Monday morning and ready to go...

It's early in the morning and I suppose you could say that I've had enough sleep. I sort of slept through the night in my own peculiar way. It wasn't quite as perfect as I would have liked it to be, but it came close. I'm more than wide awake now anyway and I've had my first cup of coffee. No doubt that helped me get in this cheerful state. 

It's Monday and I'm ready to start the week. I've had a fairly decent weekend, but I'm glad it's over. I'm always more than ready for the weekend to start, but I'm also always more than ready for Monday to come around. I guess that's not half bad because it means I look forward to both and enjoy the weekend as well as the weekdays. That's been different in the past when I preferred one over the other. 

I had an unexpected outing yesterday when I went to Ikea with my sister and her friend. It was fun to walk around there, but I didn't have much time to dawdle as they were there for a specific reason. We went through the store rather quicker than I would have liked. Still, I got to hang out in the kitchen department for a while and pick out a few things that I needed. 

After we had paid for our purchases, I had a milkshake and it was delicious. I had not had a milkshake in I don't know how many years and suddenly I craved one. I didn't know how my stomach was going to react to it, but it turned out not to be a problem at all. Now I've got milkshakes on my mind and would love to have another one. It's a good thing that this is not possible because I would gain much weight consuming them. 

The weather was atrocious. There was rain and a cold wind and I said to my sister, "Why did our ancestors have to settle in this country anyway?" She took me quite literally and started to explain why. This was when we were exposed to the elements on the upper deck of the parking garage. Not the best timing for it, of course. 

My sister bickers with her friend quite a bit and tries to impose her will on him a lot. Unless he keeps accepting this, I don't see how their relationship is going to have a long and healthy life. It gets on my nerves a lot and I find it hard to be around. I don't think I will be making outings with them like that again.  If I do, I'm going to have to say something about it. I may do that anyway.

I mustn't let that spoil my mood. I'm just finishing my second cup of coffee and I'm about to have a glass of mild orange juice. That will be a real thirst quencher. I have to take my medicines and get dressed and get this place cleaned up. I've got just a few chores to do. 

I've just started yawning and now I'm worried that I'm still sleepy. I don't want to go back to bed because I've got too much to do before the first person shows up. I'll probably end up making more coffee and try to last that way. It's one way to get through the morning. 

I hope you'll all have a good day.

Ciao,

Nora

Boosting my ego...

I was going to very self indulgently write a post with no other purpose than to make myself feel good. It's not that I didn't already feel that way. I just wanted  to prolong the feeling as much as possible and inflate it as much as I could. I suppose I wanted to inflate my ego to huge proportions. I wouldn't have been able to fit through the door when I was done.

I don't know why I had this desire. I had not analyzed myself and I was not about to. I just took it as a given that I had it, although you could say that I really needed a moral boost now that I think of it. The minute I said that I wouldn't analyze myself, my mind automatically started to and I couldn't stop it. I immediately became contemplative and wanted an explanation.  I suppose I do have a Freudian streak in me. 

I also knew that I couldn't get away with inflating my ego simply for the sake of making myself feel better. I'd have to do a more sophisticated job than that. I couldn't pull the wool over my own eyes, much as I would have liked to. 

I woke up feeling pretty full of myself and darn near invincible. I felt that I could take on the world. It seemed that whatever I did and said was exactly the right thing and that I could make no mistake. 

That's all very well if you have no censor inside yourself to call a halt to your own exuberant self or if you choose to ignore that person. I'm not so fortunate and can't go on announcing that I'm the emperor without having a good hard look at myself.

I'm somewhat deflated now down to the proper size. I was getting carried away and it is better this way. I fit inside my own skin again. I have no grandiose notions left. 

That doesn't mean I'm down in the dumps now. It isn't as bad as all that. I do still feel good about myself. I'm just more realistic now and having a good honest look. 

I went on the bathroom scale when I got up and saw that I had to lose three kilos. That weight did sneak up when I overindulged in vanilla pudding last week. I suppose I won't be putting that on the shopping list anymore for quite a while. I don't like the stomach I've got right now. It's kind of round and not very becoming. That's one area that needs improvement. 

That's just cosmetically. I'll have that fixed in no time. 

It's what's on the inside that counts and for the most part I'm not unhappy with that as it could be so much worse. I am seeing the glass half full. Whatever wrench gets thrown into the works, I manage to extract and get things working again. 

I'm managing to drink small glasses of mild orange juice without upsetting my stomach. I think that's a real victory. I thought I'd never be able to do that again and took the chance when I put the juice on the shopping list.

You see, it's the little things that count. 

Have a good day all of you.

Ciao,

Nora

More coffee, please!

I'm brewing a pot of coffee and I have to be patient for just a little while. It will be done in the shortest amount of time. That's the drawback of having an ordinary coffeemaker, that you do have to wait, even if it really isn't for such a long time, but I am a modern human being and I want instant gratification. It's as simple as that. Even I at my age am a product of this era and I want everything available instantly.

That makes me sound like an impatient person and I'm really not. I can have infinite amounts of patience and wait endlessly for some things, but when it comes to the little comforts in life, I guess I'm not patient at all.

In the meantime, I have my cup of coffee and I can get on with things. I don't want to get bogged down in a treatise about patience and the virtue thereof and the benefits for those who wait. Much has been written about it already. You sure don't need my two cents worth on it. 

I've slept well, but I don't know if I've slept long enough. I had some trouble falling asleep last night and I got up after lying in bed feeling very bored and trimmed the hair around Tyke's eyes so he would be able to see better. I imagined that he was very grateful for that and as a result he wanted lots of cuddles and petting, so I laid in bed and provided that for half an hour.

My stomach was upset because of the fruit juice that I had just before I went to bed and I was forced to drink a glass of milk to settle it. That did help. I listened to an interesting political discussion on the radio and slowly drifted off to sleep. I won't get into the long, drawn out subject of the political discussion. A not so popular solution was found to solve a problem that could have ended the majority rule of the government. The opposition is digging in. Swords are being sharpened. There will be a debate. It will lead to nothing. 

That's not such an upbeat subject to blog about. Let's change it to something else. 

Contrary to what I thought, I don't have any appointments today, so today is a day off. I will do laundry and take a shower and wash my hair and generally try to stay out of trouble. I think I will go back to bed in a while and sleep some more. I have the feeling that I'm not quite done yet. I always do get sleepy after I've taken my morning medication anyway, which I just did. 

I can't drink another sip of coffee, I'm so full. My gastric band must have shifted, because lately I've been getting that feeling quickly. Or maybe I just don't handle coffee as well as I used to. I'll switch to milk and see if that makes any difference.

This is turning into a boring account of nothing special at all, so I'm going to end it now and go back to bed. 

Have a good morning!

Ciao,

Nora

Trying for inspiration in the early morning!

I've had my first cup of coffee and the cobwebs of sleep are removed from my mind. I will have my second cup next, after I first take my medicines, because I almost forgot about them. So, I quickly took them and poured my second cup of coffee and now I'm ready to try and write something interesting and inspiring. 

