Not that anybody cares...

I write these posts for my own pleasure. If I didn't, I'd wait until I got enough comments on the one I wrote last before I wrote another one. I think I've gotten one or two comments on the last post, but I'm going to write a new one again, because I feel the need to. It's rather silly, I know, but that's how I'm put together. I write when I want to and don't calculate the best opportunity to.

I also don't think of earth shattering subjects to write about. I don't have a subject, except me and the dog and the cats, and I don't have a theme. I could say: this week is "medication theme week" and talk about nothing but antidepressives, but I do that enough already. Or this is "talk about my cats theme week." I sprinkle those ingredients in when ever the mood strikes me, or when they are important in my life.

That reminds me that I haven't talked about Toby enough lately. Toby is a black and white male cat and I think he is about 8 years old now, maybe 9. He's been neutered, but still walks around here and the neighborhood as if he owns the place. He's a tough dude. He protects his territory. At home he is the boss and he let Tyke know that they weren't going to be buddies. So Tyke has to be on his best behavior around Toby, or Toby will hit him hard with his paws with his nails out. And hiss on top of that.

Toby actually likes cozyness and likes nothing better than to sit on someone's lap, anyone's lap. If you happen to be a visitor to my apartment, Toby will come sit on your lap. So you could say that he likes it when people come over. Toby is the one who will find the most interesting places to go to sleep in. Right now that is the recycle paper box, but sometimes it's the medicine cabinet or a kitchen cabinet. Suddenly you hear a lot of noise behind a closed door and you realize that Toby is stuck somewhere.

Toby is the one who purrs the loudest and will let you know that you need to turn on the kitchen faucet for some fresh water. He also lets you know when the kibbles are all gone. He beat up Gandhi once to let her know he was boss. That's when another cat moved out and he had to establish a new hierarchy. Now they get along fine.

So that is Toby, in case I don't mention him that much. I always talk about Gandhi and you'd think I had no other cat.

Now I have to take my medications and walk the dog. It is that time of day again.

Have a good evening.

Ciao,
Nora

Anothter bright day.

Last night, after making sure there was nothing in the bedroom that Tyke could demolish, I brought all of his toys in there and brought him in there with me and closed the door, so we could have a good night's sleep. I worked out very well, and I woke up this morning with Tyke in my arms and it was 10 am. I had slept for nearly ten hours. Isn't that just absolutely wonderful?

It is a good thing that I woke up when I did, because very shortly thereafter, the doorbell rang and it was a lady from the foundation that is handling my domestic help and she came by to drop off some paperwork and have a nosy look around, no doubt. Well, she saw how things were and we filled out the paperwork and I did not make any apologies for anything, but I was still half asleep and I don't know what sort of impression I made on her. Never mind, though. It doesn't matter. I'm the woman who needs help. I'm not the queen in her palace.

It took me some time after she left to get my act together. I had to take my medicines, and make sure I took the right ones, and make myself a cup of coffee, and get the mail out of the mailbox, which I had not done in three days, so I thought I had better do that. Then I was too fuzzy headed to read it and left it for later until I was properly awake. I was also very thirsty and drank a tall glass of milk and let Tyke out back where he did his necessary business, because I was in no shape to walk him. It took me an hour to become halfway functional and even then I was rubbing the sleep out of my eyes.

I'm not complaining, though. I love how much I sleep. It's a godsend. I get up once during the night to go to the bathroom, but am immediately asleep again and hardly remember going. I do it on automatic pilot. People could be having a party in the living room and I would not know about it.

I'm still yawning now and I wonder if that is an after effect or a sign that I need to sleep more. I'll just consider it an after effect. I may take a nap later this afternoon, but I'm going to stay up now. I'm too glad to be awake and feel the effects of my medication. The calmness of it all. The lack of stress. I hope it stays that way.

It was so funny to wake up with Tyke in my arms. I don't know how he got there, but it was very cozy. He had been there for a long time, I do remember that. That's the benefit of lying in bed, there's more room for the both of us. It is nice to have another warm body beside you, even if it is a dog. It's a living thing and it is lovable, so I am not complaining about that.

The cats had been locked out, but it didn't seem to have bothered them at all, At least they had been freed of the enthusiasm of the dog for a whole night and I'm sure they appreciated that. He does love Gandhi so much and constantly wants to play with her, until she is sick and tired of it and starts to complain. Luckily, she now has the sense to jump on the dining table where he can't get to her, but it sure took her a long time to figure that out. I guess she isn't that bright. Don't get me wrong, she's very sweet and I love her, but she's gullible and she lets Tyke get away with things, but always comes back to hang out with him.

