Splendidly...

I'm sitting here at the end of the day having a splendid time all by myself in the pleasant company of my animals. It is evening now after a beautiful day with lots of sunshine and the sun has just set. I am ready for a good night at home. I have all the comforts I need and am in a good mood. There's not much that can go wrong now. It is Friday evening and I'm ready for the weekend. 

I didn't have too exciting a day. It went by rather quietly. It was the usual Friday in the company of the Exfactor and my domestic help. They were both pleasant enough to be around and the groceries got done and the apartment got cleaned. What more could I ask for? Fridays always are good days when it comes to that. I do so appreciate the kind deeds that are done for me. 

The best news I had was that my older sister probably has gall stones and nothing worse, although she still has to talk more extensively to her doctor on Monday. There seems to be nothing wrong with her liver and that is a huge relief. I am so glad. I am tremendously cheered by this news because I was expecting something worse. She sounded a lot better over the phone also. 

Imagine being happy about gall stones. 

I am probably slightly hypo-manic now, but I'm making the best of it and enjoying myself as well as I can without letting it get out of hand. I'm bubbling over with happiness. The world is truly my oyster. I feel like I can handle anything at all now. All by myself I'm the happiest person on the block. Don't you think I should take full advantage of that? 

The dog's eye is getting a lot better. He has stopped blinking with it and there's no longer any junk coming out of it. I have to apply the ointment for a week and will do that. It looks a lot better too and he's so good about me applying the ointment. It's like he knows that it's good for him. He's a very trusting animal. 

I wore my tough broad boots today. I hadn't worn them in a while and they truly made me feel like a tough broad. I had forgotten how comfortable they are.They are properly beat up too so they look well used. I really should give them a good shine but I don't have the right polish. I should put that on the next shopping list. I'm sure they would look even better if they sparkle. I don't know if that would make me look tougher. 

Tomorrow it's going to be cooler than it was today and we will have a few showers, but that won't bother me. I don't mind a little bit of rain. It can be quite cozy when you're inside. No doubt nature needs it right now the way everything is growing so rapidly. As far as I'm concerned, springtime is here and nothing can stop it now. 

That's what makes going for walks so much fun. There's always something new to discover in people's gardens. What wasn't there one day, is there the next. There's  always a surprise. Even my own jasmine bush, scraggly as it is, is getting lots of buds on it. The little trees will be next. 

I've got to make myself some coffee to drink. I'm in need of some caffeine. I haven't had a cup in the longest time. I've been to busy to make a pot. My brain will welcome the stimulance. I will be all straightened out in no time at all. There's nothing like a cup of coffee to set your world right, even when you think it already is.

Have a good evening everyone.

Ciao,

Irene

Irene's Dutch Diva Blog

Symbols of freedom...

I woke up slowly out of my deep slumber this night and before I had even opened my eyes, I felt happiness and contentment throughout my body and mind. It was both a physical and emotional experience. I felt as if I was a little kid and had remembered that it was the day of my birthday. I hope you can all recall that feeling of anticipation. 

I have no special reason to feel that way. All I've done is quit taking my last tranquilizer last night. It's possible that this action is causing me to feel this way and I welcome it, but it may be all a figment of my own imagination and merely symbolize the liberation of another pill.

I do feel less drugged and completely not sedated even though I've still taken my fall asleep pill. I don't know how much it influences my state of mind. It stops working after a few hours, so I think it's out of my system now, but I can't be sure of that. I may be fooling myself if I claim that it is.

Not taking the tranquilizers is a huge step toward the liberation of my mind. I hadn't realized what a drugged state it had been in all this time. When my psychiatrist told me that getting off the barbiturates was the most important thing, he wasn't kidding, although I didn't pay much attention to his words at the time. I almost dismissed them.

***

Yesterday was a sunny but blustery day. It wasn't too cold, but I did wear my leather jacket and my cowboy boots. Those are a pleasure to wear and make me feel real tough. I feel like I can really go about my business when I wear them. 

I had an appointment with my psychiatrist and my SPN  and rode my bike over there. The wind was so strong that I almost got blown sideways a couple of times, but I managed to hold my course for the most part and ended up where I had to be. 

My hair got blown all over the place and that's why it's nice to have it cut short. Not much damage can be done to it and it mostly does end up in the style that you want it to be. It does remind me that I have to get it cut again soon. It does grow awfully fast. 

