Rain...

It's been raining non stop since I woke up this morning and even Tyke can't be fooled into going out into it. He'll quickly go out back, but looks at the sky to try to figure out what this wetness is that's sprinkling down on him. I let him out often, because he comes in so quickly that I get the impression that he hasn't done what he's supposed to do. To be on the safe side, he goes out every hour or so.

This morning his special puppy food was delivered that I ordered on line at my favorite pet shop. I ordered a 10 kilo bag and I'm curious to see how long it will last. Tyke has a good appetite and has been eating Jesker's left overs, but now I want him to eat more specialized food. He is growing, because I've had to move his collar up two notches. It was too tight. I noticed that when I was giving him an extended petting session yesterday. I don't want him to get fat and am constantly checking his belly for leanness. He doesn't get any food if his belly still feels a bit round. If it's empty, and it's time to eat, he gets food. I feed him in the morning and the evening and he gets a little snack in between as a reward if he has gone outside and done his business.

He's pretty easy to distract from negative behavior. I don't have to get cross with him, but just call him over and get his mind focused on something else. He really does do his best, although some habits are hard to break, such as wanting to dominate Gandhi over and over again. Gandhi is giving out very mixed messages and goes to look for him and parks herself right under his nose, so it's very confusing to Tyke who thinks she wants to play with him. He thinks it's all a game and that she is willing. He doesn't realize that she's a reluctant participant and confused herself. Tyke thinks they're married for life.

It just stopped raining and I went for a quick walk around the block with him. We met one of our neighbors with her dog and her dog was quite taken with Tyke and made advances. It was a girl dog at the ripe age of 12. She put all of her charms into it and Tyke was quite amused and flattered. He longingly looked after her when she went on her way with her owner. He would probably jump her if he got the chance. He's not as innocent as he looks, that feisty little thing.

It's been a long time since I've felt happy. It's been many months, but the last two days I sometimes feel little pinpricks of it. They are so tiny that they are hardly noticeable, but they are there nevertheless. I hope these pinpricks become larger and that they will turn into seconds and minutes and hours, but I'm afraid to hope for too much. I miss being happy. You don't know what you miss until you start feeling it again and now that I do on occasion, I want more of it. I long for it very much. It is a state of mind that I miss as much as blue skies and sunshine. It's awful to always feel like the colors black and gray and to never feel yellow and red. I don't know how I've lasted through all these winter months. It's been such a hell. All that's kept me hanging in there was the thought that there would be an end to it one day and the end is coming in sight now. I´m plain worn out from it.

The fact that there are the tips of leaves of plants showing up in the dark wet ground now gives me hope. Some shrubs have buds on them. It´s all full of promise and soon I will put this dark period behind me. Next year I´ll be smart and use the sunlight replacement lamp again, though I did not really believe in it. I´ll have to believe in it if I´m going to survive another winter. But I can´t think about that now. First I have to get ready for spring and thoroughly enjoy that and come back alive. I can start sitting on café terraces with my friend Yvonne again and take photographs of the world. I feel like I´m about to be let out of jail and join the human race again.

Well, so much for those ponderous thoughts. I´ve felt so trapped inside myself and inside that entity called winter that loomed so large around me with it´s darkness and cold and snow and ice and rain. I´m ready to be liberated from it.

This is the end of my epistle. While I´m typing this, I´ve been liberating Gandhi from Tyke´s amorous hold many times. I do want to break him of the habit.

Have a good day! Wish the rain away.

Ciao,
Nora

Yes, we have no bananas...

It's snowing again, but it's the kind of snow that's almost rain, or frozen mist. It's very pretty, though, and when I walked in it with the dog it made my coat all white. I saw people trying to clear paths in front of their houses, but some aren't too bright and leave big heaps of snow on the sidewalk, forcing you to walk in the street, which is very slippery. They don't get a medal for snow clearing. They get penalties. I just haven't decided what they are yet.

