For old time's sake...

No, I haven't disappeared down a rabbit hole like Alice in Wonderland, nor would I have enjoyed the kind of strange adventures that she had. I like my life served up straighter than that. My days have mostly been very ordinary but much improved from how they had been in the past. I still continuously count my blessings, although lately I take the credit for a lot of them myself.

I'm getting used to this new and improved version of myself and am no longer so surprised every day. I'm starting to grow into my own personality and learning to trust it. So far, I am managing to keep myself busy but I think I am going to need to find a useful activty to fill my spare time. I am thinking about doing volunteer work and hopefully will find something that will suit me.

Tyke and I are taking ever increasingly longer walks three times a day all over the place. Sometimes I plan them ahead of time and sometimes I make them up as we go along. We both enjoy them very much and there is much to discover. The world is our oyster and we don't let the rainy weather discourage us.

I've lost so much weight that I now weigh what I used to when I was twenty years old. To say that I am pleased is putting it mildly. I love my skinny self and didn't have to suffer for it. I do look quite normal and not like a famine victim. I'm having my gastric band emptied a little in August so I will be able to eat larger portions of food in the future.There's no need to lose more weight.

At her invitation, I will be staying with my daughter in Texas for Christmas and New Year's. That's still some time away but I am looking forward to it very much. I can't think of a lovelier way to spend the holidays.

The sun has just come out again and Tyke is gently reminding me that it's time to go for a walk.

Options...

It was a choice to either have some coffee or go take a nap. I chose for the coffee and am waiting for the coffeemaker to finish brewing it so I can have a much needed cup. I will forsake the nap and save up my sleep for tonight when I will go to bed at a fairly decent time. I won't have to watch any football matches anyway after last night's debacle when the Dutch team lost against Germany. They haven't won a match yet. It's a terrible situation and I'm much disgusted and so is the rest of the population of this country.We're all walking around in a bad mood. 

I mustn't let that press my fun and immediately move on to other things more uplifting. I will not let the defeat of the Dutch football team determine my outlook for the rest of the day.  I'm sure there are other more important things that are of influence such as this cup of coffee I'm having now and the fact that the sun is shining into the living room. That does alter your mood and make you more cheerful. There's nothing as welcome as a bit of sunshine after all these days of cloudy skies and showers. I'm going to enjoy it as much as I can. 

I knew I would cheer myself up writing about that. Just making a note of it is enough to make me happier. The fact that it's getting warmer in the living room does also because it was a little bit chilly in here and I wasn't about to close the windows. It is June after all and that would be admitting defeat. For the same reason I can't turn on the heater even if it does get cold in here. I am bound and determined to keep believing that summer will get here yet and that it will happen in my lifetime. 

I'm wearing a summery top that is new, but at the same time I'm wearing my jeans and a jeans jacket. I'm not quite as warm and comfortable as I'd like to be. I'd like to wear a pair of socks too and a scarf around my neck, but I thought that might be a bit too pessimistic and not in keeping with the time of year. It's always a bit of a struggle to decide what to wear in the morning because I want to wear my summer clothes, but the weather discourages me from doing so. Wearing layers seems to be the best way to deal with it. 

The dog is watching the maintenance people from the city clean up the municipal flowerbeds. They are making an awful lot of noise because they are using power tools. I liked it better in the olden days when things were done by hand and it was a gentle occupation. I'm sure people were more skilled back then too. Nowadays everything seems to get cut back indiscriminately. The dog was sleeping in the sunshine on the dining table. He was very rudely disturbed in his sleep. 

I will now go take him for a walk and enjoy some of the sunshine. Hopefully, it will be warmer outside than it is in here.

Have a great day.

Ciao,
Irene

A bright and shiny moment...

It is with some amount of pleasure that I sit here at the end of the afternoon and enjoy the sunlight that is shining into the living room windows. It does make everything look bright and cheerful and it does wonders for the state of my mind. For a while I will thoroughly enjoy this time behind the computer and not worry about a single thing. Not that I really have that much to worry about anyway. My mind is pretty much empty of things that I could get overly stressed about. 

Besides, now is not the time of day to worry about anything. I do that best the first thing in the morning before I've had my cup of coffee and before my medicines have started to work. But because I know that the lack of these things causes me to feel stress, I don't pay it too much mind and simply wait for them to take effect. I try to ignore what goes on in my head for the first hour after I get up. I know I will be my usual normal self n the shortest amount of time. 

We've had some rain and cloudy weather and although I didn't mind it too much, I was glad when the sun came out again. It did actually affect my mood a little bit when the sky was so gloomy.  I pretend that it doesn't get to me, but really it does. I notice that when the sun starts shining again and my whole attitude changes. I'm a lot more cheerful because of it. We're supposed to have more rain tomorrow, but I guess I shouldn't complain about it too much because Mother Nature does need it. Some rain on a regular basis can only do it good. 

I saw my relaxation therapist today and learned a new exercise. I know so many different ones now that I could keep busy all day long doing them. They do seem to work because the pain I had walked around with in one shoulder is gone now and it had been a very stubborn pain that I thought I was going to need painkillers for.  Today's exercise really worked well on my belly and stomach and I literally felt the knots there untie.