I think my last post was especially dull, but it was written when I was exceptionally tired and not really in the right frame of mind to write a post. I went to bed immediately afterwards and was sound asleep almost as soon as my head hit the pillow. As a matter of fact, I was dozing off while I was still sitting behind the computer, so that shows you what a silly woman I can be. You shouldn't blog when you are half asleep and pretending you're not. Nothing good will come of it. I am such a stubborn woman sometimes, that I think I can't end the day unless I've written a post. The fact that I may not have anything to say doesn't enter into the equation.

So now is the morning of a busy day, but it is still early and I don't feel rushed yet. I will get excited in about two hours when time will start to press. I must shower and wash my hair again, because it is flattened against my head on one side and I look like I've been slapped upside the head and I'm completely crooked. I must make an appointment with my hairdresser and get my hair cut on the sides and in the back. Not on the top, it is the perfect length there. I'm moving away from punky hair and going for a little bit more sedate look, but one I can still make look unruly and mess around with if I want. 

At least I know which clothes I'm wearing today and because It's going to be a cool day, I'll be wearing my cowboy boots. I've not worn them in a long time and it will be fun to put them on again and step around like a tough broad. Not that I especially feel like one. I haven't got that attitude about me at all. I feel more like a kindly earth mother who is all goodness and graciousness and wouldn't harm a fly. The tranquilizers make me much too mellow to be a broad with an attitude and kick ass boots. Come to think of it, maybe I should wear different boots, so nobody gets the wrong impression. Do you think it will matter or will the benign look on my face speak words? 

I've stopped drinking coffee and am drinking cold orange juice now. It's a special brand that's supposed to be very good and I must say that it tastes better than what I usually get. I could easily drink three or four glasses of it. I got it from my sister who had too much of it and an overloaded refrigerator. I'm buying this brand from now on, because I like it a lot better. See how easily I can be persuaded to switch brands? Just put something better in front of me, that's all it takes. I don't care about the price. It's the taste that matters. I had been drinking my juice rather reluctantly and hardly at all lately. It languished in the refrigerator and only when I almost ran out of milk did I drink it. I thought I just didn't like juice very much.

Well, I must get going. It's that time of the morning. I'm not looking forward to the shower, because it is cold in here and the windows are still open. Still, I must be brave and do it. Then I have to go and walk Tyke before it starts to rain. 

Have a good morning!

Ciao,
Nora

 

Pretending...

It's early in the morning and I'm pretending to be awake. I think I am awake, but I'm still drinking my first cup of coffee, so anything is possible. I will know more in half an hour when the caffeine has done its work. In the meantime, I sit here and smoke my cigarettes and blearily look at the keyboard and pick out the right keys to type. Every once in a while I yawn and think I will go back to bed, but I know it would be an exercise in futility. Once I'm up, there's no stopping me and I won't be able to go back to sleep, because I will be too excited about what the day will bring.

So coffee it is and several cups of it. Nice and strong. The kind that puts curl in your hair. Ha ha, if that were true, I would have very curly hair by now. I have no such luck and have to get any curls I want from a curling iron. I do have one of those, but up to now my hair has been too short to use it. I've tried it and all it does is put a kink in my hair. I'm to dignified to walk around with kinky hair. I'll have to let my hair grow longer just a bit. I just may do that.

I have to get dressed on time in case those men come to pick up the sofa and the carpet early to take to the dump. It will be a relief to have them gone, because they are standing in the hallway where I usually park my bike, and they are in the way. That sofa is standing on end in the corner and even Gandhi is not climbing to the top anymore. She did that at first, but the trick has gotten old, just as she never uses her scratch poles anymore, but prefers to use various pieces of furniture, rotating between the ones that are her favorites.

It's going to be one heck of a busy day with people coming and going and me having to go to the post office and the pharmacy at the end of it. I have to pick up some medicines and my nicotine patches, because I'm working on my last pack of tobacco and I'm not sure when I'm going to run out of it. Any day now I could be an ex-smoker. You will all have to bear with me as I go through the throes of cigarette withdrawal. I'll know not what to do with my hands. I better get something to fiddle with. Some rubber bands maybe or paper clips that I can bend out of shape.

Instead of waiting for my sister to take me to Ikea, I've ordered an area rug on line and I just discovered that it is going to be here this afternoon. I hope they get here on time, because I do have to go out at the end of it. It is nice that it is arriving today, though, as I can put it in place and it will be a spot for Tyke to lie down on. He has been sleeping in the armchairs, but he prefers to be on the floor. Usually the delivery person gets here around 3 pm, so I hope that counts for today as well. I will be home, because that's when the Exfactor will be putting together the coffee table. I can't wait to see what it will look like. I do know that it will be heavy, as the flat pack weighs a lot.

I have to get dressed and get the show on the road. It will be the beginning of a long day and I must be ready for it. I've had enough coffee to wind up a cuckoo clock. I think I will switch to fruit juice now.

Have a great day!

Ciao,
Nora

With a cup of coffee...

I've done some more searching for Tyke's photographs, but I'm still not able to find them. I can't take a new one of him now, because it is dark and I don't want to use the flash because it gives him red eyes. I'll take some later today when there's enough daylight in the apartment. Besides, he is sound asleep on the sofa and I don't want to disturb his beauty sleep.

He's truly beautiful and I'm in love with him. I still can't take my eyes off him, although I'm used to how he looks now. Imagine being enamored with your own dog. It's such a pleasure that I truly enjoy. I've never had a boyfriend as nice.

I can cuddle Tyke all day long and not get enough of it. He doesn't wear me out like people do. He's like having a little kid. They're the best kind of people to have around, especially if they are your own. I guess Tyke is just like my child and he allows me to feel unadulterated feelings of love and he gives them in return too. People really do get attached to their pets.

I take pain medication every 6 hours or so. Sometimes I don't wait quite that long and I'm forced to take it sooner. It does help and takes away the worst of the pain and that is a great relief. It makes the difference between being comfortable enough or not. The worst of the pain is in the top half of my back where I have a mild form of scoliosis. It spreads to my shoulders and is very exhausting.

I try to remember to sit up as straight as possible when I sit behind the computer and to not slouch. I push my back against the back of the chair and sit with both buns firmly planted in the seat. Subconsciously, you take on a different position, probably to get more comfortable, although in the long run that doesn't work out. I have keep returning to the proper way to sit and realign my body. It really helps if I keep my hips straight under my spine and line everything up, including my shoulders and my head.

It's starting to be morning. I have been up a good deal of the night. The rain that was promised yesterday and last night never materialized. We did have lots of clouds move in, but nothing came of it. It's going to be cloudy again today, but no rain is forecast. It's supposed to be a cooler day today, but they said that yesterday too and it was warm enough and humid.

