Rain, rain go away...

Every time I decide to take the dog for a walk, it is raining as it is now. It completely messes up our schedule and we have to wait until it's dry again. There's a cold wind blowing too and I need to wear a scarf and a jacket when we go outside. 

The cold isn't too bad if you're prepared for it. You just have to make sure you're dressed warm enough. The wind whips my hair in all directions and I have to try and fix it when we get home, but I have to fix it after I take a nap too or whenever I sleep on it. 

I'm constantly fixing my hair because it is so short and I thought I was getting a no nonsense haircut. Because it's so fine and it's such flyaway hair, it has a tendency to get stuck in the wrong place very easily. Maybe if it's a little bit longer, it won't be as bad. 

I'm wearing the scarf as a fashion accessory. It is made of cotton and not too warm to keep wearing inside. I picked it to match my clothes and it's one that I washed along with a lot of other items from the coat rack. 

I like the way it feels around my neck. It's just a little bit warmer and more comfortable than having nothing there. I still have the bedroom windows open and it has gotten cooler in the apartment. I don't want to have to close the windows and turn up the thermostat. 

I'd rather dress more warmly and in layers. I do have enough clothes to choose from. That's no problem. 

*

The dog couldn't wait any longer and I had to take him for a walk. It was drizzling and we got a bit wet, but it's a good thing that I took him when I did, because now it's really pouring. It started to come down hard right after we came in.

At least I won't have to go water my sister's garden. Everything should get a good soaking. The timing of the rainy weather was perfect in that sense. I wished for rain and got it. I didn't realize that my wishes came true. I must wish for things more often. I suppose I must make an offering to the rain gods now.

Tonight 'A Touch of Frost' will be on. I'm in the mood for a thriller and it doesn't at all have to be complicated. I want to relax in my bathrobe and have nothing to worry about for a while. Watching a thriller is the perfect way to get my mind off things.

Right, I have to eat dinner, albeit sort of late. Chicken and pasta soup it is. 

Have a good evening.

Ciao,

Nora

On an overcast afternoon...

As has become routine by now, I have just woken up from a nap and am imbibing in some caffeine to get the most out of my precarious mood that I always seem to have on such occasions. I will be right as rain in the shortest amount of time, all it's going to take is some more coffee. I know that always works, I can pretty much count on it, but I'm drinking a cup of warmed up coffee and that won't do. 

I have to make a fresh pot and open a new package of ground coffee. That's always the frustrating part that I don't look forward to. You're supposed to be able to open the package without the aid of scissors  and I always do my very best to achieve this, but it requires some dexterity and muscle power. I don't want to be defeated, though, and stubbornly keep trying and not reach for the scissors that are right there in the kitchen drawer. 

Eventually I do manage, but I dislike the job and wish for someone else to do it. Since there is no one else here, I have to, much to my frustration. If I were a manufacturer, I would design a user friendly package to pack my ground coffee in, although that would probably add to the price of the product. Oh well, nothing in life is free. Except frustration. 

You can tell that I'm a 21st century woman because my level of frustration is very low and I like everything done very easily and conveniently. If I were a designer, I would always be looking for the most simple way to do things. The most user friendly and least frustrating way.  I would want objects to cause the least amount of hassle.

I have to clean up the kitchen and hang up a load of laundry to dry. The dog destroyed a stick in the living room and I have to pick up the pieces from that.  He doesn't have opposable thumbs so he can't do it himself. That's his excuse anyway. 

My infected earlobe is healing. It's almost back to normal. I put Fucidin ointment on it twice a day and that helps it very much. The swelling has gone down quite a bit. I don't think I will be wearing earrings for a while and I will be decorating myself in other ways for the coming future. I've been wearing lightweight scarves and they've done nicely. Of course, the weather has been perfect for them. 

It rained just a while ago, but now it's stopped and the dog is sitting in front of the window looking longingly outside. I think I will take him for a walk while it is dry. The sun is even out every now and then. 

Have a nice Sunday. 

Ciao,

Nora

A little stress?

