Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Imagination and the use of it...

The day is passing by very slowly for some reason. It seems the hands on the clock don't move at the speed that they normally do. Every other day goes rushing by in no time at all, but not today. It is crawling by at a snail's pace and I have to use my imagination to fill up the hours. I've already taken a nap to fill up one hour. Of course, that didn't take much imagination at all.

I wasn't very tired, so the nap didn't last very long. I also had to share the sofa with Gandhi and Tyke, so I wasn't very comfortable. Then the delivery person came with the package I ordered from the on line store and, of course, I had to try on what was in it right away. It fit and that meant I had to put some clothes away in the closet and that was the complete end to my nap. I had no hopes of going back to sleep. 

I folded and put away the dry laundry and made the bed and cleaned up the always messy kitchen. Gandhi's paw prints are always all over the counter, no matter how often I wipe it. It's the place where she hangs out, because it's out of reach of Tyke. There's no way he can get to her there. His legs are too little. 

I was ruthless the other day and threw out all my dying plants. There was no sense in hanging on to them. There was no hope that they were going to make it back to health. The domestic help cleaned all the pots and arranged them nicely throughout the living room and told me where I could get fake plants for a good price. All I have to do now is go there. 

I have two little pots and four large ones to buy plants for. All the pots are lime green. I had bought them at different times without realizing that it was my preferred color. I wasn't paying attention to such things then. I would be much more alert to them now that I'm not in a medicinal stupor anymore. A lot went past me when I was.

The book I started reading is lying unread in a cubbyhole of the bookcase. I can't get myself to sit down and pay attention to it. I have a blockage in my head. My eyes see a book and glaze over. Areas in my brain shut down and refuse to pick up the book to read it. Suddenly that seems like an awfully complicated task to do. Maybe I see the activity as too passive, but then again, I do sit in my armchair and daydream. I haven't quite got my mind around it yet. 

Sometimes I think I have a fear of books, just like I seem to have a repulsion for creative activity. I probably associate it with another time when I was not at all doing well. Maybe I link it to me when I was another person and much more insecure and needy. I need to establish the habits and hobbies of the new me. I need to give shape to myself the way I am now or the way I am shortly going to be. I'm almost the end product of the three year long journey. 

It's been a beautiful day today. The sun has been shining all day and it has been relatively warm outside. I've worn my black leather jacket, which is my springtime jacket. My other leather jacket is too big on me. I've walked Tyke a couple of times and it was very pleasant, although Tyke acted like a lamb set free from the barn and was all over the place. He pulled me along at amazing speeds.

I must find something useful to do. I have to fill one hour until the news comes on. 

I hope you'll all have a good rest of the day.



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