I've got to go because the dog is waiting for me to take him for a walk. It's that time of the day again. At least the sun is shining and the temperature is nice. It will be great to be out there. 

Ciao,
Irene

Thank goodness it's Friday again...

I'm sitting here very cozily with a glass of milk and the dog by my feet. It is already evening but the sun is still shining through the living room windows and it's nice and warm in here. I'm wearing my most summery clothes so I'm properly dressed.

I hope to get a bit of a tan every time I go out with the dog but I don't think I'm succeeding much. I won't look like a very sun kissed person anyway. I'll have to go sit outside for a real sun bath and I don't know if I have the patience for that. I think the only opportunity I'll get for it is when I sit in my sister's garden so I'll always have to be scantily dressed when I go there. 

The weather is supposed to stay good for the whole three day long weekend. It's Pentecost and we have Monday off also. It's about time that the weather turned nice because we've been very impatiently waiting for it to happen. People had been wanting to do their summer shopping but it just wasn't the right kind of weather for it. There's certainly been a change in that now and downtown is filled with shoppers wanting to spend their vacation allowances. 

I've been looking at which films play at the film theater and there's one I may be interested in that's been playing for quite a while. It's called "The best exotic Marigold Hotel." It got good reviews so I may try to go see it. I first am going to ask the Exfactor if he wants to go and then I'll ask my sister. She usually falls asleep halfway through a film so that's not much fun. The Exfactor is a better companion to go see a film with so I hope he'll come. 

The dog has been most adorable today from the moment I woke up and opened my eyes. He was there immediately to greet me as if he had been waiting for me to wake up. I guess he really wanted to start the day. Or he was just happy to see me and get a good cuddle. He's been very affectionate all day long and has spent much time sitting on my lap as if that's the most natural place to be. I guess if you still barely fit, it is not a bad place to sit. 

I have to go take him for his walk now and then watch the eight o'clock news. Those politicians are roughly manhandling all sorts of important issues and it does frustrate me. I have to stay well informed but I wonder how unbiased the news is. You must always stay critical.

Ciao,
Irene

It's always something...

It's a beautiful day out. The sky is blue and the sun is shining and the temperatures are great. It feels like a summer day and the weatherman was right. He predicted it. It will stay this way for the rest of the week and I am totally agreeable to it. I just walked the dog and it was a pure pleasure to be out there. The bees were buzzing amongst the wildflowers and the birds were twittering in the trees. All that was missing were the butterflies.

I could not walk quickly because I think I have broken my toe. I did it this morning when I walked into the edge of a metal sign that the Exfactor had temporarily placed against my bike that was parked in the hallway. I noticed it on the way to the toilet, but forgot about it on the way back. It was quite a bang and I used a swear word because it hurt so much.The sign was big and heavy and did not move an inch.

As the day wore on, my toe got worse and I hobble a bit when I walk. Even when I sit still it hurts. It is the middle toe of my left foot and I know nothing can be done about it, so I've put a sock on it and I'm wearing my sneakers for comfort. That gives me some idea of support, but to tell you the truth, I think it isn't helping one bit and I may as well take them off. I have taken a paracetamol and I hope that will do.

Other than that, it's been a nice day. I think that's mostly due to the amount of sunshine that's coming in through the living room windows. It does cheer me up. It makes me a better person. I'm much more agreeable when the sun shines, although I'm always kind. At least I try to be in spite of myself. I do get grumpy at times. 

That's not something a cup of coffee can't take care of and I've had mine. I'm all caffeinated now. I did take a small nap earlier because I got up on time this morning. I was expecting the Exfactor but I had no idea what time he was getting here because he is hard to pin down. When he got here, he asked me to iron two long sleeved shirts for him, but since he always does the groceries, it was a pleasure for me to be able to do that. 

I hadn't ironed any men's shirts in a long time and had forgotten how much work they are if you want to do a good job. It seems that every time you run the iron over them, you iron a new wrinkle into them. It is frustrating.

I've got to watch the news and eat dinner. It's that time of the day again.

Ciao,
Irene

Chilled to the bone...

It's with some amount of pleasure that I sit here with my cup of coffee and my cigarettes at the end of the afternoon. I thought initially that I was going to need a nap but once I had some caffeine in me, I quite perked up and now I feel like a million dollars. I haven't been in such a good mood for quite a while and it is very welcome. I won't analyze it because it's too precious for that. I will just accept it for what it is and enjoy it. 

The coffee tastes very good and I think with this cheap little coffeemaker I can't make a bad cup. It's really a primitive little thing and I really should get a much better one but it does turn out good coffee. I really think it's because of the measuring spoon that it came with. I'm finally getting the amount of ground coffee right. I was putting in way too much before and made coffee that knocked my socks off. 

The domestic help has been here and I can now look forward to the weekend which in my eyes has already started. I have the rest of this day off and I can do with it as I please. I will take advantage of that and totally indulge myself. I do feel I deserve it after a long suffering week of many moods and much stress. I sure as heck don't want to repeat that any time soon. Whose idea was that anyway.? 

The day went by quickly but it always does when you're in a good mood. The time flies by and I didn't get up all that late either. It rained in the morning but I paid it no mind and took the dog out between showers. The grass had been cut and all the buttercups and daisies in the fields were gone. I do dislike that because they looked so cheerful. I thought the buttercups especially looked very nice. 