It is possible that with the approach of autumn I've been feeling a little more stress lately. Needless to say that shows up in the posts I've been writing. I think there's been the undertone of just a bit of neurosis in them and the last thing I want to do is come across as a neurotic woman. That means that I have to regroup and get my act together. I have to practice a bit of mindfulness and not let my high strung emotions run away with me.

The best way to do that is to take deep breaths and slow down and stop and think about what I'm doing. To take inventory of myself and my feelings and how I want to react to them and what I should do instead of acting in a knee jerk fashion. I can't run around like a chicken with its head cut off, I do have more sense than that.

One thing I won't do anymore is go around making broad statements about myself. I will not say that I am something or other simply because I have decided that for a moment it is what I am most like. That's dangerous and putting myself in a box with a label in which I possibly don't belong. Besides, I don't want to put myself in a box with a label. That's too restrictive and doesn't describe all of the many facets which also make me who I am. So, broad statements are out. I won't pin myself down.

I have to be mindful of the shorter days and the way the light slants in the afternoon. It is autumn light and the stormy weather and the rain make it feel like autumn too. It's mostly the light, though, that makes the difference and I know it. I'm familiar with the color of the sunlight at the end of the day at this time of year and I'm familiar with the feelings of nostalgia and sadness that hit me. I think it's time to bring out the Bright Light Energy Lamp and to sit in front of it half an hour every day.

Anyway, I'm sitting here with my cup of coffee in the middle of the night. I woke up because Tyke was pestering Gandhi, but I think I would have woken up anyway because I always do. I don't really need an excuse for that. It has finally stopped storming, which it did all day yesterday well into the evening. There was a very strong wind, which rattled the bedroom window and pulled at the window shade. There is a clear sky outside and all is silent, which it usually has a tendency to be at night. If it were winter now, it would be snowing. That's how silent it is.

Tyke has finally settled down after initially thinking that exciting things were going to happen because I was up. We go through this every night and you would think that he would have caught on by now that nothing is going to happen. He's asleep on the sofa now and as innocent as a puppy, which in many ways he still is. Gandhi has settled down in the used paper box. I guess she figured that was the safest place to be away from Tyke who adores her too much. He's completely smitten with her.

My boots got here yesterday, but I haven't taken a photo of them yet, nor have I taken photos of Gandhi and Tyke. I will do that today if I think of it. The boots fit well and they are the right size. I can even wear thick socks with them this winter. I sprayed them with a protective layer immediately because they are suede and I spilled milk on them right away which I could wipe off easily.

I'm almost done using the coffee pads for the Senseo machine and will be putting the regular coffeemaker to use soon. I've got the filter coffee and put it in glass cannisters with tight lids to guard the freshness. The Senseo machine is a mess now and constantly leaks and is ready to be put to pasture. No amount of vinegar is going to save it. I'm surprised it hasn't completely come apart yet. I will never have another Senseo machine again considering the expense and the relatively short lifetime.

I've been wearing my short, black, leather jacket and I'm glad I've got it because the weather has been blustery. The wind has a cold edge to it and I think it's just a little bit too cold for just a cardigan. But that may just be me and I may be more susceptible to the cold, although I like the cool weather. I like dressing up for it and I'm glad I get to wear some clothes that I like and my black leather jacket is one of them. It's got handy pockets for when I take Tyke for a walk. I don't have to carry my keys and the baggies in my hands for lack of pockets.

I remember when I bought that jacket and I was so pleased with it. I thought it was going to be warm enough for winter, but that proved to be wrong. It's not warm enough when it gets real cold. I need my other leather jacket for that or even my thick suede coat with the furry liner. I've got this incredibly long, warm scarf now that I can wrap around my neck at least twice. That ought to keep me warm enough. I've also got my dress up scarves to wear when the weather gets cooler. I do want to buy some new gloves that are a little bit more fashionable and that match my scarf. The pairs I have now are the wrong color and outdated and not as thick as I would like.

You see, in my mind I'm getting ready for winter and it isn't even fall yet. I'm mentally preparing myself for it. I don't want to be caught unawares. I hope it's not going to be the same long hard winter we had last year, but I'm prepared for anything. But first I have to prepare myself for fall and its beautiful colors. I hope I have the energy to take Tyke for long walks and see the beauty of the changing colors of the trees. I wonder when that change is going to start?