Despite my backache, I'm going to take Tyke for a walk in a while in the coolness of the early morning air. The day is best at dawn. His Majesty does need his outing and I can stand the fresh air too. It will be nice after sitting here all this time behind the computer screen, smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee. First I'm going to have a tall glass of milk to quench my thirst and do something healthy. When I come back I'll have a tall glass of multi vitamin juice. It's the simple things in life that you have to reward yourself with.

Have a good day.

Ciao,

Nora

Later in the evening...

I just woke up from a two and a half hour nap on the sofa. There's no doubt about it that I needed it very much, because I was wound up as tight as a spring and not at all in my normal relaxed frame of mind. Needless to say, this was due to my lack of sleep, although that really had not dawned on me so much, until I woke up again and noticed the difference. I had not realized how much the shortage of sleep had influenced my mood.

I'm going to sit here for a while before I go to bed and relax and write this post. I'm not quite ready to go back to sleep yet. First I need to let my brain do some work and have it engaged in some intellectual activity, although it will not fly too high. Imagine that, an intelligent post at this time of the evening. I don't think I have it in me. I'm lucky if I can type and put two or three words together, let alone whole sentences and have them make sense. Well, I'm doing my best anyway.

It seems like this day has lasted for ever and I suppose it has in a way, because those few hours of sleep this morning didn't amount to much. That was just a cat nap, really, just like this evening. If you look at it that way, I have been up for a long time. I don't want to repeat that performance. It's extremely exhausting and nerve wrecking.

I've had two glasses of berry juice and they were good, but now I'm burping. It's most unladylike and it''s a good thing that I'm here on my own, because I'm not fit for polite company. It's wonderful to drink cold juice, though, and I guzzle the contents of the glass down in a hurry. That's how thirsty I get. It's time to switch to cold milk now, otherwise the juice will be gone in no time and I do have plenty of milk.

Tomorrow I have an appointment with my SPN, but it isn't until in the afternoon, so I can sleep late if I want to. I want to, I just want my body to co-operate. I'm yawning now and I just took my sleeping pill and my tranquilizers, so they should start to work pretty soon and then I'm off to bed.

Have a nice might all of you, or a nice day, whichever comes first.

Ciao,
Nora

Rest...

I want to stop being in this drama now. I realize I created it myself, but I did not do it on purpose; it was not my choice. I want it to end and for things to get back to normal, as far as that is possible in my life. I'm aware of the fact that I will never know a "normal" life by regular standards, but I can act as close to it as possible. Or at least try to. I have to give myself a chance to get back on the rails and that includes not rehashing everything every time I turn around. I am wounded, but I'm still alive and I need the opportunity to carry on with things. So, I'm going to ignore emails now that deal with this past weekend and not answer them anymore, because it's just like raking up the coals and starting the fire all over again and very exhausting.

I also want to point out that I have two diagnoses: manic depression and borderline personality disorder, and sometimes it's hard to tell where one ends and the other one begins. Sometimes I don't know if I'm undergoing the rapid cycling of the manic depression or the quick mood changes that belong to the borderline personality disorder. The latter has a lot of drama in her and an overdose of emotions that comes pouring out of her as if her whole house is being flooded. That person is very unstable and things are not good when she has the upper hand. I think she had the upper hand this weekend. That's also the person who self damages as I did this weekend. I cut my wrists, but the knife was dull and I did limited damage.

I talked to my psychiatrist yesterday over the phone. He had gotten the report of the crisis hot line and knew what had happened, but had me tell it in my own words anyway. He agreed on the increase in medication, but said it would take a few days before I would really notice a difference. That's what I thought too. It wouldn't be so that I would take one pill extra and that would be it. He made an appointment to see me next week Monday and I thought that was an awfully long time from now, but I guess it can't be helped. I'm seeing my SPN the day after, because she will be back from her holiday by then.

This is the only time I'm going to talk about the weekend anymore and the aftermath. I went to my GP in the afternoon to have my wrists looked at and they were disinfected and had some strips put on them and they were re-bandaged. They have to stay that way for a week. They are sore.

It's early in the morning and I'm drinking my second cup of coffee. I've had one glass of juice, because despite the fact that I think it makes me sad, I want to get my vitamins in. It's the fresh multivitamin fruit juice that I like so much. The coffee tastes awfully strong this morning. It packs a real punch. I think that's one of the reasons I'm only going to have two cups.

I'm sitting here yawning and I'm really ready to go back to sleep. I will in awhile, after I've taken my medicines. I'm reading a good book called The Stone Diaries by Carol Shields. I've only just started it and I'm already hooked. She has such an engaging way of writing. That's what I'll read this morning before I fall asleep again.

Right, off I go. Have a good morning when you get up.

Ciao,

Nora

.

Two cups of coffee...

I was so exhausted yesterday evening. I sat here behind the computer and almost toppled over from tiredness. I tried to resist it, but ended up going to bed before it was 7 o'clock, I think. It was early, anyway. I had clean sheets on my bed, so it was wonderful to get in it, and I fell asleep almost instantly.

I left the bedroom door open, because I've found out that Tyke pretty much stays there anyway for most of the night and doesn't get into trouble in the rest of the apartment. He's right beside the bed when I wake up. That's good, because I prefer sleeping with the door open. I don't like to be in a room with the door closed.

I've got a bit of claustrophobia that I've learned to live with really well and I do see the need for closed doors. I mean, there are circumstances under which a door needs to be closed, but all the doors in the apartment are open and I even go to the bathroom with the door open so all the animals can go with me.

I woke up very early in the morning and had a glass of milk first for the thirst, but then realized that I really did need that cup of coffee to function well and get the last bit of sleep out of my mind. It did its job and I soon performed up to par, so a cup of coffee does have its uses. Then I took a long time deciding if I was going to have a second cup and finally decided that I would, but this will be my last one, because I'm more than fully awake now.

I remembered to get on the scale this morning and I have lost 3.5 kg since I have been on the new medication. So. if I want to get to the weight that's supposed to be perfect for me and my age, and that is reasonable, I have to lose 14 kg. I think that will happen automatically without me worrying about it. I'm not making any effort now and I'm not obsessed by it. I will remember to get on the scale every now and then and keep track of how I'm doing. I'm not going hungry, but have lost my appetite for food and am easily satisfied. The Nutella is taking care of my craving for something sweet to eat and it's nutritious too.

Drinking fruit juice makes me sad. I've had that suspicion for a while, but now I am sure of it. It seems like a strange theory, but it's true and I'm not going to drink it anymore, because I had clear proof of it yesterday. I drank a glass of it after I hadn't had it for a few days and was sad for a few hours afterwards. I didn't know how to undo it, but wait it out. It finally passed after I had something to eat and took my medicines. People can have an intolerance for food, but I wonder if that can also affect them emotionally. I have a feeling it can. I think wine makes me sad too.

I think it's because I feel so good now most of the time, that I notice it very quickly if I don't and can find the cause and effect quickly too. I think a lot of times emotions are nothing more than the chemical reactions that take place in your body and mind. Shortages and overdoses happen and your feelings are a result of that. Why else do we have alcoholic beverages and foods that are pleasurable and nicotine and drugs? We have pleasure centers in our brains with chemicals that make us feel good. If you have a shortage there, you're not going to feel so good and you'll eat a chocolate bar to feel better, or have a drink, or sniff cocaine or any number of things. In my case, some of those things make me feel bad. They have an adverse effect.