I was supposed to go to the post office today, but wild horses couldn't drag me there, and I have decided to go there on Wednesday when I also have to go see my SPN. Having decided that, my rate of anxiety dropped considerably and I could breathe normally again. It is such a relief to know that I won't have to go out there today, but just to walk the dog. Knowing that I have to go on Wednesday is causing me enough anxiety, but I can push that aside for now. There's no need to make myself crazy about that today.

My neighbor across the street is doing a real good job clearing a path. He means business. He gets right down to the pavement and throws all the snow far away from the path he's cleared. That will make it easier to walk there with the dog. Another place less to break my neck.

I slept in very late this morning, and after I had been up for a while, I had the audacity to go back to bed and sleep until one pm. I had a cup of coffee and took the dog for a walk and he was very grateful. He had only been out back to piddle. I do have the most patient dog in the world and he just waits for me to get my act together whenever. I was going to say, while he sits there with his legs crossed, but it isn't as bad as all that. He just goes to sleep until I'm ready, but during the final minutes he's very alert and he watches me like a hawk.

The path that my neighbor cleared has been covered with snow already and my neighbor has given up and gone back inside. I didn't think he would give up that easily. I thought he was more stubborn than that.

The trash people did come by today and so did the green bin people, so some things are happening just like they are supposed to. The recyclable paper people didn't come by on Saturday. They must have been discouraged by all the new snow that had fallen.

It's snowing very hard now and everything is getting covered up by a new layer. All the footprints are getting wiped out. I like that, because it is easier to walk on the snow than on the icy layer that's underneath it. Some people sweep away the snow but leave the icy layer underneath and you take your life in your own hands when you walk there. Some people have no sense. They don't deserve a medal for snow clearing either and they get a red card.

I'm waiting for the day when I'll get over my inertia and over my agoraphobia. When suddenly those things will no longer be a problem for me. It has happened in the past that I woke up in the morning and that they had disappeared as snow for the sun and I'm waiting for that to happen again. It's like a switch gets flipped inside my head and suddenly I'm on the other side of the spectrum. I long for that day to come, when I'll have courage again and passion. I'm living a very low key life right now and am just going through the motions of being alive and doing only the most basic things. The most active I am is on the computer, because I can focus my mind on one singular activity and cut myself off from the world around me, except for the dog, of course, who comes to be petted regularly. He forces me to pay attention to him.

Other than that, it's not much. I barely remember to water the plants. Only when I see the dire need they are in do I think of it and then I forget about it again some time later. They will probably die, unless they are very forgiving. You see, I have a terrible attitude. The nodule on my throat has gotten bigger and I suppose I have to go to the doctor for that. I don't know if I should worry about that. I have to do two loads of laundry and they are just sitting there waiting for me to do them.

Well, I'll try not to be so negative and look at things from a more optimistic point of view. I am sitting here with a delicious glass of juice and a very good tasting cigarette. These are the little pleasures of life. Another pleasure is that it's almost time for dinner and that the news will be on in a while and I can see what kind of chaos the weather caused in the rest of the country, not that that is a pleasure, of course, but it is a form of entertainment. Nobody I know is out on the road making a long journey and is stuck in traffic. You have to count your blessings.

Alright. I'm going to turn on the television and get ready for the news. My dog is being restless. I don't know what he wants. We have been out and now he's trying to dig a hole in the linoleum. I think his old age is getting to him.

Have a good rest of the day!

Ciao,
Nora

Sunday afternoon.

It took some courage to put those collages up yesterday. I had made them a few years ago and not with the idea in mind that I would ever show them publicly. I think they are good and I always had them hanging in the living room, until recently when they moved to my bedroom, but because I like them, it doesn't automatically mean that other people will like them as well. You can be quite taken with your own work and it still can have no meaning to another person.

