Wednesday night and all is well...

I've already been asleep for awhile, but as is usual, I woke up and am wide awake again. I had a cup of coffee, but now I'm drinking cold milk and it is tasting very good. It fills my stomach and quenches my thirst. I don't feel like eating. For some reason my stomach feels very full and all I've had today was a peanut butter sandwich.

I didn't go back to sleep last night, but read my book until it was morning. I did doze off in the armchair a couple of times. I should have gone back to bed and set the alarm clock for 8 am, but I was stubborn and decided to stay up. It's a mistake I won't make quickly again because it bothered me for the rest of the day. I'm just now recuperated from it.

The men with the sofa got here at 10 am. The sofa easily fit through the front door and the hallway into the living room where it was unpacked and put in place. It's a nice sofa, very modern in a pretty gray color, but I should not have gotten the throw pillows with the lime green covers for it. That doesn't look good. I definitely need red covers for them to tie in with the color of one of the arm chairs, and the curtain in front of the door that I don't use, and the red window shades. The colors in the living room need to be red and black and gray. I didn't figure all of that out until way later in the day.

I have to get new shades for the living room windows tomorrow morning to replace the rather discolored ones that are there now, and I'm going to get a brighter shade of red than I have now. It's going to match the other shades of red in the living room better. I have ordered new covers for the pillows and they will be here in the afternoon. That will tie the whole thing together.

I mounted different collages in the frames above the sofa and put a different movie poster in the frame by the living room windows. I just wanted a change. I don't know if I'm happy with it yet. I have to think about it. I may change it still.

I was actually too tired to be making decisions about changes and needed to go to sleep. I canceled my appointment with my psychiatrist and asked the secretary for him to call me later in the afternoon, after I had slept. We could make a new appointment then.

I slept for a couple of hours, but not nearly long enough and I felt like a wrung out dishcloth when I got up. I had no energy for anything, but I did realize what was wrong with the living room and was bound and determined to set it to rights.

I finished the autobiography that I was reading and will start on 'When We Were Orphans' next. That will be shortly as I'm not nearly ready to go to bed yet, though I don't want to stay up all night like I did last night. I did learn my lesson. I don't want to read in bed, though, because there's the danger that Tyke will get a hold of my book and shred it to pieces. Besides, when I'm in bed, I like to listen to the radio and let my thoughts wander.

Have a good night you all.

Ciao,
Nora

I hear you...

I can hear you all say it now, "It's past midnight and you ought to be in bed and you write way to many blog posts and we can't keep up with you!" Well, tough! I'm staying up past midnight and I'm going to write another blog post whether you like it or not. I'm a selfish woman and completely self centered in everything I do. I only care about what I do and want to do and I don't take any account of your feelings and opportunities of time and convenience to read these posts, and no, you don't have to read them all anyway.

I've taken the liberty to not only change my name (which I did some time ago), but also to change my appearance and you will now see that I'm a dark haired, beautiful, early twenty something. Isn't it nice how we can reincarnate ourselves like that? It's actually very easy, since I seem to exist on the Internet more than I do in real life, I can easily have a different name and a different exterior and both that are to my liking. I'm undergoing a complete metamorphosis and encapsulating the essence of me in a new and better package.

I have also changed the two little collages on the right hand side in my sidebar. Whenever I have the time or inclination, I will be doing this, although I don't know yet how often this will be. I make the collages for free over at Picnik, which is a site where you can do a number of photo manipulations for free, though they really want you to buy the premium package. Get Gimp, people. It is free and lets you do all sorts of things like in Photoshop. It's true, I don't understand a lot of it either, but the part I do understand is fun. It does a great job with one step automatic photo correction, for example.

It will be a shock when I look in the mirror in a while and not see that dark haired beauty named Nora Ibsen, but just plain old me. Don't get me wrong, plain old me is fine. I can live with her every day, But it's fun to pretend to be someone else. An undercover blogger who nobody really knows. I just have to keep the facts straight and not start to make up stories. I promise I won't do that. Reality is interesting enough as it is. There's no need to embellish anything.

I'm starting to yawn and I guess that's the signal to end this post. It's time to go to bed and hopefully sleep for a long time.

I hope you're all having a nice night.

Ciao,
Nora

Life is but a dream...

After having been up for thirty something hours, I finally took a nap a while ago and slept for about two hours and now I feel awfully refreshed and after one cup of coffee, I have come to my senses and I am ready to go again. As a matter of fact, that cup of coffee tasted so great, I think I will have one more, then I'll switch to green tea with lemon. I bought that especially at the supermarket the other day for nights like this when I would be perky and wide awake and wanted something good to drink. I forgot all about it yesterday when I was so busy being productive and moving furniture around.

Speaking of that, when I came home from creative therapy today, I realized that my paintings didn't match my interior at all. As a matter of fact, they clashed badly and I had to take them down immediately and hang something else up. So, I hung up my paintings in my bedroom, where they fit in a lot better and I hung one really good framed movie poster from the bedroom in the living room. That left two empty spaces and by rearranging some things, and adding here and there, I filled those up too until I was happy with the results. I did find out in which walls I can and can not hammer a nail. It's extremely frustrating when you find out you need a drill and you have to use the screw that's already in there, which determines what you can hang up there. If it's too large, for example, you may cover up a light switch.

Also, when I came home, I discovered that a cat had been having a field day with the scarf, that I had used as a runner on the dining table, and the potted plant. The scarf was all bunched up and there were little leaves all over the place and when I asked who was the culprit, Toby looked the most guilty. Anyway, I cleaned it all up and took the scarf off the table as being not a good idea. I don't need those kinds of headaches and I could see it happening repeatedly. I have to animal proof the apartment as much as possible. If it looks too good to be true, it is.

Then I decided that I didn't like the vase with the twinkly branches and the Christmas decorations on the dresser at all and I moved it to the bedroom, where it looks a lot nicer and very romantic. That left an empty space on the dresser, so I put the fig plant there, but I had to cut off some of the lower leaves that had spread out too far. The fig plant had been covering up a mildewy spot on the wall, so tomorrow I need to get the paint out and paint over it and hope it takes. I may do that tonight, as a matter of fact. I think what I have is anti mildew paint, or something like that.

I didn't clean up the kitchen early this morning, I forgot what I did instead. Anyway, I got to do that happy job this afternoon and I broke two glasses while doing the dishes and I wasn't being rough in particular. I noticed it because I cut myself and found not one, but two broken glasses. Now I have to go to the cheap store to buy some new ones, because I don't have that many left. There's no excuse not to go anymore now. It's my fate to go to that store. I do hope they have some decent ones, though. I have the feeling that the last ones I bought did break very easily. Maybe I won't go to the cheapest store, but to the decent store and buy the glasses there instead. I'll be more sure of the quality. I've also got to buy some Christmas cards, because although I said I wasn't sending any this year, I have been getting cards already and I am going to be sending cards in return. It would be awfully sad if I didn't do that. I do so like receiving them and then I do want to send them as well.

There was a layer of frost on all the cars this morning and all the drivers were out scraping ice off their windows. That's why the heater finally went on. I've turned it down a notch to 19.5C so it doesn't turn on as quickly. I don't want to make the energy company happy. I'd rather wear an extra sweater. The sun was out all day, though, and it was nice outside. Cold but nice. If you wear a scarf and gloves, you are okay on your bike. There is no wind and that is the most important thing.

