Woe is me!

Since I have the new internet provider, I am having problems with my internet connection and gaining access to some websites. Some of them are almost impossible to load and others I should not even try. I have stopped checking my mail because that is a process that takes forever. The moment the information that needs to be uploaded is the least bit complicated, I seem to run into trouble. This is turning out to be an exercise in patience, born out of frustration. 

When the Exfactor installed the modem, he was given two options by the man at the help desk. One of them was the easier way, but he was told that this also might not give us the best connection. That is turning out to be true, so in the morning he is coming over to install the modem the more complicated way and that should improve things. At least, I am counting on that and I am keeping my fingers crossed. And my toes and my eyes, which are difficult to do. 

Did I tell you yet that I bought two new plants for the coffee table? One of them is a creeping charlie and the other one is a spider plant. Both these plants were not available the last time I was at the flower shop and I was glad to find them now because I do have some experience with them. I have put them in two matching pots and they sit there on the table very nicely, looking especially bright green. All I have to do now is take good care of them, but that may be easier said than done, of course. I will do my best. 

The Exfactor agreed that lately I have become rather dull and that I'm not half as interesting as I used to be. I used to be a great conversation partner, but lately I don't keep up my half of the discussion. It could be that the increased dose of the anti-depressants is not working enough yet and that I have to be patient, but I certainly don't want to stay dull like this forever. On Friday I will send my psychiatrist a progress report and make my displeasure known. I'm sure he will say to give it another week, but I have to let him know how I am in the meantime anyway. 

It is very difficult when you find out that the thrill in life is gone and that you are permanently stuck in a  monotone gray area. I may have wished for this before when times were more chaotic, but I have to say that I don't enjoy this state of existence at all. I like to be more upbeat than this and care more about the things that matter. At this time I feel so indifferent. It is not an attitude that I feel comfortable with. I do like to be more impassioned than this. I really, really like to care about the things that make the world go round. Life is not changed by dull people like me.