Now I need some fresh air and I'm going to take him for a walk and have the wind blow the cobwebs from my mind. It's overcast and 4C outside. Not too cold, but not exactly balmy either.

Have a good day.

Ciao,
Nora

Naps!

I was feeling a bit down and out this afternoon and that was not at all in my line of expectations, of course. I wanted to consistently feel good now and not have any dips. Luckily, after a while, I realized that what I needed was a nap, so I laid down on the sofa and took one. When I woke up an hour and a half later, I felt better and was awake just in time to take my medicines. I'm still yawning and I still need more sleep, but I'm saving that for tonight when I go to bed. I woke up because I thought there was someone at the door, but I must have imagined it. I thought I heard the buzzer of the outside door, but when I answered the intercom, there was no one there.

Yesterday evening a neighbor came by my door twice insisting that a package for him had been delivered at my apartment yesterday afternooon and I kept saying that it had not been because I had not been home myself. He was highly ticked off and at me too, I think. Somehow I had to magically make a package appear. He's a bit of a strange neighbor anyway, so I don't take it personally. He'll have to call the delivery people and find out what happened to it. He hasn't come back yet. Phew!

I'm having a wonderful glass of cold milk. I can't get enough of it. I had a cup of coffee to wake up with, but I prefer this glass of milk. I would like some short bread cookies to go with it, but alas, I will forego those. When I next go to the store, I'm going to buy myself a pot of Nutella, maybe two, and eat from those with a little teaspoon. Mmm...nutritious! And delicious! I'm looking forward to it very much. I can't eat a lot of it all at once because of my gastric band, so it limits the amount of bad I can do at one sitting. Well, I don't even sit down. I stand up by the kitchen counter and eat it. You take in less calories that way, you know!

It's freezing outside and partly cloudy. I don't want to go outside. I will let Tyke do his business out back. I really don't like the cold, especially not now anymore when it has lasted so long. I think we all need a proper spring day with pleasant temperatures and sunshine.

Oh lord, I'm yawning so very much. I don't want to go to bed yet. It is much too early. I must amuse myself here a little while longer. I have to lock my evil dog into the bedroom with me so he doesn't do any bad things while I sleep. I don't know if he will like that, but that's the way it's going to be. Him and all his toys.

Have a nice evening. I will try come and visit your blogs. If I don't fall asleep on the keyboard.

Ciao,
Nora

Sleeping Beauty?

You're all not going to believe this, but I slept 9.5 hours last night. I don't believe it myself, but it's true. It's been many years ago since I slept that long. It's an absolute record breaking event and I should get a gold medal for it, or at least an honorable mention. I got up because I needed to take my medicines and the dog needed to be fed and walked, of course. I might have slept longer otherwise.

It may possibly have to do with the fact that I take my antipsychotics at night now instead of spread out during the day, which made me sleepy in the daytime. It may have to do with the new medication, although you are supposed to get insomnia from that. I haven't noticed that, although I do go to bed later, but I don't lie awake.

Either way, I am so grateful to be sleeping for such long stretches on end. I have wanted this to happen for such a long time, but didn't think it ever would again. I thought I was doomed to a life of cat naps.

I'm trying to drink less coffee too and drink more milk. I can't drink the fruit juice, because it upsets my stomach and makes my eczema itch. I can't drink tea with sugar, because it makes me cough. I haven't tried tea without sugar yet. Somehow it's not as appealing. Cold milk quenches my thirst and is filling. When I don't feel like eating, a glass of cold milk does the job. I don't feel like eating lots of times, which is okay, because my body could feed quite a few cannibals. Coffee was an artificial method to try and make myself feel better, I don't have to do that now. I feel better already.

I'm getting help in the household starting next Monday. This is really someone who comes to clean. First for two hours, but it can be for more if it's necessary. Up to four hours, but I don't think I will need that much time. Isn't that great? It is such a relief to me to get someone in to help me get things back in order and to keep them in order. I will do a little bit of cleaning before she comes, but not too much. It has to stay realistic. I do have a problem that I need help with.

I have to go and bring some order into my life now. Just the ordinary odds and ends that belong to living with cats and a dog.

Ciao,
Nora

Enjoyment.

After I wrote my serious in depth post about my meeting with my therapist and my psychiatrist here, I hung around the internet for a while doing a number of different things and I am now sufficiently relaxed to really sit down and write the post I want to write, which is one about nothing in particular at all. Not about seriously intensive subjects anyway. Much as they are worthy being written about, they do take up space and don't allow me to just ramble, which is what I like to do best, especially when my medication is working well and I feel very relaxed and at ease and all is well with the world and me and my animals.

