For a change...

For a change I find myself not sound asleep in bed getting my six hours of shut eye, but find myself awake in the middle of the night without any sleep left in me. I've answered my emails and had two cups of coffee and numerous cigarettes.

The Senseo machine is dying on me and has decided to start leaking when I use two pads at once when I make a big mug of coffee. We'll see if it just continues to leak or if the problems become worse and the whole thing starts to fall apart. I will have to buy a new one, but the timing isn't exactly right now. I'm going to run a bottle of vinegar through it to see if it will make any difference, although I did that not too long ago, but I'll give it another shot. If I do have to buy a new one, I'd like for the next one to be red. It will be more cheerful than this black one I have now. Of course, it isn't under warranty anymore, so that's no recourse. It has done its duty and I suppose that's all I can ask of it. It's to the scrap heap with it.

I wanted to buy an espresso machine, but the Exfactor, who has a lot of experience with them from working behind the bar in the film house, talked me out of it and said it was not worth the bother for the cup of coffee I would get out of it. He made the whole process of getting a decent espresso sound awfully bothersome, not at all like getting an easy mug of Senseo, and I guess he convinced me, because I do like uncomplicated simplicity. Especially early in the morning when I want everything to be easily and quickly done.

Did you know, by the way, that it's good to keep your coffee stored in the refrigerator? It keeps it fresher longer in a good container. If you have whole beans, you can keep them in the freezer before you grind them, although I'm not sure what the extreme cold does to the beans, except preserve them very well. It has to be a frost free freezer, of course. It doesn't solidly freeze the beans together. We made our coffee that way in Sonoma and always enjoyed a good fresh cup.

Today is Saturday and a day wholly defunct of any special meaning whatsoever. It's just an ordinary weekend day. I don't have to go anywhere or celebrate anything or remember a loved one. All I have to do is the laundry and walk the dog. I don't even have to go to the store. It's a completely benign day. The apartment is clean and the dishes are done.

The domestic help who was here yesterday was a part timer. In real life she was a 4th year psychology student at the university here. She was curious about me and my situation and we started to talk and ended up having a discussion about the Bipolar Disorder, which turned out to be interesting and a real eye opener for her I think, because until now her knowledge had been limited to textbooks. I did make me realize how really awful this disorder is and that it's better to just live in the moment and not to look at the big picture too much, because I will get too disheartened and give up. I really have to live one day at the time and make up the score at the end of each day and hope for the same success, if there was one, the next day.

Tyke is faring very well under my renewed attention to him. What I have noticed is that he longs for quiet, gentle guidance and lots of petting and cuddles and talks. He is very jealous of Gandhi and doesn't like it when she gets too close to me. He thinks I only belong to him and he is very attached to me, so I have to reassure him that I'm attached to him too. I drop everything when I think he needs attention and spend some time reassuring him until he feels secure again and is relaxed. The result is that he listens better and is more at ease. He just needs a lot of love and I wasn't giving him enough of that, because I was preoccupied with other things. I wasn't paying enough attention. He's just like a kid and needs to feel security.

It's light outside now and I think I'll go take him for a walk. It's still early, so nobody will be out yet. That's the charm of getting up in the middle of the night. I do plan to go back to bed, though. I really do need more sleep and I'm even daring to read a book. I do have to put it away before I fall asleep. I'm reading "The House on Mango Street" by Sandra Cisneros. They're very short stories, but fun to read.

Have a good day, you all.

Ciao,
Nora