Midnight...

What better time to sit down and write a post than at midnight when everybody else has gone to bed and the neighborhood is silent and the world around me seems to be at peace? That is, my own little piece of the world. I'm well aware of the fact that the world at large is not at peace at all, but I don't want to depress myself by thinking about how much of this is actually true, so I'll skip over that whole discussion and stick to my own little corner of it. I feel quite helpless at the moment to do anything about the world's larger problems and conflicts. Well, I usually do. I find recycling hard enough to do.

I napped a lot today. This was to offset yesterday when I didn't nap as much and was busy doing chores and other important things. It was also to make up for that half a night of sleep I missed. I napped in the morning, the afternoon and the evening on the sofa with the TV on for company. I'm quite good at sleeping with the TV on and incorporate the sound into my dreams. Of course, it's not normal the amount of sleeping I do during the day. I seem to exist in a constant state of sleepiness, but I blame that on the medications and you all know my decision about those.

It seems to me that sometimes I am more than frank in my posts and afterwards it bothers me to no end that I was. I think there is such a thing as sharing too much of yourself and maybe sometimes I cross the line. I seem to get into a delirium and unload whatever is on my mind, however intimate my thoughts are. I don't delete these posts afterwards, because by then I have usually already received comments on them and it seems cowardly to pretend that I haven't written them. That's the danger of blogging like you write a diary. You put your thoughts out there and hope for the best, but I have yet to receive a nasty remark and I owe that to the kindness of my readers.

My own discomfort, though, does want me to moderate my words, but I know in the end that I will share my life with you again when I feel the need to unload, because I find that writing about it here is after all the best therapy. It helps me put my thoughts in order and get my priorities straight.

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In the meantime it is morning, because I had to go to sleep after I wrote all of the above. I'm having my first cup of coffee and it tastes mighty fine. Definitely worthy of a repeat.

I seem to be filled with some amount of quiet despair and I have to try and find out where it comes from. I think it has to do with me going to quit my medications and the daunting task that is going to be, because I'm not at all naive enough to think it's going to be easy. I suppose what bothers me is that I have not had a chance to discuss this with my SPN and my psychiatrist and I won't be able to properly until March the 11th when I have an appointment with both of them together. I see my SPN before that, but only for a half hour appointment and I won't have much time to explain my point of view to her. That's always very frustrating.

I'm just thinking that I can send her an email explaining my take on things now, so that she will be prepared when she sees me on Tuesday. That may be a good idea, but even that fills me with a certain amount of dread, because how do you get such an idea across and sound sane and reasonable at the same time?

I've decided not to take the paracetamol with codeine anymore lest I get hooked on that. I was allowed to take it 4 times a day and was obediently popping those pills, but this morning I didn't take one. I will only take one if it is absolutely necessary and I don't think that it is right now. I won't take them just because I'm allowed to. I can just see me developing a problem with those pills. I did take all of my other medications and won't start reducing anything until I have properly discussed it with my psychiatrist. It's tempting to start now, but I won't do it.

I can breathe through my nose again and my throat is hardly sore. I'm really not coughing anymore, just occasionally, so I think I am much better. That antibiotic is working. As far as I'm concerned, I declare myself healed, though I will finish the antibiotic, of course.

Okay, I'm going to write that email now. I hope you all have a great day.

Ciao,
Nora

Silly Woman!

After having written my cheerful post, and at 6 o'clock this morning, I got dressed and very optimistically took Tyke for a walk. We had been cooped up inside for a few days, after all, and it was time we got out. I thought I felt well enough to do it, so I was more than willing to go and when Tyke saw me get my hiking boots on, he was more than willing to go too.

We didn't go very far. I didn't want to push my luck, it being my first outing since I got sick, and we walked for only twenty minutes or so. Imagine my surprise when I was completely out of breath when we got home and I didn't feel so good. My chest hurt and I had a pain between my shoulder blades. I took off my hiking boots and laid down on the sofa to rest and catch my breath, but I stayed out of breath and the pain didn't go away. I was mighty uncomfortable.

Finally, at 8:30, I called the doctor's office and told the nurse what my problem was and she told me to come in at 9 o'clock. I went over there when it was time, which is only a 5 minute walk away from here, and soon saw my doctor. He listened to my lungs and said that I had a lower airway infection. He prescribed an antibiotic and paracetamol with codeine for the pain. I had the nurse fax the prescription to the pharmacy and the Exfactor is going to pick it up for me on the way over here.

I had so many plans for today. I wanted to take Tyke for several walks and I wanted to do some chores, but now I know that I'm unable to do those things, because the least little thing causes me to be completely out of breath and it hurts. I will have to be dependent on the Exfactor to get some things done around here and maybe walk Tyke one more time.

It sure is a bummer. I have to use up all the medication and if I'm not better then, I have to go see the doctor again. I was so upbeat this morning, because I thought I was getting better, but now I'm looking at a longer recuperation time. Of course, with the antibiotic I will get better fast. I just don't want to get down because of this. I do want to keep my mood up and it's not really good if I am forced to be so inactive. Physical health and mental health go hand in hand.

So, it's a good thing I went to see the doctor, otherwise I would have walked around with this forever. Now I'm going to lie down again and wait for the Exfactor to bring the medicines that will make me better.

Ciao,
Nora