There were lots of clouds in the sky and it looked like the kind of sky that you see in the paintings of the Old Masters. The clouds were enormous, but somehow the sun managed to shine around them. 

When I returned home, I had the wind in my back and I rode my bike almost effortlessly. I never had an easier ride. I felt like I was in great shape, though in reality I am and I now have strong pedaling thighs. I don't tire easily, though I wouldn't want to have to ride my bike on a bike path on top of a dike into the wind. I couldn't manage that. 

Because I got up so early yesterday morning, I did end up taking a nap in the afternoon, but I figured it was good for me because I needed a little time out to put my brain to rest. Even if you spend lots of time being quite content, you need a little break to let it all sink in. 

The dog was more than ready for a little snooze and happily settled on the bed with me. I had put clean sheets on the bed, so it was wonderful to get into. 

I'm going to get back into that bed and sleep a while longer. It's not nearly dawn and I don't have to start the day yet. Mornings start later and evenings begin earlier. It is that season of the year. 

Have a great day.

Ciao,

Nora

In the black blue yonder...

It is in the wee hours of the morning again and I have been up for awhile. I'm drinking my second cup of coffee and am incredibly thirsty. I'm almost out of milk and will have to take powdered creamer in my coffee shortly, which is not a pleasure to me, but it is better than drinking it black. I have not had my coffee black in a very long time and I don't like it now. I'm also almost out of lemonade, so things are dire. I do have a bottle of lemon juice that I can make lemonade with if I add enough sugar and I will try that next. It will be a real thirst quencher if a make it not too sweet.

For some unfathomable reason I decided to stay up after I had gotten up to go to the toilet tonight. I didn't want to go back to sleep and decided that was boring. I decided I had better things to do with my time. Well, you can guess what those things were, right? Sitting behind the computer and wasting my time that way, because it's so nice to be up in the middle of the night. I'm so incredibly clear headed, after all. Actually, I'm over courageous and make bold statements in the emails I send out. I try to tell myself, though, that it's the real me speaking and that it's the real way I am. A tough broad with an attitude. One that can't be easily labeled and fit into a box. It's time to give that person some breathing space.

The early birds are singing in the hour before dawn. They are full of good hope like I am. They must know the secret to a happy life. I'm now going to see how long it actually takes for it to get light. I think it will be in another 20 minutes or so.

I have a great desire to hit the open road and to keep going through the endless countryside until I come to my destination, which I will recognize when I get there. That's what I used to do when I lived in California and had my car. I loved traveling and going to unknown places. Little towns on the coast with roadside restaurants and small supermarkets to buy supplies at and a motel to spend the night. A bottle of wine, a can of oysters and a box of crackers to have for the evening. A six pack of cokes to start the day with, my own company and a walk through town. Those were the days of freedom. I have fond memories of them.

They sure are in shrill contrast to the relatively sheltered life I live now. I couldn't be further removed from that person I was then to how I am now. I must try to regain some of that old spirit. I must get back to my liberated roots. My emancipated self who had set herself free, but who I subsequently grew fearful of. I thought she was a dangerous and unpredictable woman, when in fact she was wonderful, if not a little unguided. I have experience on my side now and could use her very much. Maybe we will be witness to a new liberation. Maybe I will set that woman free again. I must embrace her points of view and her attitude and not reject her stand in life. She had a valid vision that I must no longer reject. I must own up to it. The sooner we set that woman free, the better.

I realize that I have been rejecting a large part of me and keeping that part from existing by sheer willpower and force. It's been misguided shame and guilt that has kept me actively doing this from the middle class rules of morality that I find myself submerged in. They are not my rules and I reject them, but I've been trying to conform to them all this time, walking on a tightrope that had me constantly off balance in a very precarious situation. It's time I got over that good and well, and got back to my own set of rules. My own sense of morality. I'll decide how morally solid I am. I will use my own guidelines. I'll make up my own mind about it.

It's been dawn now for a little while. The first birds have stopped singing and I'm waiting for the second set to begin. It's very appropriate that it became dawn as I was writing this. My timing was accidentally excellent.

I've had the last of the lemonade and I think I will have the last of the milk too. I'm so thirsty. It looks like it's going to be a beautiful day. I have to go water the potted plants in my sister's garden. I will do that this morning when I walk Tyke. I won't wait too long to do that. It's nice and quiet outside now and it's light enough to go out. I will dress warmly, though, because it's been a cold night.

