After a long night's sleep...

I managed to sleep from 10 o'clock last night until 6 o'clock this morning. I think that was partly because I was not at all interested in sitting behind the computer and doing anything blog related. As a matter of fact, I felt an aversion to my blog and my compulsion to keep wanting to change the design of it.

I think I keep wanting to change the design of it to make it a better blog, while I know that it doesn't depend on the appearance but on the contents.Lately I have felt that I don't have much of importance to say, yet I feel compelled to write to prove myself wrong. Every post looks alike and I feel that I'm only repeating myself post after post with the same unimportant ingredients.

I talk about how much I sleep and how much coffee I drink and about taking Tyke for walks. I actually lead a very boring life and from that I somehow have to put together a post that's interesting enough for people to want to read.

I think I'm not capable of doing it and the realization of it is hitting me hard and putting some fear into my heart. This makes me do things such as change the design every time I turn around. It also wants to make me change the title of my blog to fit the design I find.

Desperate people do desperate things, so I have decided instead not to be so fixated on my blog and to turn the computer off often during the day.

In the meantime, I have managed to get an appointment to have Tyke trimmed and bathed tomorrow morning at 10 o'clock. There was a cancellation and that's why I managed to get him in so quickly. Otherwise it would have taken much longer. It will be so nice to get that done, because he really looks like a raggedy dog now. He almost looks like he has dreadlocks.

I've just taken him for a walk and it was still lovely out. It was just the right temperature. The sun was not to hot and there was still a bit of a breeze. It's going to be a hot day today, though, and I'm not looking forward to that. I have to go see my SPN this afternoon and I have to go on my bike, but hopefully that will be pleasant, as I will catch a breeze while I ride it.

I'm going to finish doing the laundry now. I never did get done with that yesterday. I have no reason why I didn't. I just forgot about it.

Have a nice day.

Ciao,
Nora

Sleep!

After I wrote my post early this morning, I have done nothing but sleep on the sofa under the red fleece blanket. It felt as though a cloud of sleepiness settled over me and I couldn't get out of it until just now. I'm having a cup of coffee to try and get the last bit of sleepiness out of my system, but I'm still yawning and the sofa still looks awfully appealing to me. I have one blind pulled halfway up and Toby is lying on the back of the sofa looking out the window. Gandhi is asleep on the sofa where I had been lying. Tyke is asleep by my feet and I want to go back and join Gandhi.

I always seem to alternate one active day with one inactive day. I was full of plans this morning, but I don't know yet if I will make a big walk with Tyke today. I have to see how I get out of this sleepiness first. The best thing to do, of course, is to put on my hiking boots and go for a walk. It doesn't have to be a big walk even. Just long enough to wake up and get my brain cleared up. I will tentatively plan on that then and do that as soon as I've written this post.

There's nothing nicer than lying on the sofa with the red blanket pulled over me and the sound of the TV in the background. I don't even know what's on and what programs I'm missing. It doesn't matter. It's just chatter in the background of my sleep. I dream a lot when I sleep on the sofa and I work out all sorts of things in my dreams. They are little analytical sessions that I have in symbolic language, but I understand the symbolism usually. I always dream about my children and my exes and the life I had in California. These elements repeat themselves in different stories over and over again.

It's cloudy and 4C outside, so it's not too cold. I see that no rain is expected now, though it rained and snowed during the night. Tomorrow it's actually going to be 9C, that's practically springtime weather. I did see green tips of bulb plants poke out of the ground yesterday. They must have been daffodils. I forgot to look if the snowdrops were still there. I'll have to do that today. If I get that far. I have a sore spot on my little toe. The same one that bothered me so much last year and I'll have to put a band aid on it to prevent it from getting hurt by my hiking boot. Maybe that's what happened last year and I just imagined I stubbed it. It may have been because of my hiking boots all along.

My eyes are getting better for close up such as working behind the computer, but they are getting worse for faraway. The one lens is not good enough for reading the subtitles on TV anymore, though if I look through both lenses it is okay. I suppose that's what matters in the end. It's just a curiosity I noticed when I was watching TV from a distance. I was watching text TV and couldn't read it very well and was wondering why. I suppose I'll blame it on old age.

My sister just called and we're going grocery shopping tomorrow afternoon, which is good, because I'm just about out of everything. We were supposed to go yesterday, but she had a 24 hour stomach bug. Unfortunately, the supermarkets are closed on Sundays, so we can't go now. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could? There's an ordinance against it.

Well, I suppose I'll take the four legged critter on a walk now. He's still sound asleep, but he'll notice the second I get up to put my boots on.

Have a good afternoon!

Ciao,
Nora

Delete everything...

I've tried several times today to write a post, only to stop after a paragraph or two and to delete what I had written because I was unhappy with it. I turned off the computer each time and retreated to the sofa where I napped all day long in between attempts at writing a post. You all know that sleeping is my way of dealing with emotional upset, so I suppose this is my way of dealing with Jesker's death, which really does bother me in many more ways than even I am consciously aware of. I guess I am in mourning.

I did make it to the tobacco shop and I brought Tyke with me, which was a treat, because it was hurry up and run to the next interesting place and stop suddenly by the succeeding good smelling spot. I had to hit the brakes many times or drag him with me against his will. He does provide recreational entertainment.

And here is where I freeze up and don't know what else to write. A great tiredness falls over me and all I want to do is sleep and it seems like so much effort to keep on writing. So you'll have to excuse me if this is all I write, because I'm not going to delete this also. I'm going to put on my pajamas an bathrobe and pretend it's very late at night.

Ciao...

Where have I been?

I didn't realize it had been two days since I last posted until someone pointed it out to me. I have started many posts these past few days, only to delete them as being to depressing. I certainly don't want to write unless I can see the glass half full and not empty the way I have been seeing it lately. So, I will try it again and find some amount of optimism in myself and try to complete this to my satisfaction.

I haven't been doing a heck of a lot, but taking many naps on the sofa during which I have many interesting dreams. I don't do anything in between these naps, but maybe walk the dog or make myself a cup of coffee and smoke a cigarette. Then I lie down again and doze off. So I spend my day in an almost continuous state of sleep. I find it the most pleasant way to get through the day right now. It's a way to escape the unbearable heaviness of being awake.

Being awake means facing all the things I find myself incapable of doing. The things I absolutely don't have the energy for and the awful tiredness I feel constantly when I think about having to do these things. I seriously hope there's something wrong with me physically that can be put to rights with some medication, because I don't know what I'm going to do otherwise. I feel totally worn out.

