Another thrilling Sunday...

I just came home from seeing my sister where I sat in the garden and got a bit of a tan on my exposed body parts and sun burned knees that were previously white. It is a funny sight to see and makes me look very colorful. I'm white and tan and red.

I'm going to have to rub lotion all over myself so I won't dry out because my skin is not as young and supple as it used to be. I'll have to take care of my face especially if I want to grow old gracefully. There are already fine lines there and I don't want them to turn into grooves because I can't afford a facelift to smooth them out.

I've had to make myself some coffee, feeling on the verge of having to take a nap, and now I'm drinking a cup and am slowly recuperating. The caffeine is doing me good like I knew it would. I won't have to take a nap now and will be able to go to bed at a sensible time tonight.  It will be after I watch the latest thriller because it is KRO Detective Month and there is a thriller on every night. It is so exciting and they have been British and Swedish so far which is very good. I really do get my thrill and can't get enough of them. More is the motto.

I watched the very disappointing football match between The Netherlands and Denmark and in the end I was wishing for Denmark to make another goal, that's how disgusted I was with the Dutch team. The Dutch were so arrogant beforehand and said we would easily beat the Danes. Sure...

I also watched the match between Germany and Portugal and that was only a little more exciting. It's not football of the first rank so far. I will watch the matches that will be played tonight if that doesn't interfere with watching my thriller. My thriller almost definitely comes frst. It depends on how exciting the other teams and matches are.

Now I've got to eat, my stomach is growling.

Have a nice day.

Ciao,
Irene

Neither here nor there...

I'm actually a little sleepy and may not at all be in proper shape to write a blog post despite the cups of coffee I'm having. I'm occasionally yawning and longing for my bed just a little bit. I'll try to ignore that longing for now and enjoy the time I'm up. I'm having a good enough time other than that. 

I did enjoy reading all the other blogs and leaving comments on them. I may have taken too much time doing that and have used up all my energy. I can only stay up so many hours at midnight before I have to go back to bed to finish sleeping. I tell myself that the cup of coffee I'm having now will see me through writing this post. 

It sure does pack a punch because I made it strong enough to make my hair stand on end. I was overly optimistic when I added the ground coffee. Some nights I get like that and make it so strong that it makes my mouth pucker when I drink it. My stomach can handle that fairly well. Now that I'm not felled by a bug anymore, I can handle just about any cup of coffee. 

I went to sleep early, but was wakened by a stumbling and scratching sound. I didn't know where it came from, but the dog heard it too. We went to investigate and after walking around the apartment for a bit, we discovered that it came from my closet. When I opened the door, a very disoriented cat came out and she had been locked in there for quite some time. I had last put something away in the closet in the afternoon. 

She was very happy to be liberated and wanted a saucer of milk first and to go outside next. She didn't seem to have any hard feelings about having been locked up. The dog thought it was all very curious and investigated the bottom of the closet real well as if he thought about taking up residence there himself. I'm sure he would get claustrophobic immediately. It would not be a good idea. 

I spent the afternoon at my sister's house, sitting in the sunshine, drinking rooibos tea. It agreed with my stomach very well and I think it has healing properties. It and green tea seem to be two of the kindest things I can drink. They don't make me feel full or give me any other sort of uncomfortable feeling, nor do they make me burp. 

The sunshine was kind and benevolent and we sat there in the warmth of it soaking up every ray. We stayed out as long as we could. Today is going to be an equally nice day. We're living under the influence of a high pressure system. The temperatures aren't that high, but the sun shines all day and when you're in a sheltered spot, it's wonderful. We do seem to be blessed on the weekends.

I watched the rugby match final between New Zealand and France for the World Championship and as you probably know, New Zealand won, although France played very well and it could have gone either way. New Zealand had not won it for 24 years since the start of the Championship. I was rooting for either team. 

A lot of football was played and I watched the highlights of it, which I like better than watching the whole games. I do enjoy the commentaries so much, which are really understated. It's the cool Dutch way of everybody keeping their heads together. There's no screaming or yelling or other over exuberance. We are not like that.

I expect to get a phone call today to tell me that my glasses will be ready to be picked up. It will be today or tomorrow. That will make it exactly two weeks since I ordered them. I've waited long enough. 

I'm ready to go back to bed. It's the only place for me to be now. I have no business sitting here any longer. Since it's officially Monday, I do need to get some sleep in order to get up on time in the morning. 

I hope you're all having a good night and that you'll have a good morning when you get up. 

Caio,

Nora

Frustratingly shallow...