Anyway, I got up early this morning and made a drawing that is a prototype for a painting that I'm going to make at creative therapy. My inspiration for it was an artist called Lori Rase Hall, who was brought to my attention by Friend of the Bear. Her paintings are fabulous and so colorful and vivid that I wish they were mine and I would very much like to have her imagination. Another artist who was brought to my attention is Rachel Olsen and she is great, you really need to look at her work. She's another one who is very inspiring. I can do no work like it ever. She's that good.

I made another drawing, that's also a prototype for a painting, that I made up myself. I think I will make that one second after the Lori Hall one.I'm quite excited about making them, but at the same time I have a bit of trepidation, because I'm moving out of my comfort zone. It's just a little bit nerve wrecking and when I go to work on it tomorrow, I will have a healthy amount of anxiety, but I've got the steps planned on how to go about it.

After I made the drawings and spent some time behind the computer and walked the dog, I went back to bed and slept until noontime. It was wonderful and I feel very well rested now. I'm dealing with the anxiety, that I feel so often, by doubling up on my tranquilizers, something which I will discuss with my psychiatrist when I see him tomorrow. I want more than anything to feel relaxed and it is so awful when you feel like a hunted animal that is constantly alert. The tranquilizers give me a feeling of peace, which I have been lacking lately, and I am not heroic enough to get this feeling on my own. As long as I don't turn into a dull Jane, I'm not concerned. It does take a lot to get me down and out.

It's raining again, as it has been on and off for the past few days. I can't walk the dog, but he has enormous bladder control and he can always go out back. He won't want to, though, if it's raining, because he hates to get wet.

The Exfactor was here yesterday and was kind enough to go to the store for me to get the things that I needed for the weekend. He is such a good helper, I don't know what I'd do without him. Yes, I would go to the store myself with all the consequences that come with it, but right now I can only go to safe places, although now that I've doubled up on the tranquilizers, maybe more places will be safe. Hmph...you believe that and I'll sell you the Brooklyn Bridge and a nice piece of land in Florida. Guaranteed to be swamp free.

I have some pots with soil and no plants in them standing outside and in two of them, little trees have started to grow. I don't know what kind they are yet, but they look like they are going to be big trees. These are not small decorative trees, so I'll have to keep trimming them. I like that so much. Mother nature gives me these things for free. I wish things would start to grow in the other pots as well, but I'll have to plant something in them next year.

Well, that's all the talking I have to do for now. I'm sure there will be more at a later time today, you never know! I always do have the need to keep expressing myself, even if I have nothing important to say. I'm going to draw and paint now. That will keep me out of trouble.

Ciao,
Nora.

Rained on finally...

I've done several rounds of sets of three chores and I am just about whipped. I still have to do the dishes and wash a load of laundry. The washing on the clothing line got wet in this early morning's rain, so it is drying now and I will dry the next load on the rack in the bathroom, because it looks like there is more rain coming. What a fool I am, the laundry outside will get wet again, unless I get it in very quickly. I will do that. It's just dishtowels and washcloths. I can rip those off the line in three seconds flat. Send those clothespins flying.

It sure cooled off outside. The dog and I were able to make two longer walks already and he wasn't so awfully out of breath, but I do see his limit of comfort and know what his distance is now. The first thing in the morning we can go a little further than the rest of the day. His legs sometimes do tremble after a lot of exercise and I think we don't want to get to that point too much. He will keep going as long as I go, he is that loyal, but I have to make the decision to stop ahead of time, before we have gone too far.

Things smelled very good outside this morning. A lot of trees and bushes are blooming and the combined smells, because of the rain, were heady. It was almost as if I was walking out in the countryside, that's how strong the different perfumes were.

People's gardens are packed with blossoming things and I really payed attention today. I saw some very large spiders that had spun their webs in strategic places and I made sure I didn't walk into one of them, imagining a large spider then crawling over my body and into my hair. I do have a fear of that. I think they'll get stuck in the hairspray which I apply so deliberately. Not for catching spiders, of course!