This morning, very early, I heard all the birds sing as they woke up. I could hear them clearly, because all the windows are open at the top and that really does make a difference. It's a shame that their chirping doesn't last longer, because it's so cheerful and I would love to live in a wood and hear all the birds wake up. I can't identify any bird by sound, except the mockingbird, and he doesn't live in this country. We used to have one in our front garden in Costa Mesa and I always liked listening to him.

I've taken my medicines a while ago and high time it was too, though I may be reacting to that second cup of coffee. Maybe I shouldn't have had it, not being used to so much caffeine now. It makes you jittery. It's much better to just stick to the one cup. These are lessons you learn as you go along. You realize what sort of junk you put in your body and how unnecessary that is. More is not better. If one cup works well, than two cups don't work better.

It's cloudy and 12C outside. It's only going to be 13C today, not as nice as yesterday, but still in the double digits. We must remain optimistic and I have the windows open and the heater turned off after all. Oh, I just looked at the 10 day forecast and it doesn't look very good at all. I will be closing the windows again and turning on the heater. Darn, that's a shame. March is not very willing. We'll have to wait until April for the good weather.

I'm going to take Tyke for a walk. He doesn't know that yet and is sound asleep here by my feet. He's already had his breakfast and is now digesting it.

Have a great day!

Ciao,
Nora

In the early morning.

I wemt to bed on time last night, because I was sleepy early, and for a change I am up early also and completely done sleeping. I double checked to make sure, but I really was and felt comfortable enough to get up. I´ve had one cup of coffee, but that´s all the caffeine I need for now and I´m drinking a glass of cold milk now. I think the new medication makes me thirsty, because I´m constantly in need of something cold to drink, and no, it can´t be water. I´ll never forget the insult of my first mother in law when she finally came to our apartment for a visit and said she could only stay for twenty minutes and that all she wanted to drink was a glass of water. Really! By European conventions that is a very bad thing to do.

Well, that´s pulling old cows out of the ditch, as they say, and we won´t do that.

So, I´m wide awake and now it turns out that I can go grocery shopping this morning with my sister after all, so I have to call her at 8 o´clock and let her know. She´ll be pleased to hear it, because we had planned to go at 4 this afternoon when it will be crowded. This also gives me the opportunity to clean the refrigerator before the domestic help gets here this afteroon. I think that´s the least I can do. I don´t want the poor woman to think that her task is hopeless.

I have to make a shopping list of what I have to get, though it´s not that much, at least not a great variety of things. Very much milk and catfood and rawhide sticks for the dog and coffee pads and Nutella! Some other things I´m not thinking of right now, but hopefully will soon.

I´ve lost 2.8 kilos in the past week. That´s good because I had gained 15 kilos this past year or so. It was due to the increase in my antipsychotics. It made me eat more and gain weight. I think they just make you gain weight period. This Welbutrin that I´m on now suppresses your appetite, so you lose weight. That´s better than the Effexor that made me gain weight. My mood stabilizer also makes me lose weight, but that effect had become undone by the effects of the other medicines.

I tried to eat my regular bowl of porridge the other day, but I ate it without the usual good appetite and I haven´t had any since. I have no desire to eat it and that´s saying a lot. I just eat bits and pices of things now and I drink a lot of milk. I´ve even finished the fruit juice and will buy a new container today because I think I need the vitamins even though it makes my ear and head itch where my eczema is.

Oh, I see it´s time to take my medicines. I wasn´t paying attention, so wrapped up was I in writing this post. I also have to get dressed and walk the dog.

Hav a good day, you all. I hope the weather is good for you. It´s supposed to be 7C here and we may have some light rain. Whoopie!

Ciao,
Nora

Sleeping Beauty?

You're all not going to believe this, but I slept 9.5 hours last night. I don't believe it myself, but it's true. It's been many years ago since I slept that long. It's an absolute record breaking event and I should get a gold medal for it, or at least an honorable mention. I got up because I needed to take my medicines and the dog needed to be fed and walked, of course. I might have slept longer otherwise.

It may possibly have to do with the fact that I take my antipsychotics at night now instead of spread out during the day, which made me sleepy in the daytime. It may have to do with the new medication, although you are supposed to get insomnia from that. I haven't noticed that, although I do go to bed later, but I don't lie awake.

Either way, I am so grateful to be sleeping for such long stretches on end. I have wanted this to happen for such a long time, but didn't think it ever would again. I thought I was doomed to a life of cat naps.

I'm trying to drink less coffee too and drink more milk. I can't drink the fruit juice, because it upsets my stomach and makes my eczema itch. I can't drink tea with sugar, because it makes me cough. I haven't tried tea without sugar yet. Somehow it's not as appealing. Cold milk quenches my thirst and is filling. When I don't feel like eating, a glass of cold milk does the job. I don't feel like eating lots of times, which is okay, because my body could feed quite a few cannibals. Coffee was an artificial method to try and make myself feel better, I don't have to do that now. I feel better already.

I'm getting help in the household starting next Monday. This is really someone who comes to clean. First for two hours, but it can be for more if it's necessary. Up to four hours, but I don't think I will need that much time. Isn't that great? It is such a relief to me to get someone in to help me get things back in order and to keep them in order. I will do a little bit of cleaning before she comes, but not too much. It has to stay realistic. I do have a problem that I need help with.

I have to go and bring some order into my life now. Just the ordinary odds and ends that belong to living with cats and a dog.

Ciao,
Nora

Stumbling and fumbling...

I had a pan of noodles on the stove and fell sleep sitting in the corner of the sofa. Some time later I woke up to the smoke alarm. At first I couldn't figure out what was wrong, but I did smell something funny. It took me a minute to figure out that it was the pan of noodles, now burned to a crisp. I opened the kitchen window and the back door and reset the smoke alarm and slowly the fumes left the apartment. It's a shame about those noodles and I won't be able to save that pan, but at least the apartment didn't burn down. We call that 'lucky while being unlucky.' I should have nuked the noodles. They wouldn't have burned. Oh well...

Now I'm sitting here half awake, unable to go back to sleep because of the excitement of it all and slightly hungry. I need to figure out what I'm going to eat instead. There's not that much choice, because I'm not going food shopping until tomorrow afternoon. I'm having a glass of fruit juice for the energy and I can have a bowl of tomato soup later, but I feel like eating short bread cookies. Fat chance! Visions of sugar plums...

Good, the fruit juice is working and now I'm having another glass of it. I'm practically becoming a human being again. I was just beginning to wonder if the gas station would be open so I could buy some chocolate and cookies, but I think I'll live now. A disaster has been averted.

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Of course, I ended up going to sleep after I wrote the above, because I was really keeling over with tiredness. I was just too stubborn to admit it. I was trying to artificially keep myself awake by thinking that if I just ate something, it would pep me up and I would be okay. Common sense prevailed, or should I say, my closing eyelids?