Last night I went grocery shopping with my sister and it was almost more than I could bear. I felt like I had to run a marathon unprepared. When we arrived in the parking lot, I wanted to say to her to just take me home again, that I just couldn't do it. Regardless, I got all the shopping done and then faced unpacking it at home and putting everything away with a dread. It all got done one way or the other, but I don't want to go again until I feel better.

Something good happened yesterday too. Friend of the Bear sent me 8 books and they arrived yesterday. Yes, 8 books, under which A Room with a View, The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie and The Birth of Venus by Sarah Dunant. Needless to say, this was a very welcome package and I couldn't wait to unwrap it and look at the books and give them a place on my bookcase. I think I will read A Room with a View first.

Now I will go to bed and try to get some more sleep. I'll see you all in the morning.

Ciao,
Nora

On little sleep...

I seem to do well on little sleep today. After I wrote my post very early this morning, I did all the dishes and dried them and put them away and cleaned up the kitchen. Then I cleaned up the living room and swept that floor and the kitchen floor. I changed the cat litter box and put down new newspaper under it for those accidents that are bound to happen. I dusted also, but I see I have to do it again, because of floating around dog and cat hair. That's what happens when you have black furniture. I watered the plants and threw away the dead roses and then I washed my hair and put in the henna based conditioner and let it sit in my hair for 5 minutes so it would really pick up the color. After all of that, I had breakfast and went to bed for two hours and slept.

When I got up I had a leisurely cup of coffee and a cigarette or two and then got dressed and walked the dog. After that it was time to go to my SPN and I walked over the icy sidewalks to get there and it took me 25 minutes without breaking my neck. It was very treacherous. My SPN and I had cappuccinos which we only do on very special occasions. Normally we drink regular coffee or tea, but sometimes she sneaks in a special treat. We're working on my agoraphobia and it's going to take a few sessions.

On the way home I bought some cards for the card swap and I stopped by the tobacconist for my supply of tobacco. When I finally made it home, my face was so cold that I had trouble speaking and I had a runny nose. I made myself a hot cup of coffee and thawed out. Then I went to my sister who I hadn't seen since she had come back from Italy and we had cappuccinos and looked at all the photos she took and she told me with great enthusiasm about the art exhibitions she had been to in Milan. She had bought another mug for me and I'm getting quite a nice collection now. We're going grocery shopping first thing tomorrow morning when the store opens at 8 am. She sent me home with homemade pea soup.

When I got home I opened all the mail and none of it was bad, so that was a relief. I made a little stack of the important things and put the rest with the recyclable paper stack. Then I turned on the computer and answered all my emails and that is what I have been doing ever since. I do have a small ache in the middle of my back, but that's from sitting here too long in the wrong position, so I'm making it a point to sit properly now. I wish I had a harness to tie me to the chair so I would not start to slump.

In a little while I'm going to eat and then I'm going to put my pajamas on and go to bed. It's been a long enough day for me and I'm ready for it to end. I've got a good book and a cozy bedroom. I've forgotten to take the Christmas decorations off the lighted branches, so in the bedroom it is still festive. I wonder when I'll get around to doing that?

Okay people, this was just a short report on my day. As you can see, it went well, considering I had so little sleep. Maybe I'll do that again tonight. Hunger forces me to end this post now.

Have a great evening.

Ciao,
Nora

Well, shoot!

I'm not doing very well and I'm trying to find solutions to the problems I am facing. Now that my sister is back from Italy finally, I can do my grocery shopping with her again, so I don't have to face the horror of having to go to the store on my own. I'm going to see my SPN tomorrow on foot, because I think I will feel less vulnerable than when I go there by bike. I still have to walk the dog and sometimes that is difficult, but the poor animal has to go out, so I have to grit my teeth and bear it. I'm not getting the housework done, but spend a lot of my time sleeping and reading. At least I'm finishing some of my books that are so neatly lined up on the bookcase.

It's been hard to sit down and write a post, because I felt full of doom and gloom and didn't want to write about it, but today I got such a nice Christmas card from my daughter, that it cheered me up tremendously and I got a little bit of energy. As a result I downloaded the software to make a 2010 photo diary for myself and I had a good time picking out all the right photos. When I was done, I sent it off to the company that will print it and I should have it in about a week. I should have thought of this sooner, because I knew about it, but it had slipped my mind until just recently.

So many things keep slipping my mind, or briefly come to the foreground to only slip back into the dark recesses of my mind again. I have obligations that I can't keep, or think I can't keep, and I''m trying to figure out a way to deal with them. I feel that I can't let people down, and yet at the same time I don't know how to keep my promises. I must find a way to do this.

It's hard to be the victim of the foibles of your mind. When your mind dictates how you stand in life and how you feel and how you function or dysfunction. It's like your own mind is your enemy that you have to fight against, but it like fighting against a shadow and you can't land any real punches. Sometimes you pop up for air and you get a little bit of courage, but it's always pulling you down by your legs again, back under the surface where you can't see and breathe properly. It's such a tiring fight and it never seems to end, though it becomes awfully familiar and you say to yourself, "Oh yes, I know this, I have been here many times before." It's exhausting and I really don't want this anymore.

Yet something keeps me going. It must be the promise of better days, whenever they will come. It is unpredictable and I have no more of a clue than you do. It's the little glimmer of hope that sometimes shines through, even if it's smaller then a match struck in the darkest of nights. I find comfort in minuscule things. Sleeping, reading, eating, petting the dog. It can't be anything greater than that, because that would be too difficult. A greater action on my part would require too much effort.

Well, let's see how I get myself out of this pothole. I've got to manage one way or the other. If I can keep things somewhat under control I will be halfway there. I would like someone to come and take care of me so I could recuperate in my own time and not worry about anything for a while. That's the hard part about living alone. There's no one there to pick up the slack. I can't just take a week off. I'm finding it very difficult to live alone right now.

I have to go read blogs now. I'm a little behind in that. I do want to catch up. I hope I have the energy for it, because it's really getting to be bedtime, but it's something I want to do.

Have a nice evening.

Ciao,
Nora

Publishing.

I've published a story I wrote about 18 years ago on Facebook and have gotten excited responses to it. This is very encouraging and caused me to rewrite two poems as pieces of prose on the Six Sentences website and you can read those here and here. This has gotten me interested in writing more of these kinds of pieces and I'm hard at work to come up with more.