I'm going to try and go back to sleep again. I should be good for a few more hours, though I really feel like staying up, but it's too early. I wouldn't know what to do with myself.

Have a good day when you get up.

Ciao,
Nora

A long nap.

I suddenly had to stop writing my last post, because I was overcome with sleep and had to go take a nap in my bed under the duvet. I slept for nearly 3 hours and felt better when I woke up. All day long, though, I have been trying to get rid of a sad feeling that is at the root of everything I do and say. There is a distinguished lack of happiness and courage to the point that I have to force myself to act like I felt two days ago, so that nobody will notice the difference and think that my medicine isn't working, while in fact that is probably just the case.

I think I'm not functioning well on just one tablet of the Welbutrin and that I miss the second tablet very much. I've always reacted immediately to the tablets from the first moment I took them and I think not taking the second one is draining me. I noticed it again tonight when I took my other medication at 6 o'clock. I sat here all worn out and unenthused and unhappy and I just could not get excited about what I was doing. At 7:30 I made a decision and took a second tablet and I'm now waiting for it to start working.

I'm turning things back to the original scenario and will have to inform my SPN tomorrow. I am going to see what I can do about influencing my moods myself by going to bed on time and getting enough sleep and not letting myself get pulled along by the drama of the events. I have to try and stay calm and in control at all costs and I know that I can do that. My psychiatrist and my SPN made their decisions based on my interpretation of the event and that influenced their reaction to it and it may have been totally overdone.

Anyway, here I am sitting writing another post again and eating Brie, which is very good, but I can only have a little bit of it. I bought some expensive decaf and I'm now going to taste it. Well, it's not bad as decafs go. I can live with it.

Outside the weather has changed. It's a lot cooler and it's raining. I just had to let Tyke out back, but I was cold standing there with my bare arms. I'm wearing a short sleeved top now and my green scarf wrapped around my neck, which provides a lot of warmth. It's the best invention since the wheel.

As is usual, I'm wasting a lot of time writing this and it will be bedtime when I'm done. That's okay, I'm ready to go to sleep, I think. I'm looking forward to crawling under the covers and sleeping. I'm a little bit worried about taking the antipsychotic, but I'm going to take it at the normal amount, so it should be okay. I'd like to take even less than what I take now, but that's something for the near future to be decided upon.

I'm boring and I'm going to quit writing,

Have a good night, everyone.

Ciao,
Nora

I'm crazy, but I'm not afraid...

That's the title of a song I'm listening to, so don't get any ideas. I'm plenty scared and not half as crazy as I think I am, so it's only partly true.

I just, after much dawdling, checked my bank account balance and much to my surprise, I had at least twice the amount of money that I thought I would have, which is such a relief, you have no idea. It is like I just got a present that I was not expecting. I checked and made sure that all the bills have been paid and yes, everything seems to be okay, so that's good then. I dawdled, because usually there is less money there than I want there to be and I worry about making it to the next payday, which is a week from today. It means I can go to the post office and mail those packages without worrying about how much it will cost.

I went back to bed this morning and slept a few more hours after which I drank a cup of coffee while extensively petting the dog and then walking him. It's only -1C and cloudy, but the sun is supposed to be out every now and then. Still, it's not warm enough for the snow to melt, but it may be tomorrow when we are expecting rain or snow, depending on what the actual temperature is going to be. We won't ask what I would like for it to be, because that's unrealistic and it won't happen. Needless to say, I want it to be warmer and for all the snow to melt. I've had enough of it. It's been fun, but I want to see the street and the sidewalk again.