I made a George Clooney collage this morning. I found some good photographs of him and cut them out and added some other interesting things to it and some text. Boy, George Clooney is cute and he gets better looking as he gets older, just like Sean Connery. He's a regular hunk. I'd fall for him easily, except that he wouldn't fall for me. A man like that can have his pick of perfect babes. You'd have to share him with the world. Anyway, I hope the collage turns into something decent. I'm not done with it yet, it needs the final touches.If it turns out well, I'll take a picture of it and post it.

I'm amazingly tired. It just hit me. I think I will go to bed on time tonight. I want to stay up and do interesting things, but I don't know if my body will co-operate. I think it doesn't want to. It wants to go to sleep.

I'm not very happy with my current template. I don't think it's very special at all. I had imagined that it would look more spectacular. It's not nearly as breathtaking as I thought it was going to be. I will have to pick out another template. Isn't that a shame? I know you all hate this very much. I do it to give you all a hard time and to keep you on your toes. Never a dull moment.

I have said enough for tonight. I will save the rest for tomorrow when I'm awake again.

I hope you all have a good night's sleep or whatever it is you're having. Be good at it!

Ciao,
Nora

Time to go to bed....

After having changed the living room around, and having posted the photographs of it here, I find myself full of piss and vinegar and nor nearly ready to go to sleep. Firstly, because it is so nice to sit in a rearranged living room. Secondly, because I put a long blue scarf as a runner on the dining table and every time I look at it, I'm startled by the effect. Thirdly, because I put the vase with lighted branches on the dresser and hung christmas balls and other decorations in it, so now it's festive here. I also realized that the computer desk needs to be moved to where the black and white chair is now, and the chair needs to be moved to where the desk is now. Some cable needs to be laid for that and I need the expertise of the Exfactor for that. So I will have to wait for his broken collar bone to heal.

The cats liked me moving the furniture around and immediately started climbing on top of everything. Cats always like that kind of stuff, they like to be right in the middle of things and then claim all the new territory as quickly as possible. The dog was also right there and barely moved out of the way for the vacuum cleaner, but he reluctantly did if he had to. He was trying to hang on to his sleeping spot, but I had to move his blanket and for a while it didn't have a place anywhere, leaving him stranded. I finally folded it over double and put it beside the bookcase where he is sound asleep now. I think I will put another blanket under it to make it even more comfortable for him to sleep on. I do have to consider his aging bones that want as soft as possible a place to lay on.

Now that I've moved the furniture, it's really obvious that the walls need to be painted, but that is going to be such a big job that I'm going to wait until I'm physically very fit. Or if I keep being as fit as I have been today, because today I can imagine painting the walls and it doesn't seem like an unsurmountable job. The hardest part is going to be to move the bookcase away from the wall. It is heavy even if I take all the books out of it and very tough to manhandle. I want the walls to be a sand color and I can already imagine what they are going to look like. I also want to get brighter color blinds for the living room windows. The ones I have now are burgundy colored and I want red. Yes, and money still doesn't grow on trees, especially not at this time of the year.

I got a nice gift from Babaloo. She gave me the book The Last Girls from Lee Smith, which is a book I really wanted. I seem to be blessed with people who send me kind gifts. You don't know how much that means to me. It makes me feel ever so special. Lee Smith is a new writer for me. She is a Southern writer from the States and writes about small town America there. I'm looking forward to reading that book very much. I will spend much time on my newly positioned sofa reading good novels. Thanks, Babaloo!

I trimmed one of my plants that lost a lot of its leaves. I have it sitting on the dining table and it was trailing all over the place looking scraggly, so I took the scissors and gave it a haircut in the hopes that it will fill out well and look bushier and fuller in a short amount of time, and I'm going to keep trimming the trailing ends to keep it compact. I'm hoping to turn it into a healthy plant again. I think I can do it, as the other plant has perked up and is looking better already. I've also watered my prayer plant, as I discovered it was dry and moved it to a spot closer to the window and it too has perked up quite a bit. It seems to appreciate daylight a lot more than the somewhat dark spot I had it sitting in. Plants do appreciate the little things you do for them. I've moved my rubber plant, but I don't know if it's going to like where it is now, away from the window. I can only try and hope for the best, if not, invest in a plant that will take low light conditions.

I was just sitting here looking around and I decided to move the big scratching post from the corner of the living room, because the cats never use it, and to hang one of my paintings in that corner. So I did and got a light that I clamped on to the bookcase and pointed to the painting and now I have a nice bright corner there. Then I took two more of my paintings and hung those up in the living room too instead of two smaller things that were hanging there. I had to very softly hammer two little nails into the wall for one of them, so as not to wake the neighbors, but I was successful. I must say that it all looks quite nice. It is very gratifying to have your own art hanging around, no matter how simplistic it is. Of course, what I really want is the collages framed and hung up, but I have to buy the frames for those. That will please me to no end. But this is nice too. Another brilliant idea, if I may say so myself.

If I sit here long enough, I'm sure to have more ideas. Now that my evil little mind is at work it is not going to leave me alone and keep scheming and planning, except that it is the wrong time of the night to be doing these kinds of things. Darn, isn't it a shame that there is such a thing as bedtime? Just when you're having all your good ideas. I just went to have a look in the kitchen closet where the modem for the computer is and I think there is enough extra cable for me to move the computer to the other side of the room. Aha! Isn't that interesting? I may not even need the Exfactor. I may be able to do this job by myself. This requires careful investigation.

It would be really funny if I managed to do all of this on my own. It would be the total liberation of myself as a woman. First I would have to make a little drawing of where all the plugs go in the back of the computer. That would be simple. But the first thing I have to do is trace the proper cable to it's source and trace the other cables that are coming out of the modem also. One would be for the television and one for the telephone and one for the computer. That ought to be easy to figure out. I love it when I think logically.

Okay people, I'm about to go do a big experiment. Keep your fingers crossed for me. Hopefully everything will go well.

Ciao,
Nora

Just not happening...

I had planned on going grocery shopping this afternoon, but the weather worsened in the course of the day and when I got home from creative therapy it was miserably cold and windy and wet. I didn't want to be out on my bike anymore and parked it in the hallway. I did go out to walk the dog and cursed the wind that was blowing and all I could think about was being warm and cozy inside.

During the coffee break at creative therapy some of us in the smoker's room had discussed smoking and cancer and just then I coughed up a big green phlegm (sorry, this is unappetizing) and I happened to mention that I had a nodule on the lymph gland in my throat for more than two months now and that it was getting bigger. So, then I got the advice that I better go see my doctor and they were real serious about it, so I grabbed my mobile phone and made an appointment right away for Monday afternoon at 4 pm. Of course, then the feeling of dread didn't leave my head and I imagined all sorts of things being wrong with me and that feeling has stayed with me all day. I haven't done a Google search yet, because I don't know what to search for exactly, but I imagine the worst.

Anyway, I'm slightly preoccupied with this now and I keep touching that nodule and it is a little sore. I guess I keep touching it in the hope that it will be gone. Oh, I just realized there's a little one growing on the other side too in exactly the same spot. I hadn't noticed that before. There must be many reasons why your lymph glands get nodules on them. Right? As a result, I was a little bit distracted and didn't do the jobs that I had planned to do, but sat at the dining table drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes and doing a lot of thinking. This is possibly a result of Maggie May's dilemma who is seriously ill and whose situation has come to worry me quite a bit and has made me think about life and death issues. Thinking about those things will take care of any depression you may have. It will scare it right out of you.

So anyway, I didn't get any of my jobs done, although the night isn't over yet and there are some hours left before I'll go to bed. I may have time to do the dishes, if I'm so inclined, but I always feel funny about doing housework in the evening, as if I'm not supposed to be doing that. My mother never did anything after we did the dishes after dinner, except make coffee, so I guess I take after her. Besides, the kitchen isn't very bright at night and I would miss the dirty spots on the glasses. I need a better light over the sink. I'm now trying to figure out how to do that. I think there is a way.