The sun has come out and it is shining into the living room making it a little bit warmer in here. That does make a difference and I wish it would come out earlier in the day. When it gets chilly, I feel like putting on all my winter clothes and I´m sure it´s the wrong time of the year for that. You want to stay optimistic because it´s May, regardless of what the weather does. You dare the sun to come out and show itself. 

If I were downtown now, I would sit on a café terrace under an umbrella and have a hot chocolate. Then I would participate in our favorite sport and watch the people go by. That reminds me that I haven´t been to the movies in a while and I have no idea what´s showing. I must look on the film theater´s website and see what the latest movies are. 

It´s time to eat. I must feed my body too. I can´t live on coffee alone. 

I hope you´ll all have a good evening.

Ciao,

Irene

I've got my shoes...

...and I think that I will be wearing them a lot as long as I'm not wearing a dress on a regular basis. I don't seem to do that very much anymore hooked as I am on skinny jeans. I'll have to wait and see what the weather is going to do in the near future. If it is going to get any warmer and make it necessary for me to wear different clothes or if it's going to stay chilly and rainy like it has been.

Anyway, the walking shoes arrived and I put them on and they fit perfectly. Thank goodness that I'm such an average size by Dutch standards. Usually things fit me just fine. These shoes are great. It is like walking on air cushions. The only problem with them is that my feet do get very warm in them and my feet aren't used to being warm. They are usually on the cold side and that's more comfortable for me.

It may have to do with the fact that these shoes are weather proof and contain a special lining. This means they will be very nice to wear in the wintertime but I wonder how they will be when the weather is hot? I probably won't wear any socks. Maybe that will help.

On another subject, this depression I am fighting is a mean sun of a gun. I have to literally struggle it to the ground and arm wrestle it for position. This one is so evil that I can't give it any space and I don't want to give it any ground to move around on. I will defeat it and I'm not going to give it an inch. I will be more stubborn than it.

At least I got a good start to the day. I woke up early but the sun was already shining in a bright blue sky so the first few hours of my day were pleasant. The first thing I did when I got up was to open the curtains in the living room so I wouldn't have to turn on any lights. Things cheered up immediately and my first cup of coffee tasted good too. The dog slept late so I didn't have to take him out right away.

I can face the first few hours of the day. It's the hours between the morning and the evening that are the hardest. They are when I struggle and I have to try and get through them in the best possible way. Sometimes that is very difficult. Today the Exfactor and the domestic help were here so that helped some.

Now it's almost evening and the day is coming to an end. I am no longer discouraged but see the sense of being alive again for just a little while. It will last long enough until it's time to go to bed. I just imagine my soul standing up very straight and being very powerful and resilient. It's bending in the storm, not breaking. It has to be strong  and flexible enough to withstand any kind of force.

If there was ever a time to believe in myself, then this is it. I hope I have the faith to do that.

Ciao,
Irene

Imagination...

I have to tell you that it's something I'm awfully short of right now despite the fact that I'm drinking coffee and am trying to perk up my mind. I'm working on my second cup but haven't reached that state of sharp wittedness yet that allows my imagination to run free. It's possible that I have too many cobwebs in my mind and that it's not going to happen today. I'm lacking that inner perkiness that would let it happen more naturally. 

All day long I have been in a minor mood. This despite the fact that today is a national holiday and a lot of people are out celebrating it. Maybe it is because I'm not that I am in a minor mood but there's no need to start analyzing that. I will leave that stone unturned. It's not necessary to do an archeological dig into my mind every time. Suffice it to say that I'm not in a celebratory mood.

Tomorrow normal life will start up again and we can all act like normal people again. The Belgians will have a holiday and populate downtown. But that will not be of concern to me. My life will return to its regular routine and that's all I care about. If I were part of a family unit, I might feel differently but since I am alone, I feel this way. The holidays are always harder to get through when you're not plural. 

I have to be honest with you and tell you that I've started smoking again. It proved to be too difficult to quit. I found it too hard to fill the empty hours without smoking cigarettes. It's how I get through the day and I have no other way to do it. I spend so much time in my own company and I alone am not enough. I could not stand to sit and do nothing. 

It is the only thing that gives me any kind of joy because I have no hobbies. That's the kind of dull person I've become. I'm not interested in anything but sitting in my armchair with a cup of coffee and a cigarette contemplating my navel. I can spend a lot of time doing that. I lead a very uninteresting life and I'm aware of that. Smoking cigarettes is what keeps me sane. 

Yesterday I had to make an emergency trip to the convenience shop at the gas station and buy tobacco. It's with an enormous sense of relief that I did. I felt that it was the best solution. How I'm going to handle it financially I don't know yet but I'll find a way. I'll eat less if it comes to that. 

The dog is sitting very patiently by my side and I'm pretty sure he wants to go for his outing. It is that time of the day again. The sun was shining all day but now it's become overcast. The weather is returning back to normal too. It was too good to last. 

Have a good evening all of you.

Ciao,

Irene

Many words are wasted...

I've got an extremely grumpy mood and I think it's because I just woke up from a nap. I must have gotten out on the wrong side of the bed or I haven't had enough coffee yet. The sun is shining outside so it's not the weather's fault. I must drink another cup of coffee and see if that will straighten me out. I can't stay grumpy because I am my own worst enemy this way. If I could kick myself in the rear end, I would do it. 