It seems there are many old fashioned blossoming plants in those gardens. Plants that have been around forever. That you would have seen in cottage gardens and very many smaller trees and taller bushes that would have fit in there as well. The trend is not to pick or cut the dead blooms off the plant, but to let it go to seed. There must be a reason for that, that I'm trying to figure out, but it must be with the plant's natural growing seasons in mind. It must be healthier for the plant to let it go to seed this way.

It does make the walks very enjoyable and I like the part by the older gardens the best, although the new gardens are well established and have tall things growing in them as well.

I had an appointment with my SPN this morning and I have to tell you that the title is too little for her, because she is an out and out therapist, as well qualified as anybody to help the most complicated people, and I know, because I'm one of them. At the same time, it is possible that all SPN's are this well qualified and that the title is just right. I don't want to belittle any SPN.

We had a good, productive appointment and I feel I'm on the right track, analytically speaking. I'm making sense and she's making sense and together we have a clear dialog. We're talking about the same things and each of us understands the other.

This is the third day now that my head is on straight and that I wake up clear minded and even mooded. Any little feeling of panic or fear or discomfort is immediately recognized for what it is and dealt with. It is not allowed to get out of hand or to build up into something bigger. I recognize myself for what I am and who's in charge. It helps a lot.

I'm still not going through withdrawal symptoms from going without the tranquilizers and I don't know if I will now. It's been 6 days since I took the overdose and I assume that all of it is out of my system now and I have had no physical or mental problems like headaches or trembling or breaking out in sweats and having anxiety attacks and all those kinds of things. I may be lucky and get no such symptoms. I am just assuming that I won't and I think that's the best attitude, although I'm prepared in case it happens. I will call my psychiatrist if I do get symptoms and ask him for help, but I hope it won't be necessary.

I just had to make a run for it and get the laundry inside, because it started raining again. It's so lovely, though, and so refreshing, and all the dust is settling down and all that is green is greener and brighter. I like it very much and in a little while, I'm going to take a chair and sit by the open back door and watch it rain.

In California, the kids and I always went for walks in the rain in the rainy seasons and enjoyed getting wet in the relatively warm temperatures. We were so happy when it rained and didn't even have proper rain gear. We just wore whatever and got soaked and our backyard flooded and we waded around in it, until we opened the gate in the fence and all the water flooded past the side of the house into the street. That was quite a spectacle. Never underestimate the thrills of the effects of weather.

Well, I guess I'll go do another set of chores. The last little bit of them for today. Tomorrow I have ergo therapy and the Exfactor is coming over in the afternoon and I have to do the groceries, so it will be a busy day. I can move the seat of my bicycle around with just one hand. I think it needs to be tightened.

Have a very good day!

Ciao...

For the hell of it...

I am sitting here in my leggings and my tank top, the clothes that I slept in, and I have opened the back door, so Jesker can go out as it pleases him. He has been out there twice, but I don't know what he's done there. He is sleeping under the desk now and I don't know if he is expecting a walk. Sooner or later, I will have to get dressed, but I hope it is later, because I feel so lazy and not at all in the mood to do the responsible things I ought to be doing. That's because it is Saturday and it feels like a day off, almost as if it is Sunday.

I woke up this morning this morning with a terrible pain in my arm and my hand and had to move them in a certain position to get rid of it. I think I pinch some nerves during the night, as I very often sleep on my right side.It's no fun, anyway, and I do not look forward to those first movements. I very painfully move my arm and hand downward and straight and then all the feeling comes rushing back in and that hurts. During the day I have pain in my elbow and two fingers are a little numb. I'm just dragging this out for all the sympathy I can get, you see. It's no good suffering without an audience.

As usual, I'm completely unorganized today and am doing things at the wrong time of the day. I woke up at 11:30 am after going to bed early in the morning and then I didn't take my medicines until 1 pm, when I normally take my second dose. So I am behind myself. Now I'm sitting here writing this when I should be sweeping the floors, but I tell myself I like disorder, that I thrive on it and that it's the sign of a creative mind. God, I love the way I convinced myself of that just now.