I've been sleeping erratically and have not had a normal night yet. I'm always up some part of the night, if not the whole night. Last night was a little bit better and I actually slept for 5 hours. The night before that I was up all night and functioned all day. I can't believe that I did, although I had a bit of a dip in the afternoon and didn't feel like getting the groceries that I ought to have gotten, so I only picked up a few things and will have the Exfactor do the rest today. Sometimes grocery shopping on my bike is more than I can handle and I gladly leave it to someone else to do.

I am done with my fourth painting and I am mildly pleased with it. I think maybe I need to add something to it and I will look at it again on Friday and see what that is. It has an unfinished feel to it and maybe that is why I only feel mildly pleased and didn't take a photo of it. Things don't always turn out the way you had planned, sometimes they need a little tweaking.

I've just taken a nap on the sofa and feel a bit better now. I was sitting in this chair like a limp dishrag. In the meantime, the Exfactor has come and done the groceries and I see that the store charged me more money for the dog food than I thought it was, but that must be because I buy the senior chunks and the price on the shelf must be for the regular chunks. It's a difference of 2 euros. That's very dear to me. He gets regular chunks from now on. It's expensive enough as it is. Man, why is good dog food so expensive? I don't want to feed him the junk dog food, yet you are almost forced to because of your budget. Anyway. I've got a lot of food in the house now, so I shouldn't have to go to the store soon. I hope not anyway. I can't afford it.

Now that I'm writing literary prose, I'm missing my inspiration to write a really good post. I sit here and try to think of something sensible to write and it just isn't happening. My head is busy doing totally different things. It is composing and becoming confused in the process, because I'm doing it in two languages, while I just need to do it in one. I must be a little bit addled because of lack of sleep.

Forgive me for writing such a short post, but I just can't think of a thing to add that's interesting. I hope I get out of the doldrums fast.

Have a good day, enjoy the weather if it's good. If not, be cozy inside.

Ciao,
Nora

Carefully...

I'm trying to figure out why I didn't write a post last night. Was I really not interested in writing down anything at all? I can't believe I didn't. I'm usually such a chatty person on my blog. I normally don't let a chance go by without saying something, isn't that true? I always have something to declare and have an opinion on at least one thing. Strange, isn't it?

Well, it goes to show you that even someone who is as rusted solid into her habits as I am, can forget about them completely and do something different without giving it a second thought. As a matter of fact, I didn't have the computer on last night. I turned it off and watched television and went to bed early, although I have to tell you that I hardly remember what I watched. Oh yes, I do. I watched a three hour long interview with a Dutch orchestra director who was not at all an intellectual, but who just happened to be a very gifted violin player.

Actually, I didn't watch the whole three hours and only watched the first two or so, because I was disappointed in the man. I never heard someone who knew so little about music and life, and was so bad in expressing it as he did. I was expecting much more, but he may as well have been a third grade teacher. Not meaning to demean those good people, but you know what I mean, don't you? I was expecting far reaching insights into the music of Mahler, but there was nothing there. I was not enlightened.

So, I went to bed with the novel Sea Glass, which I had also read in the afternoon and I can now tell you that the short stories are about a returning cast of characters that lives within a certain geographic area and it wouldn't surprise if in the end they were to all meet. Two of the characters of the different stories have met already and I'm sure the rest will tumble into each other's arms too. Not that it is a romantic novel. It is a realistic novel about a certain era in not too distant American history, although this was not immediately clear to me. I was a bit confused about what era they all lived in, but it turns out they all live in the same. They just seem so different. Different lives, different circumstances...

Anyway, that was last night and I slept well and woke up early and turned on the computer for a while, because I had enough time for that. The hours flew by, though, and I took a shower and got dressed nicely and carefully, in order to look especially good for no reason at all, and walked the dog in the very pleasant fresh morning air. It's so nice to be out early and to breathe in the almost dew. It wasn't quite there anymore, because the sun had already been up for a while and the temperatures were already rising, but it was still cool enough to wear a jacket. I wore my toe slippers and had really hoped to walk on the dew on the grass, but there was none. There is a myth that dew makes your callouses disappear and that's what I wanted to try.

This morning at creative therapy I spent a lot of time painting my canvas drawing. I painted a second coat on everything and painted some things for the first time and drew one bush with berries in it. That's all the drawing I did. I was being careful about painting and I was trying not to get it in the wrong places or all over myself. Still, I managed to get it on my hands and arms and even some on my top, but just a minuscule amount that will wash out. I have more cat hair on my top than paint. How that happens, I don't know. I think it has to do with static electricity. I am negatively charged, maybe, and the hair zaps to me when I get near it.

When I got home, after testing all my gears on my bike (and the third gear is hard going), I walked the dog and ate lunch and then I finally hung up the laundry to dry and put in a new load. I also put away all the clothes that I had taken out of my closet during the proceeding week. I have a tendency sometimes to not do that right away, but to stack them all on top of the washing machine and wait for inspiration to strike me and hopefully put them away when the timing is just right. Such a moment arrived this afternoon.

So far, I've gotten thirteen books from Bookmooch and I am expecting more. I've sent seven and have to send nine more, but I am staggering those, so it won't cost me an arm and a leg. As soon as I send off the next batch, I'll get more points to mooch more books. When I've finished Sea Glass, I am reading The Secret Scripture. That I determined some time ago and I'm sticking with that decision, You know how I am. Once I make up my mind, I stay with it. I am a creature of my habits and rules. I don't know how I got so strict about some things with myself. It must be because I can be so lazy about other things. There has to be order in my chaos somewhere.

Jesker is very contently sleeping at my feet. He only ate a little bit of his food and was quite upset with me when I put it down, because that's not at all what he wanted, so I misunderstood him. I still don't know what he did want. He sure made a lot of noise. He was barking very loudly, now that he has discovered that he gets his point across very well that way, if not the meaning. The cats will eat the food instead, but that is not the purpose of the exercise and I have to put it away in the refrigerator. Jesker likes cold food. Maybe his taste buds are shot.

Well, I have to go and hang up the sheets outside on the clothing line. There's no rain expected as far as I know, so they will be dry in no time. I have to wash Jesker's blanket and apply some flea drops. It's that time of the month again. He's scratching, so I'm very suspicious. I also have to vacuum the bedroom, but maybe I'll do that tomorrow. As Scarlett said, "Tomorrow is another day..."

Have a good day yourself.

Ciao...

The fact is.