I've got a terrible hairdo from alternately sleeping on my hair and wearing my snow hat, I can't be seen out in public without it on, because my hair is sticking up in three different directions. It totally doesn't faze me as long as nobody is around to look at it. I sit here in the privacy of my apartment with sticking up hair and every once in a while I run my hands through it in an attempt to tame it. Sleeping on my right side doesn't help, because it shoves all my hair upwards on that side of my head. A good rain shower would help now and maybe it would bring out the natural curls. Ha, just kidding. I have as much natural curl as a pack of spaghetti. I will stick my head under the bathroom faucet and try to get my hair to lie flat again. Either that or apply wax and hairspray. Water may be better, though. Once you put wax and hairspray in your hair, it gets sticky and you have an even harder time controlling it the next day. You look like a yak caught in a snowstorm.

I've been wearing the same gray cardigan for as long as there is snow now. It's the one item of clothing that's keeping me very warm. As soon as the snow melts, it's going in the laundry, but until that time I'm continuing wearing it. There's usually an item of clothing that I really get attached to and this cardigan is one of them. It's made of wool, partially, and it's very comfortable. It covers my big rear end and it matches whatever I'm wearing. I can change all my clothes and still wear this cardigan over them and I can wear any of my scarves with it.

Speaking of scarves, I would like to buy another one, but that involves going to the clothing store and that is something I'm not quite up to, which is a darn shame. I'm missing out on opportunities with this agoraphobia that is keeping me so close to home and so limited in my movements. I will be glad when it's gone and I can move about again. I would like to go to the little shopping center that's not too far from here and poke around in a few shops for some odds and ends that I need. It's very frustrating not to be able to do that.

Instead of going out, I'm doing a lot more reading. I've finished "Half Broke Horses" by Jeannette Walls and "The Blue Afternoon" by William Boyd. I just finished a collection of short stories by Alice Adams and I started a novel by her yesterday called "Superior Women." I definitely feel the need to read and can't get enough of it, but the problem is that I fall asleep quickly with a book, no matter how exciting it is. It's the serenity and the silence that do it and the fact that I just seem to need a lot of sleep. But the books are great and I'm enjoying them very much. I am kind of reading them randomly and choose whatever I feel in the mood for at the moment. Sometimes I let the title help me decide and sometimes the name of the author, it all depends. A good title will awaken my curiosity, like "Beachcombing For A Shipwrecked God." That sounded very good and it was a good book. I'll look for novels by Joe Coomer again. "The Blue Afternoon" was very good also, that's one of those novels that you think about later on and remember passages of.

I just got the mail and I have 4 new mooched books to add to my collection. They all look very interesting and they are novels I really wanted and I'm lucky I got them, and here they all were in one fell swoop too. I must make room for them on the bookcase, because they deserve a place of honor. I don't have any of these authors yet, but I'm very excited about having them. Dorothea Benton Frank, Clare Boylan, Kaye Gibbons and Carol Goodman. And that's the only mail I got too. No bills! Isn't that nice? A woman on her own deserves a break now and then and I seem to be getting mine today. I'm very pleased.

I just took the dog out for a walk, because he was looking at me with those eyes from about a foot away. Those Bambi eyes. It turned out he didn't have to do anything urgent, he just wanted a stroll around the neighborhood. I can't blame him. He wants to sniff in all the familiar places and explore some of the less familiar ones and see if there is anything edible underneath the snow, which I then have to keep him from devouring. He has less than discriminating tastes and I don't know what will quickly disappear in his mouth once he's found something. I have to pull him away from anything that looks suspicious as fast as possible and he does know how to throw his weight into it. He's a strong dog for an old man.

Well, I'm going to read for a while. The afternoon is drawing to an end and soon it will be dark. It still have to move that lamp to the armchair so I can sit there and read. I hope sitting there will prevent me from falling asleep, as opposed to hanging out on the sofa.

Have a good evening, or whatever time of day it is over at yours.

Ciao,
Nora

On a lazy morning.

Well, after I wrote my very interesting last post about going in search of Blogger templates, I did just that and found several websites that had free templates that you could install, but it all turned out to be a popcorn fart and in the end, I almost lost my complete blog and had to do some tricky things to get it back and then go to the original templates that Blogger offers themselves and customize one of them and what you see is the result. At least it's a change and it's something different for a while until I change my mind again, and I don't want to hear any complaints about it. You'll just have to adapt to the change along with me and humor me in my fickleness. I am, after all, a woman who is allowed to change her mind repeatedly. I thrive on change when it comes to my blog. Not in real life, I like everything the same there, very predictable, but in my blog I allow myself to make changes.

