Wakefulness during the midnight hours...

It's only normal that I'm awake now. After all, what else should I be doing in the middle of the night? God forbid I should sleep like normal people do. That would be unheard of and it would be an unimaginable act. I may wish for it to happen, but that's like wishing for the Titanic not to have sunk. It would be a miracle in the annals of history. Not that I put that much importance on myself. 

I always make the best of it and enjoy these hours as much as I can. When handed lemons, I make lemonade. Actually, I think that is one of the things my stomach couldn't handle right now. It would go into a major uproar if I tried to drink that. 

But making these midnight hours as pleasant as possible is my goal. I'm not going to sit here in a state of dejection because I'm not asleep like I'm supposed to be. I know there will always be enough time to sleep and that in the end I will not suffer a shortage of it. That's the benefit of my lifestyle. I do decide when I can take a nap to catch up on it. I do love my afternoon naps, after all.

I'm sitting here with my funky reading glasses from the drugstore on. They are really not so very good and I have to be an exact distance away from the screen in order to be able to see the words properly. But then again, they are probably not the right strength and they were cheap. 

I'm expecting much improvement when I get my varifocals, although I have no idea what kind of experience that will be. I imagine that I'll have to peek through the bottom part of the lenses while I tilt my head in order to see right, but maybe it's not all that bad. That's one of the reasons why I'm impatient to have them. I'm imagining too many different scenarios right now. I bet none of them will be the right one. 

Trying to drink a glass of cold milk now is only partially agreeing with me. My stomach is protesting a bit. It doesn't quite want to co-operate yet. I was awfully thirsty and wanted something nice and cold. It's hard to figure out what to eat or drink. The chicken soup that I had last night settled well and it's the first real food I ate that stayed down. I will have it again tonight and every night until my stomach is completely better. However long that will take. 

I will go back to bed. I can sit here forever and write all sorts of nonsense about whatever enters my head. It is time to get some sleep however. I do have a comfortable bed to go to. It's not the bed fit for a queen that I'd like to have, but it will do for now.

I hope you're all having a good night and that you'll have a good morning when you get up. 

Ciao,

Nora

Don't fear the rain clouds overhead...

I'm eating some fruity gumdrops that I bought at the tobacconist a while ago. I couldn't resist the temptation and bought a big bag of them. They satisfy my taste buds and my stomach very much. The problem is that they fill me up very quickly and that they prevent me from eating anything else, so for now I'm living on candy, which is not a preferable lifestyle. Sometimes I have to throw caution to the wind and live with complete abandonment. I like living dangerously and on the edge. I'm so adventurous!

I had to get two new lighters at the tobacconist, because Tyke had eaten one that I had and the other one was almost out of fuel. All I got after many attempts was one tiny little flame, and speaking of living on the edge, that was just a little bit too scary for me. I didn't know if I could light my next cigarette and the matches that I have are absolutely no good. They are as ineffective as a 120 year old man is in bed. They're not like those Swedish matches that work anytime and anywhere. Swedish men probably do too.

I also had to get trash bags and the tobacconist is very handy, because he stocks those. I was using a plastic bag, but it was getting full and I do like the fact that I don't have to go all the way to the grocery store to get new trash bags. There's nothing worse than standing in line for those. Never mind the fact that I don't like riding my bike across the parking lot there, because you take your life in your own hands when you do. This is because of the drivers of cars who don't count on you being there and have a strong desire to run you over and probably wouldn't stop if they did.

I checked my mail on the way back in and found another book from Bookmooch and that makes the total 4 received with 7 left to come. This book I just got looks very interesting and I can't wait to start it. I think I will sit in the armchair this afternoon and start reading it. I will install myself with a cup of tea and my cigarettes and have a good old read. The book is called Drowning Ruth by Christina Schwarz. It was a #1 New York Times bestseller when it came out 10 years ago. I have a good feeling about this book, call it expectations or instincts, I think I will like it. I look forward to an afternoon of reading to calm my mind. I'm quite excited about nothing at all and everything in general and need a soothing activity. I haven't finished A Place Of Hiding, but I will save that as my nighttime book or finish it when I'm done with this one.

I had the domestic help here and she had some spare time and cleaned the whole bookcase. I'm glad it was done and thanked her profusely. All the dust is gone and she moved all the books out of the way to do it. She is a peach. She also cleaned the CD rack and that was above and beyond the call of duty. I do so appreciate the help. It makes living so much easier. I can keep up with things myself now and take care of the chores that I need to do. Everything is manageable now and I don't feel like the apartment is tumbling down around me.

Actually, everything is starting to look more manageable now that I'm on a lower dose of antidepressants. I feel that I have more mental energy, but that may also be due to the light therapy lamp. I do want to continue decreasing the amount of antidepressants and will discuss that with my psychiatrist when I see him next. I didn't know that it was possible without too many problems or I would have done it sooner. Well, there's always a perfect time to find these things out, I guess now is that time.

It has started to rain again, but we are assured that the weather will get better in the very near future and the meteorologists advised us to go to England for a short vacation, because the weather is so nice there. You lucky English people. There's been damage across the country here because of the storm. We've had so much rain and wind lately. The Netherlands is living up to its image of being a cold and wet country. In two more days it's going to be September and I'm counting on an Indian summer. Oh no, now it's started to thunder too. I'm glad I'm not out there.

I think I will go and read my novel now. It's time for some food for my brain. I haven't read a book that's not a thriller in a while. It will be nice to not read about dead bodies, although there is a mysterious death in this book too. All will be revealed in time.

Have a good day. Think of me here in the rain. Not that I mind...

Ciao,
Nora