Although I have written a post this morning, it seems I am only happy when I am in the process of writing a new one. I find I don't have the patience right now to sit and read other blogs and barely have interest in what other people have to say, and although I realize that this is a selfish attitude, it is the one I am stuck with at the moment, god forgive me.

After I walked Jesker this morning, I decided to go grocery shopping, because I thought there wasn't that much I needed, I didn't even make a list. Well, guess what, I needed more than I thought I did and with my bags loaded I rode home, which was the easy part, really. The hard part was unloading everything, which I did in three trips, but carefully and the bike was parked in the hallway, so that saved me some walking distance. How I maneuvered it in there so fully loaded is another story.

I shopped according to my latest hunger pattern, so I bought things I had been craving lately, like cookies, which I bought three packages off. Now when I get a craving, I will have them. I also bought white bread and real chocolate sprinkles, for when I am in the mood for those. And I bought a box of cereal and extra milk. I felt like being completely self indulgent and having these things available to me when I needed them, although it is a lot of foolishness and I will gain weight on them if I'm not careful. Oh yes, I also bought Brie.

After that, I took a nice long nap on the sofa. Yes, it is "take many naps time" again and I don't know what it means, except that my manic mood is over and done with, which it should be on this high dose of anti psychotics.

I'm listening to the Rhythmbox, which is a built in feature of Ubuntu and it comes with 24 days worth of free music of all kinds. I mean, it would take 24 days to listen to all the music if you wanted to. I'm listening to world music now, which has its appeal, rock is coming up next. It's a mixture of music I'm listening to now, I'll let it surprise me. Wait a minute, I do like world music, I'm going to set that as my choice, just a minute...

I have to leave in 45 minutes to see my SPN, so I'm keeping an eye on the clock. I only remember to look at my watch when I'm out and about, I count on the wall clock when I'm home, even when I can look at the computer clock. Digital has no meaning to me, I have to see the face with the hands on it. Analog that's called and the wall clock is one minute slow, but that is unimportant. It's old fashioned to be a little behind the correct time. Nostalgic is what I mean. Like a horse drawn cart.

Jesker has found the one spot in the room where the sun shines on the floor and is laying in it. As if it isn't warm enough in here. The thermometer says 24 degrees, the same as outside. What possesses a dog to go lay down in the sun on a hot day like today? I would find the coolest place in the apartment if I were him.

I am actually typing this very slowly and taking many little breaks, so it's taking me forever to get this done. I may not finish this before I have to leave. I will have to put you all in the edit format. I'm distracted by the music too. I should turn it off, but it's so interesting.

I tell you what I'll do. I'll save this now and finish this when I get home.

-------------------------

I have seen my SPN and we've had a productive talk and, as usual, I learned things about myself. You mustn't think because I share so much of myself here, that I tell you everything about myself. In whatever mood I find myself in, there are thoughts and emotions and wants and hopes and wishes and feelings of despair that I keep to myself and that I don't share with anyone but my SPN. Only she knows everything and I wonder how much she knows? Does she know more than I tell her? You never know with therapists.

Boy, I don't know about this post that's taking me so long to write. I am going to visit other blogs now, I have visited some already. Maggie May was right, walking is the best exercise when you have a sore back. Even when you start off walking crooked.

Ciao...

For four hours...

I slept on the sofa for four hours tonight. This was after I walked the dog and put out the trash and decided that I was so tired that I could not do another thing, despite my intentions to shower and wash my hair and do some ironing. I was too pooped to do any of those things and like a broken woman put on some leggings and a tank top and laid down on the sofa and went to sleep. Everything else would have to wait.

For some strange reason, I woke up at 11 pm, when I easily could have kept right on sleeping and I got up to take my medicines and make a cup of decaf and some more cigarettes. I checked my emails and answered those and not feeling sufficiently tired yet, I decided to start writing this post, which I may have too abandon if my sleeping pill starts to work. We'll see where the ship strands.

I seriously felt like having something sweet to eat tonight, or maybe chocolate even, but I didn't have anything like it in the apartment and the stores were closed. I did have a jar of diet jam and I had a couple of spoons full of that, although I thought it tasted to sugary. It wasn't tart enough. Then I drank a big glass of juice hoping that would take care of my craving, but it didn't really, so I called my sister to find out if she had any cookies, but her boyfriend from Milan was there and I was too embarrassed to ask. So, I am basically left with a craving for chocolate chip cookies and I don't have any.

I did just find a piece of leftover Brie in the refrigerator and I ate that and that took care of my feeling of hunger. It wasn't the overripe cheese the Exfactor had bought and I'm sure glad I found it, because it turned out that I needed to eat. And here I thought I was just craving sweets. Well goodness, I'm starting to feel like a human being again.

If this is going to be a repeat of last night, I have less chores to do, I mean, I can't wash windows in the middle of the night, can I? I can do the ironing and clean up my closet, but there will be no sweeping and mopping the floors. I can hunt for cobwebs and wash woodwork and clean out the refrigerator, though. I just hope I have enough cleaning liquid left. I'll have to make it last. I'll use spit if I have to or ear wax to polish with. Ha, ha.

If I had my own little studio set up now, I could be producing masterworks! Collages avant lettres, sculptures that would blow your mind away, doodles that would dazzle you with their intricacies. Yes,I would produce it all, working during the night, inspired by the silence around me, by the solitude of the moonlight, maybe the sound of the gentle rain.

Okay, don't get carried away with yourself, stay grounded, a woman may have her head in the clouds, but she needs her feet firmly planted on the ground, even if it is a mountain. or a path in the garden of Eden.

I plan to be an artist, although in my own humble way I already am. It will do me good to create when the mood strikes me and to be able to walk away from it when it does not. To close the door on it and open it again when I an ready and to sit and ponder over the work, which I now don't get a chance to. To play with the different elements and to see how things can be combined and subtracted. How paints can be combined and pastels added to them and natural elements. How you catch the eye and keep it enthralled. So much and so much more. I feel I'm just at the beginning of a long journey with many stops along the way. Points of achievement that will be milestones.


Jesker has completely settled in for the night, but this afternoon he very urgently wanted to go out back and, of course, what was laying there on the doormat? A meatball! I wonder if Toby brings them as gifts to Jesker, because he does not eat them himself.

Toby and Gandhi are still on the kitchen counter all the time trying to get food out of pouches from me, but it is to no avail and they have to eat their very good kibbles, which they do too. I've stopped giving them milk, because they would drink a little bit and the rest would get sour and I had to throw it away. So now it's just plain water for them, which Toby likes to drink from the faucet.