I will always reign over a certain amount of chaos. It is in my nature to have it around me, because I don't care enough to clean it up when I should. I am not the creator of it, but I am also not the person who can be held responsible for setting it right. Except when my housewife hormones kick in and I suddenly think the vacuum cleaner is my very best appliance and I need to make love to it.

My plants are thriving, so that is a good sign and I've stopped drowning the ones with the cute little leaves, of which I don't remember the names. They are not losing their leaves anymore and have come back abundantly. I don't dare touch them, in case I do something wrong, but just water them sparingly once a week and that seems to do the trick. The fig plant is turning all of its leaves toward the sunlight that comes in through the window in the afternoon. It gulps water and can't get enough of it. I don't know what to think about the little hardy fern. It seems petrified, as if it is just sitting there doing nothing but looking somewhat green, but not producing any new leaves.I just let it sit there, unsure of what it needs. Sometimes it is all a mystery to me. It's a hit and run situation.

I've managed to make my tobacco last much longer than two weeks. Those are over now and I still have a whole pack left over that I haven't even started on yet, so I'm actually cheaper than I thought I was, which is a relief, because I thought I smoked a lot. I don't know how happy the tobacconist is going to be with that, after all he has to live on my bad habit, but I'll also buy some trash bags when I'm in there next and that ought to make him happy, and some stamps. I must not forget them.

I have not yet found a way to reduce my photos in size. I'll have to ask the Exfactor how he does it. I did open up the photo alteration program, but saw no way to reduce the photos in size. It has a program that is similar to Photoshop built in, so that is very handy. I have to figure out all the ins and outs of that one still.

It's very funny when you install a new browser on your computer. You become a little bit obsessed with all of its possibilities, but when you can't get something to work, no matter how insignificant, it will bother you to no end, and you will think about the solution forever. I can't get it to accept my wallpaper when it just should and I don't know why, so I have to solve that mystery.

Well, I suppose I'll put on some clothes and comb my hair. Maybe Jesker will want to go for a walk. It's a nice day out, not too hot, but pleasant.

I must sweep floors, if it's the last thing I do. These were my last famous words.

Ciao...

P.S. I just got it to accept my wallpaper. Yippee!

I'm very late...

I didn't wake up until 11 AM this morning. Couldn't believe my eyes when I looked at the alarm clock. And I felt so very well rested, really done with sleeping and ready to get up. The first thing I did was let the Überhund go out back for a long piddle while I made myself a mug of coffee and some cigarettes. As a matter of fact, he has been out there twice now and I haven't walked him yet and I'm still sitting here in my pajamas with the blinds closed and I'm feeling very decadent and smug about it.

The good part is, that it is Sunday and that somehow this all seems allowable on Sunday and that I feel perfectly entitled to not get off my lazy bum. What a wonderful way to waste time and be completely ineffectual. That, coupled with the fact that it is springtime, seems to have lightened my load and made me feel irresponsible just a little bit, although it is cloudy and windy outside and it looks like it is going to rain. Well, I don't know if rain has any real depressing qualities anyway. I can complain about getting wet, but I don't think it effects my mood in the negative sense. Sunshine certainly doesn't make me happy if I'm not in the mood.

I do like all the greenery around me. It's a heck of a relief not to see bare branches anymore, those may be poetic in a way, but I find them stark and depressing. And there is nothing as sad as a brown withered hedge or the cold hard frozen ground. Imagine my relief at not seeing sudden snow flurries come out of the sky or hail drop down, making the roads slick and dangerous to ride your bike on. I think I'm a tepid weather person, not too hot and not too cold. The occasional shower is okay too, to keep things green and keep the pollen count down.

One of my house plants is doing amazingly well and I wish I knew the name of it. I will post a picture of it and maybe one of you will know what it is. It's is sitting on the dining table and gets a lot of light from the windows there and just seems to love it. It is quite perky and turns itself to the light, so I keep turning it to give all the sides of the plant equal opportunity. I have another one just like it on a cabinet nearby, but it doesn't get as much light and is a slower grower, although it seems to be healthy too.