Have a good day!

Ciao,
Nora

Oh, let's go again, one more time...

My dear ex-husband was here this afternoon to do the groceries for me. It was his own idea, I did not even so much as whisper the question into his ear. He was really two days too early, but I did not turn him down. I'd rather have too many groceries in the house than not enough. A shopping list was quickly made and off he went in my leather jacket, because he could not wear his motorcycle gear. He has a pair of shoes here for when he has to do these jobs for me. Luckily, he is slender enough to wear my jackets and they fit him perfectly. He looked quite dashing in my leather jacket, but I won't give it up. I may give it up if he gives me his motorcycle jacker, or one like it. I do need a tough broad jacket like that. It will give me the right attitude. Right, sure it will! That, along with my shit kicking boots.

If you're wondering where I get this "tough broad" idea from, it is from admiring women who I think are very independent and who stand very solidly on their own two feet and who don't need a man to help them live their lives. Women who can earn their own living and make their own way in life and make their own choices, regardless of public opinion. I guess they all don't have to wear tough broad leather jackets and shit kicking boots, but that is how I would reinforce my image of being one. I'm not such a tough broad by nature, so I have to fake it a little bit. I suppose I'm still looking for my imago. What do I want to show me as to the world?

When it comes down to it, I'm just a very regular middle of the road woman. I don't stand out one way or the other, much as I would like to. So we're back to yesterday's theme and what it all comes down to is not the outside, but character that counts, and personality, and you can make that visible enough after someone has been around you for a while, if they take the time that is. I've never stopped and thought about this as consciously as I think about it now, though I have on some level been aware of it and paid lip service to it, as any modern thinking human being does. We all say that the inside counts, but we're all busy making sure the outside looks darn good.

Now is the time to test that out. I'm going to dress myself as nicely as I always do, and wear my hair the same way, but always wear my glasses and go without make up and see how people react to me. I'll have no eyebrows, because they are blond and invisible, and no eyeshadow and no eyeliner. Just a touch of mascara on my blond eyelashes, otherwise I'll feel so naked. Only on the top. Then I wonder what sort of impact I will make, or if it will make no difference at all. That's quite a thing to do for someone who is as vain as I am. Let's face it, I do like to think that everything I do makes me look better. Although just lately I'm having my doubts.

Of course, it will mean that I'll have to let my personality shine through a little bit better and not be such a silent onlooker. I'll have to be present. Make more noise, talk more, be more spontaneous. I'll have to practice that. Maybe I'll dare more if I'm more myself and not a painted up version who has to worry about the state of her make up and the condition of her hairdo. Maybe I'll learn to be a tough broad on the inside and I won't need the outside accouterments. Or...maybe I'll learn that I don't need to be a tough broad at all, but a gentle, sensitive one who has a heart and sensitivities and soft spots. Maybe that will be the real me and I'm artificially trying to be someone I'm not. I may just allow myself to find out. I may have to give up my membership in The Tough Broad Society.

How do you like all this mesmerizing? Isn't it fascinating? How to make yourself the most interesting subject of your own post.

One thing that was on the shopping list, was dog kibbles for little dogs, because Toby is hooked on the dried dog food from a particular brand and asks for it if the bowl is empty. However, I had the large kibbles for big dogs and this time I had the Exfactor get the kibbles for little dogs. I think they will be easier to eat and the dog may like them better also. We'll see. It is funny to see Toby chow down on that food. I've never seen him eat with so much appetite. You'd think it was candy I put in front of him. He has gained a little weight, which is good, because he was too skinny for some reason and now he looks normal. He's a big cat and can stand the weight. I'm hoping Jesker is going to lose weight, but I can't tell, because I can't get on the scale with him and see how much he weighs at the same time. It's a two people job. I'll have to weigh him the next time we're at the vet.

