At the danger of writing another dull post...

I'm a person who does learn her lessons the hard way and after writing a very dull post yesterday, I put myself in danger of writing another by trying to improve on it tonight. There are, of course, no guarantees and it is possible that I will hopelessly fail in my mission. That will be a double whammy then and I will never live it down. But I've got to take the chance because I can't live with the thought of failure. 

I'm working on my second cup of coffee and it is giving me, you could say, Dutch courage, although there is no alcohol in it. I'm not so foolish as to try that because, although it would loosen me up tremendously, it would also make me drunk and I certainly don't feel like being it. By all rights I should have a couple of beers, but I don't happen to have any and that's probably for the best. I don't like the after effects. 

I woke up with my T-shirt drenched in sweat and stood outside by the back door on the patio in order to cool off. The cold night air quickly did that while the dog went about his business. I could have stayed out there a while longer and really have gotten chilled to the point that I would have needed my bathrobe, but I'm still sitting here without it now. I'm radiating warmth and it's not cold in the apartment either. I must be having post menopausal hot flashes. 

The best thing to do now is have a glass of ice cold milk because it will not only freeze my frontal lobes, but also cool down my body. It's guaranteed to work. The coffee has straightened out my mind sufficiently and I can think clearly. It's nice to mess with my head and muddle it up with the coldness of the milk. It never ceases to effect me and give me a different experience. 

I wore two different outfits yesterday because I was not satisfied with what I was wearing initially. I delved into my closet and found something completely different, although I don't know why I bother because hardly anyone sees me. I must be practicing for a very active social life. The second outfit was put together of old and new elements and pleased me very much. I could have gone out on a date if I had wanted to, but I looked good enough to make myself happy. 

I'm waiting for my hair to grow back in so I can go to the hairdresser. I think I cut my bangs a little bit too short. I will have to wait a couple of weeks for them to catch up with the rest of my hair. It's very easy hair that I've got now and I hardly have to do anything to it when I get up. Isn't that what every woman wants? I just look a little bit too much like a hedgehog and I didn't want to look quite that cute. I do want to be taken seriously. I am, after all, a grown woman.

I can't go on the bathroom scale and trust the result it gives me. It is much too high and then tells me that it's an error, which I totally agree with. I think the battery is low and will have to be replaced. It's one of those complicated scales that wants to tell you everything including your date of birth when all I want to know is my weight. 

I don't know that right now, so I can only go by how my clothes fit me to know how well I'm doing. My skinniest jeans are a little big. I wash them regularly to shrink them, but as I wear them, they slide down my hips again. I do have hope, but I don't want all my clothes to get too big on me because I like them well enough and I don't have the money to replace them. I must make do with what I have. Does that seem like an odd sort of reasoning? 

I'm sufficiently cooled off now and have put on my bathrobe. I stood out by the back door again because the dog imagined that he had to go out again. I don't think he actually did anything there. I'm having another glass of cold milk because the first one tasted so good. The night can last a long time for all I care. It's very cozy here by the light of the desk lamp.

I will have to go to bed shortly because I do need more sleep, but I can sleep late in the morning. It's Saturday, after all. It's not going to be a warm day and I may not have the proper outfit for the cold, but I'll be tough and withstand it anyway. I do have to be a tough Northern European. At least I'm not in Scandinavia where it's snowing. 

I don't now if I've achieved my goal and managed not to write a dull post, but there you have it. It is a long one anyway. I've thoroughly enjoyed writing it. There has to be some satisfaction in that also. 

Ciao,

Nora

Almost time to go to bed.

I have little moments that I cave in and I'm so tired that I could fall asleep in my desk chair, but a while later it clears up and I'm fit as a fiddle again. I'm finding it very difficult to walk away from the computer and keep looking for excuses to sit here and play with it a little while longer and there's always something I can do, even if it just means changing the wallpaper on my flat screen and looking to see how much space I have on my hard drive. I've run AdAware and CCleaner and got rid of a bunch of stuff that took up needless space, so that made me feel better. And so I sit here and do all sorts of little things that amount to not very much, but it keeps me happy. Tomorrow I have to be normal again. It's a rule that I have made up. On the weekend I'm allowed to be this obsessed with the computer, but tomorrow I have to be back to normal. And I do need to get a good night's sleep. At least what is a good night's sleep for me and as far as Tyke will allow it with his antics.

I feel like I've been in the Twilight Zone this weekend and unreachable for the world around me, although the world was not aware of that, because nobody reached out and touched me and I did walk the dog when it was time to. The poor animal didn't suffer too much neglect, except that I didn't cuddle him very much, stuck as I was behind the keyboard. I think my obsession is coming to an end now and I hope I don't become obsessed like this with anything else for a while, because I don't think it is healthy, athough many of you have told me that you are the same way when you have a new toy.