All my other plants need less light and do well, except for my fig plant that stands on a high table beside the window and sends all its leaves to the light, even if they have to grow down for it. It does well and I don't think I can kill it quickly and I just give it a load of water once a week.


I had to move the hardy fern closer to the window, because it was developing brown spots and I think it was getting too much water and not enough natural light. It grows very slowly, as a matter of fact, I hardly see any action at all.

Another low light plant that does amazingly well one watering once a week.

Now I have five empty pots sitting outside that need plants put into them and I don't know when I'll get around to that. I'm thinking about putting in ornamental grasses or bamboo even. I want my sister to go with me to the big garden center on the hill, so I can pick something out. Money is always a concern, so I have to really pay attention to the prices and this garden center is cheaper than the one around the corner and has a lot of choice.

Springtime is really the time when you get a lot of ideas about your interior and your exterior and all the expenses come at once. If I want to change my bedroom around, I have to paint the other room and I don't know if one coat of paint will cover the walls. It will be a major job, but the Exfactor is going to help me with it, so that will make it easier. I think I will do the potted plants first, though. They look so forlorn sitting there all empty.

I also have to frame two of my collages and I know where I can buy the perfect frames. It's just a question of planning the money and getting on the bus to go get them. It will be a little awkward to travel home with them, but I've done it before. You just need to hang on to them really well. I already know which collages I want to frame and I can't wait to have them up on the walls. There's nothing better than having your own art on the walls, except the art of other talented people, whom I just happen to know.

Well now, I think I've wasted enough time, although I can't say that I feel bad about it. Actually, I feel rather good about it, because what are Sundays for? They are like slow moving meandering brooks that have no hurry to get where they have to go, but just very pleasantly go their way. That's the kind of day this is.

I hope you are all enjoying your Sundays as well as I am and that they are filled with serenity.

Ciao...

Another early morning post.

I just realized that I didn't water my plants this past weekend, but what I can see of them seems to be okay. Everything looks perky, although I have no idea what kind of condition the soil is in. For all I know, they're silently screaming for water. I will have to water them this morning before I go to ergo therapy. I'll have lots of time for that, because it's still very early.

You see, when you get depressed, you neglect your plants. It is almost a given. So it's very important that I take care of my plants well, it is a barometer of my mood and one thing I don't want to happen is for my plants to die. I would find that inexcusable, although it has happened to me many times in the past. So my mission is to keep my plants alive, if it's the last thing I do.

Another thing that happens is that you start neglecting your animals. You forget to put down bowls of clean water and refill their dishes of kibbles and forget to give them their pills or apply ointment. I am on the edge here and it is only because they are so persistent that I remember to do a lot of these things, but I do forget some of them. Luckily, the animals speak up for themselves in a way, so they eventually do get what they need. Just not at the right time. So, the water bowls are empty and the cats go without kibbles and the Überhund doesn't get his breakfast until noontime.

I'm hoping that the extra medication is going to make a difference in this area and help me concentrate better on these details.

My thoughts are so easily led astray. I float away from what I am trying to concentrate on and travel through my whole head to all sorts of places. They're not necessarily negative, they just are not to the point. I spend a good deal of my time thinking about things that have nothing to do with anything I should be concerned about now.

That's why it is taking me forever to type this little bit of text. I keep being distracted by my own thoughts. I think it is best if I take my medications now, instead of waiting another hour. The sooner I take it, the quicker it will work. There is nothing better than feeling your medication work.

The first birds just started chirping and no, the sun is not up yet, it is still dark outside, but they know it will soon be dawn. They sound very cheerful and I imagine they are greeting each other. What a nice way to say good morning. It must be wonderful to be a bird, but you must always be weary of cats, especially around here, although my cats have not brought a bird home in years.