Jesker is back to eating his normal portions of food, so he probably just had a stomach bug or something for a while.

I suppose I will keep you updated about my night, just like I did last night, it helps me get through the night also if I get to write these missives. They are my life lines while I'm here on my own.

Sleep tight you all, if it's that time for you.

Ciao...

A lot of work...

When I'm talking about a lot of work, I don't mean me. I mean you people who will have to read several posts to be completely updated on what I have been doing this night, and since the night is not over yet, god only knows if there is going to be another post for you to read.

I said that I was going to make my bed first when I left you last and that is what I did. I picked a neat stack of fresh smelling sheets out o f the closet and made the bed ever so quickly. It was done before you could say "Geronimo." They smelled so good, because I had dried them out on the line in the July sunshine and they felt nice and crisp. If I ever do get to bed, it will be a pleasure to lie down in it.

Then I gathered all my dishes and glasses that were spread a round the apartment and rinsed them under hot water and did the dishes in hot soapy water until they were sparkling clean. I dried the silverware, but left the rest to dry in the rack and will put them away first thing tomorrow morning, which it almost is, come to think of it.

The ceiling light in the kitchen had not been working for months and I finally got a new bulb out of the closet and with the help of my stepladder, changed the light bulb and behold, I could see the dirt!

Well, really, I am exaggerating. I could see a lot better where I had to sweep the floor and I did that first and in the process of doing that, I nearly knocked over the water bowl for the cats and sloshed water all over the floor, which then actually made it easier to sweep up the dog heir, because it clumped together better. So I wondered if it would be better to always sweep the floors with a wet broom and now that I think about it some more, I think I may be right and I'm going to try that out some time.

Then I dusted the surfaces in the living room with a damp cloth and wiped away the cat hair that they leave all over the place, because they sit wherever they like and nothing is sacred. If you use a dry cloth it doesn't work. The hair just escapes to other places. I emptied the ashtrays and put numerous little items back in their place. Doesn't everybody leave their nail clippers and sunglasses and pliers laying around? And don't you all have a special odd place to keep those things?

I swept the living room floor and you would be surprised by the amount of hair and grit that was there. All that stuff goes into your carpet. I was sorry that I couldn't vacuum, because the chairs needed a good cleaning and doing it with a brush isn't going to cut it this time. Can you believe that I said I was sorry that I couldn't vacuum? Really! It's unbelievable!

I swept the hallway and had to move several items around and the swept the spare bedroom, which is really the junk room, so I'll call it that and it seemed that Jesker's hair had gathered here into snowdrifts that kept escaping from my broom. That's why I think a wet broom will work better. It will make the hair all nice and clumpy and stick to the broom better.

Anyway, I finally got that done and had heaps of dirt and hair all over the place, which I removed with the hand broom and the dustpan. That's always a very satisfying job and I always wish for more heaps, because I like brushing them into the dustpan. I did see that I needed to mop the floors and that there were some areas that I needed to scrub, so that will be my next job. It will be fun and satisfying. I can't wait. I also can't believe I said that. What's wrong with me?

Next I drank a tall glass of juice and made a package of cigarettes. I used to get tobacco in cans and always had problems with tobacco that was either too moist or too dry. Since I switched to strong tobacco, I get it in a heavy paper pack and the tobacco is always just right all the way down to the bottom of the pack, so you see that the old fashioned way of packaging sometimes is the best. I love to hold my paper pack of tobacco. I like the printing on the label and the name of it. It is called "Look Out." It is a brand that has been around forever. It's a manly tobacco in a manly pack.

I took all my medication, including my sleeping pill and we'll see if it is going to work. Either way I have to take it, otherwise I'll get withdrawal symptoms. I can't just not take t, even though that's what I want to do. I'd like to just stay up and not bother going to bed and do some more chores now that I'm in the proper frame of mind. I could mop the floors and I still have to hang up the laundry and I could wash windows when it gets light, even though it is Sunday, but who can be bothered?


I just cleaned up a whole bunch of my clothes that I had laying in the bathroom, things that I had worn this week and had discarded and not put away where they belonged and now seemed like a good time to put them away properly before I hung up the laundry to dry. So now the laundry is on the drying rack smelling of delicious clean detergent, but I did notice that I need to clean the mirror and cosmetics shelf as its is rather dusty and could use a good shine and I should mop that floor too. I've got my work cut out for me.I did manage to pair up one single sock with its companion, leaving no sock single. At least none that matter. I knew it would show up sooner or later in one of the following washes.It was just temporarily misplaced and not in another universe or another dimension.

I do have to organize my closet a little bit better, I do have some sort of system now, but it's getting kind of messy and although I can find things, I like it neater than it is now with the stacks a little better organized. maybe I should start a list of things to do and work my way down it and neatly check off what's been done. That ought to give me some satisfaction. Right, first things first, make a list, however brief and concise and give it many admiring glances through out the day.

This is not at all in conflict with my doing things in chores of threes of course, I can still do that, Some of the chores may be a little bit bigger, but if I have the energy, than more power to me. I just have to take advantage of this energetic me that's surfaced and get her to do as many things as possible in whatever time we've got.

It's too bad that I don't have an Ikea flat pack to put together right now, because I do need a bigger closet and I have the wherewithal to stick one together in a few hours, but I'll have to price them first and see what they cost, probably an arm and a leg. I also want to look for a new area rug, because the one I have was very cheap and is starting to show its cheapness and I want some more color instead of the drab browns. I'll have to check the Ikea website in a while to see what's available. Oh, aren't I just full of big plans.

Somebody said I'm back in the saddle again and I guess they weren't joking. I'm like the Pony Express going at full speed. I've got me a pinto that won't quit. Sheer will power is keeping me going and lots of very focused energy.

In a minute, I am going to make me a bucket of suds and get my sponge mop and tackle the floors, It will be a pleasure to do them. I have boundless energy and I think that with a break now and then, I can do the whole apartment.It will be like in the olden days, when housewives got up with the chickens and did their chores before their husbands and children awakened.I will be a babushka and wear a scarf around my head and boots over my long johns and be forever at work cleaning and scrubbing because cleanliness is next to godliness and I'll have a crucifix above my living room door. Of course, I'll need some chickens to get up with.

Okay, I'm off to do my next chores, I'm sure I'll keep you updated on my coming housewifely acts and the sheer excitement of them, so get ready for the next installment.

