Thursday, March 22, 2012

On with the saga...

Well, I carry on bravely with my depression on a beautiful sunny day that was deceptively not as warm as it looked. I celebrated the warmest part of the day by taking a long nap on the sofa where I have been taking all my afternoon naps lately. I've decided that this makes it look less official than going to lie down in bed for them. It makes me look less lazy, I think. 

I had all the windows open and a draft blew through the apartment making it so chilly in here that I had to put on my jeans jacket. The temperatures weren't exactly tropical despite all the sunshine. It was 18C outside and that isn't exactly very warm. No doubt there were lots of people on the cafe terraces downtown basking in the light of the sun, but to me it still wasn't warm enough. I need for it to be just a little bit hotter before I will bask. 

Yes, I am still depressed. I can tell by the lack of enthusiasm with which I do everything and the number of cups of coffee that I need to do them. I am also filled with cynicism and I know that is a way to overcome my own deep dark thoughts. If you don't want to be harsh on yourself, be harsh on the world around you. The world around you can take a licking, there are enough people and institutions that can handle it. Tall trees do catch a lot of wind and rightly so. 

It's a little tough to get through the day and I am glad when I near the end of it. I find t hard to fill the hours and don't do anything that is worth mentioning. The most sensible thing I do is take the dog for walks. I am not that interested in the usual things that keep me occupied and care less about them also. They don't seem very important right now. A lot of things seem pretty senseless and not worth getting excited about and I wonder why I ever did. 

I do seem to like the evenings and enjoy the fact that the sun sets and the darkness comes and covers the land. I feel that all is at peace then and can't wait to put on my pajamas and bathrobe so I can feel safe. It's ridiculous, of course, because those things shouldn't matter at all, but somehow they make a difference. And more than anything I want to be warm because I feel cold so quickly. I could wear layers of clothes and still not be warm enough. 

I've still got a bit of a headache, but it is not so bad that I keep taking paracetamol for it. I don't know if it is a good idea to keep taking it. I think it may not be good for my stomach so I try to do without. I've got a dull ache in the right side of my head that sometimes feels like a stabbing pain depending on what I do with my head. I'm sure that one of these days it will disappear. I've almost gotten used to it. It's been five days now. 

I think I've gone on long enough now and will knit an end to this epistle.

I hope you'll all have a good evening.



VioletSky said...

I have found that it is sometimes hard to feel warm when one is depressed, so all this makes sense.
i know that these thing must run their course and I hope this passes quickly for you.

CorvusCorax12 said...

it has been to warm,,we had a record breaking 26C today, but it's suppose to be back to normal next week, even calling for snow. I hope you feel better soon ♥

Wisewebwoman said...

I feel safest at night too Irene, I just hope all of this rubbish leaves you and soon and that you'll be reset to whatever passes for normal.
Special hugs.