I'm having a cup of coffee with the last bit of milk that I have left. From now on it is artificial creamer. That's not something I look forward to, but at least I've not run out of coffee. That would have been really bad. I bought three bags of pads the last time I went shopping, just in case, and I think I will do that again today. Oh, I have to remember to buy vinegar to clean the Senseo machine. It's high time, because it's not giving me a full cup of coffee. There's hard water deposit in it. Pledge and vinegar, that's what I need to get.

I have an appointment with my SPN today and I had sent her an email explaining to her my intention to quit taking my medications. I know she read the email, because she told me so when she called me yesterday to change the time of the appointment. She didn't say anything about it other than that we would discuss it today, but I do have a feeling of apprehension as though I'm going to have some heavy explaining to do and convincing. But I know I'm also a tough cookie and that once I make up my mind about something, it is hard to change it and I will maintain my right to do what I think is best. I do hope that I'm not going to run into all sorts of resistance, but I'm ready to deal with it. I hope for co-operation.

Well, here I am worrying ahead of time about attitudes that I don't know a thing about. I'm anticipating all sorts of problems that I may not even run into. So I better put my mind at rest and think about something totally different, like, what am I going to wear today? I was thinking about wearing jeans, but I do have to find a nice top to go with them. I so very rarely wear jeans, but I saw them laying there yesterday and thought I might try them on today (with a belt, of course). It means having a good look in my closet for once. I haven't done that in a while. Lord only knows what I'll find. It will be a regular expedition.

Okay, on that happy note I'll leave you. I wish you all a good morning and a happy day!

Ciao,
Nora

Drinking coffee...

I'm sitting quite cozily by the desk lamp drinking my coffee after having just finished a tall glass of fruit juice for the thirst. This time I was smart enough to buy two large cartons of fruit juice, so I have enough left, although I may come to find out that I need three to last me the week. The stuff is so good when you are thirsty and nothing else will do to quench that thirst. Not even cold milk, which I used to think was the best cold drink when I was diabetic and didn't know it and was always thirsty. I would drink a liter of it in one go. Now I just drink tall glasses of juice and I love the slightly sour taste of it, because the juice is not too sweet. I like mixed yellow fruits better than plain orange juice, and no matter how well I shake it, the best is always at the bottom of the carton, because that's where all the pulp is. I could write a treatise on good fruit juice probably.

Jesker is lying right beside me and has tried to get me to get dressed because he wanted me to take him out. He got me to follow him to where me clothes and boots were and then looked at me with sorrowful eyes. Of course, I'm not going for a walk now, he just had to go out back, but he was not quite happy about that. He complained a little bit and then grudgingly went to sleep, but I'm sure I haven't heard the end of it yet. I'm sure in his little brain he's just waiting for the next moment to come along when he can try and lure me outside again. He never forgets.

It snowed during the night and there are a few centimeters. I'm wishing for it to be gone, although it looks quite pretty, but I'm not fooled by the beauty of it and remember very well how slippery it can get if it stays and freezes. It's supposed to get up to 2C today, so it should melt, but there aren't any guarantees. It never did get that warm yesterday either and it snowed in the afternoon, although it was supposed to be 2C then also. In the north of the country there is more snow, so I'm glad I live down here in the south. Those few hundred kilometers do make a difference and we are less influenced by the sea, which makes it a bit dryer and warmer here. It's a good place to live, as climates go, but that's not the only reason. I live in the Dutch mountains.

I finished Animal Dreams by Barbara Kingsolver and have now started her novel Pigs in Heaven. I've read this novel before and also the one that came before it, but it's been long enough since I read it that it will be like reading a new book again. As I read it, I remember bits and pieces of it, but it's still fun. Animal Dreams was an interesting book. There was a lot of sadness in it, but very realistically in that tragedy happens to people in the most bizarre ways and that we have to learn to live with that. There was also joy in the book underneath it all and it does have a satisfactory ending. I don't say a happy ending, because no such thing exists. Well, endings don't exist, do they? One person or the other dies, but the rest of the people go on living. They have to, that's their fate. To carry on the story endlessly until someone can come along and write it down again.

Jesker has given up on me and has gone to sleep on his pillow in the bedroom. I'm surprised he didn't try to change my mind again. I suppose he realized his timing was off.

I just looked outside and see that there are already footsteps in the snow and tire tracks. I'm surprised, it being Sunday. I wouldn't expect anyone to be up that early, or to be out that late. Of course, the cafés don't close until 3 am, so it could be people coming home from a night out. I think some places stay open even longer, but I think that's in the summertime when you can get home when the sun is up. I'm not a party animal, so I don't know much about these things. I haven't stayed up to party all night since I was 26 and it was New year's Eve and I saw the morning coming. That's a long time ago.

It's very nice here with my bathrobe on. I have no desire yet to go back to bed. I am wide awake. I think I will stay up and visit some blogs that I've been neglecting, because I visit them, but very often lately I haven't been leaving any comments and I feel like that's just a bit antisocial. It's like peeking in, but not letting anyone know you've been there. Of course, lately I haven't felt like I know what to say, I've been so empty of words that are cheerful and it's been an effort to say anything at all.

Have a good Sunday you all. I hope your snow melts if you have any.

Ciao!

Early Monday Morning...

It's in the wee hours of the morning and as usual I found it necessary to be up and sit behind the computer when I ought to be in bed sleeping. But hey, there is enough time left for that. I do want to take advantage of the quiet hours before dawn and enjoy the stillness of the night. Already I look forward to the part that comes after this, when I will take my medicines and have breakfast and crawl back into bed with my good book, the end of which I am nearing. I went to sleep very early last night. I was completely done with the evening and ready to call it quits before it was even 9 pm. It was great to get under the covers with a cat by my feet and Jesker on his pillow. I didn't have a snack, which was kind of a shame, and I have to plan my grocery shopping better the next time, but it felt good to lie down anyway.

I was gone from this world in no time at all and slept like a log until I woke up in a sweat and had to get out of bed to cool off and go to the bathroom. Then I went and turned on the computer and made myself a cup of coffee and the rest is history. I do enjoy myself from that point forward, although it is amazing that I can go back to sleep after I have had those cups of coffee that I drink while I am up. I am also out of fruit juice, so I really have to plan my grocery shopping better, because I would be having a glass of that now.

Last night I prepared those packages of books I still have to send. I'm also sending a book to my daughter that I accidentally ordered twice. I lost track of all the books I had, there were so many coming in at one point. I'm going to try and not order any new books this month, because I have enough to read, but it is difficult, because I have so many on my wish list and I'm always discovering new ones. I literally have an itch in my head to go to Bol.com and order a book, but I must contain myself. I first have to read a bunch of the books I already have and then I can order more. You are all witness to me stating this, now watch me break my own rule in the shortest amount of time. I have an addiction. I'm keeping track now off all the new books I have in a notebook. That way I won't make the mistake of ordering the same book twice. The most important thing is to not run out of money.