I don't usually wake up grumpy from naps. As a rule I am quite reasonable. I only need the coffee to get the cobwebs out of my mind, not to put me in a good mood. As a matter of fact, I'm a quite mild mannered person and not prone to grumpiness. That doesn't mean that I don't think a person is not allowed to be it once in a while. We can't all be saints. There is a time and a place for everything. A lesser mood does happen when you're a mere mortal. Besides, the Greek gods were famous for their moodiness.

I know I will get over it in no time at all and that this will not last. I'm not going to stay grumpy for the rest of the day. It's just a temporary hitch in the system. Just by writing about it I will start feeling better. And I can always talk myself out of everything, including temporary grumpiness. 

In the meantime, I'm having another cup of coffee and I'm already starting to feel better. I don't feel so overwhelmed anymore. I just made another pack of cigarettes from my dwindling tobacco supply and I think by tomorrow I should be all out of it. Then it will be time for the nicotine patches. I'm lucky that I still have those and that I don't have to go out and spend the money on them because they are expensive enough. 

It's been a great day today in which nothing of importance happened whatsoever and that was fine with me. I watched the news updates a lot because politically there's a lot going on right now and I do want to stay informed. It looks like we're going to have elections on September the 12th and that gives all the parties time to prepare for them properly. Having elections on June the 27th was pushing it a little bit. Personally, I'm more than ready to go out and vote but there are always those floating voters who can't make up their minds. 

When the sun disappears, it immediately gets colder in here and I've had to turn on the heater. I have the feeling I should be eating hot soup or other hearty winter fare. I have at this moment a terrible craving for a stew or a chowder and I wish I was in the States so I could easily take care of it.  I guess I'm in the mood for some real American food but that is hard to get. I wouldn't mind going to a Denny's right now and having my pick of the menu. 

I think that's all I have to share. I've got to put my bathrobe on over my clothes so I'll be warm. I'm a great sufferer of the cold.

Have a good evening all of you.

Ciao,

Irene

Actually...

It's already halfway through the evening and it's still light outside. The sun keeps setting later each day. I do like it because it gives me hope that summer is really on its way. You wouldn't think it was springtime the way the weather is behaving, although the temperatures are only a little bit below normal for the time of year.

I've only watched the news to see what was happening politically in the country and didn't see the weather forecast so I have no idea how the rest of the week is going to be. 

The prime minister turned in his and his cabinet's resignation to the queen this afternoon. Her acceptance should be a mere formality. A lot of political parties want elections as soon as possible but others say to wait until September. There are the Euro Cup Football half finals on the day they picked in June.

I'll not bore you with the politics of my country. I'm sure you're more than bored enough with the politics of your own country. Or maybe you get excited about them too like I do. 

The dog ate a banana and an apple. I asked him if he was happy in English and he mistook the word "happy" for the word "apple" which is pronounced almost the same way in Dutch as it is in English. Of course I had no rest after that until I had peeled him an apple. 

He did eat some of his regular food but not until I threw away what was left over and put new food into his bowl. He is picky. He does require new kibbles every day. Everything has to be as fresh as possible. The cat is the same way and right they are. 

I ate vanilla pudding after the Exfactor went to the grocery store and bought it. It's my major downfall and what I really like most of all. After I've had it, I'm happy for the rest of the day. I don't have that with any kind of other food. It's completely satisfactory and filling. 

I've decided to give quitting smoking another try. I'm going to finish the tobacco I have left and then start on the nicotine patches. I have enough of those for the first two weeks. This will be the third time that I try it and that should be a charm. I sincerely hope I make it. Spending the money on the tobacco is killing me. 

I hope you're all having a good evening.

Ciao,
Irene

An undetermined mood...

I'm actually still yawning from the long nap I took this afternoon and the cup of coffee I just had has not made much of an impact yet. I guess I didn't make it strong enough and the second cup will have to pack a punch. That's why my mood is still undetermined and I have no idea of how I'm put together yet. I think right now I'm mostly grumpy but I'll try to get over that as quickly as I can and you can all be witness to it. Watch a metamorphosis take place. 

I must be in one of those cycles that I need a lot of sleep because I have not gotten a shortage of it for the last 24 hours. It seems that I can't get enough of it. I even slept on the sofa for an hour while I was waiting for the domestic help to get here. When she did, I was so comatose that I could hardly talk to her. So much for my conversational skills that usually don't let me down. But right now I'd rather sleep than do almost anything else and that includes eating, although that doesn't say much. 

The sun has been shining a lot today but it hasn't actually been a warm day. I did have to wear my winter coat when I went out and I've had the heater on for most of the day. I do have to admit that I get cold quickly and I seem to be allergic to the cold. I was definitely meant to live in a warmer climate. But at least the sun was out and it did cheer things up. Of course, the world is a lot greener and that does make things look a lot more cheerful too.

I do appreciate the fact that I have to go out a couple of times a day to walk the dog because otherwise I would not be aware of how quickly nature is changing right now. It's thé opportunity for me to be out regularly and see how green the trees are becoming and how many dandelions there are growing in the grass. The lowly dandelion does have its place in nature too. 