One of my animals is lying under my desk, sound asleep, and why doesn't he go lie down on the soft pillow, or maybe I should move the soft pillow under my desk, because I sit here so often and he wants to keep me company. Very stubbornly. At least the cats go find comfortanle places to lie down on, regardless of where I am, unless I happen to be one of those comfortable places too. The cats are very opportunistic. They go for comfort first and if you happen to be a place of comfort, they will come lie down on top of you.

I'm still yawning and I can't figure out why I'm so tired. I should be full of vigor and life and be good for at least another hour or so. I really haven't done many exhausting things today. I went to the post office and to the pharmacy and both of those were on the way to and from my psychiatrist. Unless the walking wore me out, because I'm really not in such great shape. I had to use the stairs when I crossed over at the railway station and really felt it when I got to the top. I was glad the stairs weren't any higher than they were.

By the way, it costs 50 cents to use the toilets at the railway station, but they were very clean and had a kind attendant, so it was worth it. Especially if you're in dire need, which I was.

I haven't been into town for such a long time , but when I'm at the railway station I'm close by. I will be glad when I'm interested enough again to go walk those extra minutes to get into downtown and enjoy myself with some window shopping and having a cappuccino at a café. Especially that. I can sit outside under the awning where there are overhead heaters and watch the people go by, which I enjoy so much. Maybe one of these days soon I will be able to do that. I have to buy a new band for my watch and that would be the perfect errand to do.

I have to go to bed. It's high time.

See you all in the morning. Sleep tight.

Ciao,
Nora

Settling down for the evening.

I'm going to type this very slowly, because I need to take a big breather after my intensive afternoon. I want everything in me to slow down and get calm and quiet and serene. I'm finding my center of gravity now and concentrating on that .

I saw my therapist and my psychiatrist both this afternoon and the first thing my psychiatrist did was warn me of the risk I was taking by doing what I had done: suddenly stopping with two kinds of antidepressants and starting with a new one. He said something like that was normally only done at a clinic under strict supervision. Especially since I was taking such a very high dose of one of them. He was very serious about that and really wanted to get through to me that you don't do things like that on your own.

Then, since I had already done it, he wanted to do as much damage control as was possible so I would not run into trouble down the line. He agreed to write me the prescription for the Welbutrin and told me it is a completely different kind of antidepressant than what I had been taking, This one works on the dopamine in your brain. It's in a class of its own. The normal starting dose is one tablet, but he agreed to start me on two tablets since I told him that's what I needed in order to feel good 24 hours a day. He did warn me that I may get manic from it and that I need to pay close attention to any symptoms signaling that.

Now, because what I did was actually so very risky, he made me go back on a small dose of the original antidepressant, so I won't crash and burn in two weeks time. It's just a temporary measure. He also increased my tranquilizers back to two tablets 4 times a day and he increased my antipsychotics again. These are just measures to make sure I don't go off the deep end and can be reversed when we are sure that everything is going smoothly and there is no danger of me getting into trouble.He is actually for less medication, but is doing this for my own protection.

I am to call him the minute I think anything is not going right and I have an appointment with him in two weeks. I would say he is very thorough. He does not make these decisions lightly. He thinks about them long and hard and all three of us discussed them out loud. He did not dictate, we conversed and thought of the best things to do and I had to agree to them. It wasn't a one man show.

So all in all the conversation went well and different than I had expected. I learned a lot today and realized how much they know about me and how I function and about medication. I thought that I would have to put up a fight, but instead I had to learn that what I did was not so smart and that these things need to be planned differently. But I also gained the opportunity to try what I set out to do and that is to find an antidepressant that works and does not make me a zombie. I'm trying to regain my personality and I think I'm on the way of doing that.

When I came home, the dog was beside himself with joy to see me. He thought I had abandoned him forever. I thought he might have made a mess somewhere while I was gone, but everything looked good, so he hadn't. I have to take him for a walk in a while out in the cold. Brrr! Anything for love.

I'm yawning something awful, but it is too early to go to bed. I have to last a little while longer. I'm waiting for my second wind. I think I will have a cup of coffee, my last one for the evening. I have been drinking cold milk, because I was so thirsty after walking al that way to the offices of my psychiatrist and my therapist. Oh, I bought a bag of candy on the way home, Just a little one. Now, I never do a thing like that, but it looked appealing and I needed some sugar. I got it at the pharmacy. So, I'll have some of those.

Okay, that was my report about my important meeting. I'll be sure to keep you up to date as to my progress. I'll let you know if anything 'funny' happens. Let me know when I start not making sense anymore, okay?

Ciao,
Irene