The clocks did get turned back one hour, because my radio controlled alarm clock woke me at 7 am this morning, when the other clocks and my watch said it was 8 am. So, I guess all of Europe has turned the clocks back this weekend. At least western Europe has, most likely.

I was immediately wide awake when the alarm clock went off. I jumped out of bed and sped into the kitchen to make a cup of coffee. It was as if I was a woman with a mission. The only one I have right now is to go walk the dog who just ate his breakfast, so I better go do that right away...

It is 10 degrees and cloudy and windy outside (50 degrees F.). Real Autumn weather. The leaves are changing rapidly and covering all the sidewalks and parking spaces. Soon enough the trees will be bare and we will all be longing for spring instead of winter. That will be that awful cold season that we have to get through and I sure hope that Mother Nature will be kind to us and make it a mild winter and not one in which I am going to freeze my buns off with snow and ice. I'll never forget trying to ride my bike in the snow and slipping all over the place as I got caught in tracks made by car tires that had made icy spots. It was no fun whatsoever. Especially if you're not so young and agile any longer.

Thank goodness for warm leggings that you can wear underneath your skirt and look decent in. They are keeping me warm. And so are the scarves that I'm continually wearing. They've taken the place of the necklaces I normally wear and are keeping me nice and warm.

I am fortunate enough to have one pair of boots that I've had for ages and I'm wearing those now. They were expensive and I bought them when I still lived in California. They are in good shape and I guess it means that it pays off to invest some money in a good pair of boots and not buy the cheaper kind. I have to go look around in some shoe stores to get an idea of the price of boots and I'm purposely not going to look in the cheap stores. I have to buy real leather boots with good soles and solid heels. Not high ones either. I will just start walking funky if I get those. I'm not going to bother to take the other boots to the shoemaker. I think they are not worth it and within the shortest amount of time I will have the same problem again. They are not real leather and weren't very expensive, so it will probably cost more than I paid for them to repair them. I suppose you could say that in the end they weren't a very good buy. That teaches me a lesson about going for the cheap article. It doesn't always work out well.

Is there anything more delicious that a freshly made cup of coffee? I just made one after putting it off for 45 minutes, because I was to busy doing other things, but it sure tastes great. I do love the flavor of coffee. I don't remember when I started drinking it, but in my memory it seems like it has been forever. Those cookies that were so hard to eat that the café on the square served, are biscotti and you are supposed to dunk those in your coffee to make them edible. If you try to eat them without doing that, you'll break a tooth. I dunked my biscotti in my cappuccino on Friday and it worked well. Within seconds I had a soft cookie to eat. If I had waited any longer, it would have fallen apart in my cup. I heard about this from someone else when I complained about the hard cookie I was served.

I just googled Italian cookies and came upon all sorts and they sure made me hungry for some. They have some cookies that look like the kind we have over here too and I'm sure they are very similar in taste. The Netherlands is the land of cookies as well and you can buy many kinds in the store. My favorites are the kinds that are made with real butter and almonds and dark chocolate, not necessarily in that combination. Another thing we are big in is candy and a town of any size has at least one candy store where there are bins of candy with scoops so that you can fill your bag yourself and have it weighed at the counter. And then there are always the bonbon shops where you can pick out handmade bonbons per piece and have them put in an attractive box. Secretly, that is my favorite shop. If you're ever a guest at my house, don't bring me flowers, bring me bonbons. I'll eat them all myself, no sharing!

I'm dubious about cleaning house today. It really is a day off, since it's Sunday, and I should take advantage of that and read blogs and my books. I'm almost done with The God Squad and I will get the chance to finish the other book I already started. The one about the reading group. I must finish it before I go on to the next one, so I do have a mission to accomplish. No doubt I'll take a nap, because I didn't sleep long enough last night. I think I will make this a day of rest and relaxation. The first thing I'm going to do now is eat, because I'm hungry after talking about all those delicious treats.

Have a great day. The sun's come out momentarily. What a thrill!

