No profoundness...

Today I will mention the fact that I'm waiting for the coffeemaker to get done brewing my two cups of coffee which I am sorely in need of. It is at the end of the afternoon and I am having just a little bit of a dip so I need the caffeine to climb out of it again. There's no question of taking a nap now. It is too late in the day for that. 

My bed doesn't look all that appealing anyway because those sheets have been on there for at least five days and I really want clean ones. I'm waiting for my favorite duvet cover to get dry and then I'll change the bed. The apartment is clean and I want my bed to be also. But first I've got to have those cups of coffee. 

I will not be very profound today and tell you all sorts of wise things about myself and my life. I'll take a day off and resume that again tomorrow. I don't feel like being very profound right now. I just want to be an ordinary, every day sort of person who doesn't impress anyone with her wisdom.

It has been a most excellent day and I've spent it pleasantly in the company of the Exfactor and the domestic help like I do every Friday. I think Friday is one of my most favorite days and that is also because it is the day before the weekend. 

Friday gives me the opportunity to straighten out my life without having to go far afield to look for the answers. I've usually got them close at hand and then I've got the weekend to put them to the test. I can try out any theory I have and see if it fits before I have to apply it during the week. 

I can tell the caffeine is working because I'm suddenly better capable of reasoning. I'm climbing out of my dip and becoming a human being again. I'll be sitting on top of the world in a moment. 

I guess some days you're more thoughtful about your life than other days. More pensive, I suppose. Not so outwardly shouting and loud about it. I am considering my attitude, although my outlook hasn't changed. I'm as comfortable with myself as I was yesterday and very sure of myself too. 

A cloak of restrictions and general anxiety has fallen off my shoulders and I have been set free. I am closer to how I used to be which is good. I hoped to be this way again. I'm not afraid of this person. She's a good human being and I trust her.

Ciao,
Irene

Continued change...

The last couple of weeks I have come to some conclusions about  things in my life that were important to me and that determined how I felt about the past and about where I am now. It resulted in me having a lot of peace of mind and I think that is one of the reasons that I reached a milestone that is allowing me to have all this change happening in my attitude right now. 

I find that my outlook and attitude  have altered quite a bit and that I'm looking with a whole new set of eyes at a lot of things. This is quite refreshing and causes many pleasant surprises because even I don't know how I will react to any given situation. What I do and say are new to me too, but so far I am happy with the outcomes. I haven't embarrassed myself yet and I do stand behind my words and actions.

It's always pleasant to reach a new stage of growth, especially because I've been waiting patiently for it to happen and had almost given up hope for it to actually take place. I think I had come to accept things the way they were and just at that time change happened. It seems when you accept your situation it does. You must be mentally ready for it then. The timing couldn't have been better anyway. 

I feel as if my eyes are bigger and see better and as if I observe more. I hear other people's words better and the understanding of them is more clear too. I have woken up and am no longer lulled into a false sense of security. This means that all things are more clear to me, the past as well as the future, and I can no longer just ignorantly live in the moment and hide there. I do have to plan some sort of a life. 

Taking ownership of and responsibility for my life have been big things that I've done lately. They were some of the last deeds that I had to do. I come to them late but have been aware of them for a long time. I never fully understood the meaning of them and how to apply them to my life. I'm fully aware of what it means to do that now and it feels very liberating. I stand taller because of it.

Ciao,
Irene

Hardly any fools around here...

It's in the middle of the night as usual and I'm sitting here with my excellently brewed cup of coffee. I can say that about myself, that I brew coffee well, because it's the truth. At least, according to my tastes it is. I like a cup that packs a punch and this one does. If I had socks on, it would knock them right off, as the saying goes. 

Luckily, I'm sitting here barefooted because it isn't that cold inside. The hot coffee is heating me up and I'm wearing my warm bathrobe. There will be no socks flying around the living room, although that would please the dog very much. He's always stealing my socks if I don't put them away carefully. It doesn't matter if they're clean or worn. 

I had a good day today, except for not having gotten enough sleep initially. That does affect your outlook and makes you just a bit less cheerful, even though you try to be. It feels like you have jet lag and constantly need to lie down without being able to. I finally managed to get caught up on my sleep and felt a heck of a lot better after that. When in doubt about your mood, always take a good nap. It will fix you right up. 

Right now I keep falling asleep behind the computer, but I do have little revivals during which I have bursts of energy. I am yawning something awful and it makes me hopeful for when I go back to bed. That coffee doesn't seem to have made much of a difference.  I'm going to drink a glass of ice cold milk and see what that does to my thinking capacities. Hopefully it will jar me awake a little bit  temporarily. 

I have no big plans for tomorrow other than to do some chores and to feel good. It's only a very short time ago that I felt miserable every day and I'm still getting used to feeling well. I still feel that it's all very precarious and don't quite believe in it yet. 

I have to get used to having steady mooded days in which I regularly feel the same way all day long. I also have to get my sleep schedule in order better. I get up too early in the morning and suffer for it all day long. I need to get it back to how it used to be and not over optimistically get out of bed too soon. I must take a nap in the afternoon and not skip it. It's very important that I do. 

I always have to remember that I have to build in predictability and structure. Those are the two very important ingredients for me to function well. It's not a good idea to start messing with them. It's the sameness of each day that does me well. 

I suppose I will go back to bed now and try to get as much sleep as I can. I hope I'm sensible and don't get up too soon. 

Have a good day you all. 

Ciao,

Nora