the bookcase is becoming pretty full, and that I have a bunch of unread novels on there, I couldn't resist an offer of bol.com for three English language books for one low price and no shipping charges. I picked out three thrillers that I really wanted and should get them in a few days. In the meantime, I have to finish the one I'm reading, so I can start on the new ones when they get here. One of them is a Henning Mankel and I think I will try that one first. I do like Scandinavian thrillers. They are so stark and sober and I like the fact that they take place in another country foreign to me. 

Like I said, the bookcase is getting full, but I can make room on it by removing some older books that aren't so great in appearance. They are just filling up space. Sooner or later I will have to get another bookcase, but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. I've already picked out the one that I want at Ikea. It is a standard one that they always carry and I think I have a place for it, though I haven't taken the measurements yet. 

I will give a party on the day that I really fill up my bookcase. Maybe I can make it coincide with my birthday. I'll have to hurry up and order more books. No, realistically speaking, I'm not going to make that. I'll have to postpone that moment or I'll break the bank. I do have to consider my budget. Every book will be hard come by.

Have a great day!

Ciao,

Nora

Erstwhile brave...

It's early in the morning, although because of the start of Summer Tine, it's an hour later than it feels and already I am running behind schedule. I should just about be getting ready to go back to bed, but since it's Sunday today, I won't worry about it too much. I can pretty much sleep as late as I want and I'm sure I'll take advantage of that, providing the dog lets me and he usually does. He's a patient animal as a rule. 

I am yawning and don't know how much longer I am for this world and I will have to type quickly. In just a minute, I'm going to take my medicines and they are only going to make me sleepier. They always do in the morning and give me the best amount of sleep. Of course, I've been up all night and that helps too. 

I just picked out the book I'm going to start reading today and it's a thriller by Elizabeth George. It's an Inspector Linley novel and I didn't even know I had one that was still unread. I was in search of one and ran into it almost immediately. I just started looking at the top of the bookcase and there it was, staring me right in the face. I will keep going through my bookcase this way, starting from the top right and working my way through the rows of books all the way down to the bottom. I will read what ever is unread and hope for the best. This book I have now is called, 'In Pursuit of the Proper Sinner.' 

I want to make the most of the day because it's the last day of the weekend. Yesterday went by quickly. It was gone in the blink of an eye. I have to get more out of today. I want to savor the day and each moment in it. It's almost a shame to go to bed in a while and spend the time sleeping. I'd rather stay up and read my book. Sometimes it's hard to decide what's the most sensible thing to do, as opposed to what's the most desirable thing to do when you try to get the most out of your day. I'm getting my second wind now and have stopped yawning. I'm drinking a tall glass of milk and it is perking me right up. Milk always does. It's like an ice cold wake up call. 

Of course, the dog is going to think that it's an hour earlier. He won't be ready to go for a walk yet if I stay up. The sun is coming up later and he won't want to go out for another two hours. That gives me some leisurely time to sit and read.

I think I will make a new pot of coffee and go sit in my armchair with a blanket wrapped around me. I've just turned up the heater and it should be nice and warm in here in no time. 

Have yourself a nice Sunday.

Ciao,

Nora

The possibilities...

It's impossible not to jealously guard the time I'm spending here behind the computer very early in the morning due to the failure of my sleep medication. What looked like bad luck, is turning out to be a pleasant time spent fooling around with the appearance of the blog designs. I don't know if I'm done with them yet, but the first attempts are there. I don't know if I have the patience to endlessly sit and change them, but I do know that I will go back to them often and make alterations as I get in the mood. Whenever I have some spare time, I will do that. 

I'm still not tired and have to find ways to fill the empty hours until it's properly morning, although the time is passing by quickly. I suppose it's true that it always does when you're having fun. I'm easily amused. I really should have a whole bunch of blogs simply to have the opportunity to change their appearances. Just to mess around with them, because that's my favorite thing to do. It's like constantly changing the furniture in the living room around, which used to be my favorite activity. You just don't get as worn out changing the appearance of your blogs.

I already wrote another blog post for Miss Daisy and god only knows how many more I will write until it's morning. I'm on a roll now. I do have to keep myself occupied until the sun comes up and it's time to walk Tyke. It does get lighter earlier every day, so it won't take too long because we have not switched to Summer Time yet. I do look forward to setting the clock ahead one hour because it will be lighter longer in the evenings when you get to enjoy it most. I never did like setting the clocks back in wintertime and don't see why we have to. Whoever came up with that bright idea? I'm totally opposed to it. 