It's going to be 3C today and you know what? Any time it is not freezing and there is no strong wind blowing, it is pleasant outside. That shows you how quickly you can be happy with the least improvement in weather and how miserable it is to have freezing temperatures and wind. 3C is only 37F, so it's not very warm, but it feels good and so much better than -3C.

I've just had a glass of cold milk and now I will get a plugged up nose, but I was so thirsty for something cold to drink, that I couldn't resist the temptation. That's why I needed that fruit juice. The milk is already making my eczema itch. I can have it boiled in porridge but not cold in a glass. It makes me itch all over. Maybe it was not really worth it. Oh well...

I just offered Jesker a treat, but he walked away in disgust and went to sleep at the other end of the room. He still doesn't want to eat, but he's drinking a lot of water. I have to keep checking his water bowl to make sure there is fresh water in it and not the slobbered kind. He's moving around a bit easier and he's a little more alert. I will try and take him to the field again today and see if he walks a bit better.

Okay, it's time for the next part. I'm going to take my medicines and have breakfast. Yippee!

Have a good morning, you all.

Ciao,
Nora

Strong Coffee...

I fell asleep on the on the sofa at 4:30 pm and woke up two hours later having had a very nice nap. It didn't take much to fall sleep. All I had to do was lie down and close my eyes and I was gone. I remember having to share the pillow with Toby and when I woke up he was still there. It was a wonderful nap, very restorative and one that I absolutely needed, but then again, I need all my naps. There is never a nap that I take that is not a very much needed nap. I always feel that if I don't go lie down right then, I will topple over on the spot and fall on my head and get a concussion. Such is my great need to go lie down and forget everything else. That's why I didn't quite get my chores done today, almost, but not quite.

I did get the kitchen floor squeaky clean with the scrub sponge and some elbow grease and all that nasty evidence of food spillage by the animals is gone. I also mopped the hallway where my bicycle had dripped a huge amount of mud onto the linoleum from the dirty snow outside. I scrubbed the kitchen counter that never seems to get clean enough and always had various stains on it, because it is made of steel with a pattern in it and I dislike it very much. It's a pain to clean and must have been invented by a man who never cleaned kitchen counters. I'm sure of it. I took a break after each job, because my back is bothering me, but other than that there was no problem. It's just the same old spot that always bothers me, right in the middle of my back. It's my weak spot.

I've decided to feed the cats on the kitchen counter from now on, because they spill their kibbles so much and I'm always having to sweep up the spillage out from underneath the kitchen radiator and it is too much work. If I feed them on the counter it will be easier to clean up after them and the dog will not be tempted to eat their food, while he ignores his own kibbles. I don't know why it took me so long to think of this, but there you have it. They sit on the counter half of their lives anyway, so I may as well feed them there too.

For a treat I had a tall glass of fruit juice and peanut butter eaten straight from the jar with a little teaspoon. It was great. It is one of my favorite treats and I like it as much as eating chocolates. I can't eat too much of it, because I do get full quickly, but I savor it while it lasts. Now, I could eat many more chocolates than I could eat peanut butter, but I won't buy the chocolates, because I will eat one box in one sitting and make myself sick eating them. I adore chocolates with a creamy filling. I like real bonbons the best. Chocolates melt in your stomach really well, so I can eat a lot of them without getting full too fast.

Now I'm having my last cup of coffee. I didn't realize what time it was. I'm staying up past my bedtime, but that's okay, I don't have to be at my sister's house until 11 am tomorrow. If I'm smart, I'll sleep late so I won't feel like I have to take a nap while I'm there. That would be highly embarrassing. Imagine having to fall asleep while you're visiting someone. "Excuse me, but I have to go home now to sleep, or let me lie down on your nice sofa here." I can see my sister's face now.

I got another mooched book in the mail today. So far, I've mooched 70 books and I'm waiting for 10 more. I've given away 27 books and just sent 10 and have to send 14 more. So, I'm not doing too badly. I'm starting to run out of room on my bookcase and will have to do a bunch of rearranging. I'm trying to keep all the unread books together, but I may not be able to. They may disappear in the collection. That won't be such a horrible thing, as long as I don't forget about them.

You all know that I have my books arranged by color. That is, all but the mooched books. They are separate. There's a huge temptation to add them to the color arranged books, but I'm afraid of losing track of them and forgetting what I already have. I suppose I could make a list of books that I've mooched. That would be one solution. Actually, that is not such a bad idea, now that I think of it. It would solve that problem quickly, because now I always have to get up and walk to the bookcase and check. Mmm... this sheds a whole new light on my arrangement of the books. I will have to think about that. This may be a little Eureka moment. Watch me rearrange my books now at this hour of the night when I'm at my most brilliant.

It's 2C outside so it is definitely not freezing anymore and tomorrow it's going to be 5C and raining. That's not the weather that was forecast some time ago when they were talking about a white Christmas, but maybe that is for the best, because otherwise there would be traffic jambs. Now, when it is 5C outside, it feels positively warm. There are still icy patches of snow in the places where the sun never shines, but most of it is gone, thank goodness, because it was making a mess.

Alright, I'm wishing you all a merry Christmas and lots of good cheer and lots of good food to eat in good company. Even if that means just the two or one of you with your animal(s).

I've got a job to do!

Ciao,
Nora

Christmas Eve

I slept well last night, about 9 hours, which is not bad when you consider I went to bed early too. I was in bed by 9:30 pm and asleep a short time after that. When I got up this morning, I was not quite done sleeping, but I had to get up on time and be functioning, because my sister and I were going grocery shopping early to avoid the crowds. Well, the whole neighborhood must have had the same idea, because there was already a crowd when we got there. So, we got our trolleys and split up and did our shopping and met again at the cash registers. I thought I had spent too much money, but the total wasn't as bad as I had anticipated, which was a relief. I had bought some extras because of the holidays, because you do have to get into the swing of things a little bit and I had to buy food for Joost, who is going to be here the day after Christmas. He does have a healthy appetite.

After I got home and had unloaded everything, and had eaten breakfast, I went back to bed and slept for another two hours, because I just couldn't wait to do that and while I was waiting for my sister to come and pick me up earlier, I had almost fallen asleep on the sofa. I think it's because I'm back on my old dose of antipsychotics again, but I'd rather be sleepy than paranoid and, let's face it, that's what I was yesterday. As a matter of fact, I just had to call for a new recipe for them, because I didn't realize I was almost out of them and I got my psychiatrist on the line and I told him I was taking three tablets and he didn't complain about it or protest. He's leaving it up to me, which I think is pretty decent of him. I do have to learn my own lessons, after all, and not climb in the phone to him every time something is wrong.

So, today I have to finish cleaning the apartment. I have to get on my knees and scrub the kitchen floor, especially the area where the animals always eat. It's pretty messy there. You can tell it has not been cleaned for awhile. I've got a great scrub sponge, though, that works wonders. It and a little elbow grease will take care of it. Plus lots of sudsy warm water, of course. I'm a great believer in that and it feels good to put your hands in.