I made a terrible drawing at creative therapy today and I didn't even care. I thought, "Oh what the heck, it's one of my last ones, it doesn't matter." I'm coloring it in with ink and that may actually improve it. I have two days left to produce something decent. Maybe I'll have a stroke of genius on Monday all of the sudden and make something wonderful. And maybe Rome was built in one day. I just realized that I would have liked to have made one more collage and I think that if I work fast, I may be able to do it, if I can find the right images. I'll have to look through some magazines I have here and see what I can come up with. I steal magazines wherever I am (not in stores, in waiting rooms), and I have some very good ones here. I almost feel like an evil witch coming up with my little ideas, hee hee!

Oh, by the way, I'm still wearing my new boots and have been all day and they are very comfortable and keep my feet warm and dry. You know how you have some footwear that you have to take off the minute you get home? Well, these I don't. I can wear them non stop. I'm going to toss out two pairs of boots this weekend that are both worn out past repair and I'm never going to buy cheap boots again, because it's just not worth it. I can only wear them one year and then they're worn out completely. It's because of my crooked back and my uneven legs. It makes me wear my shoes and boots out fast if they're not very strongly made. I need very sturdy footwear. Believe me guys. Spend money on good shoes!

I darn near killed three very good house plants. First I forgot to water them and they went limp and then, in my zeal to save them, I over watered them and they started to drop their leaves, leaving them kind of ragged looking. I know they will recuperate, but it will take a while and in the meantime I'm afraid to touch them for fear that they'll drop more leaves. I tell you, you can tell a lot about my mental state of health by looking at my plants. If they look poorly, I'm not doing well. If they've died, I'm in trouble. The thing now is to nurture them back to health again. If I can do that, all is well. Or I may have to go out and buy new plants. That's another option.

Now I've missed the 6 pm news and the 8 pm news, which means that I'll have to watch the 10 pm news. Never fear, there's always a news program sooner or later.

Well, that's all I have to tell you tonight. I'm going to get my pajamas on and vegetate. That's always a nice way to spend the evening. It does mean that I have to take those nice boots off. Oh well...

Ciao,
Nora

Wasting no time and dressed warm enough.

Because it's such miserable weather outside, stormy and rainy with gusts of cold wind, I have dressed in a double layer of clothes this morning and I am so pleasantly warm, that I am surprised at myself for not having thought of it sooner, because I was suffering for naught and being very unhappy in the cold and hating every moment of it. Now I am nicely warm, in the apartment too even, although it isn't really cold in here, but it just feels that way. I've got my green scarf wrapped loosely around my neck and am wearing my comfortable boots with my thickest socks and I'm toasty warm. I don't feel a draft around my legs, because I'm wearing two pairs of leggings. It's true, I only imagine I feel a draft and think my knees are getting cold, but the power of suggestion does a lot to a body. I don't even want to imagine that I'm cold, I want to feel that I'm really insulated. I'm wearing a long sleeved stretch t-shirt under my long sleeved top too, so my top half is also warm.

This made a huge difference when I got on my bike this morning, cursing the weather and praying that it wouldn't rain again, and I almost made it to creative therapy without getting wet, but I was warm.

The good thing about waterproof mascara is that you don't look like a raccoon when you arrive at your destination. All these things you have to think about. You could wear a hat, but it will make your hair flat and funny and you will look like a goof ball and no amount of fussing with you hair will set it right. Without a hat, there is a chance that it will get wet and that in combination with your hairspray will also give you a funky effect when you try to rub it dry with a towel. You will look like a punker and that is very hip and modern if you don't mind that look. I personally mind it less than the flat and funny look, which makes me look like a nun without her head cap on.

I always wait for the rain to stop and I say many wishful little prayers and make deals with a higher being. As soon as it stops raining, I rush out on my bike and try to get wherever I'm going before it rains again. Sometimes I make it and sometimes I don't. Sometimes it starts to rain when I'm out walking the dog and he picks that moment to decide he's found a very interesting spot to sniff for a very long time, until it dawns on him that it is raining and that he doesn't like that and we can go home. Needless to say, we´re wet by that time. Luckily, I don´t much mind the smell of wet dog and it disappears when he is dry again.

The gusts of wind make you feel cold through and through and that is really what you have to dress for. It´s more miserable than a cold freezing day without wind.

My sister came and picked up the paintings from creative therapy today. All five of them and it was the first time she saw them. She liked them a lot and told me to sell them for a lot of money. I´ve got them stacked against the wall of my bedroom now and I don´t rightly know what to do with them. I´ll have to ponder on it for a while. I suppose I can hang some of them up on the wall space that I have left, but I don´t have room for all five of them and I really should try to sell them, but I don´t know how yet. I´ll think about that. The problem is, that I´m attached to everything I make and only want them to go to people I like. The other thing is that I like a lot of people and if I knew they got good homes, it would be good advertising for me too. Like the collages. I could send those to people in a tube, if I knew they would get properly framed at their destination. I know one person who has a shop. I need to get in touch with her and see about selling my stuff there. I also want to frame some things for myself to hang up in the living room.

So you see, you create and create, but what do you do with it? That´s the question.

I was tired of lugging cans of dog food home with me, so I went to a pet store on line and ordered dog food there. I figured out what I spend at the store every month and then picked out what I could afford. It will be delivered free of charge in a few days. The dog has a surprise coming to him. He is going on a diet and will be getting smaller portions and more dried food. I will have to be very strict with him and not give in to his sad looking cocker spaniel eyes when he refuses to eat the very good dried food. I got him the best and he has to eat it. It will be a matter of his willpower against mine, except that he can bark when he´s stubborn and wake up the neighbors. He´s got that trick all figured out. He knows if he barks early in the morning, he gets what he wants sooner.

A slice of rye bread is the size of a slice of cake, but then much thinner. I just can´t eat a whole slice of rye bread with luncheon meat on it. The last bite or two are for the dog. I have to pay close attention to the feeling in my little stomach above my gastric band and as soon as it gets the least bit of pressure on it, I have to stop eating. As a matter of fact, I should spit out the bite that I have in my mouth and not even swallow it. That will prevent all discomfort. I have to chew my food very well, really grind it into the smallest possible pieces before I swallow it. That´s why it was so easy to eat the porridge. It just slid down without any problem, but it was very fattening and I put lots of sugar on it. It´s no wonder I gained all that weight. Eating the rye bread is okay. It tastes good, but it is a lot harder than eating the porridge and not nearly as satisfying. But it does make me feel full and that is the main thing. I´m not feeling hungry and I really have to think about if I want to eat again. If I eat too soon, I will be extremely uncomfortable and that is absolutely no fun. I can´t stuff my face, which I suppose is a very good thing.

Shoot, do you see how I jump from one subject to the next? That´s the way my mind works. Never dwell on one thing for too long, get on to the next thing as quickly as possible. Don´t be dull and long winded. Be surprising and amusing.

Well, I´ve been amusing long enough now and I´m going to end this long ramble that´s not going anywhere in particular quickly. At creative therapy, I drew a big circle and filled it with little four leaved flowers done in pen and ink. Now I´m coloring them with a teeny brush and colored ink. It´s monk´s work and it keeps me off the streets.

Ciao,
Nora

Rien ne va plus.

I just woke up from a mega nap. I was so sound asleep that I didn't hear the alarm clock go off at 6 pm. It warns me to take my medicines and is very loud and obnoxious, but eventually turns itself off. I think that happens after four minutes, so for four minutes that crazy things beeped like mad and I wonder what the neighbors thought. Luckily, nobody broke down the front door thinking it was the smoke alarm and that I was lying unconscious on the sofa.