Ciao...

To wake up well...

In order to wake up well, and get the day started properly, I always feel that I have to write a post, even if I have nothing to report but my most mundane thoughts. I think, well that will do, at least it will organize my thoughts and get my mind set in the right order and I will have reached out and made a tiny effort at contact, but the latter is not necessarily the most important thing, because judging by the reactions, not that many people read these early morning missives. That's okay, this occupies my mind and keeps me busy while I drink my coffee and smoke my cigarettes and try to ignore the dog who just ate his bowl of food.

I woke up early this morning and thought terrible things about myself. I thought, this is awful, you're not allowed to do this, it is unacceptable, where in the world is this coming from? It was like somebody had dumped a whole bunch of garbage over me and I was struggling to get free of it.

Luckily, I was able to go back to sleep and when I woke up the second time, all that garbage was gone and I could think good thoughts about myself again. I had counted on that happening, but imagine if I had gotten up the first time with those feelings and had started the day that way. It would have been a very painful business and I would be sitting here with quite a different attitude.

Waking up that way, covered in garbage, hasn't happened to me in a long time, but it used to be the story of my life. I always used to wake up with a certain amount of self loathing, sometimes pure self hatred, yet I never let anyone know that I felt this way. I covered it up and did not let on how bad it was.

Due to my childhood, I'm a master at covering up my feelings and very often am not in touch with them myself. I can be in total denial about a state of mind that I am in. That's because I did it for such a long time, it became my second nature. I totally don't have a grip on my current mood and have no idea what to think of it. Am I depressed or just tired? I act like a depressed person, does that make me depressed? If it looks like a duck and it acts like a duck, must it be a duck?

I am planning on doing some cleaning today. Luckily, in Ubuntu the computer has a sleep mode, so I don't have to feel bad about leaving it turned on. It didn't have it in Windows XP, it just kept running and running, causing my electric bill to go up.

I must do at least three chores today, if not six. I must try to get that feeling of accomplishment. You do honestly feel better if you've made an improvement in your environment. I feel extreme discomfort at having things so disheveled. I barely dare walk around on my bare feet anymore.

Jesker has given up on me and has gone to sleep on his blanket, but I will make him happy and get dressed and take him for a walk. It is storming outside and we've already had rain and thunder and more is expected. The rains of England finally reached us.

I have an appointment at 2 pm with the head therapist and we will decide what I will do about my therapies. It will be good to get some feedback instead of thinking inside the box all by myself. Well, with all of your input, of course. Which I appreciate. Don't underestimate that!

I've babbled enough and must get going now, I feel some energy that must be spent wisely. Remember, chores of threes and walking the dog is not a chore, so it doesn't count.

Have a good day!

Ciao...

Waking up properly.

What I need to do now, in order to wake up properly, is write a post, otherwise I'll sit here forever in a state of half sleep wondering why I can't get the day started.

I shut the alarm clock off at 7 am and slept some more, but I dreamed like crazy, so it felt like a lot of work. They are all dreams in which I figure myself out and face some things of my past symbolically.

I've gotten pretty good at figuring things out, as long as I'm honest with myself and I'm willing to look at the unpleasant aspects too. There are no deep hidden meanings in my dreams, usually. Most of it is pretty blatant, as long as I remember that it's coming from my mind and my imagination, which runs rampant at times, I must admit.

I dreamed I was feeding Africa. I had a black baby on my hips and a broken bottle that would not hold milk, but it would hold whipped cream. So I went to a wealthy house and sneaked into the kitchen and filled the bottle with cream, but some elderly men lived there and found the whipped cream and wanted it all for themselves. That's a pretty obvious dream, isn't it?

I don't know, maybe that dream does have a hidden meaning that I'm not seeing. Maybe I see myself as a third world country, who knows? And the broken bottle is my psyche and the elderly men are the men in my life and I can't live on ordinary plain milk, I need whipped cream. Psychologically speaking, because when your psyche is broken, ordinary milk leaks out and whipped cream does not and Africa was just a vessel to pour my meaning into. If that's the case, I'm more clever than I thought I was.

Well, I'm pretty sure that's it.

Jesker is going to get a trim and a bath today. Totally unaware of this, he is laying here beside me not knowing that at 1:30 pm he will be at his "favorite" place ready to be made handsome again. He always trembles a bit when I leave him behind on the table and I feel just the littlest bit bad, but it must be done, otherwise he will start to resemble a mop.

Oh yes, speaking of food. I have now lost 8 kilos, because this morning I weighed 91.9 kilos. Pretty good, huh? I love it when I get on the bathroom scale and I'm not expecting anything and I've lost weight. For now, I have 6.9 kilos left to lose. After that I'll see if I can lose any more. If I keep eating the way I am now without going hungry, I'll lose weight automatically. If I add cheese or yogurt, I don't know what is going to happen. I may like them too much and eat too much of them.

That's the thing you see, I can't have anything in the refrigerator or the cupboards that I like a lot, because I'll start eating more often, not because I'm hungry, but because it tastes good. I have to be my own policeman when I shop or otherwise I'll buy the wrong things.

Well, I'm properly awake now, so I'll get the day started. Jesker has eaten and no doubt has to go and do big business now,

Have a great day, you all, we're actually expecting some rain along with the hot temperatures. It will be tropical.

Ciao...

Finally.

I started to write a post yesterday and got about halfway done and then I decided that I wasn't cheerful enough and that this was reflected in my writing and that the whole thing was just too ponderous and serious, which I did not like at all, so I deleted it and shut off the computer and watched the 8 o'clock news instead.

While I was writing that post, I was still influenced by the 6 o'clock news and I was feeling righteously indignant, which happens to me a lot when I watch the news and I am in a vulnerable mood. The true socialist in me awakens and sees all the injustice that's committed in the world and I want to rise up against it and climb the barricades.

But never mind that now, let me not get into that frame of mind again, because today I've had a perfectly lovely day and I want to end it in the same way as it started, namely very quietly and serenely without the least amount of stress and irritation.

I seem to have been cushioned today from the general stress of life and it was very pleasant. It started of well at creative therapy, where I started a new abstract sculpture and I am enjoying the process so much, that I forget everything around me and only think about each individual movement that I make with each tool and see how the shape changes when I add or subtract the clay. I am in another world and now I wish I had gone to art school, because I think I might have enjoyed it very much.