I've been up for a while and have been drinking my delicious cups of coffee. It took me no effort at all this morning to make a pot. I was wide awake when I stepped out of bed and more than ready to start the day. I even had to make cigarettes, having depleted the supply I had last night. I did it with the greatest of ease, as if it was no problem so early in the morning. That goes to show you that I was free of grumpiness and that I immediately was in a good mood. I am an early riser and I get out on the right side of the bed. Luckily, my bed is positioned in the right place.

I have visited blogs and sent emails and now I should be more than ready to write a blog post. I just need for my imagination to wake up. I think that will take another cup of coffee. I wish I could visit the place in my head where my imagination lives and see what size it is and what form it has and if I have a lot of it. Maybe then I could learn to depend on it. I think a lot of times it is hidden by my need to want to be logical and to want to make sense. It would be better if I could give it free reign and set it loose.

Circumstances also dictate how poetic I can get. If I feel that I have to be in charge and be the responsible adult, I'm not as likely to let down my boundaries and give myself over to my more lyrical side. The one who spends more time with her head in the clouds and her feet lightly lifted off the ground. Like a balloon drifting around just without reach. I have been known to spend large periods in this state of mind and be very prolific. I was attached to the earth by a gossamer thread.

Nowadays, I try to stay more grounded than that and to have both my feet firmly planted on the ground. This does hinder the free flow of my more poetic ideas. It's hard to be lyrical if you don't spend time in the higher spheres. If your firmly attached to all that's worldly. I don't allow myself many flights of imagination. Nor do I see as much overwhelming beauty in the world around me. I've become a bit more cynical than that and I have to find a new form to express that side of me. I do want to see the beauty with unbiased eyes, but I also see the fragility of it and the fact that you can't grasp and hold it.

The love that you felt for things only becomes a memory when you can't go back and rediscover them. You can only continue to love them if you keep living with them and I have not been that fortunate. I have had a lot of experiences, though, and I have an enormous source of material to dip into. The fact that I don't do this, speaks for itself. I consider them a closed book and I rarely open it. I want to keep them locked up in the chambers of my mind and not wax lyrical about them lest I get too sentimental and teary eyed. I must not start to think that one stage in my life was more beautiful than the other.

I prefer to think that the one I'm in will turn out to be the best one and that this is the one that I will in the end be lyrical and poetic about, but in a sober minded way. The way a Dutch person can be lyrical in a stark and barren way that does not show too much emotion lest he makes a fool of himself. There's to be not too much passion. We are Calvinistic people, after all, even if some of us are Catholic and more Burgundian.

I still don't know where my imagination lives. I think it lives in a state of mind, though, when you're disconnected from too much reality and when you are in a loftier and more ethereal space where the air is thinner, high up a mountain somewhere, very solitary. Maybe that's why I seek so much time alone. To get in touch with that place, where the foothills and the shrub oaks live and where the sun shines relentlessly in the bright blue sky. It's only an illusion. The rain comes down outside and it's another gray day and that's reality and I don't mind the rain. That's been established.

I live my life accordingly and adapt myself to the circumstances, but I can make the best of them. Kindness abounds, after all, and that wasn't always the case.

Ciao,

Nora

It's not the fun it used to be.

I took another nap on the sofa later in the afternoon. It was very refreshing and I can recommend a nap to anyone who is out of energy just a little. Don't eat, take a nap instead and then have a nice cup of coffee to wake up with. I think we all have the tendency to take in carbohydrates when we get tired, but we don't need them. It's best just to go lie down for a little while and sleep. Unless you wake up ravenously hungry, of course. You better have someone handy who has cooked dinner for you and you can sit down and eat a healthy meal instead of too many cookies or chips.

Luckily, I don't wake up hungry. I'm always thirsty and usually grab a glass of cold milk first. Low fat cold milk, that is delicious. I would buy whole milk, but for the calories and the guilt. I'm sure it makes a difference, because I drink a lot of milk. It's one of my favorite beverages, that and coffee. They say that Dutch people are so tall because of all the dairy products that we use. Could be, but I'm only 171 cm, so a little on the short side. That's 5 feet 7 inches for you Americans.

The reason for the title of my post is that the last few days, blogging hasn't been as much fun as it used to be. I hope this is a temporary condition and that it happens to everybody. Actually, it has been longer than a few days, but I always tell myself that once I'm writing things will look better and that I will get the hang of it again. You know I don't usually miss a day, unless I can't help it, and I write many posts. Now when I sit here, I sit here for a long time and scratch my head and think and wonder what in the world I'm going to say to you. I think this may be the new dull Nora, whose imagination has not taken a flying leap to the stars with her.