It's time to make a pot of coffee and to start the day to some extent. It's my attempt to make the time hurry up. I'm impatient to get the show on the road. I want to do things and be engaged. It will be wonderful to be out in the chilly morning air. It's still a bit cold out there and it's not going to be all that warm today. As a matter of fact, we're expecting a few showers, which I don't mind really, although I've come to prefer the sunshine. The wind is coming from the north and will be a bit chilly. I may even have to wear a scarf this morning, which I've not had to for a while. 

At least it's already Thursday today and the week is moving along at a steady pace. Before you know it, it will be weekend again and time for a breather. It's not been an especially tough week, but I'll be glad when it's over. I haven't really enjoyed the days very much and haven't felt in such a great mood. I've been waiting for my anti-depressives to start working, but I think that they maybe have now. It's sometimes hard to tell as my moods are not always easy to pin down and can be unpredictable and depend on how much sleep I've had. I'm sure I'll have to take a nap today. I always seem to need a lot of sleep and I sure haven't had any now. 

I hope you'll all have a nice day.

Ciao,

Nora

Interludes.

I'm not ready to go to bed yet. I want to stay up and sit here in the quiet night a while longer and enjoy the company of the sleeping animals. Tyke is curled up in the arm chair and Gandhi is lying on the sofa. Toby is stretched out on the kitchen counter.

Of course, the moment I wrote that down, they all woke up and demanded attention. The cats wanted kibbles and milk and Tyke wanted to go out back and have a rawhide chewy. I took care of that and everyone is settled down again. They went back to their same places and seem very comfortable. I think they're in it for the long haul now.

I stood by the back door in my skimpy sun dress and enjoyed the very cool night air. It felt so good on my bare skin and I wished for it to be that way during the day. It's the wrong time of year to wish for that, though. Nowadays we always have hot summers. That's got to do with the climate change. I would like to live somewhere where the summers are cool and the winters are mild. Can anyone tell me of such a place?

We had a tiny little thunderstorm this afternoon and two and a half drops of rain fell. It was not the shower we had looked forward to. It was a cool enough day, so that was a blessing, but despite the fact that I had all the windows open, I could not get it cooled down enough in the apartment. It is still warm in here now. It's too bad that I can only leave the top windows open on a crack during the night, because it doesn't help much. Barely any cool air comes in.

The usual suspects showed up today. The Exfactor and my personal helper and the domestic help. The weekend started properly for me when everyone was gone in the afternoon. I'm blessed with the help, but I'm also happy when I'm on my own again. I was left with an easy mind and a clean apartment and took a nap on the sofa. That was my way of getting ready for the weekend.

No doubt I'll be taking a lot of naps. My sleep schedule is screwed up again and I'm sleeping at odd times. I have to try and get some order into it, but I can't seem to manage the self discipline it requires. I'm like a man in a cave without daylight who makes up his own schedule. I'm almost ignoring daylight and nighttime and I'm sleeping when I feel like it, although I do try to be more mobile during the day. It's when I have to walk the dog.

I had a big bowl of porridge for dinner and my stomach is very bloated and I have a lot of gas. I look like I'm about to deliver a baby. I hardly eat wheat products anymore and I wonder if I tolerate them at all. The only wheat product I really eat is porridge and I eat it once in a while. I always have the same reaction to it. I think I better stick to fresh fruit for roughage. The fruit juice also has a lot of pulp in it. I think I'm ready for another basket of strawberries and maybe some mandarin oranges. I'll have to send the Exfactor to the Turkish fruit and vegetable man when he's here next.

I've just taken my sleep medication, so I'll end this epistle and wish for sleep. I hope you all have a nice night and a good morning when you wake up.

Ciao,

Nora

A bright blue sky...

I woke up to a bright blue sky, but in the short time that I've been up, clouds have started to move in from the west. The sun is still shining, but I'm worried about those clouds and what they may hold. I hope it doesn't mean more rain.

I slept well enough, even though I went to bed late. That was due to my long afternoon nap, which rested me a little bit too well. Nevertheless, I fell sleep quickly and had interesting dreams about a house that I was adding rooms to and about a feral cat that had a kitten that was tame. Both the feral cat and the kitten were very beautiful and I had the feeling that the kitten was a clone of the mother. They looked exactly alike. An immaculate conception maybe.

I dream about the house regularly and every time I do, I add a room to it, never in the same architectural design and all with different views from the windows. I have to work out such things as where the doors and the stairways go and what to put on the floors and where to put the furniture. These are always very satisfying dreams and I'm sure they are very symbolic to my life. I'm sure I've mentioned this before and I'm repeating myself, but maybe it is news to some of you.

I just took Tyke for a walk and saw that there were clouds all over the place and it is chilly outside. I didn't get dressed, but put on my denim jacket over my pajamas, which look like lounge wear. I've never done that before, but I wasn't in the mood to get dressed. I was so comfortable in what I was wearing and I figured I wouldn't meet anyone anyway. Well, I hardly met anyone and I don't think they noticed, because I didn't notice what they were wearing. Now I'm sitting here nice and cozy again and I won't have to get dressed for a few hours. I will always take into account from now on when I buy pajamas, how they will look when I wear them outside. I could just buy sweat pants and a sweat shirt, of course.