Ciao,
Nora

Feel good day...

Monday is always a feel good day, because I leave the somewhat boring weekend behind me and start a new week of interesting activities. I do have to say, though, that this weekend wasn't especially boring and that even the Sunday went by quickly and that I managed to amuse myself well enough not to have any real dull moments. I don't know why that was, except that I chose to ignore the fact most of the day that it was Sunday and pretended it was just any old day of the week. Of course, I couldn't go shopping, but then I don't go shopping much the other days of the week either, so that really made no difference. It was just the idea that it was Sunday that I had to get over.

I had creative therapy today and worked on my painting, putting on first layers of paint and second and third layers, because some of the colors require a third one. I think it's turning out well, but I'll let you be the judge of that when I'm done with it and I'll post a picture of it and the first painting. No, I shouldn't say that I'll let you be the judge of that. I should say that they are good and that's it.

When I came home, my psychiatrist called me again and I could assure him that I was back to normal and that my problem was behind me, which is a great relief to me and it was to him also. He's a very conscientious psychiatrist and takes his patients very seriously and I like that about him. He doesn't just give you lip service, to throw in an Americanism. I don't know any other way to put it.

Then the Exfactor came over for a visit and had a cup of coffee and Gandhi was all over him being a girl cat, getting all sorts of attention. She twisted and turned herself all over on his lap to get the most amount of petting possible. So typical of a little girlie.

After the Exfactor left, I tried to sit behind the computer for a bit, but I realized that what I needed was a nap, so I got some lunch and ate that and then made myself comfortable on the sofa and slept the rest of the afternoon. It was wonderful and just what I needed. I don't worry anymore about what my sleeping pattern signifies. I just sleep when I need it and don't worry if it means anything pertaining to my mood. Instead of thinking it does, I accept the sleep as something I need and nothing more. Just like I don't try to second guess a lot of my behavior anymore. It is what it is and if it acts like a duck, it must be a duck.

When I woke up, Jesker wanted to eat, although he wasn't making himself very clear about it at first. I had to guess what he wanted a little bit. He doesn't walk up to his bowl and bark at it. He just barks in the middle of the living room, so it could mean several things. After he ate, he wanted to be walked and he was more clear about that and we had a little conversation about it. I told him that I had to finish my cigarette and that he had to wait a while and that I had to get my shoes on first.

Now, he understands a number of those words, so he knows he has to wait, but he does it very pathetically, with his ears folded back and a mournful look in his eyes, while he makes little puppy sounds. That means, poor me, I have to wait a whole three minutes and that's so long. I said to him, where are my shoes? Go look for my shoes. But he just looked around bewilderedly and put his head in my lap, as if to say, don't make it so hard on me. Gosh, I do love my dog!

I can now take it easy and change into my pajamas and bathrobe and sit back and relax. Tomorrow morning I have an appointment with my SPN and it will be good to talk to her. I haven't seen her since a week before last because she took some time off. I always like going to see her, because I always get a little wiser about myself when I do. I'd say that's a very good benefit, wouldn't you? The one you hope for anyway. Between my psychiatrist and my SPN, I'm in good hands.

Well alright, I think that's about it for today. I haven't bought another scarf yet, but I will do that tomorrow. I have this purple, red and black one, a green one and a blue one, so now I must try to find a gray one or a red one. Cross your fingers for me.

Have a super evening, or a super day, if that's your time zone.

Ciao,
Nora.

Finally...

I've finally managed to get myself dressed and walk the dog. The poor animal was waiting so patiently for me to get my act together and I wasn't doing it. It was with great joy that he saw me head to the bathroom to get ready and he stayed by the door, checking to make sure I really did. He always waits by the bathroom door and when I'm done, he sniffs me to make sure it's really me. Then, when we went out, I needed four baggies to clean up after him, which I luckily had with me. Don't tell me I'm not a responsible citizen.