There, I've become sensible and wide awake again and I never did have that second cup of coffee. I had two glasses of cold milk instead. I was very thirsty and slightly hungry too. That milk took care of that. 

I can now move on to the next chapter and that is to take my medicines and take the dog for a walk. 

I hope you're all having a good day.

Ciao,

Irene

Is there anything else?

I'm slightly discombobulated from having fallen asleep in my armchair. I had pulled the red fleece blanket over me because I was cold and before I knew it, I had nodded off. I slept sitting up like that for about an hour and woke up completely disoriented. It was a bit of an unusual place to take a nap, after all. I'm still yawning now after a cup of coffee and I'll have to have a second one before I really am awake.

I just peeled an apple for the dog and he ate it with much appetite. I secretly obeserved him eating it. It's so much fun to watch. He takes delicate bites and makes thoughtful crunching sounds when he chews. For a while, nothing in the world exists but that apple.

I've gotten a second cup of coffee and I'm starting to feel better now. I'm not quite as fuzzy as I was. Cups of coffee are so good for my mental health. If tea did the same thing I would drink it but I have not experienced the proof of it yet.

The afternoon is drawing to a close and we didn't see any sunshine all day. It has been dreary and cold. The wind was coming from the north-east today and that usually means it's colder. I've had the heater on for most of the day and even so I've been feeling chilled. I think I'm wearing enough clothes but that doesn't seem to help. 

If I really want to do something nice for myself, I'd change the bed and I think that's just what I'll do. It will be a treat to get under a clean duvet cover this evening. Besides, I've got that new good smelling washing powder and it does make the laundry smell good. It's great to have it drying on the clothes rack. 

My thumb is healing up quite nicely and doesn't hurt half as bad as it did yesterday. I can even use it a little bit if I'm careful. I'm very careful with the new paring knife now that I know how sharp it is. I treat it with the respect it deserves.

The Amstel Gold Race was taking place here this afternoon and there were helicopters in the air making lots of noise. It must have been a madhouse along the route. I didn't follow the race on television, although I usually do every year. I like to watch them climb the famous Cauberg. I've done it on foot many times and it's a real doozy.It does make your legs ache. 

I've got the perfect hairdo today. It's completely tousled but in place the way I want it to be. I achieved this by rubbing it with a towel and then roughly running my hands through it and applying hairspray. I bet I can sleep on it tonight and have it look the same way in the morning. I'll give it a try anyway. 

I hope you're all having a good Sunday. Too bad it's the last day of the weekend. 

Ciao,

Irene

Pete and repeat...

I'm in an extremely warm and fuzzy mood because I've just woken up from a life renewing nap and I'm now having a cup of coffee and a cigarette. The circumstances couldn't get much better than this. For just a little while anyway, I can let myself believe that everything is perfect and that I've landed in heaven. It isn't every day that I can say that. I do have to treasure the moment and share it with you. 

The sun is shining into the living room and, because I also had the heater on for a while, it's nice and warm in here. That was a pleasure to wake up to. I feel warm all the way through my bones and that doesn't happen all the time. It's good because my bathrobe is in the washing machine and I'm not able to wear it right now. 

I did finally remember to stick it in there and wash it after emptying the pockets. That was a crucial factor because there were all sorts of things in there that wouldn't have survived the wash cycle. It would have been a right mess if I hadn't taken them out. Especially the paper tissues would have created a disaster. 

After I put together the bed for the guest room yesterday, I had all the carton packing material that I didn't know what to do with stacked up in the hallway. The animals and I kept having to step on top of it if we wanted to go anywhere and it really was in the way. I was a little puzzled as to what to do with the very large pieces but today I got it sorted out.

I got a box and folded everything into as small as possible enough pieces so they would fit into the box. It really turned out to be fairly simple and not that much work and I was done in no time at all. The dog helped me by standing on every piece of carton that I wanted to fold. He was very thoughtful that way. I did appreciate it very much. Now the box can be put out by the sidewalk for the people of the recycle truck to pick it up. 

I didn't put together the dresser but have decided to let the Exfactor do that with my able help. I'm a little bit intimidated by the heaviness of the flatpacks it comes in and I think putting it together will be more work than I anticipated. The bed turned out to be. The Exfactor may be just a little more technical than I am when it comes to putting together complicated pieces of furniture. 

I mustn't say that because I'm sure I'm quite capable of it, but I'm letting myself be intimidated. I would do it if left to my own devices. Circumstances dictate that I'm more helpless now.

I must get back to my Zen moment that I was in at the start of this post. The dog is telling me it's time to go for a walk, however, and I suppose I will take him out now. I do hate to make him wait. He's such a well mannered animal. 

I hope you're all having a good day.

Ciao,

Irene

Surprisingly...

to my surprise it is evening again already, although the sun is still shining brightly in the sky. Now why do you think that is? Isn't that a nice effect from daylight savings time? I think that was the whole purpose, wasn't it? Or is this just the way it is supposed to be always? I am very confused. I better not think about that too much. I may damage my brain. I haven't had enough coffee for that. 