All I have left to do is install the programs for my digital camera and the printer and I'll let the Exfactor do that tomorrow. Those will be good jobs for him to do and I can take a step back and relax about it. I will not be so overly involved with my nose on top of things. That's how I imagine it anyway. I'm ready for a more hands off approach. It's really funny how you disappear into a project and lose track of everything around you just about and you don't focus on anything else but that.

It wll be wonderful to go to bed in a little while and try to read my book and hopefully fall asleep quickly and soundly and sleep at least for a couple of hours without interruption. I will take as many of Tyke's toys to the bedroom with me, so he won't be bored in the middle of the night. He does have a way of looking for mischief around 2 o'clock in the morning. If he can keep himself occupied, I will sleep through it. Unless he starts molesting Gandhi.

I think I will have a glass of hot milk. I don't have any honey, but I don't think that's necessarily an ingredient needed to fall asleep with. I would have some Bailey's Irish Cream, but I'm all out of that and I'm not about to go out an buy a bottle of it. I'd rather receive that as a gift on a special occasion and I may have to drop some heavy hints here and there. Isn't there a holiday coming up that would be cause for it? Isn't there a saint named Irene? I'm not a catholic, but I'm willing to ignore such minor details in exchange for a bottle of that good stuff. With my luck, though, I'd become addicted to it and have to go to AlAnon and do a 12 step program.

It would be nice to smoke a joint right now and become totally mellow, because I always sleep so well when I do amd wake up completely refreshed. I don't want you to get the idea that I do that a lot. As a matter of fact, it's been a few years, but sometimes I dream that I do, so I guess I have a hunkering for it. I only need to take a few drags for it to take effect and I feel great. The only problem is that I get the munchies and want to eat anything and everything and that is kind of hard when you have a gastric band. But one of these days I'm going to smoke a joint again in the company of someone I trust and get very relaxed. It's the nicest feeling I know. It's better than getting tipsy. I heartily recommend it. It's too bad the coffee shop two streets over closed. Now I would have to go all the way downtown.

All this talk about alcohol and drugs make me sound like a junkie. And I have my own official drugs that I'm trying to get off of. I'm doing really well on my reduced dose of antipsychotics. I notice no ill effects, unless being obsessed with my computer is an ill effect, but like I said, I think I'm over it by now. I'm actually feeling very calm now and completely back to normal, whatever normal is. I just wish I felt a little bit more sleepy than I do, because I seem to have gotten my second wind. I must not give into that and proceed with my nighttime ritual as if I'm very tired and ready to go to sleep. Once I have my pajamas on and I'm in bed things will change and I will realize how tired I am.

I do have a backache from sitting in this chair behind the computer all day. It's right in the middle of my nack where that weak spot is. Right where my back is crooked. I would like to wear a corset to straighten out my back so it would never hurt again and I would have the correct posture, but I suppose I'm too old for that. I'm beyond repair. It would help, of course, if I paid attention to how I sat in the chair and didn't slump like I've a tendency to do. Perhaps it would help if I put a pillow behind my back to force me to sit straighter. I will try that tomorrow when I won't be sitting here all day. I think it might be interesting to take an X-ray of that spot in my back and see how my discs are lined up there. At least I'm never kealed over to the left anymore. That problem seemed to have resolved itself and I think a lot of that had to do with my emotional state of being.

It seems to be impossible to stop writing. I want to bring this to an end, but am reluctant to and keep thinking of things to write about. I am postponing bedtime because I'm afraid that I will lie awake and will not be able to go to sleep. I'm also undecided if I should sleep in my bed or on the sofa with the TV turned down low, which also seems to work well and keeps Tyke happy. I think I'm not so very fond of sleeping in my bed, for whatever reason. On the sofa it has a less official character and it doesn't seem as if I'm down for the count and have to put in a long night that I can't make come true. I always wake up and am bothered by the claustrophobic feel of my bedroom, even though I sleep with the door open. I would like for the sofa to be a bit more comfortable and I suppose that this will be the criteria for my next one. How comfortable does it sleep? It has to be a wide sofa to lie on comfortably.

When I was a little kid, and I was sick, my mother made a bed for me out of the Morris chair. Of course I was little then and fit on it and it was very cozy and right by the stove to keep me warm. I thought that was the best thing about being sick. The back of the chair folded down completely and I could lie down flat with pillows under my head. She put a sheet over the cushions and a blanket over me and I felt like a princess. I have something like a Morris chair myself now and it is my favorite chair in the apartment. It folds down completely too, though I'm too big to lie down on it. I bought it at Ikea and the minute I saw it I knew I had to have it. Nostalgia.

I'm starting to yawm. That's always a good sign. Pretty soon a certain kind of weariness should fall over me. I think I will go put on my pajamas now and take my medicines. Then I will have my glass of hot milk. There may only be repeats of the news on TV and text television, but that's okay. I don't need anything exciting. I'm curious to see how long I will sleep. I'm hoping for at least 4 hours. That would be nice. Luckily, there's always the computer.

Have a good night, you all.

Ciao,
Nora