Just think of it, a whole new dull me with an under developed imagination. No highs, no lows. just a mediocre woman. Wait, I think I made that claim before and then I became hypo manic, so I better watch my words. I don't want to pull the sky down on myself.

Well, this is it then for tonight. I will go and do something else useful. Maybe go to sleep early.

Have a good night.

Ciao,
Nora

Good boy!

I think Tyke hasn't been naughty in three days now. He's done dumb things, such as knock over a glass of juice, but he hasn't been naughty and he's really listening to me. That makes me feel good, because I get the feeling that he's trying to please me, so when I say "no", that really means "no" to him. Of course, I have to knock on wood now just to be on the safe side, because he may get it into his head to do something any minute now and put me to shame. No, he's been great. He sleeps when I sleep and when I'm behind the computer he amuses himself with Gandhi or he sleeps beside me. Housebreaking is going well too, he's not having any accidents anymore and comes to warn me when he needs to go out. Of course, these warnings are very subtle and could be mistaken for signs of affection, but I'm tuned into him well enough to know what they mean and I'm usually right.

His favorite places to lie down are on top of the coffee table and the back of the sofa in front of the window where he can watch the world go by. I've removed just about everything from the coffee table, because he gets on it as easily as if it were any other piece of furniture and he walks onto it from the sofa as if he was walking onto the sidewalk. No amount of saying "no" has made any difference. I can say it 100 times and he will get on it 101 times. He has no sense of decorum. The back of the sofa is perfect for him, though, and I love to watch him watch life in the street. He likes it when I open the blinds in the morning and he can look outside, just like the cats, so I have a whole menagerie sitting there.

Okay, that's enough about that dog now. I do carry on, don't I? Goodness, you'd think I was the proud parent of a toddler.

Because I was out of money and out of supplies, my sister was a good sport and bought me some groceries today and I was much relieved. I should get my money tomorrow, but that is a day too late. It's because I spent so much money getting Tyke that I ran out this month. He was an unplanned expense. That happens sometimes and he was too special not to get out of the shelter. I couldn't leave him there. That cute little monster.

I took a long nap this afternoon and you would think that I'd be all done sleeping now, but I'm already looking forward to getting into my pajamas and bathrobe and getting ready for bed tonight. First I'm going to watch the Olympics on TV and see how badly the Dutch are doing with our one gold medal.

Have a good evening!

Ciao,
Nora.

Lazy Sunday...

I am planning on having a lazy Sunday. That includes taking many naps and hanging out behind the computer and watching interesting, I hope, programs on the television. I want to have a day of sheer self indulgence and the least amount of responsibility. Well, I'll take care of the cats and walk the Überhund, but other than that I will contemplate my navel and stand in front of my closet and look for pretty clothes to wear. Maybe something good will jump out at me.

Then I'll look in the bathroom mirror and see if I have any stray hairs on my chin while wearing my extra strong set of spare reading glasses that I can't wear behind the computer, but that are perfect for rounding up stray facial hairs. Yes, I am at that age of confused hormones that can't decide if I am still enough of a woman not to grow a beard. It's the curse of womanhood and hardly ever talked about. Luckily, they are all blond and not easily seen by other people.

I will contemplate my navel while drinking mugs of decaf and smoking handmade cigarettes and think about such issues as will I part my hair to the left or the right, will I make it curly with the curling iron or just leave it straight and what will I do about the two kilos that I gained and will I be able to loose them by next week? See here the uncomplicatedness of my thoughts. I keep them that way on purpose and selectively think that way, leaving the larger issues for other moments when I am more willing to tackle them head on at braver moments.

I will pet the Überhund and have several cats sit on top of me and not be bothered by the addition of hair to my black cardigan, if that is what I end up wearing. I will wear my Pippy Longstocking leggings of which I have 3 pairs in different colors and feel amused and silly by them.

I will also, probably, contemplate the walls, which need a coat of paint, but the thought of that is too daunting for me, so I will not dwell on that too much. Better think of collages and colors and images and texts and that tomorrow is Monday and I can go to creative therapy again.

So you see, I will have a busy contemplation time and hopefully sometimes my mind will wander into an area of nothingness and be as blank as an unwritten piece of paper.