I don't know why I was such a slowpoke this morning. I got up at a decent hour. As a matter of fact, I got up too early and realized it before I could turn on the computer and finished sleeping on the sofa. I feel like taking a nap now, but that must be because it's Sunday and a defense mechanism against boredom. After I write this, I'll lay down on the sofa with my book and we'll see what happens. I'm hoping it will intrigue me enough to keep me awake. It's still Secret Scripture and I'm enjoying it. Sebastian Barry is one heck of a writer. He makes you believe that what you read is real and I must read more novels by him.

It's almost noontime now and half the day is done. I think I will also draw or paint today or both. After I take that refreshing nap.

I am dressed in black leggings, a blue denim skirt and a black top with short sleeves. I am wearing multiple matching bracelets and a colorful necklace, but the necklace is making my neck itch, so I will have to take it off and put something else on. It's probably not nickel free metal. It's one I got from the woman I gave my earrings to. I'm always so sensitive to jewelry and I can't wear silver necklaces or earrings at all, which is a shame, because there are some nice pieces of jewelry made with silver.

Which makes me think I have scarves to wear and I should get them out and see if I can wear one of them instead of a necklace. What a splendid idea. I had forgotten all about them. It is that time of year again to wear scarves. I have two or three of them and I think I have one that has purple in it, which would match the bracelets I am wearing now. I'll go have a look...Yes, I've found it. It has purple and red in it, so it matches two sets of bracelets and several necklaces too, if I wanted to wear those, but I think just a scarf is enough. It feels good around my neck that was itching. Another fashion solution come about. Isn't it nice when you forget about things temporarily? But I have a rash in my neck and I'll have to put some ointment on it.

I must buy more scarves if I am to make a fashion statement this fall and winter. My friend Von wears them all the time. She must have a dozen of them. Lord, I can get so excited about a little thing like that. I feel like I ought to go out right now and buy a new one, but all the stores are closed. I'll have to wait until tomorrow. I think I have just enough cash to get one and I know where to get it.

I get the same way with boots or purses or anything. I realize I like something very much and I immediately want more of it. More denim skirts and more purses and more boots. I realize I've been using the same purse now for a long time, so it's time to get another purse out and I will do that next. It's time to clean my purse out anyway, it's a mess. I have two other good purses that I haven't used in a while and it will be fun to pick out the one I will want to use. I'll have to find a case to put my camera in, because the purse I'm using now has a little compartment for it. That shouldn't be too much of a challenge, though.

I got those two other purses from the Exfactor when I was hypo manic and I could sweep him along in my enthusiasm and get him to buy me all the things I fell in love with, even if I was not with him. My excitement rubbed off on him and he got completely caught up in it. I remember being higher than I kite when he bought me those purses and feeling invincible. Maybe that's why I've been reluctant to use them, because of those memories. The purses are great and look like tribal bags, as if they come from Africa. They are big and have lots of room to put all sorts of things in. Like my shopping if I go downtown and have money to spend.

I was wearing my jeans yesterday, but they seemed to be too big for me and at one point they started sliding down my hips, so that I looked like one of those kids who wear their jeans with the crotch between their knees. I made it home just on time before I looked completely ridiculous, but I can't wear those jeans anymore. At home they kept sliding down and I kept hitching them up, so I took them off and replaced them with a skirt and leggings, which is much more sensible. I have to look in my closet to see if I have another pair of jeans that fit better. These I probably bought when I was heavier and I put them on when they came straight out of the wash and they were tight. I was kind of surprised that I had a pair of jeans in light denim that fit me. On top of that, they were stretch jeans too. I certainly didn't need that.

The top I am wearing is very cute. It has a V-neck and little buttons down the middle and a bow that ties right at the bottom of the V. It has very small short sleeves and the top itself is long, it goes way past my hips. It's the one I bought for 10 Euros in my favorite store, where I don't hang out anymore due to a shortage of money. I'll go there when the next paycheck comes and see if there is anything really cheap on sale. I do love a good deal and one must be had.

Well, now I'm gong to change purses and throw out everything that is junk from my old purse, including all the tobacco crumbs and cookie and nougat wrappers. It will be fun to see what's all in there.

At least I will have spent part of my Sunday doing something pleasurable. Not to forget the hunt for the scarves.

Have a good day, all of you.

Ciao,
Nora