What wore me out so very much, was the fact that I went to the grocery store myself. I just had to get some shopping done and I was unable to get a hold of the Exfactor. I tried for two hours, but finally gave up and realized that I had to go myself. It was difficult and as I was getting ready I felt a lot of anxiety and almost didn't go at all, but I needed milk and dog food and coffee, so I just had to go. I was anxious on the bike ride over and thought I would probably have a nervous breakdown in the store, but then I thought, "Okay, if that's the worst thing that's going to happen to you, then so be it."

Then I went through the stress of getting a shopping cart (trolley) and getting the groceries and going through the check out stand and putting all the groceries in the bike bags and the shopping bag, and after that the worst of it was over. I had survived that with a bear sitting on my chest and a rapidly beating heart. All that was left to do was ride my bike home safely and unpack the groceries. Somehow that seemed manageable, but when I was done, I was so exhausted, that all I wanted to do was lie down and sleep.

I feel the anxiety just writing about it. To make matters worse, I probably have to go again on Saturday, because I was unabe to get enough stuff to last me through the weekend. So I have that to look forward to and I'm already worrying about it. It was crowded in the store this afternoon too and for a change I had to wait in line at the check out stand, which gives you too much time to contemplate your situation and anticipate all the things that can go wrong. You see how I get to be a nervous wreck.

This morning at creative therapy I was fine. I made a drawing on a big piece of paper and colored it with ink and I am only mildly happy with it. It is something I thought about painting on canvas, but now that I've seen it worked out on paper, I don't think that I will. It's an idea I had that was not originally mine and it shows. I have to stick with the things that I think of myself and not try to imitate other people. I have to do my own stuff. You live and learn and you learn from your mistakes just as well as from your successes. It´s not a wasted morning, because I know what not to do now, and I would have made the mistake of trying to put it on canvas and that would have been a shame.

I think it´s a good idea if I just stick to the paintings I´ve been making and variations thereof and the collages of the two various kinds, those with colored paper and paints and inks, and those with images and text I get out of magazines. I think the colored paper ones have my preference right now. At home I have to work in a smaller space than I do in the therapy classes, so I have to scale down my activities a bit. There won´t be room for huge pieces of paper. I can still buy the canvasses, though. They´re on sale at the cheap variety store close by that also sells art supplies. It´s just a matter of getting them home in one piece.

When I have the time and energy and inclination, I´m actually quite excited about doing art at home. I work at the dining table now, although that is not the best place to work, but for now it will do. I have my supplies stacked on a chair and scoot it under the table. Other things are lying in boxes in my bedroom. I still have watercolors and colored pencils there. I mustn´t forget the watercolors when I do the collages, they are very handy and I can make them as rich in color as I want. You see, writing about it already gets me excited.

I´m glad tomorrow is a day off. I hardly got anything done yesterday, due to extensive nap taking. I perform one major task and think I have to lie down and sleep. Blessed sleep. I feel that it´s so good for me right now. It does take up a lot of time, but it is so healing and so comforting and I sleep well at night too. I look forward to going to bed with my book and getting cozy under the duvet. I´m asleep in no time and this morning I was actually awoken by the alarm clock. Yes, that time I was, it was right by my head.

I´m going to get my pajamas on now and see if I can watch some TV while I have something to eat. Then it will be time to go to bed. What a wonderful thing. I can´t wait.

Have a good night, you all.

Ciao,
Nora

Sunday afternoon.

It took some courage to put those collages up yesterday. I had made them a few years ago and not with the idea in mind that I would ever show them publicly. I think they are good and I always had them hanging in the living room, until recently when they moved to my bedroom, but because I like them, it doesn't automatically mean that other people will like them as well. You can be quite taken with your own work and it still can have no meaning to another person.

Anyway, I got up early this morning and made a drawing that is a prototype for a painting that I'm going to make at creative therapy. My inspiration for it was an artist called Lori Rase Hall, who was brought to my attention by Friend of the Bear. Her paintings are fabulous and so colorful and vivid that I wish they were mine and I would very much like to have her imagination. Another artist who was brought to my attention is Rachel Olsen and she is great, you really need to look at her work. She's another one who is very inspiring. I can do no work like it ever. She's that good.

I made another drawing, that's also a prototype for a painting, that I made up myself. I think I will make that one second after the Lori Hall one.I'm quite excited about making them, but at the same time I have a bit of trepidation, because I'm moving out of my comfort zone. It's just a little bit nerve wrecking and when I go to work on it tomorrow, I will have a healthy amount of anxiety, but I've got the steps planned on how to go about it.

After I made the drawings and spent some time behind the computer and walked the dog, I went back to bed and slept until noontime. It was wonderful and I feel very well rested now. I'm dealing with the anxiety, that I feel so often, by doubling up on my tranquilizers, something which I will discuss with my psychiatrist when I see him tomorrow. I want more than anything to feel relaxed and it is so awful when you feel like a hunted animal that is constantly alert. The tranquilizers give me a feeling of peace, which I have been lacking lately, and I am not heroic enough to get this feeling on my own. As long as I don't turn into a dull Jane, I'm not concerned. It does take a lot to get me down and out.

It's raining again, as it has been on and off for the past few days. I can't walk the dog, but he has enormous bladder control and he can always go out back. He won't want to, though, if it's raining, because he hates to get wet.

The Exfactor was here yesterday and was kind enough to go to the store for me to get the things that I needed for the weekend. He is such a good helper, I don't know what I'd do without him. Yes, I would go to the store myself with all the consequences that come with it, but right now I can only go to safe places, although now that I've doubled up on the tranquilizers, maybe more places will be safe. Hmph...you believe that and I'll sell you the Brooklyn Bridge and a nice piece of land in Florida. Guaranteed to be swamp free.

I have some pots with soil and no plants in them standing outside and in two of them, little trees have started to grow. I don't know what kind they are yet, but they look like they are going to be big trees. These are not small decorative trees, so I'll have to keep trimming them. I like that so much. Mother nature gives me these things for free. I wish things would start to grow in the other pots as well, but I'll have to plant something in them next year.

Well, that's all the talking I have to do for now. I'm sure there will be more at a later time today, you never know! I always do have the need to keep expressing myself, even if I have nothing important to say. I'm going to draw and paint now. That will keep me out of trouble.

Ciao,
Nora.

Collages

Call down the Gods

Childhood

Renaissance

Judgment

The little Prince

Field of Flowers

See the Previous Post, Please.

For the paintings, drawings and collages, please see the previous post. I made the effort to put them up, and also took the courage too, so I don't want you to miss them and give me your opinion on them, because that's very important to me. I do notice that now that I've posted them, it gives me more incentive to create more collages and paintings, but especially colorful collages, which I have not made in a while and I'm now excited about making more of them. I'll be starting on those tomorrow, considering I liked the ones I posted so much and you seemed to like them too.

The reason I am now writing this post, is because it is the middle of the night again, and I am wide awake as I am so often lately and unlikely to go to bed for a while. I've read all the blogs and commented on them and I've read all the emails and responded to them also. So, there is nothing left to do but write a post, because I have to keep myself occupied and out of trouble somehow, though I realize that I could be doing some artwork instead also, but it may not be the right time for that. The muse may not be as wide awake as I am.

The day which I had so carefully planned this morning, did not go as I had expected it to, because when I was in the bathroom getting ready, I got a sheer case of nerves when I thought about the fact that I had to go downtown in the afternoon. I was practically trembling when I thought about it and I had a tightness about my chest and I felt a lot of anxiety. I knew only one thing could set me free, and that would be to cancel my afternoon plans, which I quickly did with an email to my friend Von.