I'm expecting the pharmacy to make a delivery of some pills that are the lighter dose of the Temazepam. My psychiatrist is allowing me one a day until he sees me on Monday so we can discuss the need for them. He is being a cautious man. I still had some and took one this afternoon and ended up taking a nice nap and feeling better the rest of the day. I have no qualms about taking pills and I am not worried about becoming hooked on them, as I've always been able to decrease the doses when that was necessary. My medication is my best friend and it helps me think straight when I can't do it on my own.My life has never been easier than when I started taking the right medication in the right dose and the right combination and I've become an expert at tweaking it. I always know what I need and when something works. I would like to eliminate one of my anti depressives, but I need to discuss that with my psychiatrist and it will have to be done slowly. I think I can do without one of them, but that may be wishful thinking. I will just have to try.

It's still early in the evening. The apartment is nice and warm, but the heater hasn't gone on at all yet. Still, with the windows closed it is 21C in here, so the neighbors must have their heaters on. I don't like to have the windows closed, but it does make a difference in how warm it stays in here and there's no draft now. I'm still in my clothes and haven't changed into my pajamas, but I will do so shortly. There's nothing cozier than sitting around in my bathrobe and slippers and watching the news on television. The long political drama and the endless human one. That part is not quite so cozy. You do get immune to some degree, though. Hardened, almost, under the onslaught of misery.

I hope you all have a good night or that you are still having a good day. We had a partly rainy and partly sunny one here ourselves. Real Autumn weather.

Ciao,
Nora

The second cup...

I've just made myself a second cup of coffee and I think that it will properly waken me. I've had a long night's sleep, nearly eleven hours, and it's taking me a little bit to wake up to the point that I'm completely firing away on all cylinders. Not that I'm not making sense yet, but I still feel a little sluggish and my head feels like it's insulated from my body by cotton wrappings. Which is not such a bad state to be in, I suppose, as long as there are peepholes for my eyes.

I feel hungover after yesterday's incident and I wonder if that is the natural conclusion to an anxiety attack? Or am I feeling hungover from all the sleep I've had? I feel I should have a cold beer as a cure for it, but I won't go that route in case I decide I want more than one. Then I'll really be far from home. So, instead I'm drinking this deliciously strong, extra dark roast coffee and making the best of it. And sitting in my pajamas on top of that, because it is Saturday morning, after all, and I get to be lazy. The dog knows this and is very patient and does his piddles out back, until he really has to go for a walk to do his bigger business.

Did I tell you that I finished reading Secret Scripture? Oh, it was such a wonderful novel and I've just been informed that it was based on a true story. It was so well written and with such compassion and careful thought and eye to detail. I can highly recommend it if you haven't read it yet.

I've now started reading Saving Fish From Drowning by Amy Tan, which is a completely different novel and is taking me a while to get into, but I usually like the books she writes, so I assume I will like this one also.

I've taken to sitting in my armchair in the afternoon with my book and my reading glasses, and my coffee and cigarettes, and reading for a few hours. I only sit in the armchair when I read, so that makes it a special place for that purpose and I don't fall asleep over my book there. It's a real ritual to get ready to sit there and have all my paraphernalia there, so it really is a very special place. By rights I should drink tea there, but I prefer coffee. The dog keeps me company. Of course, I did none of this yesterday when I was preoccupied with something completely different, but I intend to sit there this afternoon.

I am trying not to think beyond today. I am very much trying to live in the moment. I think that's the best defense against anxiety. I think I mustn't anticipate too much, but just let things happen as they come and not worry ahead of time too much. I will avoid doing anything complicated for a while and I will judge each situation for its complexity and make a decision based on it. I think I take after one of my grandmothers who lived in the same house her whole life and who didn't go farther from home than the shops around the corner. Compared to her, I'm quite adventurous. She lived to be ninety four, but she was a very anxious person, I am very laid back in comparison. Jeez, really?

I've just had to get dressed and walk the dog, because he could not wait any longer and much to my surprise it is very nice weather outside, when yesterday it was so cool and autumn like. Mother nature continues to surprise us. The sun is shining and there is no wind and the sky is blue. Wait! Didn't I like overcast skies and a drizzle? I thought so, but actually, today I don't mind this weather too much. As long as it doesn't get too warm and I do assume this is the last of it, so we must enjoy it while we can. I just don't want the weather to remind me of California. As long as it doesn't do that, and I don't make those associations, I'm okay.

My poor boots are falling apart. I need to glue the sole of the other one now and keep it going for a while longer, but they are on their last legs. It's a shame, because I've enjoyed wearing them a lot, but I am hard on my footwear and as a rule it only lasts one season, unless it is incredibly well made and where do you find shoes or boots like that anymore, unless they cost a fortune? I will have to start wearing my other boots that belong to this season more, which is fortunate. I call those my shit kicking boots, but they are lady like, they're just tougher. Actually, they are tough broad boots.