--------------------

Half an hour later... I have just been sitting here, drinking my coffee and smoking my cigarettes, doing absolutely nothing but staring at the screen and thinking and waiting for my pills to work. Well, now they're working and I can go and water my plants and put out clean water bowls. I want to put a different image with this post today. Not the regular kaleidoscope. Let me see what I can come up with.

Have a good day and make something of it.

Ciao...

On Bushes and Trees.

Well, the weeds in the pot with the jasmine are growing really well, but it is with some degree of optimism that I convince myself that the jasmine is growing as well, though I do think that I see some new growth. It is getting watered very well anyway and not because I go out there with the watering can, but because it is raining again and the soil is soaked all the way through and draining very nicely through the hole in the bottom of the pot. I will be disappointed if it doesn't grow, because it was with some effort that I dug it out of the flowerbed out back, but I can easily walk to the nursery around the corner and buy a new plant and put it in instead if all else fails. It's just a matter of pride that it should grow and sprout very many green buds.

I am waiting to see new growth on my three alder berry trees. Nothing is happening there yet, they are as bare as three totem poles, but I know that before long they will sprout new branches and new leaves and have a big growth spurt, because they do this ever year. The first year I thought they had died, but now I know better.

And then there is that mysterious bush that grew up in the jasmine in the flowerbed. It is almost as tall as I am and I have no idea what it is, but for now I'm leaving it there and maybe this summer I'll figure out what it is by the shape of it's leaves. Maybe it isn't a bush but a tree, because it sure grew quickly.

I really appreciate these gifts of nature and am loath to take them out of the flowerbed. I assume the are meant to be there and that they are a present to me. I did have flowers in the flowerbed once, but I took them out when I realized that I didn't enjoy gardening anymore and that I didn't like the fussiness of taking care of plants. I did in another life, but now I like bushes and trees, so I am happy with what is growing out back.

The Golden Rain will be beautiful again this spring, as it always is. Before you know it, it is covered in yellow blossoms that are as magnificent as anything I've ever seen. There are two bushes of unknown origin growing beside it in that very narrow space. One has prickly thorns and is best avoided, but the other one is bright green and lush, though I've had to cut it back because it interfered with the washing on the clothes line.

I obviously need a book on all the native plants and trees that grow in Limburg. I am so ignorant of trees and bushes that grow here. I can only identify two or three trees and there's not a palm tree among them. That would have been easy. At least in California you had those and the shrubby oaks. And the endless rows of eucalyptus trees. Here you see many poplars planted along the highways as windbreakers and for you to have an accident with your car with. The elm trees really do get Dutch elm disease and have to be felled, which is a darn shame when there are many planted along a road.

It has stopped raining, but I'm waiting for my package and have to stay inside until noon and I hope it is not for naught. I'll check on the website in a little while and see to the state of affairs and make some phone calls.

I've been unable to walk the Überhund and so far he's being patient and has been out back once, but I don't know if that suffices. I think he really needs to be walked, but we can't go anywhere now. This is the first time that I am having a confusing situation with this mail order company. In the past everything has always gone spotless. It's very frustrating to have it run differently now.

Right, this was my treatise on bushes and trees. You will have guessed as much. I just felt like talking about that. I really care about my alder berry trees and, although they are growing in completely the wrong spot, I can't cut them down, so they will stay there forever.

Have a brilliant day, whatever the weather and don't let the rain get you down.

Ciao...

Awards.

Since I have been out of the running for a while when it comes to giving out and receiving awards, I don't know if it is a done thing at all anymore, but I am going to put my foot in it and hand out some awards to people whom I have recently discovered and who I think deserve a little token of appreciation.