I see now that I like making abstract objects and the shapes you make when recreating it. It all makes sense in a convoluted way. I wish to be good enough to create something of my own, but I think I need to copy some more works first and get the hang of it. You have to try and understand why the shapes are where they are, and how they move into other slopes and curves and circles. There has to me a method to it that makes sense somehow and create harmony without creating the obvious.

Right now I like working with clay better than I like making collages, but maybe it's a passing phase, or maybe I will like both equally well again after a while. Clay is so malleable and three dimensional and you can push and pull it around to get it into the right shape and cut it and scrape it and then add to it and build it up again endlessly. You can obliterate your mistakes.

So, you see, I spent a very nice morning getting clay dust all over myself and I didn't want the morning to end, but alas, it had to and I had to go home and walk the Überhund and pay some bills and have a cup of coffee and make some cigarettes. Then I got on my bicycle with the very well pumped tires and rode it downtown to the Our Dear Lady Square and found a table in the sunshine and waited for my friend Von while I had a cappuccino.

These Friday afternoons downtown are starting to become a habit. We talk up a storm while she drinks tea and I drink my cappuccinos and enjoy the sunshine. No subject is taboo and we are getting to know each other very well. Then we walk around downtown and dive into shops and look at all the things we want to buy but end up not buying, because it would cost us a fortune. We spritz expensive perfume on in the warehouse and pretend we're rich. She's a great broad, I enjoy her company very much.

Needless to say, when I got home, the Überhund was very happy, because he had been alone most of the day. He needed lost of petting and a treat. The cats were asleep in various places in the apartment and didn't give a hoot. They act like they don't care and don't let you know that they are indignant that you've been gone, but in the meantime they miss you, they just don't let on.

Von is a good motivator to get me to eat healthier, because she eats very healthy herself and we do discuss food and fitting into your clothes. So she's good for me to hang around with. I'll start paying better attention to what I eat just from our discussions and shop smarter when I go to the supermarket. I have a tendency to buy 'make me feel good' food and that has to stop. I also eat too much sugar, like in my porridge for instance. No wonder I'm gaining weight.

Oh yes. I bought a frame for the print that I got from Tessa and it now stands on the bookcase looking very nice. I also bought a birthday card for my grandson, whose birthday is coming up in April. I do have to send that on time. There's a mini envelope inside for something extra. I thought that was perfect.

It's been a thoroughly good day and it's been awhile since I've had one as nice as this. It must be the things I do and the company I'm keeping. I'm sure it is.

Now I have to go and read your blogs, so as not to get completely behind. Tomorrow is Saturday and oh, I've decided to paint my livingroom walls, but I may need some help with them. I'll talk to the Exfactor.

Have a super evening. Talk to you soon.

Ciao...

Wednesday evening.

Well, here I am again. As faithful as the sunset every day. I rarely let a day go by without posting, do I? It's an ingrained habit that is hard to shed and I wouldn't very quickly give it up, unless I felt pretty bad, and I don't now. There are moments in the day that I do, but they are moments and not long periods. Little mini funks.

I hardly slept last night. After initially falling asleep on the sofa, I woke up again around midnight and stayed up until 4 AM, not realizing that I had forgotten to take my medicines until much later than usual. That was part of the problem. I was also a little bit wound up about the coming day, because I was going to ergo therapy and I had something to share there.

The alarm clock woke me up at 7 AM with much reluctance on my part, because I was trying very hard to ignore it, but it just kept on beeping and it wouldn't stop. I took my sweet old time to drink my coffee and have my cigarettes, about 45 minutes and then I had to rush to get ready. I did everything in a hurry, as far as that was possible, but I can't rush the dog when I take him out. He doesn't do his business on command, so I have to be patient.

Just as I was getting ready to leave, my very old neighbors asked me to set their digital thermostat for them, because they still have not figured out how it works and various family members come and mess around with it. This time it was turned down to 10 degrees Celsius. What are these people thinking? I showed them how it works and hope they understand it now, but I don't think so.

I got to ergo therapy on time to have a cup of espresso in the smoking room and be early morning moody with everybody else. Some days are just like that and I am not much of a talker anyway, so that doesn't stimulate things either. I should have a good joke to tell.

At ergo therapy I immediately took the opportunity to say how much it bothered me to be told that my time was going to be up without being told when and that it spoiled all my pleasure of coming there and that I would rather know a date than be left dangling in the unknown like this. The therapist tried to play the ball back into my court by asking me why that made me so insecure, but I insisted on not being told anymore that my time was running out without being told a date, because otherwise I was just going to quit.

I told her, that the next time we have an evaluation in May, with my SPN, we could discuss it and then pick an ending date if we all decided that my time was up and that was all I wanted to hear about it. Luckily, I got support from the group, none of whom wanted to be told that their time was running out.

I think I have made myself clear enough now and I realize that I am the victim of the government's cutbacks who want all people in short term treatments that are supposed to last 6 months and then whatever ails them is supposed to be cured, whether or not that is true. It's a new policy, whereas before people could take all the time they needed. Two years if they wanted to. Now, out you go into the real world, ready or not, and you can't come back until another six months have gone by, should you need to, and go on a waiting list first.

This present government is one of the worst we've had when it comes to taking the care out of care and privatizing medical institutions, amongst other things. And we're finding out that there is a lot of mismanagement and that top salaries and big bonuses are paid to people who fail at their jobs as caretakers and managers. It's a big scandal and we're only seeing the tip of the iceberg. I'm all for turning things around the way they were and as quickly as possible. Well, I don't have to tell you that. Some things don't belong in the free market. Hey, I'm a Western European socialist.

Anyway, this socialist went shopping at the yuppie supermarket this afternoon, but I shop there because it is close to my house and they have the largest variety of products. I do want choice when I shop and if I have to pay 5 cents more, I don't really care. I can't get the dog and cat food I want at the other supermarket, nor can I find the milk that I want. There are cheap supermarkets where you can shop, but I am not going to nickel and dime everything to death and ride my bike all over the place. My shopping list is too simple for that.

I have the Überhund's diet all figured out now. He gets Butcher's in the morning, which is all natural meat and in the evening he gets a small bowl of little chunks of Frolic. He likes eating them, because he enjoys chewing them. He sort of slurps them up like an elephant would slurp up a dish of water. He vacuums them out of his dish and likes them.

