I may have given the impression that I was doing well the other day, but that was not at all the case. The blog post I wrote then was just a recording of a short upbeat period of an otherwise complicated day. Emotionally, I bounced around all over the place and hit highs and lows on both extremes. During the lows, I thought I was losing my mind and probably came close on at least one occasion. I was paranoid and psychotic, and only after a long time, when I had a clear moment, did I realize I should take an extra antipsychotic, which I did of a double dose.
The Exfactor was here this morning and I talked to him about this. Because I did, I was able to formulate my thoughts about what had happened and, because he acted as more than a sounding board, I found the language to explain events to him and to myself. After that, I could call my psychiatrist and discuss the problem with him so that we could come up with a solution, and now my dose of antipsychotics has been officially increased again and I can take a tranquilizer if I feel the need.
My psychiatrist thinks that it's the Jolly Christmas Season that is doing me in, and I have a tendency to agree with him, although I was very stoically denying it up to that point. The fact that my daughter has recently broken off all contact with me no doubt plays an important role in that as well.
The tranquilizer I took this afternoon made me sleep for two hours, although I was not supposed to do that in case it upsets my night and day rhythm. When I woke up, I did feel very good, but not in a manic sort of way.
I have to keep the triggers down to a minimum and have as much of a normal schedule as possible. Eat, walk Tyke, sleep, be active, rest, do all these things at the right time and sensibly. And not too much of anything. I have to be my own best guardian. The medicine should help a lot, though.
3 comments:
Oy vey! This is a very stressful time of year for so many people, so you're not alone, not that that makes any difference when one is struggling emotionally. Geez, sorry to hear you and Dana are on the outs -- just last year at this time you were happily ensconced in Houston having the time of your life. So sorry. Despite the obvious drawbacks, life is really so much simpler without close relationships! Definitely keeps the stress level down to a minimum.
Hope you find peace this week and that your new med regimen takes effect quickly.
Much love.
Christmas can be so, so hard. I hope you find some peace and rest and joy in it.
A rather dismal time of the year for most Irene, much as they deny it. So sorry to hear about Daughter. I know the feeling as you know.
Thoughts and light are with you as you navigate this perilous time.
XO
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