I haven't been a tough broad consciously for a while. It was always my ambition to be one and very often I was very much aware of trying to be one. I haven't felt it that much in a while. Maybe I should concentrate on that desire again. It is why I bought those tough leather jackets that I like to wear so much. I figured tough broads wear tough leather jackets. They also wear tough boots. I want to have some cowboy boots. I've wanted a pair for a while now and just haven't found the right ones for the right price yet. I must look around for some. I think cowboy boots are as tough as you can get, unless they're motorcycle boots, but I'm not going to wear those. I think I can wear cowboy boots on my bike, don't you think so?

I have to mosey along now and check out some blogs. My medication, that I took two and a half hours ago, is working now and I feel much better. Thank goodness for small favors. It has to build up in my system and then I'll be alright. Soon enough I get to take my next dose and I'm looking forward to that.

Have a nice day, all of you, whichever kind of weather you have, be it drizzly or sunny.

Ciao,
Nora

Trembly Tuesday.

Here I sit behind the computer not at all being the industrious and hard working woman whom I thought I was going to be today. All around me lies the evidence of my non commitment to the cleanliness of the apartment and I just don't seem to give a darn and sit here instead and feel like doing nothing but writing my thoughts down. I am so totally uninterested if anything gets done right now. Maybe if you came around with 500 Euros in cold hard cash I would get motivated, but that is about it for me.

The day started out okay, except that I'm still not used to the hour's time difference and I have a hard time waking up in the morning. I need two big mugs of coffee before I'm functional and I sit on the sofa bleary eyed and broken, while the Überhund takes advantage of the situation and positions himself between my legs so he can be petted and embraced and kissed really well. That's about all I'm capable of for the first 40 minutes or so.

Then I pretend to be awake and sort of get the show on the road in a haphazard way while trying not to forget anything. It's a crime getting dressed in the morning and trying to remember the order in which I put my clothes on so that it makes sense and I am not wearing my boots before I've put on my second pair of leggings and my bra before I've put on my T-shirt.

Then it's the hair and the make up, which I either do halfheartedly or very persnickety, depending on how much time I've got and how much motivation. It was a halfhearted job this morning. I rubbed wax in my hair until it looked sufficiently like bedroom hair and sprayed extra strength hairspray on it. The Überhund sneezed a few times and then I was ready to take him out.

The cold morning air does wake me up some, but not enough this morning. I let the Überhund drag me from lamp post to lamp post and stood at the ready with my baggies. I was very happy to be home again where I had time for another mug of coffee before I had to leave to go see my SPN.

I pedaled downtown and avoided most of the morning traffic by leaving just a little bit later, which still got me there on time. I missed all those groups of students who clutter up the bike lanes by the dozens and who run red lights as a matter of course. They are ruthless and know no danger.

When I saw my SPN, I fell into a funk again and became quite unhappy. She asked me why that was and I thought about it and said that sometimes therapy was just tiring and that it exhausted me and that I wasn't in the proper mood for it. I get tired of all the questions and all the explanations and the unknowns and the things I have no answers to. They defeat me and I start to feel very deflated. So we kept it short today and I was glad about that and on the way home I started to feel a bit better.

That still leaves me with a messy apartment and no motivation, so I need to kick myself into the rear end. I will simply start with one thing and slowly work my way through it and then on to the next one and see how far I get.

I really want to insulate myself from everything that is unpleasant and draw a shield of impenetrable silence around myself. As if I had a cloak that I could pull around myself that would protect me from anything that is harmful and unkind. I suppose I really do feel like a gossamer woman today, while that is not my intention at all. My intention is to be a tough broad with square shoulders and shit kicking boots.

I do have to tell you that the weather is lovely. The sky is bright blue and the sun is shining and it is going to be a fairly warm day today. That should cheer me up, right?

Enough of this already. I'm going to walk the dog.

Have a good day. Don't let your mind screw you up!

Ciao...

Awards.

Since I have been out of the running for a while when it comes to giving out and receiving awards, I don't know if it is a done thing at all anymore, but I am going to put my foot in it and hand out some awards to people whom I have recently discovered and who I think deserve a little token of appreciation.