I took a nap, but I also think that my sleepiness is a side effect from the tranquilizers and I think I'm going to try and skip the one I take in the afternoon and see if maybe I don't get as sleepy then. It isn't all that great to get so calm that it makes you want to go take a nap. It does make me feel oh so tired. I feel like lying down all over the place and I have no energy to do anything. I think that's not quite the purpose behind them. 

It was another lovely day with lots of sunshine and pleasant enough temperatures, although it isn't really that warm yet. It just feels that way to us deprived people. We aren't used to anything. I've got the windows open on a crack, but I do feel a bit of a draft and it's a bit chilly. I'll have to put on my bathrobe over my clothes if I want to keep myself warm enough. I do so dislike being uncomfortable. 

Today I wanted to be on the beach of a tropical island in my bikini with a fruity cocktail in my hand. To me that seemed like the ultimate bliss. I would really like to feel the warm sunshine and the equally warm wind on my body. I would like to be warm all over. If I had to, I would find the shade of a palm tree, but at least it would still be pleasant. I would get a terrific tan and swim in the perfectly clear blue sea and eat delicious fish from the ocean that was grilled over an open fire.

A woman can dream, can't she? There are people doing this right now. 

I mustn't spend too much time fantasizing, although a little bit of it is okay. In your imagination you can do many interesting things and make your ordinary life more fun. When I was in Cabo San Lucas in Mexico, the circumstances were nice enough to make me think I was in a tropical place and I got a good taste of it and will never forget the experience. I can remember it whenever I need to escape in my head and I have more memories like that. 

What I most miss is being warm. 

I've got to fix myself some dinner and make something hot to drink. That should warm my cold bones. I act like it is a cold day in winter. I must be getting old. 

Have a nice evening.

Ciao,

Irene

Very sleepy...

I'm sitting here with a cup of coffee because I need it desperately. I was yawning my head off because I was really in need of a nap but I didn't want to give into the yearning. I know what the problem is. I was up too long during the night and didn't get enough sleep. That's not all that unusual. I have been known to do that before. 

Of course, now we've set the clocks ahead one hour and I'm losing out on time anyway. Not that I mind it. I like gaining the extra hour of daylight in the evening but the day is a bit shorter. I hadn't quite counted on that. It upsets my schedule just a little bit. I took my medicines too late today as it was anyway. Now I'm trying to get back to normal with that.

It doesn't bother me not to take the extra anti-psychotic, but I also tried to decrease my tranquilizers and that didn't go so well. I believe I can't do both at the same time. That's too much to ask of myself and it will have to wait. There was a huge difference when I finally took the tranquilizer after not having taken it in the morning. I felt at ease soon afterwards and that was much better than how I had felt before. 

I mustn't try to do things all at once and in a hurry. It never works out well, but I'm always over eager. I want so much all at once. I think I have bright ideas, but they usually don't work out well. I should only do half of the things I think of. That's more than enough. 

I sat in my sister's garden in the sunshine this afternoon. We were sheltered from the wind because of the fences and it was pleasantly warm. I hadn't been to my sister's house in a long time and I felt a bit awkward. I didn't know what to talk about after such a long absence. It didn't make the heart grow fonder. I didn't stay for a long time and was happy to go home again and be in my own space. I do enjoy my own company the best after all. 

You don't choose your own family and although you may have a lot of things in common, these are not necessarily things you want to be confronted with. They are traits you may not like at all and not want to be reminded of. Maybe they are things you try to not do yourself. Irritating little behaviors that you are aware of and that you don't like about yourself that much. If you see them reflected back to you, it may bother you very much. They may not be things you want to be around for any length of time. 

Like I said, in the end I prefer my own company. I find it easiest just to be on my own and it is the least complicated way to exist. I do agree that everybody needs to be around other people now and then, but I don't think that needs to take up a huge amount of your time. I'm certainly not a social butterfly and get enough of my strokes through the social media and from seeing the odd person every so often. I'm comfortable with myself and I'm glad about that. I have an easy time living with myself. 

There's an element of being afraid to get hurt too, certainly. I think people are unpredictable and I don't like their behavior. A lot of people don't act rationally. They don't act as I expect them to and I find this unpredictability mind boggling. I don't know how to deal with it so I avoid it. It irritates me usually and I get hurt too if I let it. I do arm myself against it. 

I've said enough and I've got to walk the dog. There's still all kinds of daylight and lots of sunshine. There's no shortage of that. It will be a pleasure to go out there. 

I hope you'll all have a good evening.

Ciao,

Irene

Sensibility...

It's about time I write something sensible here, although I'm not sure I'm capable of it. I'm in a good enough mood, that's not the problem. I just may be short of sensible things to write about. I will have to delve deep within myself and see if I can come up with something. If not, this will turn out to be a lot of nonsense. That may have its attractions also, of course. We will see. 

Yesterday I had on a pair of nice lacy leggings that didn't have tight enough elastic in them. Any time I did any sort of walking, the leggings almost ended up on my knees. I kept having to hitch them up in a very unladylike fashion. That looked ridiculous, of course. I couldn't really go out in them, although they looked nice when they were up. I've got to tighten the elastic in them today or throw them out and they are new too. So much for the mishaps. 