I want to give the first award to Angelina Williamson of Dustpan Alley who does a great job getting people enthused about growing their own produce and preserving it also, but in a very excited and lyrical way, not so cut and dried as I put it here. I want to give her the following award:

Then there is a real personal favorite of mine, and it has nothing to do with the beautiful hand made cards that she sent me, of course not, and that is Diane of Pebbledash, who takes wonderful photographs of ordinary pretty things that nature has to offer right around her, and who is also very handy when it comes to arts and crafts. I want to give her this award, the now famous Mwah Award:


Feeling virtuous and good, I'll leave that part of the proceedings behind me and tell you that I've had a perfectly fine day. I did make a small error in judgment and thought I was awake at 3:30 AM, but I quickly found out that was not the case, as my head kept wanting to fall off my neck, and I went back to bed and slept until 9 AM and the Überhund slept even longer than that, proving my point that he can go for a long time without having to relieve himself, so the show he puts on in the morning is all shenanigans.

Then I proceeded to waste my first hours behind the computer instead of doing more useful things such as dishes and laundry and administration, but there was nobody looking over my shoulder and I thought I could very well get away with it and i did.

I was still waiting for the delivery person to come as I missed her on Saturday and on Monday, but she finally showed up at 2 PM and not only brought my green cardigan, but also my ankle boots that I had been waiting for for over a week. I tried them on first and they fit great and look great and I am a tough broad in them. I like being a tough broad. It's always been my ambition in life to be a tough broad and at times I have thought I was one, but mostly I was faking it, now I really am one and can fill these boots.

The green cardigan was a good choice and I have several outfits that go with it, so I am well pleased. I like it so much when I am put together well, but I especially like the boots as they do great things for my image, even though you can't appreciate their whole effect when they are hidden by my jeans. I have to make sure I sit down a lot and pull up my jeans a bit. If I cross my legs it works well. All I need now is a leather jacket and you now, that would keep me warm in winter too.

My nephew turned 14 today, so I went over there this afternoon wit the Überhund, who does not like to share me with so many people, but he has to learn. My nephew had gotten some super duper mobile phone for his birthday, the workings of which are a mistery to me, but I know it has a camera and a radio in it. I like my mobile phone uncomplicated, and oh, when mine rings, it sounds like angels singing in heaven, very ethereal. I like it when people ring me up on my mobile phone.

So, my nephew turned 14 and he is not a rotten teenager at all. He is a good kid. I would like to cuddle with him, but I don't think he would allow it, but he is very approachable other than that. He goes to the Atheneum, which is a high form of secondary school and he does his homework in the blink of an eye. Very smart, that kid is.

So, anyway, before I went over there, I didn't completely waste the afternoon. I got all my paperwork in order and filed and I had noticed how dirty the keyboard of the computer had become and gave that a good cleaning and it now looks brand new again. All sorts of things had been spilled on it by me, I can't blame anyone else.

I remembered to water the plants and the rubber plant is doing great, but I have my doubts about the heather that I have in the pots inside. I think they would rather be outside and they are taking on a petrified look. No doubt I'll be going to the plant store to get some plants that I can't kill to put there instead. Maybe something fake or something very hardy like 'mother in law's tongue'. I can't think of the English equivalent right now.

I find doing the dishes to be a very soothing job, because I don't have that many of them and there are no pots and pans. I wash and dry everything all at once and put it all away immediately. I've invested in some drinking glasses and now have enough kinds for when I have company and they are all nice and clean and neatly lined up in the cabinet.

But will I ever have company, that is the million dollar question. I sure don't seem to be in a hurry to make friends, am I? I sort of neglect that part of my life completely as if it is not important to me at all. I think I must plan a party and invite some people, I think that will be the best thing to do.

I am feeling like having something incredibly good to eat. I always get cravings at this time of the day and make a quick run to the super market to get something good. It's a bad habit that I have gotten into, but it is oh so pleasant when you want to indulge and the spirit is weak. I am not losing any weight as a result, but I am not gaining any either.

Right then, either way, I'll stop writng this self indulgent epistle and try to make a decision. It will be a toss up between good and evil. Between kind and unkind. Between indulgence and discipline.

Hav a great day, keep the boogey man away from you as far as possible. He comes in many guises.

Ciao...