Having done that, I felt the anxiety drop away from me immediately and I could think straight again. Right away, my mood improved and I was happy again and life was manageable once more. I was not worried about going to creative therapy, which is a 5 minute bike ride away from here and a very safe place for me to go to. I was looking forward to it and it was a very uncomplicated thing to do.

When I came home, it was with a great deal of relief that I put my bike inside the hallway with the thought that I did not have to go out again, but some time later I remembered that I had to go to the pharmacy to pick up five kinds of medicines. Well, that was a problem. I had a dilemma and started screwing up my courage to go over there, but to get there meant that I had to ride my bike along a busy street and cross two busy intersections. This seemed to me too fraught with possible stress and I didn't want to go and kept postponing it, until I got the brilliant idea that the pharmacy also delivers and I called them and asked them if they would do that for me and they agreed to, much to my relief. So, I was off the hook and could relax. I did take an extra tranquilizer, because I needed to calm down a bit.

I spent part of the afternoon painting two drawings that I had started earlier and that I want to finish before I do anything else. I also want to finish the field of flowers, because I looked at it today and saw that it was too neat and organized and it wants a little more randomness and abundance. I am trying to not leave anything unfinished, unless it is a total flop and I can't do a thing with it, but save the paper for another purpose. For making a collage on, for example.

The Exfactor has brought me another box of tubes of acrylic paints and there is an idea growing in my head about something I want to make. You all know the painting "American Gothic." I want to do something like that under a starry dark moonlit night, but I first have to find a good image of it and my printer is without ink. I may have it in one of my art books. I'll have to look for it. I have a vision of how I want it to look, but it has to square up with the original version. I don't know yet how much I'm going to change about it. I suppose I'll google it shortly and maybe make a sketch of it.

It's nice to have all these possible ideas floating around inside your head and to have to go look for examples of the animals or people or objects that you want to represent in your painting. You're bound to have to do some research. Who can draw an elephant without having a good look at one? Or a cow? Or a giraffe?

I slept on the sofa in the evening. I felt a good nap coming up as I was eating my dinner. I was yawning and not trying to fall asleep as I was watching the news afterwards, but I couldn't help myself and now I'm uninformed again. I'll have to watch the repeats in a little while. At least I will know something, even though they are the condensed versions. People who stay up all night long are not supposed to be fully informed, I guess. It's a very Calvinistic point of view.

Jesker is sleeping in the bedroom in spite of the fact that I'm not there. He has come out once or twice to have a look at me, but then grumpily goes back to his pillow there. I suppose I am disturbing his good night's rest. He does like his peace and quiet just like I do and the lights out.

Well, I'll go look up that painting and maybe do some art. Just a little bit of it, since it's almost morning, while I listen to the news.

Have a good morning, all of you. Enjoy your Saturday.

Ciao,
Nora

Paintings, drawings, collages.

Painting Number One

Painting number two

Painting number three

Drawing number one

Drawing number two

Collage number one

Collage number two

All of the images are cropped, in other words, they are a little bit smaller than the actual size to take off the "noise" that was on the sidelines, the easel, etc.

Enjoy,
Nora

The almost laziest day of the week.

I can't say that it was the laziest day of the week, because tomorrow I may be even lazier than I was today, but the real laziest part was when I took an afternoon nap on the sofa and slept for two hours. This was after I cleaned up the kitchen and the dining table and ate lunch. I scrubbed the kitchen counter, which is made of stamped aluminum and always is dirtier than I can imagine why. I'd do anything for a tiled counter. Well no, not anything. I do draw the line at some things, but I would like a tiled counter very much.

I organized my felt tip markers by size and wrapped colored rubber bands around them. Then I got an artist portfolio out and put my painted drawings in it, along with my smaller collages that I made at some other time in my short artist life, and that I still like very much, and they will inspire me to make more, as soon as I get some ordinary sketch paper. I don't want to use the watercolor paper for them, as it is too precious. My second drawing is all done and it turned out well.

I'm sometimes to impatient to wait for the paint to dry, but the sun was shining through the windows and I laid the drawing in it so the wet paint could dry quickly. I finished it with the black felt tip marker and you will get to see it when I have my second canvas done and I will take photos of everything.

I also organized my brushes and am pleased that I have so many of them. I have skinny ones and thicker ones, so one for every job and I clean them very well when I am done with them. I think these are brushes that the Exfactor bought, because they are good quality, and I must have pinched them at some time and made them my own. They were in a kitchen cupboard and I had overlooked them until just very recently and didn't even know they were still there. Lucky me.

I have colored paper and some other white paper and maybe I will make a collage tonight. There is never that much on television and I can have it on as background noise. I don't need to see what is happening. I can imagine that. I haven't made a colored paper collage in a long time and all I need to do is find some glue, and I think I even have some of that, and a good stiff brush to apply it with. It's very important that I am inspired, so I hope one of the muses will be with me anyway.

Needless to say my arms and hands have splotches of paint on them and I haven't taken the time yet to wash them off. I will hop in the shower shortly and do that. At least you can tell which colors I've been using. The colors red and green dominate today. I must buy larger tubes of acrylic paints, because these little tubes will be gone in no time. I try to use them sparingly, but sometimes it is hard to judge how much I will use of a color and I squeeze out too much.

There's a good store close to where the Exfactor lives that sells all sorts of artist supplies cheaply and I will send him there with some money and have him pick up some things for me. It's a better store than the one close to me and has a better selection. I know I would go crazy in a store like that and I better not be set lose in it or I would spend the household budget, such as it is.

Next week, I will be doing creative therapy on Wednesdays as well and I'm looking forward to that very much, because I will be learning techniques that I don't know now. I want to absorb as much as I can in the time I have left and try out whatever I can. Which reminds me that I also have to buy an old fashioned pen and a pen holder to draw with and a pot of ink. I see I have to make a list of things I need.

Anyway, the therapist in the Wednesday class knows a lot of things that I want to know and I need to tap into her brain and get as many ideas out as possible. How to work with Arabian gum, for instance, and how to work with wet watercolor paper and colored ink.

I should have gone to the Art Academy. I would have been happy there. Maybe itś not too late and I can still go. Nah, it's a pipe dream. I'm doing well on my own and I will just keep going this way.

Now I'm off to take a shower and put on my pajamas. Then I'm making a collage. Wish me luck with it. I will need some. Like I said, it's been awhile since I made this kind.

Have a great evening.

Ciao,
Nora.

In the middle of the night...

I am wide awake. I fell asleep on the sofa yesterday evening and then moved to my bed at eleven o'clock, but I just woke up again, ready to start the day that isn't even remotely here yet. I guess it's going to be one of those mixed up nights again. I'm not concerned about it, because I don't have to be anywhere today, except for the pharmacy where I have to pick up some medications and I can do that at any time.

Yesterday was a nice enough day as birthdays go, but I suddenly hit a low point at about seven o'clock in the evening. My mood tumbled down and I became sad and disheartened. I knew the thing to do was to go to sleep, so I ate some dinner and put on my pajamas and laid down on the sofa, where I promptly fell asleep. It was the best thing I could have done and when I woke up at eleven, and I still felt that way, the best thing to do was to take my medicines and to go to bed. I didn't even bother reading my book and just went straight to sleep.