Other than that it was an ordinary sort of dull day. It rained on and off, but I didn't mind that one bit. It fit my mood, which was sort of one in which I wanted to hibernate and do cozy things like sit in my armchair and contemplate my navel. The dog decided otherwise and wanted me to concentrate on him and the tennis ball instead. So I tossed it a lot at the danger of hitting fragile pieces of wall decorations. All went well except for how often I had to retrieve the ball out from underneath the sofa.

I had on a mini dress and felt like a young woman. I decided not to look in the mirror to shatter the illusion. It's best not to see your own reflection when you think you look especially good. I'm very good at avoiding looking in mirrors. I just refuse to acknowledge their existence and pretend they are not there. It's best to live in denial and not to be aware of your less pretty bits. They don't need close scrutiny. A glimpse from the distance every so often is more than enough. That's one way to deal with vanity. 

Today threatens to be another dull day that I will have to give meaning to to the best of my abilities. I'm sure I will pull it off like I always do, one way or the other. I do somehow find satisfaction in my own company providing I'm in a good mood and I've had enough sleep. I don't think I'll have to worry about that today. I'm going back to bed as soon as I'm done writing this and I will try to sleep late. That's the best way to get through the dull morning when there's nothing to do. I prefer the afternoons when the sun shines through the living room windows. 

I'm drinking a glass of ice cold milk and, besides freezing my brain, it will hopefully also make me very cheerful. Cold milk does have the tendency to do that. It's also making me burp, but those are the usual sound effects.

I should go back to bed now. The duvet is calling my name. I'm taking my medicines first. It is that time of the morning again. I hope you'll all have a good day. 

Ciao,

Nora

Getting started again...

It's always a bit tough to get started up again after I've woken up from a nap. I try to do it without drinking a cup of coffee, but it's impossible. I need at least two of them to get back to normal. 

I don't know why I'm so stubborn at first to think I can do without. I blame it on temporary brain failure. It's only when I hit total bottom that I realize I have to do something about it and make a pot of coffee.

I'm nearly alright now. I'm working on my second cup. 

For a while there it was touch and go and I knew I shouldn't write anything because it might have come out very wrong. Luckily, I do have an internal censor who keeps me from making major blunders. 

My eyes have gotten used to the glasses, even to the correction for the astigmatism. I miss them now when I don't have them on, like when I wake up from a nap.  

I see these words on the screen ever so much better.

I've gotten used to how I look with them on too and I think my haircut matches them very well. I should remember to put in some earrings so I will look more feminine. I look a little butch right now. 

I am wearing a mini skirt today along with some pretty leggings that I bought yesterday. Nobody can mistake me for a boy. Besides, I do have some feminine curves despite all the weight that I lost. And I do still have breasts.

I took the dog for a long walk this afternoon, but I can't say that it was much of a pleasure. He dawdled most of the time and I had to literally pull him along. He thought there were items of interest under every fallen leaf and there were a lot of them. 

As we walked, showers of leaves fell on us and this was while the sun was shining on us too because it was a nice day. I was dressed too warm in my leather jacket. Just a cardigan would have sufficed. 

I've got to take the dog for a walk now and it's already dark outside. It's tough when duty calls you out into the night, but at least it isn't cold. 

Have a good evening all of you.

Ciao,

Nora

A cup of coffee will help...

It's late in the evening and I've already been asleep. Unfortunately, I was not as lucky as I was Monday night when I went to bed early and stayed asleep all night long. I slept for almost twelve hours then. It was unheard of.

No, tonight I woke up again, but I was sitting here bleary eyed, almost unable to do anything, and I was thinking about going back to bed. Then I realized that I had not had any coffee yet and quickly made some and now I'm having a cup of it. Rather rapidly I'm coming to my senses as the caffeine kicks in. I'm almost coherent now. 

I must have had a shortage in my brain to think I could have sat here without a cup of coffee. I know I can't function without having had the caffeine. I don't know what I was thinking. A general lethargy had a hold of me and it felt as if my body was pulled down extra hard by gravity. Beyond the normal pull that gravity has. 

I had that lethargy in my brain also. Thank goodness for bright ideas and the willpower to see them through. It did cost me some effort to open up the new package of coffee. As always it was vacuum packed and a pain in the neck to open. You're supposed to be able to do that without the aid of scissors and it's quite a trick. It's a matter of honor that I do. 

I don't know how I managed to sleep for almost twelve hours Monday night. I did get up twice. Once to go to the toilet and once to let the dog out back. Both times I was very sleepy headed and stumbled back into bed. I haven't slept like that since I was a teenager. I'm sorry I'm not repeating the exercise tonight. I did have great hopes, but I was foiled in my attempt. 

I alphabetized the bookcase. I thought I was doing a great job, but in the end I was left with about ten books that I had overlooked. I just stuck those in at the end. I can't be perfect and I'll know where they are. I took my time doing that while the domestic help cleaned the apartment. I wanted to make myself useful while she was here. 

I may not be reading much, but at least my books are organized. While I was doing this, I ran into all sorts of books I have not read yet and they did make me curious. I'm going to wait until I get my varifocal glasses and see if they make any difference in my reading ability. I may also dislike reading because I have crappy reading glasses. We'll see. These don't correct for my astigmatism and that may make a difference. 

The weather was dreary today. It was drizzling and chilly. It was not the kind of day to be cheerful about. I suppose you could say that it was a real autumn day in the worst sense. Today it's going to be a lot better and we'll even have some sunshine. I don't mind the cold as long as the sun is shining. I have grown quite attached to sunshine this fall. I've really learned to appreciate it after all the rain we had. 