He is so funny when he starts to eat, because he stares at the dish and then at me and then at the dish again, as if he tries to figure out if I'm playing a joke on him. He starts to eat very nonchalantly, as if he really doesn't care, but soon his taste buds open wide and all the food disappears. It makes me very happy to see him enjoy his food. It means I bought the right stuff. Now I just need to see some weight loss.

I don't think his eye is ever going to be okay again. I am applying the ointment and it isn't getting worse, but I see no real improvement. I lifted his eye lid and had a real good look tonight and it is still red and swollen. It's like we say here, mopping the floors with the faucet turned on.

Well now, I suppose that's it for me for tonight. I am going to get comfortable and lazy and watch TV.

Have a good evening everyone. I feel sleep overtaking me.

Ciao...

Monday evening.

Well, if I plan this right, I can write a post before I go to bed and read some blogs too. That is if I don't dilly dally and spend too much time thinking about what I'm going to tell you all, and not get frustrated about the stupid keyboard keys that get stuck and make me all mixed up about whether or not I have punched down a key well enough or not, so that I have to go back and add or subtract letters.

There, that was a little rant about the keyboard, but really, it is so frustrating and I don't have the money right now to buy a new one yet. I have to wait just a bit. It is said that you learn to live with the little inconveniences in life, but I don't believe a bit of it. I am all for eliminating them as quickly as possible. It will be a great day when I toss this keyboard in the trash.

Today was creative therapy and I have to be honest with you and tell you that I don't enjoy going there as much anymore since I'm being told left and right that it's all going to end one of these days. My heart isn't in it anymore and I am not making the commitment like I was before. In a way I am already saying goodbye. I am being told the same thing at ergo therapy and I feel the same way there, so there is a kind of withdrawal on my part, as if I am not putting in 100% anymore.

I finished my clay sculpture today and it turned out okay for the beginner that I am. It has to dry now before it can go into the oven and I will start another one on Friday. This next one is going to be harder than the first one, so I've got my work cut out for me.

When I got home all I felt like doing was having a cup of coffee and a cigarette, so I did and I fed the dog who hadn't eaten it the morning for lack of interest, but he wolfed down his food this time. I took him for a walk and it was nearly pleasant outside, overcast, but not very cold with just a bit of a chilly wind. It wants to be spring, but it is very hesitant.

Then the Exfactor came over to pick up a package that had been delivered here for him and we had some coffee together. He had spent the weekend with the Paramount and it only bothered me slightly, as I pretend that she is not an entity in his life and I prefer not talking about her, though sometimes we must. I find the whole thing emotionally draining and prefer not to really be confronted with it.

I feel the same way about the therapies. Don't keep telling me it's going to end one day. Give me a date and then I know what to expect. It's rather senseless to keep me in suspense this way. I find that emotionally draining too.

I am most happy when I am home doing my own things and living my own life and handling my own schedule. When I'm not dependent on the decisions of other people, or their whims or fancies. That's when I am in the best mood. I get very down hearted when I know that my fate depends on the decisions of other people. I'd rather have a shoot out at the O.K. corral. I loose touch with my happiness on those other days and it's hard to get a smile out of me. I'm just an unhappy human being.

Tomorrow I will be alright again, because it is my day to do with as I please. I'll be my own mistress and make up my own mind about things. I'll vacuum and dust and do the laundry and sit and ponder things and feel generally good.

I have an appointment with my SPN in the morning. I'll be able to unload there a bit, Get my frustrations out.

Right, that was it for me for today. Time to go get comfortable in my pajamas. I do so like that moment of the day.

Hope you all had a nice day. Don't let the b******s get you down.

Ciao....

Phenomenal

After having written such a phenomenal post yesterday morning, I can now only write a humble little post, because time limits me and, of course, we have that thing called inspiration and I haven't looked yet to see if I have any. I was busy on Facebook and becoming a bit frustrated with things there that did not go the way I wanted them to. Aren't there always bugs in the system that you want to iron out and for which you know there should be an easy solution? Hmmm, ironed out bugs, now that would be a treat! Nice and crispy or steamed?

It figures that on the day that I have to go somewhere, I don't sleep late and wake up two hours before the alarm clock is supposed to go off. I'm not complaining about that, au contraire, it is kind of convenient, because it allows me some time to sit here and get my daily dose of caffeine in before the real work starts. Writing a post is a good way to start the day also, because it helps me set the tone of the day and helps me decide how feisty I will be.

Last week I had forgotten to put out the trash, so last night I put out two trash bags, plus the green container which is always filled with coffee pads, there is hardly ever any vegetable matter in it or any garden waste. The trash bags are large and I walk around the apartment and look for junk that can go to fill up the bag completely. That way I get a cleaner apartment and a fuller trash bag. Slowly but surely I want to get rid of all obsolete items in all the drawers and bookcases so that there is a minimum amount of junk I have to live with. It's my goal in life to be junk free by next year. Hurray!

You forget that when you live by yourself, you are in charge of that, you alone decide what you keep and what is purely junk that is laying around doing nothing but gathering dust and taking up space. It is a very liberating thought once it hits you. I have to keep reminding myself that I am entitled to do this. That I am the mistress over all that is here.

I have never been my own mistress. I have always been somebody's child or girlfriend or wife. I have been somebody's wife for a very long time. Twice. I liked none of those roles as much as I like being my own mistress, but I never would have believed it if you had said it to me a year ago. I would have shuddered at the thought.

So, anyway, I have a dresser with 7 drawers and it has been cleaned out now several times and things have been taken out and thrown away, but still there are items in there that are taking up space and that are completely useless, so I know that I will have another look through all the drawers and toss away more things.

I try not to be sentimental about things and hold on to them for emotional reasons, I dislike that very much. but I do keep some items for their remembrance factor. However, there only need to be a few things of the person I want to remember, or of an era I want to remember. I don't need loads of memorabilia. If I can fit it into one small box, then that's okay with me.

Look at me, of on a tangent, all because of the notion of trash. That's because for the last 37 years, I have lived with people who were hoarders and who never threw anything away. Everything was sacred, even the tiniest little incomprehensible part of whatever it had originally belonged to. If, on top of that, you spend a lot of that time being depressed, the volume of it becomes incomprehensible to you too and you can't see the forest for the trees. You take it as a given that you are surrounded by all these objects and you think it somehow has value and that it is necessary to the survival of the household.

Well, you can imagine that I am now going to live the stripped down version of that. I'd like to be like a turtle and carry my house on my back.

I also see on the clock that I need to get going, because I have creative therapy this morning.

So I wish you all a very good day.

Ciao...