I was such a daydreamer as a kid, that very often I was oblivious of what happened around me and had to be called back to reality with some effort. This gave my parents the impression that I was somehow not quite functional, as in dysfunctional, and they worried about my state of mind. They expected little of me and were surprised when I did well. I daydreamed my way through grade school and didn't wake up until high school where I had to keep my wits about me.

Sometimes, I have a hard time understanding what people say to me and I either fake it and pretend that I heard them, or I ask them to repeat themselves. It all depends on how comfortable I feel with that person. Sometimes this creates misunderstandings, because I don't react in a way that is expected of me in response to what has been said to me. I think people must think I'm a bit of an airhead, when really I just didn't understand the words they spoke to me. It was the tower of Babel to me. I like people who articulate well and speak loudly. I've had this problem my whole life.

I learned to speak up and clearly when I lived in the States. I acquired one of those loud American voices. Hearty and cheerful. I could small talk with the best of them and no subject was out of my realm. It was a problem when I came back to the Netherlands, because I had forgotten so much of the language and I became timid and self conscious about speaking out my thoughts for which I had no words. I was verbally handicapped and could no longer small talk, let alone talk about the big issues. I always reverted back to English.

It split me in half and I was only half a person and I didn't recognize the Dutch one and had a hard time coming to grips with her. I reverted back to being a child in my dependencies and felt very helpless. I had to carve out a whole new woman. A Dutch woman with an American tint. It took me quite a while to give shape to this person and the mastery of the language was a very important part of this. The problem was that my thoughts and my dreams were in English, so I constantly had to translate myself.

I have been here 15 years now and I think I have made the transformation, but I still love the use of the English language and in a way, it will always be my first language in which I can say a whole bunch of things that I can't say in Dutch. Depending on the subject and the characters, I either dream in English or in Dutch. I can say endearments in Dutch now and swear in Dutch now also, so I have come a long way.

I don't daydream much anymore. I've become much too alert for that. I am constantly monitoring myself, as I always keep track of my inner self and its state of mind. Aberrations are dealt with immediately. I will keep an even keel. There will be no tilting to the right or left. My state of mind is like a child that needs a guiding hand all the time and needs to be led on the right path constantly, lest it strays away too far from its destiny. That's the kind of discipline I've taught myself over the past years.

I am Dutch enough now to care a great deal about what happens inside this country and I bend myself over the big issues and form opinions on them. It's a good country to live in and most people are of good will. The politics aren't obviously corrupt and when you vote, you get the feeling that you make a difference. Things could be better and there are a lot of conditions I would change, but I can only achieve that by voting. At least I can vote, which I was never able to do in the States, not being a citizen of that country.

The best part about being dutch is, that I have found my pragmatism again and my sensibility, but maybe those are European traits. I am not a flag waving, take it or leave it Yankee. I know that is a broad statement, but you get my drift. Things rub off on you.

I think if there is anything Dutch people abhor, it is nationalism, having come in contact with that in an extreme form during world war II, We suspect anyone who starts spouting that kind of nonsense. It goes against our grain, even though secretly we are proud to be Dutch, we don't like to be organized in a group of fatherland lovers. We don't salute our flag and hardly know the words to the national anthem, but don't attack us as Dutch people, because we do have our pride. We pour scorn on ourselves, but don't allow an outsider to do it.

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I've been out walking the Überhund. It isn't very cold out, 3 degrees Celsius. That does make difference between freezing and not freezing. It was almost balmy. You get used to anything when it is cold and appreciate any rise in temperatures. It was overcast, but it is supposed to be sunny today. A meek little sun that hardly warms the earth, but does its best anyway. Its going to be a bit warmer in the next few days. All is well as long as you wear layers of clothes.

Here in the South, people are very chauvinistic about their language and lifestyle. The language is spoken by high and low and the life style is Burgundian, with the emphasis on good food and drink. There are many good restaurants and many fun cafés. Downtown is a perfect area to get lost in and do nothing but move from one café terrace to the other to get different views of the old buildings. You can have cappuccinos with cookies all afternoon, though you can alternate those with glasses of white wine or good beer from the local breweries.

There is nothing wrong about being a woman on your own and going into a café. Nobody will bother you and you very leisurely can have your drink and enjoy the noise and activity around you. I have never seen cases of drunkenness during the day and everybody is in a good mood.

Th best thing about living here is that it is a city, but it feels like small town, because it is compact and you can get around by foot or by bike. Once you learn to understand the language, you don't feel like an outsider so much. A Hollander.

Well, that's about all I have to share with you today. Don't forget to read my post below about the medicines.

Have a great day.

Ciao...