Been there, done that...

With all the courage I could master, I went to the store this morning. I got on my bike and rode it there like it was a daily occurrence. In my head I had prepared myself for all the possible things that could go wrong, down to the finest details. I really was prepared for anything at all. Nothing happened on the way over there and I parked my bike and got a shopping cart without any problems., but that's because I was so well prepared, you see.

Once I was inside the store, all my anxiety dropped away from me like it always does. I enjoy being in the store and would stay there forever if I could, just shopping and having a general good time. I enjoy picking out the things that I need and comparing prices and finding new items. I found some really neat lighters that look like mobile phones with antennas and, of course, I had to buy them. They're big and easy to keep track of. 

After I went through the check out, I was outside with my groceries and had to load them in my bicycle bags and they just fit. I was a little nervous about riding my bike home, but it was not nearly as bad as having ridden it over there. I had the job more than halfway done, the rest was easy. I had some anxiety on the way home, but I made it safely there and wheeled my bike inside the hallway. Tyke was full of curiosity and so was Gandhi.

At the sight of the cans of dog food, Gandhi started to meow very loudly. She figured out immediately what was in them. I gave her some of a can and Tyke the rest. Gandhi ate as if she had been starved for three days. Tyke was more nonchalant than that. He's a cool dog. 

I spent the rest of the day in a coma, even though my personal helper was here and so was the domestic help. I did briefly wake up for my personal helper, but slept while the domestic help did her work. I had no choice, I was wiped out. It felt like I had done a day's worth of heavy labor and it was all just emotional exhaustion. I'm awake now with the help of coffee, but I could just as easily be asleep again. I will wait for the proper time tonight, though. 

And so you see. the saga of the grocery shopping does have a happy ending for me after all. It was like giving birth to an elephant through my head, but in the end I did it. I hope I don't have to do it again for a long time and if I do, I hope that somebody comes with me. I do feel injured, as if I've been in a battle, and I would have liked to have had the company of someone. I didn't realize it was going to be that difficult.

I'm sitting here with my second cup of coffee and I have to decide if I'm going to have another cup. I am still yawning and I think that's good. That means I can probably go to sleep when the time comes and hopefully stay asleep. I did buy extra milk today, so I can start drinking that. It will be a joy to. There's nothing better than a glass of cold milk, beside a good cup of coffee, that is.

I've got to walk the dog and take my medicines. There's always some schedule to stick to. Have a good evening. It's only cold here. No rain. 41F. 

Ciao,
Nora

Brewing coffee...

Tyke has managed to get my cigarettes and lighter from the third shelf of the bookcase in my bedroom and chew the lighter to pieces, leaving me with one lighter that doesn't work at all and one lighter that works badly. This is, to say the least, very frustrating and I have a sore thumb to prove it. Luckily, I have a stove lighter that barely works and that will do for now. After that, I don't know what I will do. I hope the supermarket will be open by that time. 

I had the windows open during the night, but it was much too cold and I closed most of them and turned on the heater when I got up. Now I'm sitting here nice and warm in my bathrobe drinking my first cup of coffee. I think I will be okay in a little while. There is hope for recovery yet. Coffee does wonders, after all, and this is only my first cup. Imagine what the second cup will do. I should stop yawning soon. 

I got into my cold bed last night and slowly heated up a spot for myself. I listened to the results of the football games as I did. Little by little I got warmer and sleepier, until I drifted off to sleep. Falling asleep is always the easiest thing to do. Staying asleep is the toughest thing. 

It's quite a nice thing to heat up a spot for myself in the cold bed. I think about getting an electric blanket, but I think I would miss the ritual of warming up the bed with my body. The initial coldness makes you appreciate the warmth afterwards all the more, especially when you get your arms under the duvet and the duvet up to your chin.

So, I've got to go to the supermarket first thing this morning and then do some chores. The Exfactor can't come and do any groceries today. I will have to get what I need myself. This is quite nerve wrecking to me, but it must be done. If I go at 8 o'clock, there will hardly be anyone there and I will have the store to myself. Those are the most user friendly circumstances. I dislike riding my bike over there and having to get the groceries on it. I do wish I had a car. It would make everything so much simpler. I feel so vulnerable on my bike. It gives me a panic attack. 

I think I will do my chores as soon as I've finished drinking my coffee. There's no point in waiting until the last minute. It will feel good to get them out of the way. I still have to hang up all that laundry and I have to clean up the kitchen. It will give me some sense that things are under control and that's a better base to start the rest of the day from. 

I've just taken my medicines and I've taken two tranquilizers in the hope that it will calm me down enough to be able to take care of things in a peaceful way. It will be wonderful to not have this feeling of extreme anxiety.

Wish me luck and have a very good day.

Ciao,
Nora

Smelling divine...

Yesterday afternoon, when I was in search of a working cigarette lighter, I ran into a sampler of a very good perfume. Since I had no perfume left, I doused myself with it and smelled good for the rest of the day. That was so pleasant that I decided to order a perfume on line. I settled on Chloe Eau de Toilette from Lagerfield as it was on sale for half price and it seemed like one I would like. It's going to be here this afternoon and I can't wait to try it on.I'm so fond of good scents and I haven't had a good perfume in quite a while. I had a cheap one from the drugstore, but since it was cheap, it wasn't very good and the scent hardly lasted.

I was in search of a cigarette lighter because the one I had suddenly stopped working and the matches I had wouldn't work either. The heads broke off, leaving me very frustrated and unable to light a cigarette. I ended up having to go to the tobacco shop to buy some new lighters. Luckily, it only takes me a few minutes to get there on my bike. I didn't go through nicotine withdrawal too much and I only "suffered" for a short time. The lighters are childproof and if the owner of the shop hadn't told me how to work them, I wouldn't have been able to figure it out on my own probably. I'm not technical enough when I'm in a hurry.

I've decided not to finish reading "The Lake of Dead Languages." It was too serious a novel and there was not enough lightness and action in it. As a matter of fact, once I got into it a bit, I remembered having tried to read it before and having stopped reading it for the same reasons. I just hadn't recognized the title and was expecting a totally different sort of book. Instead I've started to read "Here on Earth" by Alice Hoffman and so far, so good. It is grabbing me a bit better, though I have to say that some women authors are very serious about their subject matter and sometimes lack a certain amount of humor. A feeling of doom hangs over the story and you get the feeling that nothing good will come out of it, but I will give this novel a chance because it is well written and prosaically pleasing.

I have to choose my clothes to wear for today and I think I already know what it's going to be. It will be something simple and comfortable and since it's going to be 25C, it's going to be something cool. It's supposed to rain today, but I won't hold my breath. We've had those kinds of promises before.

I'm going back to bed now and sleep some more. I feel in my bones that I can sleep for quite a few more hours. It will be oh so pleasant under the duvet.

Have a nice day.

Ciao,
Nora