I think any event, no matter how big or little, has a tendency to upset me and throw me off balance and I guess certainly my birthday did, although I was happy about it during the day, so even happy events can be upsetting. I felt as if I suddenly became depressed, but that mood is gone and now I feel pretty neutral, which in itself is an odd thing, because how can you feel neutral about anything? That means you don't feel one way or the other. Still, it's better than feeling depressed.

I bought an apple pie and chocolate chip cupcakes yesterday, because my nephew doesn't like pie. I also bought him a bottle of diet coke, which I now have to finish and that is a real sacrifice. The apple pie was delicious, which I knew it would be, because the store is well known for them. I also did the grocery shopping at the same time and it wasn't all that bad. It was busy in the store but the lines weren't too long and I was done in no time. Which goes to show you that what you dread to do is never as bad as you think it will be.

My sister got me a hardbound Inspector Linley novel and the Exfactor got me a very good bicycle tire pump, the kind that stands up. He says I've got another present coming at the end of the week, so I'm looking forward to that. My oldest sister sent me money and she doesn't half know how welcome that is, because I now have 50 Euros in cash. That's a lot of cash for me and is a week's worth of groceries. When you're on a low budget, that counts.

My cups of coffee are tasting especially good right now. I just made my second one and it turned out just right. I also took a tranquilizer about an hour ago to get rid of the stress I felt, even though I at first was not aware of it. I so often feel stress without realizing it, until I pay attention to myself and feel that my body is tensed up and that my jaw is tight. When I take a tranquilizer, everything relaxes after awhile, and includes the softening of my thoughts, which is very welcome. It's like a load is removed from my shoulders and everything is so much easier.

My sister called my attention to the fact that the dog has gotten fat and she is right, he is overweight, but I had already started to cut down on his food, so hopefully that will help. He is getting half the portion of canned food that he was getting and he is not complaining, so he is getting enough food. He was most likely getting too much to eat before.

I am going to two more ergo therapy sessions. Then I will have my meeting with my therapists and my SPN and I will start the new creative therapy class. I think that's fair enough and two more sessions are okay. It also gives me a chance to say my proper goodbyes to the group, of which there are only three original people left that I started out with. You do become attached to them, but I will still see them at the clinic during coffee breaks. I am looking forward to the creative therapy class on Wednesdays, which is a different one than I go to on Mondays and Fridays, so I will learn different techniques there.

I finished the first painting and I took a photo of it, but I haven't downloaded it yet, so I can't show you it. I will in good time. I've started another one on a new canvas and I've got most of it drawn on there already. I knew what I was doing this time and the scale is a little bit better, I think, although my therapist said it is fine in the first one and when I was done with it, someone wanted to buy it, but I said no. She didn't say how much she wanted to pay for it and if she had offered a 100 Euros, I would have said yes. I don't come cheap.

I'm looking forward to the day when I can buy some frames for some of my collages. I want to frame at least two of them and hang them up in the living room. I've already picked out the ones I want to do. It will be nice having them up and being able to look at them every day, and to think, "Yes, I've made those and I'm happy with them." That's a satisfaction I can't wait for.

I hope you all have a very good day filled with good and satisfying events. I'm hoping for a day filled with serenity myself.

Ciao...

Refreshed again.

I took my somewhat worn out and very sore body to creative therapy on my bike this morning, and let me tell you, riding my bike was a job and a half, because I really felt my sore back and on my bike also I kept leaning to the left, making me want to drift into the road. Luckily, it is just a short distance that I have to go and I didn't cause any accidents.

The people out on the smoker's deck were happy to see me, but misinterpreted my tired and pain reflected face as it going very badly with me and were all concerned about me, so I had to quiet the waters there a bit first and reassure them that I was okay, even after not having been there for a week, which they were curious about, but tried not to be.

I saw the head therapist and we made an appointment to talk during the break.

Then I went to the studio and talked to the therapist there about my absence and I explained myself to her a bit, so she would understand where I was coming from. She wanted to know about my appointments with my SPN and the head therapist and said that it was important that I have those. I reassured her that I had those appointments and that I was in touch with my SPN.

I started to make a collage, but it didn't turn out very well, because I had a hard time sitting on the chair comfortably.

At break time I talked to the head therapist and I told her about my rapid cycling and her concern was that when I stopped therapy, there would be nobody to pick up and point out my moods to me. I am hypo or am I depressed? Anyway, we agreed on 3 half days of therapy a week, which is what I wanted and she thought it was a good idea. She also told me to go home and sleep for a while, which I did for 4 hours and I felt much better when I woke up, except for my blooming back.

I am taking mega doses of paracetamol for it, because the pills from the doctor don't work one bit, but those are anti inflammatory and maybe that is why.

I am keeping this short, because of my back, I have a hard time sitting here and typing for a long time.

Just wanted you to know that basically everything worked out okay.

Have a good evening!

Ciao...

An Itsy Bitsy Long Day...

It feels good to finally sit down here and to know that I really don't have to do another thing until tomorrow morning. All I have to do is write this post and watch the news and drink my decaf and smoke my cigarettes. For some strange reason, though, the Senseo machine isn't turning out good cups of coffee and I wonder if I have to kick it or give it a good cleaning with vinegar. It's giving me very watery cups of coffee that don't taste very good at all. As a matter of fact, this morning my first cup refused to wake me up. I guess I'll put vinegar on the shopping list for tomorrow.

It seems like I had a long day, but it was actually over in no time at all. For a change the alarm clock woke me up and I considered shutting it off and turning over and going to sleep some more, but then decided that I shouldn't miss creative therapy, although I had no idea what I was going to do there.

So I very sleepily got up and made that lousy cup of coffee and drank it in spite of it being so bad, but made up for it by smoking three cigarettes and then I got up to see what was in my closet that I absolutely had to wear today, I picked two safe things to wear, both weather wise and fashion wise and ended up looking very demure and matronly. Well, maybe it was not quite that bad...

Just as I was getting ready to walk Jesker, a thunderstorm hit and it started to pour, which gave me an opportunity to make a better cup of coffee and feed the cats, those poor animals that are always hungry. We had to wait for about half an hour for it to stop raining and then I took my chance and we went out for a quick walk around the block.

After that it was time for me to leave and just when I got to the clinic and locked my bike, it started to rain again, so I hurried inside and just got some big splatters on my head. Timing is everything in this life. It poured like crazy once I was safely inside. The weather gods are kind to me, but then who are they unfriendly to? Some poor bloke must have been out there getting wet. More than one of them, most likely.

At creative therapy I worked on a project that I had abandoned some months ago. It is a collage booklet that I had halfheartedly started on and I finally decided to finish it. So I had to find more images and texts and paste those in and then paint the pages, which I did. Now I have to jazz them up a bit with pastel crayons and whatever else I can think of.

Sometimes I don't know why I start these projects, because I have a half baked idea in my head and just start to work on it without thinking it all the way through. I guess I think I'll just go ahead and surprise myself.

-------------------------

I had to stop writing this post, because I was so sleepy that I had to go lie down on the sofa for a nap. I did and fell sound asleep and vaguely remember making it to my bed sometime during the evening. I have my pajamas on anyway. Then of course, I woke up a while ago, wide awake and ready to go in the middle of the night, but that's okay, because I like these quiet hours.

It's confusing to Jesker who thinks it's time to get up and do a piddle and eat, but he is now sound asleep again by my feet on the hard linoleum. The cats also thought it was time to eat, but I ignored them and left them to their kibbles, which they are perfectly capable of eating.

I did manage to get a good cup of coffee and am going to try and get another one now.

Anyway, yesterday afternoon I met Von at café Charlemagne on the Our Dear Lady Square and we were lucky in that it didn't rain all afternoon, which was good, as I sat just at the edge of the overhang and would have gotten wet.