I also have to walk the dog again and I hope he forgets it for just a while, because I'm not quite ready yet. I'd like one more cup of coffee before I really get started. I so need that. And I would like to drink a tall glass of juice, because I'm very thirsty, so I suppose I'll have that first.

I just noticed that a cat barfed under the coffee table, so that will be my first clean up job. Oh, aren't I lucky? Fortunately, I have lots of paper towels.

I am most definitely not in the same mood I was in yesterday and I can only assume it is because of the medication and it seems to me that I have tried to do with less before and that it didn't work out then either. I said at the time, that I would never decrease the amount again, but for some reason I had forgotten that or I thought it was necessary. I must remember not to do this, but to stick to this dose no matter what. Even if it does make me sleepy and a bit flat emotionally. It is preferable to how I felt yesterday, which was just awful and not at all the way I would want to go through life. I seemed to have forgotten my common sense and my optimism and I could only see the dark side of things and be suspicious of everything and everybody. What sort of an attitude is that?

Well, I must end this now. All sorts of duties call me. I'm sitting on the edge of my seat getting ready to do them.

Have a good day!

Ciao,
Nora

What I should be doing!

I should be rushing around getting ready and walking the dog before I go to the post office, but I've pushed my pause button and am going to sit here just a while longer and enjoy the not so quite start of the day. Why? Because I can and because the dog is lying here beside me snoring and he has already been out for a piddle and my coffee tastes especially good. Besides that, my mood is extremely good right now and I want to keep it that way for a little while longer and not disturb it with aggravating activity yet. I know the post office isn't open yet, though by the time I'm dressed and walk the dog it would be, but I have time yet and all will get done in the end.

At least my packages and Christmas cards are all ready to go and all I have to do is pick them up and put them in my shopping bag. It may be a bit tough to ride my bike, because there's still snow outside and it is still freezing. I was standing by the back door when the dog did his piddle and shivered. Of course, he took forever, because he had to investigate everywhere and found one spot in particular very interesting and I wonder if there is a hedgehog there that took shelter. It was too cold and snowy to go out in my slippers to have a look. Every once in a while there is a hedge hog out back that wants to look for spots to hide under and the dog is always very curious when he runs into one.

I started my morning with a big glass of fruit juice, but realized very quickly that it doesn't work the way a cup of coffee does and after half an hour, I very quickly walked to the Senseo machine and brewed myself a strong one, which I drank quickly and which restored me to my senses soon after. Yes, I do need my caffeine or I'm a sad camper who does not function well. I'm a typical Mickey Spillane writer who lives on caffeine and nicotine. I should have lived decades ago when it was still glamorous and I could have been a babe and have had interesting cocktails to drink in a rundown office on the backstairs, with a loaded gun in the desk drawer. Such is my fantasy this morning.

I've very quickly read as many blog posts as possible in the little time I allowed myself to do so, because I was up rather late this morning by my standards and that means that I had a good night's sleep. I slept for at least 8 hours and feel quite spunky now. I don't know what's come over me, but for some reason I'm managing to sleep like a regular human being. I do get up in the middle of the night once, but have enough sense to go back to bed and I hardly remember falling asleep again. I'm very fond of my duvet and roll myself into it as if it were a sleeping bag with only the top of my head showing. I think I would like a heavier duvet in the wintertime, but I'm not cold. I think I would just enjoy the weight of it. I must look into that the next time I'm at Ikea. I need a new duvet anyway. This one is getting kind of threadbare.

I put a whole load of laundry through the machine last night and I would love to dry it outside, but the weather forecast predicts 2C and rain, so I think I can't take the chance, which is really a shame, because there nothing like having your clothes dry outside. They smell so good when you bring them back in and put them away in your closet. The next best thing is when all your clothes smell of your favorite perfume. I've also tried those lavender sachets, but I find them next to useless, as I never have any of my clothes smell like lavender and I think it's all just a rip off. I have thought of putting dryer sheets in the closet and hoping that their scent would make my clothes smell good, but I don't know if they would stain them. Of course. all my clothes also smell of smoke and that is an odor that is hard to get rid off, unless you constantly wash your clothes, even when they aren't dirty. That's the kind of wear end tear I don't need, though.

I just checked my bank account and my money isn't there yet. Luckily, I have cash to pay with at the post office. I do have my guardian angel, I tell you. I am concerned about my money not being there and I will have to make a phone call today and find out where it is.

The dog is becoming restless and is giving me the evil eye. It says, "Come on woman, I need to go out," so I guess I better do that now.


It's still plenty cold out and of course I didn't wear my gloves, so the hand that wasn't in my pocket is very cold. It's -4C and the snow is till just as thick as it was yesterday and nice and crunchy. I don't see how I'm going to ride my bike in it, but I'll worry about that when the time comes. It looks very slippery on the streets where all the cars have driven. I'll have to walk in some spots.

Now that I've been out, the spell has been broken and I feel that the day has officially started. That means I can't sit here much longer, although I can prolong the inevitable a little bit. I haven't opened the blinds yet to let the daylight in, although I will do that soon and watch the sun shine on the snow. I hope the weather forecasters got it wrong and that it doesn't rain today and that I can hang up my laundry to dry. I will tempt fate and hang it out anyway and see what happens.

I haven't got anything planned for Christmas and I think I will just pretend it is a day like any other day, but just a little bit more jubilant. I don't have a tree up, nor any other decorations, except for the sparkly branches in the bedroom and the Christmas cards that are hanging on the living room door. I do enjoy getting and sending cards. That's one tradition I will honor. I'm not going to roast a goose or a turkey and I won't be drinking eggnog. I think I have some Bailey's Irish Cream left that I may imbibe in. I do always think of that as a Holiday drink. It's the smoothest stuff I know.

Well, I'm off to hang up the laundry, so I all expect you to keep your fingers crossed for me for dry weather. Just think, all I want is nice smelling clothes. Oh yes, and money in my bank account.

I hope you all have a terrific day and that you have all your Christmas shopping done, because I would hate to think of you having to do your shopping now.

Ciao,
Nora

What is it anyway?

After I had that bowl of porridge this afternoon, I couldn't resist the temptation and laid down on the sofa for just a little while with my book and, of course, I fell asleep for an hour and a half, but it was very pleasant and I don't feel at all like I've ruined it for tonight, because I still feel that I've got plenty of sleep left in me. As a matter of fact, I'm yawning as I write this and tears are running down my face and I'm yawning so hard, that I'm in danger of dislocating my jaw, which I will have to push back in place myself if it does. Everything is crackling and popping every time I yawn. It will have to be part of my self sufficiency, how to relocate my jaw after yawning. Just like changing light bulbs and reconnecting the computer.