The dog is trying to convince me that he needs to go out again. He knows just the kind of facial expression to make with that plea. I'm ignoring him for now. I'll wait and see how badly he really needs to go. Sometimes it's just an excuse to go out back and sniff all over the place because the cat has gone out there. 

I've got to think about going back to bed, but of course I'm wide awake now. I will start drinking cold milk and see if it will alter my brainwaves into a different pattern. A more 'go to sleep now' pattern. Sometimes it works. Milk seems to have that effect on me. It's nice if certain beverages alter your brain chemically. You don't have to rely on pills. 

Have a good night all of you.

Ciao,

Nora

Neither here nor there...

I'm actually a little sleepy and may not at all be in proper shape to write a blog post despite the cups of coffee I'm having. I'm occasionally yawning and longing for my bed just a little bit. I'll try to ignore that longing for now and enjoy the time I'm up. I'm having a good enough time other than that. 

I did enjoy reading all the other blogs and leaving comments on them. I may have taken too much time doing that and have used up all my energy. I can only stay up so many hours at midnight before I have to go back to bed to finish sleeping. I tell myself that the cup of coffee I'm having now will see me through writing this post. 

It sure does pack a punch because I made it strong enough to make my hair stand on end. I was overly optimistic when I added the ground coffee. Some nights I get like that and make it so strong that it makes my mouth pucker when I drink it. My stomach can handle that fairly well. Now that I'm not felled by a bug anymore, I can handle just about any cup of coffee. 

I went to sleep early, but was wakened by a stumbling and scratching sound. I didn't know where it came from, but the dog heard it too. We went to investigate and after walking around the apartment for a bit, we discovered that it came from my closet. When I opened the door, a very disoriented cat came out and she had been locked in there for quite some time. I had last put something away in the closet in the afternoon. 

She was very happy to be liberated and wanted a saucer of milk first and to go outside next. She didn't seem to have any hard feelings about having been locked up. The dog thought it was all very curious and investigated the bottom of the closet real well as if he thought about taking up residence there himself. I'm sure he would get claustrophobic immediately. It would not be a good idea. 

I spent the afternoon at my sister's house, sitting in the sunshine, drinking rooibos tea. It agreed with my stomach very well and I think it has healing properties. It and green tea seem to be two of the kindest things I can drink. They don't make me feel full or give me any other sort of uncomfortable feeling, nor do they make me burp. 

The sunshine was kind and benevolent and we sat there in the warmth of it soaking up every ray. We stayed out as long as we could. Today is going to be an equally nice day. We're living under the influence of a high pressure system. The temperatures aren't that high, but the sun shines all day and when you're in a sheltered spot, it's wonderful. We do seem to be blessed on the weekends.

I watched the rugby match final between New Zealand and France for the World Championship and as you probably know, New Zealand won, although France played very well and it could have gone either way. New Zealand had not won it for 24 years since the start of the Championship. I was rooting for either team. 

A lot of football was played and I watched the highlights of it, which I like better than watching the whole games. I do enjoy the commentaries so much, which are really understated. It's the cool Dutch way of everybody keeping their heads together. There's no screaming or yelling or other over exuberance. We are not like that.

I expect to get a phone call today to tell me that my glasses will be ready to be picked up. It will be today or tomorrow. That will make it exactly two weeks since I ordered them. I've waited long enough. 

I'm ready to go back to bed. It's the only place for me to be now. I have no business sitting here any longer. Since it's officially Monday, I do need to get some sleep in order to get up on time in the morning. 

I hope you're all having a good night and that you'll have a good morning when you get up. 

Caio,

Nora

Moving in ever smaller circles...

For some reason I'm totally indifferent to the fact that today is Friday. Really, any day of the week would be alright with me. I have no preference right now. All the days of the week seem to go by smoothly and one day is not actually that much different than the other. 

Today will have its own interesting elements, but none of these will be earth shattering or mind blowing. My life never does take drastic turns like that and I guess I prefer it that way. I certainly don't want too much excitement. A little bit of that would be more than enough. 

I suppose I would like a few highlights besides taking the dog for brisk walks in the cold autumn air. Those in themselves are a pleasure, of course. The weather is perfect right now and it is a joy to be outside warmly dressed. There's enough sunshine to make me cheerful and the dog gallivants around happily too.

I guess I would like a trip downtown with my sister to pick up my glasses, but the optician hasn't called to tell me they're ready to be picked up yet. I will have to wait patiently. I would also like a visit to the hairdresser, but my next appointment isn't until two weeks from now, so that's something I can't look forward to right now. That's something for later.

The Exfactor and the domestic help are going to be here today, so that's going to put some restrictions on my movements. They will both be here for good causes, so I shouldn't complain about it. And I wasn't about to. I guess the nice thing about Friday is that some necessary things do get done and that gets me ready for the weekend. 

I'm starting to yawn and I'll have to go back to bed. First I'll take my medicines because it's almost morning. I like for them to already work when I get up again. It makes the waking up process easier. I also don't have to worry about what time I get up. 

I hope you'll all have a good day.

Ciao,

Nora