All around us people were eating and I decided to order a grilled cheese sandwich with curry sauce, but my eyes were bigger than my stomach and you can imagine the later results when we were walking through town and I had to visit the ladies room in a department store. I felt much better after that and could shop, where before I had been unable to concentrate on the items on sale.

We ended up in my favorite women's store and I found a long, knitted, black, short sleeved top on sale for 10 Euros and a set of 5 matching bracelets for 4 Euros, which was just about all the cash I had with me, so that was perfect. Von asked me if I didn't need to try on the top and I said that I never tried anything on, and I was right, because when I got home, it fit me perfectly and I was quite happy with it. Of course, it's black and knitted and attracts all the dog and cat hair and I constantly have to keep it clean, but what the heck!

Oh, and let me tell you. Making any sort of trip on my bike now is so much easier and safer. I don't have to worry about a thing. I stop and go when I want to and keep going when I want to and I don't have to worry about falling over and breaking my neck, and the pedals are always in the right position when I want to take off, because that was a problem too. I need to start off with my left foot downward, otherwise I don't get going properly and get in trouble. So, here's to my new bike!

Now, before I forget to do this, John of typos.daylight.fate has granted me an award for which I am very grateful and here it is:

There are some rules that go with getting this award and here they are:

1. Accept the award, post it on your blog together with the name of the person who has granted the award, and his or her blog link.
2. Pass the award to 15 other blogs that you love and/or have newly discovered.
3. Remember to contact the bloggers to let them know they have been chosen for this award.
4. Use the One Lovely Blog award picture from my blog, on your blog to let everyone know that you have one lovely Blog!

I am breaking the rules and am not passing this on to 15 other bloggers. I think that would be too much of a good thing and I would sit here for hours doing that, but I will pass it on to a few people I think are especially deserving of it.

1. Babaloo @ Fairymix.com
2. Grit @ Grit's Day
3. Maggie @ Nuts in May
4. WWW@ The Other Side of Sixty
5. Laurie @ Three Dog Blog
6. Connie @ A Crone's Chronicle
7.Angelique @ Sugar Cain
8. Sanna @ Violet Sky
9. Gail @ At the Farm
10. Casdok @ Faces of Autism
11. Jo @ Jo Beaufoix
12. Lisa Sarsfield @ Lucky Dip

Well, that is close to 15, but not quite. I think it is enough, but God forbid I forgot someone. Please let yourself be known to me if you think I forgot you. I scanned two lists and may have overlooked you in my eagerness to get it right.

In the meantime, the clock's hand are moving toward the dawn and at any minute now some birds ought to start singing. I've got the blinds open and can see the whole street by the light of the street lamp. That way I'll see the morning start sooner. Only one cat is visible, but I'm sure the other one is laying on my bed.

Today will be housecleaning and grocery shopping day. Oh, such fun, will it never end? The only good part about it is the Brie I will buy. I also must open my mail and check my bank account to make sure I'm still solvent. I'm amazingly free of fear of opening my mail today. That must be due to my medication. Those good old pills!

Have yourself a terrific Saturday and hopefully we won't get rained on too much, although the trick seems to be to wait for the afternoon, when it stays dry.

Ciao...

Who's to say?

Up bright and early, as I have been for these past few days, It seems to agree with me, as I get some work done behind the computer and I get to drink my coffee and savor it and smoke my cigarettes and savor them also. In a while, I will have my tall glass of fruit juice when I take my medicines and really and truly wake up.

Right now I'm sitting in the twilight zone of the darkness before dawn by the light of my desk lamp and it is very cozy. Jesker and Toby are asleep on the blanket in a pact of brotherly love. They're both black and white and match up well. Toby and Gandhi have had their breakfast and Jesker has had his Bonzo bone, so everyone is temporarily satisfied. I put the emphasis on temporarily, because nobody permanently is. There will have to be a next round of food coming up soon.

I saw my therapist (SPN) yesterday and we had a good talk. I told her that I had made a pact with a fellow blogger that from now on I would consider myself a healthy person just like anybody else and conduct myself accordingly, even though I had some trepidations about it, but she thought it was an excellent idea and imagined me climbing on a healthy horse with my disorders as a little bit of baggage hanging off my saddle and she said that everyone has baggage, and that it is a good idea to think of myself as a regular, ordinary person just like anybody else and to not act out of my "diseased" parts anymore. It's much better to act out of the healthy parts and deal with the aspects of the disorders as they pop up.

It's nice to be understood so quickly and to get someone's blessings so completely. I think she had been trying to make this clear to me before, but I hadn't heard her, or had not been listening properly. Had not been receptive to the message, which is what happens when you're not ready and haven't reached that stage of perception yet.

So anyway, that is where its stands. I am to be a regular, healthy person from now on and behave that way too and call on the healthy parts of me to see me through a problem. Those are the parts that are so visible when I am hypomanic and so very capable of doing things with a great deal of courage and spunk and that are then not suppressed by all sorts of worries and anxieties. She said that if I was capable of it then, I should be capable of it always. It's in me to be that way.

I also had creative therapy yesterday and finished coloring a doodle I had made and I make these things without a clue as to what I'm going to do with them. They are just a way to fill in time and to keep me busy, they don't have a real purpose. I must change my tactics and do something useful there, produce something worthwhile. Maybe it is time I make collages on Tuesdays as well. All I need are some really good magazines for the images and texts. I can steal them from the smoker's room and the coffee break room. There are so many there, they won't miss one or two.

Oh, there's a thunderstorm moving in. Fun and games! It's supposed to be very warm today with rain and apparently thunder too. It will be very tropical here.

I went to the supermarket yesterday to pick up a few things and one of them was a piece of Brie. Since I've discovered it, they've raised the price to 85 cents. The cheap Camembert is never in supply anymore, so one of these days I'll have to buy the more expensive one. What is it with me and soft cheeses anyway at the moment? You'd think I had discovered a new food source. I'm going to make myself gain weight eating Brie and Camembert and vanilla yogurt, which I also can't get enough of. I must have an addiction to dairy foods. I am a true Dutch woman from the land of dairy products. Do any of you have this dairy product addiction?

Well, I think that just about does it for me. I will answer my emails next. I'm being awfully slow poky this morning.

Have a good day.

Ciao...

Is it time yet?

I'm up early, but I've done so much sleeping since last night that I think it doesn't matter if I'm up already now. I hardly remember what I did last night, except that I think I slept a lot and when I woke up I was ravished and ate a two egg omelet, which surprisingly stayed down. It was all light and fluffy, though, and Jesker sat beside me for naught, because I ate it all by myself. He resigned himself to that, but what else could he do? Gandhi came and licked the salt from the plate and Jesker watched her with a curious look on his face, because he knew that plate was empty.

Speaking of cats, Toby and Gandhi now stand on the kitchen counter together and wait for me to get there and then find all possible ways to show me how much they love me and purr loudly.
They make quite a production out of it, but it's all to get that delicious food in the pouches. Boy, do they love that! They hardly give me time to put it in their dishes, they are already eating before I'm done. It pleases me very much to see them eat with such an appetite and I really don't mind. They also eat their kibbles still, so they are getting enough nutrition, although the more food in pouches they eat, the less kibbles. Those cats have me all figured out.

Eduard always says that those animals don't have anything else to do but observe us all day long and they completely figure us out that way. I think there is a lot of truth in that.

Today is creative therapy day and the first thing I'm going to do is destroy that ugly sculpture I made and not start a new one, because I think that right now I should not be sculpting. I'm obviously not in a sculpting state of mind and haven't been for a while. You must have the right feeling in your fingers in order to sculpt well and I don't have it lately. I also don't have any place left to put another sculpture. I have four standing in the bedroom on the shelves there and three in the living room.