The Exfactor always thought that I didn't know how to do those things. He assumed I was helpless. He didn't know I had 22 years experience at being not helpless, at being competent. He was a rescuing knight on a white horse whether you wanted to be rescued or not. He pulled your survival tools right out of your hands and made you unskilled and all thumbs. Some people are that way. They are Super Good Samaritans and don't let other people figure things out for themselves. There are Mother Theresas all over the world in all guises. They are so eager to do good deeds, that they are constantly looking for victims and if they can't find them, they create them.

It feels like it is very late at night already, but is isn't. I've got my pajamas and my bathrobe on. The pharmacy delivered my medication. I just told them to do it and didn't give them a reason why. I very easily could have picked it up myself, but I didn't feel like going out at the end of the afternoon when my prescriptions were being faxed. There's always a lot of traffic then and I do so hate crossing those two intersections at that time of the day.

I've never gotten quite competent at riding my bike again when I came back to the Netherlands. I do a good job, but I always worry about the traffic. I feel very vulnerable after all those years of always driving a car. I feel especially so when my bike is loaded with groceries and I'm glad I live so close to the grocery store, because I worry even over that short distance. I still yell at pedestrians downtown that step of the sidewalk in front of my bike. They are suicidal, but I will have the biggest injuries and when you live alone, you don't want a broken arm. It's hard to go to the toilet on your own with only one arm functioning. I yell, "Watch out, watch out!" I can't ring my bell fast enough. Or at people who walk on the cobblestoned streets, "Will you please go walk on the sidewalk?" Those cobblestoned streets make you rattle and shake as it is. It's hard to keep control over your bike. You just hobble all over the place.

It's all an effort by the city to make the streets downtown look as authentic as possible, but those cobbletones are murder on your bike, or your ankles when you walk on them. Sturdy shoe wear is advised. Ladies with high heels shouldn't go there, you see evidence of them stuck in the cracks. Not the ladies, but the high heels.

I'm having a terrifically tall glass of fruit juice to quench my thirst. Drinking coffee makes you thirsty and this fruit juice is the greatest stuff. It is freshly squeezed and kept in the cooler at the store. I could drink glasses of it, but I do want to make it last and it is high in calories, but it has all kinds of vitamins in it. I drink two glasses of it a day and that gives me a bunch of the vitamins I need. I also drink a lot of milk and as a result my nails grow very quickly and so does my hair. The porridge I eat is high in vitamin B and iron.

Specsavers called this evening and said that the lenses for my glasses were there, so I'm going in tomorrow afternoon to have them put into the frame. It shouldn't take long to do it and I'm seeing my friend Von at the same time. I haven't seen Von in a while and it will be good to hang out with her. No doubt we will sit by our usual café, but hopefully under the awning where there is heating, although it hasn't been that cold outside the last few days and there has been no rain. The leaves are dropping very quickly off the trees, though. It's going very rapidly right now, but some of the trees look spectacular still. Not all of them are equally pretty and only the imported maples are really awesome. Some trees just turn brown and that is it. Some turn yellow and that is much better.

I found the glasses that I had lost. They were in a box in my bedroom that had photos and photo frames in it. I don't know how they got in there and I found them quite by accident, but now that I have them again, I must say that I don't really like them and that I like my old glasses better and that I'm glad that I'm getting the proper lenses put into those. I've tried them out, of course, and I can't wear them behind the computer and do better with them off. It seems the worse my vision gets for far away, the better it gets for close by. I don't know why I thought these new glasses were better for me, because they are not at all attractive. At least, I don't think so. I think I look like a very stern school mistress who should have her hair in a bun and a pencil behind her ear. I look much kinder in my old glasses.

I have creative therapy in the morning and I will be looking at that last painting I made and try to figure out what's missing in it, because something is. It is too stilted as it is now. There's not enough life in it. It needs more abundance, more joie de vivre. I'll either fix it or ruin it. It's a 50/50 chance that I take. That's what skill is all about. Next I need to do a painting that brings me back to the basics. Just the original elements that I started out with, but very well combined. I'm futzing too much now with other little details and I don't want to do that. It distracts me from my main design. That's what I need to get back to.

Why is it that I get oodles of energy the later the night gets? I really enjoy myself late at night, that's when I feel best. I'm complete in my satisfaction and contentment. I will take my medications now and maybe that will slow me down. I need to get sleepy now and not excited about being up.

Alright, I think I have made this post long enough. I don't want the length to be overwhelming. I hope you all have a good night's sleep and I will "see" you all in the morning, fit as a fiddle.

Ciao,
Nora

HIgh Noon!

I've had one mug of coffee and a tall glass of fruit juice since I've been up and clearly that's not enough, so I have to make up the shortage quickly. I just made myself a double Senseo and its creaminess is beckoning me to drink it while still too hot. Do I risk a burned tongue?

I'm so glad today is Sunday and nothing is really expected of me. I have to put the clean dishes away, but that will be done in one minute's time, and I have to water the plants, which I neglected to do yesterday, and that is another minute's time. I've already walked Jesker the long way around and called my older sister and wrote emails and read some blogs.

The Exfactor is not coming over. I've called him off. I had such a good time while he was gone on his vacation and I didn't see him for ten days, that I didn't really want to see him again. He had gotten into the habit of coming here twice a week for a cup of coffee and I don't really want that anymore. I told him I wanted to see him if it was really necessary and not just to sit and chat about nothing over a cup of coffee.

We never have very important conversations anyway, because the Exfactor doesn't share a lot and he doesn't listen well to me. I want to be more independent of him and not rely on him for every little thing that goes wrong. I don't want him to assume that he can just drop in here whenever, letting himself in with his own keys.

The experiment with the Oxazepam failed. Yesterday afternoon I noticed that I became very agitated and uneasy and I immediately took the missing dose and very quickly felt much better. I suppose that after a few days my body started to notice the difference and wanted what was missing. I don't know why I get it in my head to change doses anyway, while everything is working fine. I guess I always want to prove to myself that I can do with less, especially since the Oxazepam sometimes tends to make me feel sleepy.

Although that may be intrinsic to myself and part of my mood changes. It seems I get very tired before I have a mood change, possibly before I get hypomanic, and I need to keep an eye on that.

I feel sleepy right now, but I refuse to go and lie down, though the sofa beckons. I won't do it unless I teeter from sleepiness. I slept very well last night and although the alarm clock went off at seven, I have no memory of shutting it off and slept until 10 am. So did Jesker on his pillow beside the bed.

By the way, his eyes are looking very good. There is no redness below his upper eyelids and I think that for now the infection is gone, though I keep applying the ointment and I won't rest easy until we've seen the vet. It will be a minor miracle if it's gone. I worried about him getting a bath and it irritating his eyes, but I needed not have been. If anything, it seemed to have helped.

Laurie's Boscoe just turned fourteen and he has diabetes as well as cataracts, but he seems to be doing great and it gives me great hope for Jesker who is twelve. Cocker Spaniels don't get that old, but I hope to have Jesker with me for a few more years.

Well, I guess I'll go do some ironing and the other little chores now. Three chores and then I can sit down again, that's the rule. I hope I don't give out ahead of time.

Have a lovely day. I'll be back here later.

Ciao...