Surprisingly...

to my surprise it is evening again already, although the sun is still shining brightly in the sky. Now why do you think that is? Isn't that a nice effect from daylight savings time? I think that was the whole purpose, wasn't it? Or is this just the way it is supposed to be always? I am very confused. I better not think about that too much. I may damage my brain. I haven't had enough coffee for that. 

I took a nap, but I also think that my sleepiness is a side effect from the tranquilizers and I think I'm going to try and skip the one I take in the afternoon and see if maybe I don't get as sleepy then. It isn't all that great to get so calm that it makes you want to go take a nap. It does make me feel oh so tired. I feel like lying down all over the place and I have no energy to do anything. I think that's not quite the purpose behind them. 

It was another lovely day with lots of sunshine and pleasant enough temperatures, although it isn't really that warm yet. It just feels that way to us deprived people. We aren't used to anything. I've got the windows open on a crack, but I do feel a bit of a draft and it's a bit chilly. I'll have to put on my bathrobe over my clothes if I want to keep myself warm enough. I do so dislike being uncomfortable. 

Today I wanted to be on the beach of a tropical island in my bikini with a fruity cocktail in my hand. To me that seemed like the ultimate bliss. I would really like to feel the warm sunshine and the equally warm wind on my body. I would like to be warm all over. If I had to, I would find the shade of a palm tree, but at least it would still be pleasant. I would get a terrific tan and swim in the perfectly clear blue sea and eat delicious fish from the ocean that was grilled over an open fire.

A woman can dream, can't she? There are people doing this right now. 

I mustn't spend too much time fantasizing, although a little bit of it is okay. In your imagination you can do many interesting things and make your ordinary life more fun. When I was in Cabo San Lucas in Mexico, the circumstances were nice enough to make me think I was in a tropical place and I got a good taste of it and will never forget the experience. I can remember it whenever I need to escape in my head and I have more memories like that. 

What I most miss is being warm. 

I've got to fix myself some dinner and make something hot to drink. That should warm my cold bones. I act like it is a cold day in winter. I must be getting old. 

Have a nice evening.

Ciao,

Irene

Revenge of the awful dog...

I've tried to get a good night's sleep for a couple of hours now, but every hour or so the dog woke me up with some excuse or another. I tried to ignore him, but I finally gave up and got up because I could not stay asleep any longer. I will try again later when he has settled down. 

I'm sitting here yawning, but this cup of coffee I'm having should help that.The dog is asleep by my feet. Hopefully now he will be sweet and docile. The cat is sitting on the kitchen counter eating her kibbles. To her it doesn't matter if it's day or night. She does what she pleases when it pleases her and bothers no one. She's easy. 

I must say that I'm glad the weekend is over, although it did go by quickly so it wasn't a long ordeal to get through. Nothing worth mentioning happened. It was just an ordinary weekend like so many others. The most pleasant thing I did was take naps in the afternoon which got me over the tough time of the day when I never know what to do with myself.

Now that I don't read anymore, my books stand forlorn on the bookcase and I no longer get lost for several hours at the time in literature. I often think I will never read another novel again because I absolutely have no interest in them. It's like I don't want to get lost in them and be cut of from reality. I feel that I constantly have to be in touch with the here and now. 

I do like to watch sports on television. I feel that's very actual and real. I hardly feel like I'm escaping. I also like to watch cultural programming, but again, I feel like I've got at least one foot in reality and I'm not lost in a dream because the programs are very objective. It would be different if they were lyrical journeys. I like very factual things, although that's very different from how I used to be. I used to watch television to escape and now I watch it to face reality. 

That must be why I like news programs so much and political talk shows. I do squirm when politicians are interviewed in depth. So few of them are willing to come right out and give a straight answer. They don't like to be pinned down. I dislike evasive answers and the politicians who give them. I do like good interviewers who don't back off. 

I suppose I'm wide awake now and I will have to drink milk to get sleepy again. At least the dog has settled down. I will have to go find my bed and get under the duvet and sleep a few hours before the personal helper gets here. 

I hope you will have all had a good night.

Ciao,

Nora

Something resembling the every day Nora...

If there is anything I wish, it is to be dull again and to start off a post telling you that I'm sitting here drinking a cup of coffee and smoking a cigarette. Of course, that is exactly what I am doing, so I would be telling you the truth. I'm not quite wide awake and I definitely need the coffee, but not to get me excited, because I'm excited enough on my own. What I really need to do is calm down and relax and what I'm doing now is wait for my medicines to work, which I took just a little while ago.

It seems it was a full moon last night and it would explain a lot, especially my lunatic tendencies. I never know when it's a full moon and always find out afterwards, but it always seems to affect me. I certainly behave a heck of a lot differently than I normally do, but I haven't been myself for the past few days. I best forget about that as quickly as possible and get back to normal as fast as I can. It's better not to dwell on the abnormal times that are so hugely embarrassing afterwards.

I'm going to try to have as normal a day as I possibly can and have my thoughts organized in the same way. It will require a little bit of discipline on my part, but anything is better than how it has been these past two days. There will be no more flights of fancy and escapism. There will only be the reality of my everyday life and all the elements in it. I will take care of those things. I will do a lot of grounding and bonding with the dog and the cat. Those two ought to help me get my grip on reality back.

I suppose I ought to get more sleep. I think I awoke prematurely this morning. Since it's Sunday, it doesn't matter when I get the day started. It will start whenever I think is the right time. That's the nice thing about Sundays. You feel that no one in the world would even think of bothering you. It's a sacred day that's strictly for yourself and you don't have to share it with anyone.

Have a good day.

Ciao,

Nora

No woman, no cry...

It's in the middle of the night again and I am up as usual. It's the same old routine as it always is and really, I would not want it any different, unless my psychiatrist gave me pills that actually made me sleep through the whole night. I thinks that's a pipe dream, however, and I won't hold my breath waiting for them. I wonder if such a pill actually exists. It would have to be a horse pill that put me completely under.

I do long for blessed sleep like that, but as long as I don't get it, I don't mind being up in the middle of the night and sitting behind the computer under the influence of my sleep medication and writing a blog post because it does take away my inhibitions. It makes it easier for me to write. I can turn out all sorts of nonsense without worrying about it too much. I'm slightly dopey and not to be held completely accountable. I will blame whatever idiotic things I write on the drugs. 

I suppose I'm like an alcoholic who writes under the influence of booze and turns out masterpieces. Not that I claim to write those, but I write a heck of a lot better when I'm under the influence of sleep medication than when I'm stone cold sober. I tried that earlier tonight and absolutely nothing came of it. All I was faced with was the stark reality of life and all its bareness and it scared me to death. I could not face it and write about it. It immobilized my mind.

I saw the harsh gray outlines of life and its grim contours and its unkind face and I didn't like it. It was all harsh cement and cold gray stone and unreflective glass facades and I felt intimidated by it. I don't want to live in a world like that. I want to live in a world in which the contours are softened and the colors are kinder. My sleep medication makes it so. It's like seeing the world through rose colored glasses. Call it escapism, but who do I hurt by escaping it? I still function in it. I'll be sober again in the morning, which it almost is now.

Of course, that's why I like being up so much in the middle of the night. I wouldn't like it if I were not under the influence. No doubt I would do everything I could to stay asleep or at least in bed, unpleasant as that might be. I honestly doubt I would sleep very much. 

Do I lay bare my soul too much? So be it.

I'm going back to bed shortly. I'll take my morning medicines and crawl back under the duvet. It's when I do my best sleeping.

Have a good day.

Ciao,

Nora