I had started a silly doodle, but I'm not sure if I'm going to finish it. I have to look at it today and see what I think about it. It is very possible that I'll make a collage, because that's more the frame of mind I'm in. Making a statement about something or other, be it politics or society or mental health or whatever. Anything to get a feeling out. Whatever feeling. It doesn't matter which one.

I'm also seeing Von this afternoon, but we're not going to eat ourselves silly, we've already decided on that. Since we're both on a healthy eating diet, it doesn't seem like such a good idea and the fact is, that once you've started to eat something good, you only want more of it, so to prevent that, we're not even going to start.

I can buy a delicious Camembert for 99 cents at my local supermarket. I bought some the other day and let it get to room temperature and then ate it and it was great. Jesker also liked it. I couldn't finish it by myself. So, now I always have the Brie or the Camembert to look forward to, although I don't know which I prefer.

I'm going to take great care in how I dress today. It's not going to be too warm, so I can even wear long sleeves. I want to look really nice and I'm going to plow through my closet and find just the right things. So, it really is nice that I've gotten up early today. I can even do some ironing if I have to.

I hope you all have a great day and that many good things happen to you.

Ciao...

Almost done with it...

Jesker got his haircut and bath yesterday and the woman who did the job didn't completely blow him dry, so he was pleasantly damp when I picked him up, which must have felt good to him, because the hot weather has been getting to him as well. He is constantly trying to find the coolest places to lie down.

My sister took us over there by car and after we dropped Jesker off, we did some grocery shopping, which was real handy for me and quite a luxury. I bought two different kinds of bread and two different kinds of lunch meats and some diet mayonnaise, so I can make good open faced sandwiches. Salami is my favorite. The bread is so delicious and comes from the supermarket's own bakery, so it's always fresh. Luckily, I can only eat one slice of it at the time and I'm very full, or else...

Once Jesker was home again, after he was missed a lot by me for that short little time, I took his picture, although he was a little reluctant. He was being coy.


So, there you have one clean cut and bathed dog.

I spent the afternoon doing a little bit of housework and a lot of computer time. I am so very much not interested in housekeeping that I only do things when they threaten to get out of hand and then I go at them with full gusto. Like hanging up another load of laundry, which I will have to do in a while.

I am especially anti housekeeping now that I have those people looking over my shoulder with their schedule and frankly, I am boycotting the whole thing.

This morning I was up before the alarm clock and had a very leisurely time waking up and being ahead of schedule. It's wonderful not to have to rush through things and take your time getting dressed. Not that the results were more spectacular. It's too hot to wear many clothes, so I pull on a skirt and a tank top and my slippers and that's it. Oh yes, and a necklace to finish the ensemble.

I had creative therapy, I have that a lot, don't I? You're right, I do. Three days a week, as a matter of fact. I don't know how I managed to get such a nice schedule, but I did.

I had seen a very modern magazine laying around in the smoking room and decided to swipe it and use the photographs in it to make a collage, which I haven't made in a long time. I wanted to finish it in one morning, so I hastily went to work and cut out the photos that I liked best. Then I sat out to paste and paint and paint and paint some more and then I crayoned. Giving me this result:


You can click on it for an enlargement, if you wish.

I was supposed to meet Von this afternoon at our favorite café, but as the time drew near, thunderclouds started to gather and it started to rumble and Von called to cancel, because the weather was supposed to get bad. Pretty soon the heavens opened up and rain fell accompanied by thunder and lightening. I immediately opened a couple of windows wide and felt a delicious draft going, but it still hasn't cooled off inside and it is 26 degrees Celsius in here. Still, the draft feels good and it's better than air conditioning.

Now I must go and do a little bit of cleaning out of my own free will, completely because I've decided to. Not because anybody is holding a gun to my head.

Have a nice rest of the day. I wish you rain if you need it and sunshine if you don't.

Ciao...

I'm very late...

I didn't wake up until 11 AM this morning. Couldn't believe my eyes when I looked at the alarm clock. And I felt so very well rested, really done with sleeping and ready to get up. The first thing I did was let the Überhund go out back for a long piddle while I made myself a mug of coffee and some cigarettes. As a matter of fact, he has been out there twice now and I haven't walked him yet and I'm still sitting here in my pajamas with the blinds closed and I'm feeling very decadent and smug about it.

The good part is, that it is Sunday and that somehow this all seems allowable on Sunday and that I feel perfectly entitled to not get off my lazy bum. What a wonderful way to waste time and be completely ineffectual. That, coupled with the fact that it is springtime, seems to have lightened my load and made me feel irresponsible just a little bit, although it is cloudy and windy outside and it looks like it is going to rain. Well, I don't know if rain has any real depressing qualities anyway. I can complain about getting wet, but I don't think it effects my mood in the negative sense. Sunshine certainly doesn't make me happy if I'm not in the mood.

I do like all the greenery around me. It's a heck of a relief not to see bare branches anymore, those may be poetic in a way, but I find them stark and depressing. And there is nothing as sad as a brown withered hedge or the cold hard frozen ground. Imagine my relief at not seeing sudden snow flurries come out of the sky or hail drop down, making the roads slick and dangerous to ride your bike on. I think I'm a tepid weather person, not too hot and not too cold. The occasional shower is okay too, to keep things green and keep the pollen count down.

One of my house plants is doing amazingly well and I wish I knew the name of it. I will post a picture of it and maybe one of you will know what it is. It's is sitting on the dining table and gets a lot of light from the windows there and just seems to love it. It is quite perky and turns itself to the light, so I keep turning it to give all the sides of the plant equal opportunity. I have another one just like it on a cabinet nearby, but it doesn't get as much light and is a slower grower, although it seems to be healthy too.


All my other plants need less light and do well, except for my fig plant that stands on a high table beside the window and sends all its leaves to the light, even if they have to grow down for it. It does well and I don't think I can kill it quickly and I just give it a load of water once a week.


I had to move the hardy fern closer to the window, because it was developing brown spots and I think it was getting too much water and not enough natural light. It grows very slowly, as a matter of fact, I hardly see any action at all.

Another low light plant that does amazingly well one watering once a week.

Now I have five empty pots sitting outside that need plants put into them and I don't know when I'll get around to that. I'm thinking about putting in ornamental grasses or bamboo even. I want my sister to go with me to the big garden center on the hill, so I can pick something out. Money is always a concern, so I have to really pay attention to the prices and this garden center is cheaper than the one around the corner and has a lot of choice.

Springtime is really the time when you get a lot of ideas about your interior and your exterior and all the expenses come at once. If I want to change my bedroom around, I have to paint the other room and I don't know if one coat of paint will cover the walls. It will be a major job, but the Exfactor is going to help me with it, so that will make it easier. I think I will do the potted plants first, though. They look so forlorn sitting there all empty.

I also have to frame two of my collages and I know where I can buy the perfect frames. It's just a question of planning the money and getting on the bus to go get them. It will be a little awkward to travel home with them, but I've done it before. You just need to hang on to them really well. I already know which collages I want to frame and I can't wait to have them up on the walls. There's nothing better than having your own art on the walls, except the art of other talented people, whom I just happen to know.

Well now, I think I've wasted enough time, although I can't say that I feel bad about it. Actually, I feel rather good about it, because what are Sundays for? They are like slow moving meandering brooks that have no hurry to get where they have to go, but just very pleasantly go their way. That's the kind of day this is.

I hope you are all enjoying your Sundays as well as I am and that they are filled with serenity.

Ciao...