I want to give the first award to Angelina Williamson of Dustpan Alley who does a great job getting people enthused about growing their own produce and preserving it also, but in a very excited and lyrical way, not so cut and dried as I put it here. I want to give her the following award:

Then there is a real personal favorite of mine, and it has nothing to do with the beautiful hand made cards that she sent me, of course not, and that is Diane of Pebbledash, who takes wonderful photographs of ordinary pretty things that nature has to offer right around her, and who is also very handy when it comes to arts and crafts. I want to give her this award, the now famous Mwah Award:


Feeling virtuous and good, I'll leave that part of the proceedings behind me and tell you that I've had a perfectly fine day. I did make a small error in judgment and thought I was awake at 3:30 AM, but I quickly found out that was not the case, as my head kept wanting to fall off my neck, and I went back to bed and slept until 9 AM and the Überhund slept even longer than that, proving my point that he can go for a long time without having to relieve himself, so the show he puts on in the morning is all shenanigans.

Then I proceeded to waste my first hours behind the computer instead of doing more useful things such as dishes and laundry and administration, but there was nobody looking over my shoulder and I thought I could very well get away with it and i did.

I was still waiting for the delivery person to come as I missed her on Saturday and on Monday, but she finally showed up at 2 PM and not only brought my green cardigan, but also my ankle boots that I had been waiting for for over a week. I tried them on first and they fit great and look great and I am a tough broad in them. I like being a tough broad. It's always been my ambition in life to be a tough broad and at times I have thought I was one, but mostly I was faking it, now I really am one and can fill these boots.

The green cardigan was a good choice and I have several outfits that go with it, so I am well pleased. I like it so much when I am put together well, but I especially like the boots as they do great things for my image, even though you can't appreciate their whole effect when they are hidden by my jeans. I have to make sure I sit down a lot and pull up my jeans a bit. If I cross my legs it works well. All I need now is a leather jacket and you now, that would keep me warm in winter too.

My nephew turned 14 today, so I went over there this afternoon wit the Überhund, who does not like to share me with so many people, but he has to learn. My nephew had gotten some super duper mobile phone for his birthday, the workings of which are a mistery to me, but I know it has a camera and a radio in it. I like my mobile phone uncomplicated, and oh, when mine rings, it sounds like angels singing in heaven, very ethereal. I like it when people ring me up on my mobile phone.

So, my nephew turned 14 and he is not a rotten teenager at all. He is a good kid. I would like to cuddle with him, but I don't think he would allow it, but he is very approachable other than that. He goes to the Atheneum, which is a high form of secondary school and he does his homework in the blink of an eye. Very smart, that kid is.

So, anyway, before I went over there, I didn't completely waste the afternoon. I got all my paperwork in order and filed and I had noticed how dirty the keyboard of the computer had become and gave that a good cleaning and it now looks brand new again. All sorts of things had been spilled on it by me, I can't blame anyone else.

I remembered to water the plants and the rubber plant is doing great, but I have my doubts about the heather that I have in the pots inside. I think they would rather be outside and they are taking on a petrified look. No doubt I'll be going to the plant store to get some plants that I can't kill to put there instead. Maybe something fake or something very hardy like 'mother in law's tongue'. I can't think of the English equivalent right now.

I find doing the dishes to be a very soothing job, because I don't have that many of them and there are no pots and pans. I wash and dry everything all at once and put it all away immediately. I've invested in some drinking glasses and now have enough kinds for when I have company and they are all nice and clean and neatly lined up in the cabinet.

But will I ever have company, that is the million dollar question. I sure don't seem to be in a hurry to make friends, am I? I sort of neglect that part of my life completely as if it is not important to me at all. I think I must plan a party and invite some people, I think that will be the best thing to do.

I am feeling like having something incredibly good to eat. I always get cravings at this time of the day and make a quick run to the super market to get something good. It's a bad habit that I have gotten into, but it is oh so pleasant when you want to indulge and the spirit is weak. I am not losing any weight as a result, but I am not gaining any either.

Right then, either way, I'll stop writng this self indulgent epistle and try to make a decision. It will be a toss up between good and evil. Between kind and unkind. Between indulgence and discipline.

Hav a great day, keep the boogey man away from you as far as possible. He comes in many guises.

Ciao...