A slow start...

It's the end of the afternoon and I'm sitting here with a cup of coffee and a cigarette. Outside it is getting dark and I have the lights turned on in the living room. I don't think I'm going to have much time to sit here and write, because Tyke is getting agitated and I think he may want to go out in a while. He has to be patient for a little while, though, while I finish my coffee.

The coffee is not very good. The Exfactor made it earlier this afternoon when he was here to pick up a package that had been delivered for him. He doesn't make a very strong pot of coffee and I have to remember that the next time I ask him to make a pot. I'll tell him to put a few tablespoons more coffee into the filter. It's no wonder he makes his ground coffee last so long.

I was still in bed when he got here and the blinds were still closed. I had been up during the night and gone to sleep early in the morning. Luckily, I was truly done sleeping or I would have been in a stupor the whole time that he had been here. I would not have made much of a conversationalist. As it was, I didn't want to say to him that I didn't like his coffee, so I had to find a different subject to talk about. 

Fortunately, there was Tyke who climbed on my lap and gave me kisses and he was a great distraction. If you don't know what to talk about, talk about your dog the way other people talk about their kids. There was Gandhi too, of course, who also wanted to sit on my lap, only Tyke was jealous and did not want her to. He shoved her out of the way. Luckily, she is bouncy enough to always end up gently on her feet. He does treat her like a rubber toy. 

The Exfactor always spends half of his time talking about the intricate details of his work, which are always the same and very boring. Apparently what the heart is full of, the mouth runs over with. I think he actually experiences a lot of stress and releases it by talking about it with me, because he always tells me the same things. I pretend to be interested and make all the right noises and never act like I'm bored. I feel his need. 

Maybe he can't talk about it anywhere else. I do fulfill some purpose in his life. He is coming back tomorrow to pick up the package because he didn't have the right carrier on his motorcycle. He is also going to the store for me and we will have a chance to talk some more. I will dig deeper into the issue. Maybe he can air his heart a little bit more. 

My personal helper was here this afternoon instead of tomorrow morning because we had an appointment with my GP. I was a bit nervous about this because it was all so official and serious in my eyes. She said not to worry about it, that it was no big deal, but I had other thoughts about it. We walked over there a bit before 3 pm and soon it was our turn. 

Together we told our story about why we were there and found out that the GP did know about my psychiatric history up to a point, but had not been updated in quite a few years. He did know a number of things about me, but not everything, so we informed him as much as possible and he asked for an official update from my SPN or psychiatrist with all the relevant information in it too.

That was really all there was to it. He knows now about the extra help I get from the Green Cross, both in the form of personal and domestic help and that I live alone and take care of myself. Well, up to a point I do. I'm not married nor do I have a partner or other live in care. 

I suppose I felt some amount of relief when it was done, but I also felt like I had aired the dirty linen and for the umpteenth time had told the story that I don't want to repeat anymore.  I would much rather go in there for a sprained ankle instead of a broken soul. Ha! That's a play on words that I had not intended...

...I just took Tyke out for a walk and the wind was blowing mightily. It wasn't cold and it felt great. It was blowing the leaves in whirls all around. It's fun to see Tyke run through the heaps of them. His little legs get covered by them and he's in them up to his belly. I'm pretty sure that he enjoys it very much too. I wonder how he's going to react to snow, although I really don't want to think of that at all. Bbbrrr...

I've got to get something to eat, I'm hungry. I would Like a meatball, but I don't have one in the apartment. Can someone send me one?

Have a good evening!

Ciao,

Nora

Sunday again.

It is still early in the morning and I have been up for a while, drinking my coffee and smoking my cigarettes. Well, what else would you expect me to do, right? I'm such an old addict who can't give up her vices. Those are the two worst things I do and I seem to thrive despite of them and take a licking and keep on ticking. I don't remember for which brand watch that commercial was. It wasn't for Rolex, I know that.

My watch is from Elle and that is supposed to be a little bit of a big deal, though I don't know why. I bought it because it looked nice and I could afford it. Remember when everybody was wearing Swatch watches? I think I even wore one myself for a while.

That's when I was still caught up in the middle class trappings and thought we had to do like everybody else did. I like to pretend I'm a member of the X class now, but I really don't know if that is true. I think I'm still hopelessly middle class, but very hard trying not to be, though.

I was so middle class that I drove a Jeep Cherokee 4x4. I had two children and a dog and groceries to haul around. That was my excuse. I never went off road with it, though I did drive it in the mountains and we went on vacations with it. It was red with a beige interior. I loved that car and it was tough when I had to give it up. It was my status symbol.

Status played a big role in my life in my first marriage. It was all about the house and the cars and the furniture and the right schools, etc. Exhausting stuff, always keeping up appearances. It was as important to me as it was to my then husband. I was as trapped in it as he was.

It was an enormous relief to step out of it and come down to earth eventually. I did that when I came to the Netherlands and had to start again from scratch. When all you have are some of your clothes and your books, it isn't hard to be humble.

Well, anyway, at least I don't feel the need to wear a Rolex. I'm not that far gone. Or a Louis Vuitton handbag. Or Coco Chanel ensembles. Which I'm sure I could never afford. Not even second hand, if I wished to dress like that. I am sure I would look ridiculous in them.

Oh, before I forget. Something very important! I got a signed limited edition giclee print from this painting by the wonderful and generous artist Tessa Edwards, whose work you can go admire when you click on her name.
The painting is called 'Ethiopia' and I think it is absolutely smashing. All of Tessa's work is this colorful, but you really must go and have a look for yourself. She also takes wonderful photographs of her surroundings and environment. Thank you, Tessa, for this print. It is getting a place of honor in my apartment.

Which just goes to show you how unselfish people are and how willing to share an object of beauty with you.

Oh, now I have to feed the animals and walk the dog. He is being very impatient right here beside me. I think he can't wait any longer, so I must be off.

Have a terrific Sunday.

Ciao...