Monday, April 30, 2012


I have to tell you that it's something I'm awfully short of right now despite the fact that I'm drinking coffee and am trying to perk up my mind. I'm working on my second cup but haven't reached that state of sharp wittedness yet that allows my imagination to run free. It's possible that I have too many cobwebs in my mind and that it's not going to happen today. I'm lacking that inner perkiness that would let it happen more naturally. 

All day long I have been in a minor mood. This despite the fact that today is a national holiday and a lot of people are out celebrating it. Maybe it is because I'm not that I am in a minor mood but there's no need to start analyzing that. I will leave that stone unturned. It's not necessary to do an archeological dig into my mind every time. Suffice it to say that I'm not in a celebratory mood.

Tomorrow normal life will start up again and we can all act like normal people again. The Belgians will have a holiday and populate downtown. But that will not be of concern to me. My life will return to its regular routine and that's all I care about. If I were part of a family unit, I might feel differently but since I am alone, I feel this way. The holidays are always harder to get through when you're not plural. 

I have to be honest with you and tell you that I've started smoking again. It proved to be too difficult to quit. I found it too hard to fill the empty hours without smoking cigarettes. It's how I get through the day and I have no other way to do it. I spend so much time in my own company and I alone am not enough. I could not stand to sit and do nothing. 

It is the only thing that gives me any kind of joy because I have no hobbies. That's the kind of dull person I've become. I'm not interested in anything but sitting in my armchair with a cup of coffee and a cigarette contemplating my navel. I can spend a lot of time doing that. I lead a very uninteresting life and I'm aware of that. Smoking cigarettes is what keeps me sane. 

Yesterday I had to make an emergency trip to the convenience shop at the gas station and buy tobacco. It's with an enormous sense of relief that I did. I felt that it was the best solution. How I'm going to handle it financially I don't know yet but I'll find a way. I'll eat less if it comes to that. 

The dog is sitting very patiently by my side and I'm pretty sure he wants to go for his outing. It is that time of the day again. The sun was shining all day but now it's become overcast. The weather is returning back to normal too. It was too good to last. 

Have a good evening all of you.



VioletSky said...

i always found holidays to be the worst times, too. Not necessarily because I wanted to be out doing whatever people do on these days off, but because with everything closed I would become aware that I had nothing to do (even if I would have done nothing anyway - it just seemed that much more pronounced)

What happened with your art?

Wisewebwoman said...

You need to find something to tweak your interests and keep your hands busy. Thoughts?

ArcticFox said...

go and buy some jigsaws!! They sell jigsaws very cheap in charity shops here and they keep your mind and hands occupied through those testing times! And if they prove to be too frustrating... as long as you got them cheaply you can take great pleasure in casting them to the wind!