I'm glad today is Sunday and I'll be doing chores that will give some purpose to the day. I don't have that many to do, but they will keep me busy for a while. I see things that need to get done all the time, but then have to remember that I do have domestic help and that they have to do some of the work too. I don't want to get over optimistic and start doing all sorts of jobs and find out down the line that I can't keep up with them. That would just be my kind of bad luck, although I shouldn't say that. In spite of everything, I don't really have bad luck, because something always works out. I have good luck in bad times, let's put it that way.

This month it is two years ago since the Exfactor and I separated. It seems like it was much longer. It feels like I have been single for a long time. I have never really regretted it. I have been lonely at times and I have missed him, but for the most part it has been a good thing and I have been a lot healthier on my own. It has forced me to face my issues by myself and that has been a lot better. Adding an intimate relationship to the equation only complicated things. I can't handle another person's issues along side my own. Personalities clash and needs get in the way. Now I only have to worry about my own needs and idiosyncrasies. They don't reverberate off the other person's. It's much simpler. Our divorce was final in October. I must look up the date and enter it in my agenda. It will be a good one to remember. The day I was emancipated.

First we have the summer, which so far is not looking very promising, although I have to remember that it is still springtime. Even so, it's not been a very good springtime. It's been cold and I've had the heater on often. The lack of sunshine is making my eczema act up and I'll have to get the ointment out. It was just getting better. The tan lines on my feet are still barely there.

It's time to get some work done. Duty does call. I wish you all a good day and good weather.

Ciao,
Nora

A New Name.

For several days now, I have been thinking about changing the name of the blog, but I had not come up with a good one yet until today and then I looked at my list of randomly generated titles and saw the word gossamer and I liked it so much, that I knew I had to use it and had to either find an image of some extremely delicate lace or of a spiderweb. The spiderweb turned out to be the easiest one to find and I found one in the right colors too, so voilá. I hope it doesn't confuse you and that you get used to it soon enough.

I'm having a bit of a hard time getting used to the summer time that we're on now since this weekend. I find that I really do run one hour behind schedule at the end of the day. Of course, I don't look at the clock that much, but trust the daylight that I see and that throws me for a loop. I mustn't do that, because I'll never get used to it being an hour later.

I had no problem waking up this morning. I was early, as a matter of fact. No doubt worried about sleeping too late, even though I had set the alarm clock. I took a full hour to drink my coffee and smoke my cigarettes and I even got in some computer time. Then it was off in a rush to get ready and do all the things I need to do in the morning and I always hope I don't forget something crucial, like pull on my skirt or something.

I got to creative therapy well on time and sat and had an espresso in the stinking smoking room with all the other smokers. Some people are leaving after several years of therapy and are a little downcast, but I don't blame them, because they don't know what to do next. They have been disqualified for work and have no place to go.

I finished a sculpture today. It is of a reclining woman, abstract, but recognizable, with breasts and a vulva. The therapist put it somewhere safe to dry, because it is fragile, but I said it was really because it is pornographic. I've picked out which sculpture I'm going to do next and I can't wait to get started on it. It is purely abstract and chunky and solid looking.

I did the grocery shopping this afternoon and when I got to the tobacco counter, I asked for extra strong tobacco in a pot, but they didn't have any, so I'll have to go to the tobacconist and have him order it for me. In the meantime, I'm smoking the mild kind, which is okay too for now. When I have my mind set on something, I must have it, stubborn fool that I am. It's very hard to talk an idea out of my head once it's in there.

My apartment is a disaster. I needs to be cleaned and dusted and vacuumed and I am going to do all that tomorrow. I walked in today and realized what a mess it was. I haven't done any real housework in a few days, having been lazy and discombobulated, which I absolutely have to stop being now. I so very easily let myself become unstructured and free falling and it's no good. I waste my time and accomplish nothing worthwhile and all goes to hell in a hand basket. I really should have a maid, so I could continually waste my time on things such as writing and blogging. Well...I'm just saying!

I took a little nap on the sofa this afternoon, but now I feel like I could go straight to sleep. I am yawning and the tears are nearly running down my cheeks. You know what time it is, don't you?... Yes, it is pajama time!

Well, I hope I have been mildly entertaining to you tonight. I'm so tired and hungry, I hardly know what I'm doing. I need to curl up with something hot and get cozy. No, I don't mean a member of the opposite sex, thank you. That's more trouble than it's worth.

Have a good night. See you tomorrow.

Ciao...